


rip pepper potts and the entire PR team

by okaybi, soccermom_max



Series: pure crack or smth?? idk i dont listen to lorde [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, LGBTQ Themes, Loki is 17, OOC, Other, Out of Character, Polyamory, Queer Themes, Twitter Fic, based on irl convos, bc we said so, couldnt fit everyone in, crackfic honestly, first chapters are rough buddy, im not funny and ik it, in human years, mostly between the authors, not really but yk enough, redacted is shuri on an old account, u dont need to tell me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 135
Words: 109,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23221348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaybi/pseuds/okaybi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/soccermom_max/pseuds/soccermom_max
Summary: captain ass @americas0ass posted: SOME people (not me) don't know how twitter works> bucket @jbabybarnes: u gonna @ urself or should I do it for u
Relationships: Brunnhilde | Valkyrie/Carol Danvers, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Harley Keener/Peter Parker/Loki, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man)/Natasha Romanov, Michelle Jones/Shuri
Series: pure crack or smth?? idk i dont listen to lorde [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030122
Comments: 553
Kudos: 1376
Collections: social media fics!





	1. the team dynamic

**Author's Note:**

> this was more of an impulse than it was anything else tbh. enjoy :)

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted** : SOME people (not me) don't know how twitter works.

> **bucket @jbabybarnes** : u gonna @ urself or should I do it for u

**peter with a b, tony stank, pepper potts, and 657 others retweeted captain ass's tweet.**

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day: sometimes **@americas0ass** snoring wakes me up from two floors down

 **> clinton @hawkayepapi:** I’ve never had that problem 

**> >** **banner @7phdsindebt:** hm i wonder why

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I don't know what you're talking about.

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **i heard somewhere that only bottoms snore

 **> >** **snek @loweky:** its tru

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** Lies and slander.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **sources?????

 **> >> snek @lowkey:**mirror

**tony stank, flash, heckley, and 564 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i crave,, the sweet release of death

 **>** **unknown @redacted:** me too bitch you ain't special

 **>** **tony stank @iamironman:** kid what the fuck, what's wrong?

 **> >** **peter with a b @beterbarker:** lol mr. stark i'm fine, just slightly stressed and unable to focus on anything bc of it :)'

**ned :), mj, heckley, and 524 others retweeted peter with a b’s tweet.**

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** he just ?? showed up on my doorstep with ice cream ?

 **>** **ned :) @guyinthechair:** what even is your life

 **>** **tony stank @iamironman:** you can always come to me 

**124 retweets on peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** can spiderman pls throttle me??????? omg

 **>** **spiderman @spidertheman:** hey there, flash! do you mind deleting this? my whole thing is saving people, not killing them. thanks :)

 **> > flash @spiderstan:** no i said what i said

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **things are getting heated in the spidey fandom 

**tony stank, mj, peter with a b, and 245 retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** steve "suck my dick im irish" rogers

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: @americas0ass** i thought u were american

**bucky and 627 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** does steve rogers is gay?????

**currently unaliving people, bucket, spiderman, and 768 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Is gay a nationality? Time sensitive question.

 **>** **stephen @shortforstepheneas:** change your url 

**> > ****captain ass @americas0ass:** No thank you.

 **>** **ned :) @guyinthechair:** congrats dude!

 **>** **captain better @marvelous:** welcome to the club

 **>** **peter with a b @beterbarker:** so u aren't american????

**flash, Natasha, bucket, and 432 others retweeted captain ass's tweet.**

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day: tony is at least a foot tall. 

**>** **tony stank @iamironman:** not true

 **> >** **peter with a b @beterbarker:** so ur shorter than a foot tall? hmm suspicious 

**>** **stephen @shortforstepheneas:** he's right and he should say it. 

**bucket, captain ass, banner, and 426 others retweeted stephen's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** anyone else get a double chin when they look at @antman?

 **>** **ant man @antman:** watch ur back spider boy

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **bug spray. i came prepared this time bitch.

**ned :), peter with a b, clinton, and 546 others retweeted spiderman's tweet.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** if i eated soap. i dont eat it bc i did. no i didnt <3

 **>** **peter with a b @beterbarker:** amen brother <3

**spiderman retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**


	2. adventures of shuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: hello, world! im here, im queer, and im ready to party!

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** hello, world! im here, im queer, and im ready to party!

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **stinky

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **no im baby

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay: **valid

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **isn't this ur 5th acc

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **shut up colonizer

 **> t'challa @tchallaofwakanda: **Delete this. -T'challa

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **I don't take orders from furries sorry

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#tchallaisafurryconfirmed

**tony stank, spiderman, mj, and 762 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** **@tchallaofwakanda** What's up with your name?

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **It is a family name. -T'challa

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **u learn something new every day, thank u mr furry

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** i dont think that's what hes talking about bro

 **> shuri @becrimedogay: **omg mr America u don't just ask someone whats up with their name

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#tchallaisafurryconfirmed

**snek, stephen, currently unaliving people, and 534 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if I get corona and die I wont have to finish my English project

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid, we talked about this.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **im ok mr stark, really

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **jfc penis howd u get iron man so far up ur ass

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: ****@spideystan** deactivate ur acc right now

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **yes sir mr iron man sir

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **howd u get so far up mr starks ass

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** lol loser

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **bitch me too the fuck

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **omg same

**bucket, banner, snek, and 534 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**og furry @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** **@imadelightsabers** How do I change my name back? -T'challa

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **give me back lab privileges and maybe ill tell u

 **> > og fury @tchallaofwakanda: ** This is not negotiable. You've been blocked. I hope you're happy with yourself. -T'challa

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **wait unblock me

 **> >>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Unblocked. -T'challa

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **bitch

* * *

**trending:**

**#tchallaisafurryconfirmed**

**#irondad**

**#wakandasiblings**


	3. captain ally to the rescue

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** this is my formal proposal to **@spidertheman**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **omg I accept #engaged

 **> > flash @spideystan: **adam and eve not adam and steve

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **You’re right, it’s not Adam and Steve. Because it’s Bucky and Steve.

 **> beets @microbella:** stop shoving homosexuality down our throats jfc

 **> > bucket** **@jbabybarnes:** sorry cant hear u over ur dads moans

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **omg twins

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **sorry I can't hear u over all the jewelry my sugar daddy bestowed upon me

 **> chris @chistmuth: **my spiderman would settle for nothing less than a nice Christian girl.

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **bold of u to assume im not a nice Christian girl

**peter with a b, mj, pepper, and 948 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass:** violence is never the answer but frankly I'm ready to smack a bitch

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **language

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Look at your kids last tweet and the replies.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **wig, carry on

**bucket, mj, stephen, and 369 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrecktbymypotatogun:** can spiderman please throttle me omg

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **how about you throttle me <3

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **will do darlin'

 **> snek @lowkey: **can I get in on that?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **maybe later loki

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **betrayal

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **you know you're my only boy, harls

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **:)

**peter with a b, mj, T'challa, and 533 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**ryan @ryansinclaire2000 tweeted:** [screenshot] did the cap just refer to spider boy as iron mans kid???? hollup-

 **> call me daddy @69420aha:** OMG IRON DAD DHEFDHFFDF

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#irondad

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **how does every tag you make go viral?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **confidence and big dick energy

**captain ass, nat, captain better, and 456 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**snek @loweky tweeted:** **@iamironman** so I heard u were adopting orphans with daddy issues can I get in on that

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **stop trying on all my super suits while I'm gone or you're grounded

 **> > snek @lowkey: **I've done no such thing

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **Jarvis told me so

**thor, banner, ned :), and 201 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey posted: @TSJarvis** snitch

 **> Jarvis @TSJarvis: **I have look through the archives for an appropriate response to your complaint, and all my research seems to point toward the fact that I'm baby and therefore cannot be held accountable for my actions.

 **> > snek @lowkey: **just say ur baby and move on

**shuri, tony stank, bucket, and 412 others retweeted snek's reply.**


	4. sugarbabyTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ned holds so much power over white men, an icon

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** one of my sugar daddies just let me go :(

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **@mikepencevp i'm a republican now, do you need a sugar baby?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **what a fucking power move

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** [video of ned sitting while "i'm the sugar baby the real sugar baby all you other sugar babies are just imitating" plays]

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **boi how many sugar daddies do you have?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **uhh,, now i have 5

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** chase a fucking bag

**spiderman retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechai tweetedr:** i need a new phone :(

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **ask one of your sugar daddies ??

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **which one

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **does it matter

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **...valid point

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker:** honestly ned with his 5 sugar daddies is my icon. i aspire to hold that much power

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i'd say same but i already do

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** show off :/

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i feel like you could

 **> > snek @lowkey: **yeah @beterbarker you already got potato boy wrapped around your little finger

 **> thor @assgard: **what is this baby of sugar

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **wouldn't you like to know, weather boy

**bucket, ned, snek, and 234 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	5. steve is controversial

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I'm feeling controversial.

 **> nat @spidermom: **Ready to finally admit that capitalism will be the downfall of our country?

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Pineapple on pizza isn't that bad, you guys are just mean.

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **you ate spam in the army for breakfast lunch and dinner, you don't get an opinion on modern foods. 

**> roger @rogertaylor: **America isn't the best country

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Maybe so, but we have **@jbabybarnes** so beat that.

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **omg did u just roast roger taylor???

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Did I just who what?

 **> snek @lowkey: **midgard is too round

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **What?

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **it go O. why.

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **simulation motherfucker, earth isn't real.

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **kid, you're literally a scientist

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and what about it

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **if elon musk says it, it must be true

 **> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **oh god there's two of them

 **> >>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **smart man

 **> >>>>>>>>>** **tony stank @iamironman:** the gen z's, they're everywhere

**nat, banner, clinton, and 697 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey:** why is midgard O

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **how did u do that

 **> > snek @lowkey: **do what

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** the round thing

 **> >>> ****snek @lowkey:** the O. like the letter.

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **i do not see

 **> >>>>>** **snek @lowkey:** it's the circle on your keyboard

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **what the fuck is a circle

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **isn't it like 5am on midgard? have you slept yet, spiderbaby?

 **> >>>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **don't change the subject on me tricky boy, i see u

**ned :), shuri, falcon, and 445 others retweeted snek's tweet.**


	6. coming of outs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the avengers are GayTM and we stan

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** Girls are so pretty sdkfasj

 **> captain ass @americas0ass:** ?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** she's the L word, steven

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** Lice?

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** no, starts with an L ends with an N

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** Lincoln, Abraham?

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** she's a fucking lesbian

**peter with a b, snek, bucket, and 1,205 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** What's a lesbian?

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** gay but for girls, dumbass

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** ... We called gay girls sapphic?

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** Yeah, that too

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** f in the chat for steve :/

**spiderman, ned, T'challa, and 406 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**gays do it better @biandreadytodie:** okay but,,, how many avengers/superheroes are queer? **@theavengers @iamironman @americas0ass @jbabybarnes @whoremachine @spidertheman @7phdsindebt @hawkeyepapi @babymerc @lowkey @shortforstepheneas @marvelous @assgard @spidermom @thebestbird @tchallaofwakanda**

 **> heckley @getrecktbymypotatogun:** come get y'all juice 

**peter with a b, spiderman, ned :), and 226 others retweeted heckley's reply**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman:** I see a lot of people asking how many avengers are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and so I'm making this thread for whichever avengers feel like coming out! I'll start: I'm panromantic graysexual, meaning I'm romantically attracted to people regardless of gender and that I rarely/sporadically experience sexual attraction. It took me a long time to accept my sexuality because my father was a grade A dick, but I'm proud to be who I am and to have come as far as I have.

 **> captain ass @americas0ass:** I'm bisexual, and I'm in a relationship with **@jbabybarnes.** (Who is very very gay.) (For me.) 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** i'm biromantic and demisexual, if you don't know what that means look it up :)) (tony is taken,, by me)

 **> nat @spidermom:** i'm lesbian/ace and in a queer platonic relationship with Clint since forever 

**> clinton @hawkeyepapi:** i'm aromantic and heterosexual, ALSO i'm DEAF so big fuck you to all the ableists who continue to ignore it

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** I'm so g a y

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** i'm the biggest disaster bi that ever did live and that includes captain "i jump out of planes without a parachute" america 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** he's right and he should say it

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** I'm heterosexual

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** bruce is our token hetero :D

 **> thor @assgard:** I'm what midgardians call pansexual?

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** tbh i'm homoflexible and polyamorous

 **> snek @lowkey:** i'm big gay and genderfluid

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** i am the pan with a plan (ha get it like star-spangled man with a plan)

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I am what the youth refer to as, "homo." -T'challa.

**pepper, bucket, heckley, and 2,229 others retweeted tony stank's tweet.**

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper:** Next time the entire avengers wants to come out maybe give me a warning and/or run it through PR first?? In light of that, I love all of you and am so proud of you guys for sharing that with everyone. You're an inspiration to people everywhere and it's so good for younger LGBTQ+ people to have people like them to look up to.

**peter with a b, T'challa, rhodey, and 3,029 others retweeted pepper's tweet.**

* * *

**Wanda @scarletwitch:** how come no one tagged me? i've been left out

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** yeah we did that on purpose, didn't really want a homophobe cursing the timeline. i'm sure you can understand.

 **> > Wanda @scarletwitch:** shut up, just because i'm not a disgusting fag and in a happy relationship with viz does not mean that you couldn't have included me

 **> >> Vision @2020vision:** You're no longer in a happy relationship. i don't like people who insult my friends and an entire community of people who deserve respect just like everyone else.

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** lmaoo fuckin got em

**heckley, bucket, mj, and 443 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	7. alexa, text steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> give the man his milk

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alexa, tell steve to pick up some milk

**425 retweets on bucket's post.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alexa, tell steve i need my milk

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **#givethemansomemilk

**peter with a b, shuri, ned :), and 624 others retweeted heckley's reply,**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alexa fucking tell steve if i dont get my choccy milk soon im gonna yeet myself off his bed and into **@thebestbird** 's arms

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **get your ass over here then, bitch

**tony stank, nat, pepper, and, 227 others retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alexa the fooken MILK

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I believe you meant to text Steve this privately, but you are currently broadcasting to the world your current need for milk. -T'challa

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i know what i'm about bitch

**rhodey, tony stank, captain ass, and 727 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** im just a poor boy, i need some milk

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **This isn't the fucking great depression, get your own damn milk.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **:(

 **> >>** **captain ass @americas0ass:** Wait, no, I'm so sorry, baby, I'll get your milk. 

**> >>> ****bucket @jbabybarnes:** choccy milk?

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Of course, love.

**vision, currently unaliving people, snek, and 998 others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** [photo] :D

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **the man got his milk!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **#givethemansomemilk

**spiderman, shuri, og furry, and 2,024 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**trending:**

**#givethemansomemilk**

**#choccymilkforthewintersoldier**

**#whyisearthO**


	8. casual affairs

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i got zero (0) hours of sleep last night but i also had 17 cups of coffee so it cancels out bc pemdas

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i thought u were supposed to be smart

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i am???

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **baby,,,, light of my life,, darlin',,, im only saying this bc i love u.... ur a dumbass

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **uwu

**shuri, mj, ned :) and 445 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan:** [link] **@getrektbymypotatogun** are you cheating on **@spidertheman** with **@beterbarker**?

 **> ****spiderman @spidertheman: @getrektbymypotatogun** heard u were hanging out with katelyn last night

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **r-rebecca it's not what you think!!

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **i won't hesitate bitch!

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **but also peter is super hot so i get it :/

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **also i've been seeing @lowkey

**snek, heckley, peter with a b, and 627 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i,, would not be opposed to dating both **@getrektbymypotatogun** and **@spidertheman** ,, bc g a y yk

 **> spideyfan @hotforspidey: **i felt that??? never thot id relate to something the person who tried to take over NYC said but here we are. 

**> > snek @loweky: **here we are

**heckley, spiderman, ant man, and 898 others retweeted snek's tweet.**


	9. gay people exist wanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> levesqueen to the rescue!!

**wanda @scarletwitch tweeted:** i would like to publicly apologize for my previous homophobic comments. i know there is no excuse, and you have no reason to do so, but i hope you can still forgive me for my prejudices of past. where i grew up we barely had space for women outside the kitchen, much less people loving who they wanted. 

**> wanda @scarletwitch: **ill be donating all the proceeds i make from my appearance at Brooklyn con to the trevor project <3

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **<3

 **> beets @microbella:** we lost another one, folks

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **square up, sis

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** yass queen

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#thankyoukaren

**peter with a b, tony stank, vision, and 1,024 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**sarah @sarahjames02 tweeted:** not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but **@scarletwitch** what made the sudden change of heart?

 **> wanda @scarletwitch: **some of my best friends who i owe my life to are lgbt+, and i guess it had to take almost losing them to realize that getting mad at someone for loving someone else/being who they are is like getting mad at someone for breathing. 

**> vision @2020vision: **beautifully put, darling

 **> > ralph @wranglewralf: **you can't just slap a bandaid on a bullet hole, **@scarletwitch** ,,, pretty words and money aren't enough

 **> >> wanda @scarletwitch: **maybe so, but it's the best i can do at this moment in time

**captain ass, captain better, T'challa, and 420 others retweeted wanda's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Unpopular opinion: pluto isn't a real planet

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i second that; ive never seen pluto once in my entire 100 something year long life. object permanence

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **you don't think pluto exists at all?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **that would be correct

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **how can you say something so controversial yet so bold?

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **oh look at that, im single

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pluto the dog is the only bitch in this house i EVER respected

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **no youre wrong

 **> > captain ass @captain0ass:** ive been wrong a lot but now is not one of those times

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **deket

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **delete this

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **My reasoning is simple: russia is larger.

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **let the man speak

 **> captain better @marvelous: **no. wrong.

 **> thor @assgard: **Has this ever been a real argument?

 **> > snek @lowkey: **shut up old man #justiceforpluto

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#plutodoesntdeservejustice

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **#whynot

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#plutoknowswhatshedid

**T'challa, ant man, currently unaliving people, and 3,054 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**trending:**

**#justiceforpluto**

**#plutodoesntdeservejustice**

**#plutoknowswhatshedid**


	10. horny on main

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sam wants his juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank y'all for all the nice comments!! <3

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** not to be horny on main,,, but like bucky ? and cap ? could like idk get it dflkaj

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **tag them, coward. you won't

 **> >falcon @thebestbird:** i blockt them so they can't see this :)))

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **bold of you to assume i won't screenshot this and send it to them

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **you wouldn't

 **> >>>> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **oh she definitely would

**peter with a b, tony stank, pepper, and 112 others retweeted clinton's reply**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Did Sam delete his account?

 **> nat @spidermom: **hold up i'll dm you

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Okay? What's a DM? 

* * *

**DM nat @spider mom - > bucket @jbabybarnes and captain ass @americas0ass**

**nat:** sam blocked y'all so he could thirst tweet about you

 **nat:** [screenshot of sam being horny on main]

 **bucket:** dkfjhjs 

**bucket:** i think you murdered steve

 **captain ass:** Sam what now? 

**nat:** lmaoo go get your man

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** so apparently sam's horny for me who knew? 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **literally everyone knew that

 **> > tony stank @ironman: **plus i'm pretty sure half the avengers team is horny for you,, have you seen you ??

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **w h a t

 **> >>> nat @spidermom: **including the hets

 **> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **she's right and she should say it

**heckley, lowkey, currently unaliving people, and 465 others retweeted tony stank's reply**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i came out to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked rn 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **come over here so i can attack that ass

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **fUck

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **That's what we're trying to do. 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **omg was steve just horny on main ?? the simulation is twitching

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i'm gonna go to talk to them ig wish me luck,,,

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **update: i now have two vv hot supersoldier bfs :D

**bucket, captain ass, nat, and 1,300 others retweeted falcon's reply**


	11. harley and his boy(s)

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i'm sad,, gonna listen to idontwannabeyouanymore by billie eilish 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **do you want some cuddles 

**> > snek @lowkey: **yes pls :(

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we're in spiderbaby's room

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **yay spidercuddles 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#spidercuddles

**tony stank, T'challa, shuri, and 978 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** update we are cuddling and listening to **@hozier** while it rains

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm bringing all of you some hot chocolate and snacks 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **thanks dad!!

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **tony's crying now kid

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **y'all just come join the cuddle pile 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **shut up rhodeybear. we're on our way bambino

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **#irondad

**captain ass, tony stank, peter with a b, and 700 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i feel better thanks **@spidertheman @getrektbymypotatogun**

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **so are y'all dating yet or ???

 **> > snek @lowkey: **wdym are we dating ? they don't wanna date me 

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **oh honey you have a big storm coming

**tony stank, bucket, rhodey, and 569 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i could never be an assassin bc the clap of my asscheeks would immediately alert anyone in the vicinity

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **omg babe

 **> snek @lowkey: **thats why i wear thongs #bigbrainenergy

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **the cost of #bigdickenergy means that thongs are not an option

 **> >> thor @assgard:** sandals???

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **thor no

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** yes thats exactly what we mean

**bucket, mj, ned :), and 405 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** have yall seen the ass on spidey lately

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatoggun: **dAmn boy he THICK

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **okaay but also ?? loki's ass ? that bitch poppin

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **wade you're absolutely right and i should've said it

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **loki's ass is superior to mine, no i do not take constructive criticism 

**> >> snek @lowkey: **i beg to differ

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **then beg

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **akdfjnd

**captain ass, flash, captain better, and 642 others retweeted snek's tweet.**

* * *

**trending:**

**#irondad**

**#spidercuddles**

**#bigbrainenergy**


	12. Q&A with the whole crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y'all got any more questions for the team? just let us know :)

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** q & a with the avengers and co.!! ask away

**3,945 retweets on tony stank's tweet.**

* * *

**simon @rwrbbaby:** **@jbabybarnes** why do u like chocolate milk so much

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **uhh maybe bc i have fully functioning taste buds? next question

 **> > ****simon @rwrbbaby:** valid, carry on

**peter with a b, T'challa, nat, and 445 others retweeted simon's reply.**

* * *

**titties @mmwatchasay tweeted: @marvelous** what's one piece of advice you'd give on life at large?

 **> captain better @marvelous: **not all cats are cats

 **> > beets @microbella: **thats not ominous or anything

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **No further questions please.

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **this doubt does not apply to our furry king t'challa **@tchallaofwakanda**

**spiderman, captain ass, ant man, and 442 others retweeted Nick Fury's reply.**

* * *

**when will u learn @consequences tweeted: @theavengers** do any of you deal with mental health issues? 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **personally the list is longer than my hand, but ik some of the other avengers like their privacy so if you could please respect that :)

 **> > when will u learn @consequences: **omg of course!!! we love an honest king <3

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** i want to talk about my feelings

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **we know 

**> >>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **im sad

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **we know

 **> snek @lowkey: **daddy issues, currently debating bangs

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i also have daddy issues #istandwithloki

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **bitch same #istandwithloki

 **> >>>** **tony stank @iamironman:** i'm the original, bow down to me #istandwithloki

**peter with a b, bucket, tony stank, and 449 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** so **@spidertheman** do you have any crushes outside your bf 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: ** **@beterbarker @lowkey @zendaya**

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i was thinking like. in the avengers

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **why didnt u say that **@jbabybarnes**

**captain ass, tony stank, T'challa, and 503 others retweeted spiderman's tweet**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers:** **@tchallaofwakanda** have u ever seen a baby pigeon

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Surely not. -T'challa

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **I have?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: ****@americas0ass** i think we should see other people bc ur obvi tripping balls and didn't offer me any

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr. america you're definitely on the good kush, is there anyway i can have some pls

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **no, no you cannot

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **:'(

**ned :), banner, nat, and 556 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** That concludes the Q&A! Thanks for all the input everyone. :)

**976 people retweeted pepper's tweet.**


	13. blues clues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: the only blue life that matters is sonic the hedgehog’s

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the only blue life that matters is sonic the hedgehog’s

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Am I a joke to you?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **That’s fair. 

**> captain better @marvelous:** I didn’t come here to get cyberbullied

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **with all due respect, ma’am, the fuck did u expect 

**> mj @becrimedogay: **disrespect Cookie Monster again and I’ll vibe check ur ass

 **> Ned :) @guyinthechair: **I can’t believe you’d do squirtle like this

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **put some respect on stitch’s name

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Pablo (the backgardigans) would never have treated you with such disrespect. Please return the favor. -T’challa

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **megamind doesn’t deserve this slander

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **papa smurf didn’t raise an entire village just to be treated like this 

**> ****heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** this is an attack on perry the platypus and everything he stood for and I refuse to stand by and watch

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **Jesus didn’t die for our sins so you could diss my boy James p Sullivan like this 

**> nat @spidermom: **I cant believe you’d slander that pretty avatar lady like this

 **> Clinton @hawkayepapi: **we duel at dawn in the name of Blue, Blues Clues

 **> pepper ****@spicypepper:** I could tolerate the diss on perry, but you’ve crossed a line with Dory. 

**> wanda @scarletwitch: **if i had genie from aladdin, id wish for him to roundhouse kick ur ass in his own honor

 **> snek @lowkey: **all squidward wanted to do was vibe out and i cant believe youd fault him like this

 **> thor @assgard: **Did Buster Bunny mean nothing to you as a child?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **my argument still stands, any issues with this can be taken up with my aunt

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i retract my previous statement, wig

**heckley, shuri, bucket, and 1,229 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Unpopular opinion time. 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **xenophobia rates are steadily rising in our country and have been since cheeto was elected

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **What's a cheeto?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **milk chocolate is better than dark chocolate

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **First of all, fuck you. Second of all, square up.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **language

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **Hold on can we get a screenshot of steve cursing and frame it?

 **> >>> clint @hawkayepapi: **im printing it as we speak

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **i made a macaroni art picture frame for it

**wanda, og furry, heckley, and 667 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**


	14. val joins the party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @beterbarker: real men bleach their hair by drinking it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> parts of this were based off a dream i had ngl -levesqueen (last segment inspired by yassmines and galkydlite on tumblr)

**val @valhalen tweeted:** what's a stan

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** its like a superfan

 **> > val @valhalen: **i stan beef jerky and vodka

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **no

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **wdym no thats exactly how u use it

 **> >>>> val @valhalen: **oh hey its you

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **hi 

**> thor @assgard: **Hello, valkyrie! :)

 **> > val @valhalen: **how do i do the blocking

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **idk what exactly it is u have going on but can you teach me it anyways

 **> > val @valhalen: **are you a friend of peter

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **do u like peter

 **> >>> val @becrimedogays: **he's a very respectful boy

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **yes besties we go way back

 **> >>>>> val @valehalen: **i will consider

**nat, clinton, harley, and 554 others retweeted val's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** real men bleach their hair by drinking it

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Drinking their hair? -T'challa

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes precisely

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** pls dont drink hair 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **mm hair yummy 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **urs is my fave flavor

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Reading this made me want to drink hair AND bleach. Great teamwork guys!

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **who's hair am i bleaching first?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** bleach mine and i'll put the rest in a protein shake for tomorrow

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **You can actually bleach mine if you want

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i'll do it for the girls and the gays that's it

 **> >>>> val @valhalen:** **@iamironman** you should get these frosted tips i keep hearing about

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: ****@valhalen** absolutely not, have a terrible day

**thor, captain better, banner, and 899 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @americas0ass** have we ever spoken outside of battle 

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** I believe not.

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **we should do that more often,,, here i'll start

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **whatre ur thoughts on the death penalty???

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **what?

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** asnwer teh fuckjing queztion

**peter with a b, ned :), mj, and 442 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun** slap my ass

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **im social distancing :/

**> > snek @lowkey: **

**> tony stank @iamironman: **im blocking all three of you

**bucket, thor, nat, and 667 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**


	15. gen z problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki quotes tiktoks bc of course, other things happen but i don't remember

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** im skinny, im winning, and all u bitches are ugly

 **> val @valhalen: **this is my line, whore

 **> thor @assgard: **i am the DEFINITION of pretty. I cannot believe I am facing such horrid slander, and from my brother at that.

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i have literally stabbed u before. many times

 **> >> thor @assgard: **Those betrayals do not hold a candle to this one.

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **and they say loki's the dramatic one

**tony stank, nat, bucket, and 489 others retweeted snek's tweet**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i've never once looked at **@valhalen** and questioned her authority

 **> val @valhalen: **as it should be

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ive never questioned ur authority over me ;)

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **<3

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **get this the fuck off my good christian timeline

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no

 **> snek @lowkey: **ur saying this about someone who got their username by changing one letter in van halen

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ok mr i tried to take over new york to prove i'm not like other gods

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **shhh love that was his teenage rebellion 

**> >>> snek @lowkey: **yeah my dad didn't love me :(

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ,,,fuck i didn't mean to make u sad come get cuddles :((

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** my dad didn't love me either, you didn't see me attempt to rule a planet i'd never even been to

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **that's bc ur a puny little mortal 

**heckley, peter, thor, and 1,233 others retweeted snek's reply**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** each morning i get up 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i die a little, can barely stand on my feeet

 **> > snek @lowkey:** take a look in the mirror and cryyyyy

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **lord what you're doin to me

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **i have spent all my years believing you

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **but i just can't get no relief, lord

 **> >>>>> clinton @hawkeyepapi:** somebody oh somebody,, can anybody find meeee somebody to love

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i work hard (he works hard) every day of my life

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** i work til i ache in my bones

 **> >>>>>>>> vision @2020vision:** at the end (at the end of the day)

 **> >>>>>>>>> wanda @scarletwitch:** i take home my hard earned pay all on my own

 **> >>>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i get down on my knees 

**> >>>>>>>>>>> mj @becrimedogays:** and i start to pray

 **> >>>>>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** til the tears run down from my eyes

 **> >>>>>>>>>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **How do you know this song, Bucky? 

**> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **now youve gone and ruined the whole vibe i cannot believe this

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted: @beterbarker** how did you know harley was singing that song 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **aha funny story, i didnt. i just feel the 'i die a little' line and it fit sooooo

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** bambino, kid, are you alright? do i need to get you a therapist??

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **nah, it's just the absolute heckin sadness that comes from existing that regularly consumes me talking

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **yeah you're getting a therapist

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays:** mood

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **mood

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** mood

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i was gonna say mood,, but i think yall all need some serious help

**tony stank, captain ass, nat, and 5,013 others retweeted heckley's reply**


	16. uh oh oopsy ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter's secret identity in jeopardy? it's more likely than u think

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** so are we all just gonna gloss over the fact that **@beterbarker** was flirting with loki and this heckley person, even tho they're both (most likely) dating **@spidertheman** ?? yeah.. okay

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** that whore was doing WHAT 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** i stg i leave twitter for ONE (1) DAY and he does this shit

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what are u gonna do about it

 **> >>> chris @isthataweed:** uhhh he's literally a superhuman the real question is what are YOU gonna do about it

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** **@beterbarker** get rekt

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **post the fuck up then 

**spiderman, flash, ned :), and 667 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun** **tweeted: @lowkey** what have we done

 **> snek @lowkey:** we have created a monster

 **> avengers stan @analovestheavengers: **the real question is,,, who are you going for

 **> > snek @lowkey:** hmmm... i choose spidey

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** how dare u make me choose between my two (of three) loves

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yeah i'd choose peter

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **who's the third?????

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **u dumbass

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **how dare u call me such a crude name u fucking pissbucket. **@assgard** come defend me 

**> >>>>> thor @assgard:** normally i would but he's right

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: ****@spidertheman @beterbarker** come defend my honor 

**> >>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **of course,, he's not a dumbass mr. stark

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't call him a dumbass pls dad

**snek, heckley, banner, and 627 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper** **tweeted:** the Avengers are a PR nightmare can I resign yet

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no ms. potts im not ready to take over the company 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh shit i didn't mean to say that pls don't kill me 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **kid you're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr stark i dont think thats how heart attack's work

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **dont tell me the right or wrong ways to have a heart attack

 **> >>>>> nat @spidermom: **Dont get cute, tony

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i cant help it its my natural state of being

**pepper, thor, clinton, and 445 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay:** "I choose you. And I'll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I'll keep choosing you."

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **me ordering chicken strips at every restaurant we go to

**ned :), shuri, tony stank, and 732 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** i need hand sanitizer immdeiatelt plaease unscendted whers buy>>??>?>

**heckley and peter with a b retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay:** **@guyinthechair** u clean ur cooch with purell??? is that what ur saying??????

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **my sugar daddies expect nothing less

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **mm yes sanitize me daddy

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **please deactivate your account immediately

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i didnt need to know this

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **never thought id say this but is it possible technology has come... too far??

**tony stank, banner, captain ass, and 1, 224 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the coochie sanitizer thing came up in convo, no it is not healthy for your cooch. pls do not put hand sanitizer anywhere other than on your hands.


	17. we duel at dawn

**snek @lowkey** **tweeted:** hey **@spidertheman** wanna go on a little adventure to say,, another planet? 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **unfortunately, i cannot accompany u

 **> > snek @lowkey: **boo u whore. **@beterbarker** hby??

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **no. no you are NOT taking either of my kids off world

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **plssss :(

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** no

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **why didnt i get an invite

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **remember what happened last time?

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** we agreed never to speak of that. 

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **:)

**val, spiderman, peter with a b, and 2 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** can we pls talk about how **@iamironman** calls both **@spidertheman** and **@beterbarker** his kids??? coincidence? i think Not

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** bit of a sore subject, they've been fighting for tony's love and attention literally since they met.

 **> > nat @spidermom:** And now they're fighting over loki and harley's love soooo

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** i cannot believe you would bring up such a traumatic subject, have americans no class? no tact? im shocked and dishappointed

 **> >> chris @isthataweed:** im so sorry miss princess shuri maam,,, pls forgive me of my ignorance

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** no.

 **> >>>> chris @isthataweed:** valid

 **> >>>> val @valhalen:** fucking superb move u funky little lesbian

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **im love her

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** shuri is the only bitch in the house i ever respected

**snek, peter with a b, heckley, and 647 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** hey **@beterbarker, @iamironman** loves me more

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no the fuck he doesn't. 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **how would u know

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** mayb bc he told me so ??? i believe his exact words were "peter, you're my favorite child. you don't show up to my house with stab wounds pretending you're fine"

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: @iamironman** *gasp* is this true?

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i may have said that,,, but i didn't mean it i was just worried. i love you both the same

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **stfu. am i still ur favorite **@spidermom** ???

 **> >>>>>> nat @spidermom: **of course baby spider

**nat, captain ass, thor, and 122 others retweeted nat's reply.**

* * *

**spidey @spiderofqueens tweeted:** okaaay **@theavengers** whose team are you on? #teampeter or #teamspidey?

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **tbh #teampeter

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **:D ily dad

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **tough but #teampeter

 **> captain ass @americas0ass:** #teamspidey

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you're outnumbered #teampeter

 **> thor @assgard: **the spider person is a valiant warrior. #teamspidey

 **> nat @spidermom:** we already know who i chose... #teamspidey

 **> snek @lowkey: **okay but that ass ?? in those spandex ??? im too gay not to be #teamspidey

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **lmao peter is the sweetest kid sooo #teampeter

 **> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **#teamspidey, we're vent buddies

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **#teampeter he's a literal genius, he can keep up with me and tony in the lab 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman** **tweeted:** well well well, looks like we have ourselves a tie **@beterbarker**

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** we duel at dawn to determine the true favorite

**the avengers, bucket, rhodey, and 507 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** so **@whoremachine** does this make you their other dad ??

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **oh fuck no

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **:'(

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **dammit kid okay yes

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays:** do they call u pops? 

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** papa maybe?

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **daddy-o per chance?? 

**tony stank, bucket, falcon, and 2,354 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i fucking hate this website

**captain ass, thor, banner, and 9,003 others retweeted rhodey's tweet.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** so who won? **@spidertheman @beterbarker** , i hope it was spidey

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** **@becrimedogays** you're now my second best friend,, **@imadelightsabers** is the first

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **nerd

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** we talked it out and.. **@beterbarker** do you wanna tell them

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** we decided that spidey is the favorite, bc he's yk fucking spiderman

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** Language!

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **fuck o f f 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **that's my boy

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **as i was saying, before i was rudely interrupted bi america's fucking whiteboy of the century,,, spidey may have won this battle, but i will win the war 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **??? ur wrong 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **am i? i have three (3) military men on my side to help with strategy. what do you have? (cue evil laughter)

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **two gods, the other military man, and two spies???

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **loki and thor won't hurt kids it's a Rule, i have both of the good ol captain's bfs so he's out, rhodey and bucky can take nat and clint in their sleep. the ball is in your court mfer.   
  
**> >>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **slam dunk 

**clinton, heckley, loki, and 3,357 retweeted spiderman's reply.**


	18. alignment chart, gay edition

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** alright fuckers, tag urself [[link](https://docs.google.com/document/d/10nXl7DM3DDR4A7nLARJV2i7XWD4QL9u-bFPB4IozXXI/edit?usp=sharing)]

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **whats up im disaster lesbian

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **distinguished gay

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** disaster pan

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** we know

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** i'm distinguished bi, obviously

 **> captain better @marvelous: **distinguished lesbian :)

 **> snek @lowkey: **distinguished gay, i am a god after all

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** wrong. disaster gay. next.

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** functional lesbian

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** functional gay. but like bordering disaster. 

**> captain ass @americas0ass: **functional bi

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **no. disaster bi, sorry i dont make the rules.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **lmaooo steve just got rekt by a teenager 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **we have previously established that i am The Disaster Bi

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **functional gay,,, someone's gotta keep the disaster from being disastrous.

 **> val @valhalen: **im not even gonna try to lie to yall, im just disaster disaster w a side of g i r l s 

**> nat @spidermom: **distinguished lesbian

 **> > clinton @hawkeyepapi:** huuuuhhhh no. u are functional lesbian at BEST. 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **he's right but he shouldn't've said it

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you might wanna start running

**the avengers, mj, shuri, and 38 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**mj** **@becrimedogays:** **@hawkeyepapi** did u survive

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** clint cant come to the phone right now, he's ded

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **nah im just playing he's in the vents and there's no room to get his phone out

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** thanks for the tip

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** so she may have just shot a (small) explosive at the vents

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **she did WHAT

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** oops pt 2???

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** put an f in the chat for clinton

**spiderman, peter with a b, mj, and 2,907 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**mj** **@becrimedogays tweeted:** im feeling like callin out people today

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **nobody is safe,,, rUn

**peter with a b retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun @beterbarker @spidertheman** when tf are yall gonna ask out **@lowkey**

 **> snek @lowkey: **when will they WhAt, why would they do that

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **mind ur business 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **^^^

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** **@americas0ass** when are you gonna admit that america sucks 

**> captain ass @americas0ass: **i literally talk about that all the time ??

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **well then bitch use your platform to bring it to light

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **yes maam

**tony stank, bucket, nat, and 8,067 others retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted: @spideystan** u suck, quit being a bitch to peter

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mj

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **nah let her talk

 **> flash @spideystan: **make me

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **come now eugene, wouldn't want to do anything you'll regret

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **i dont think i'll regret it

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **think again

**tony stank, nat, rhodey, and 1,003 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** hi **@lowkey** do u maybe wanna... go out w me perhaps? 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **if not totally cool just yeah

 **> > snek @lowkey: **ummm where is this coming from

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **not that im saying no or that i dont want to! just ?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **we've literally been crushing on u since we met u, and **@beterbarker** too even tho i dont like his stupidass 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i resent this, but he's right

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **well ig that's good then bc i like all of you ?? so yeah i'll go on dates with whomever of you all would like to 

**> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **excellent, lovely, marvelous,,

**spiderman and snek retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** <3 u **@getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey**

 **> mike @isuckdick69: **thats gay lol

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **thank u isuckdick69

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** not if i have socks on

 **> > snek @lowkey: **and what about it

**bucket, val, ned :), and 213 others retweeted heckley's reply**

* * *

**fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow tweeted:** when are **@spidertheman** and **@beterbarker** gonna give us the enemies to friends to lovers development that we deserve

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ew no he disgusts me

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **how could u say such a horrid thing

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **just bc he's definitely the sexiest avenger doesn't mean i'm into him

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **he's also the smartest, coolest one (so i've heard) but other than that he sucks. why would i date him

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **...bc he sucks? ;)

 **> >> thor @assgard: **i thought i was the sexiest avenger

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thor i think it's really selfish of u to say shit like that and that definitely takes away from ur sexy score. spidey is not selfish and therefore vv sexy but he's still icky

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i mean the only good thing about peter is his stupid, perfect face. and his adorable, dumb curls. okay and mayB he's smart and funny buT i'm not into him,,, bc he's bleh

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **just bc peter is the dreamiest guy this side of the mississippi doesn't mean i wanna date him he's like my twin ew

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i'd take offense to that but i agree he IS the dreamiest guy EVER

 **> >> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **so yall look alike???

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **he means our personalities,, but we look v different and i've never actually seen his face

 **> >>>> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **then how do u know he's sexy

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **vibes meeting adjourned

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **and we're both kinda like tony's kids so there's that

 **> >>>> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **does that mean it'd be like incest ?

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes

**chris, mike, loki, and 3,000 others retweeted fangirl3000's tweet.**


	19. nick furry faces his fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain better @marvelous: i got a cat [image]

**chris @isthataweed tweeted: @fastandfuryous** how did u get the eyepatch?

 **> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **being a bad ass motherfucker

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **thats not how i remember it happening

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **one of us didnt remember it right and i know damn well it wasnt me

**ant man, clinton, tony stank, and 697 others retweeted Nick Fury's reply.**

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** i got a cat [image]

 **> Nick Fury @fastrandfuryous: **carol i know you fucking didnt

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **her name is duck

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** carol i KNOW you fucking didnt

 **> >>> captain better @marvelous: **her and goose are already besties [image]

 **> >>> captain better @marvelous: @jbabybarnes **alpine has joined the fray [image]

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **they grow up so fast :'(

**captain better, peter with a b, ant man, and 1,229 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** goose is the bestest boi

 **> captain better @marvelous: **yes he is!

 **> > Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **no the fuck he isnt

 **> >> captain better @marvelous: **youre just saying that...

 **> >>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** ill fucking end you

 **> >>>> captain better @marvelous: **id like to see you try old man

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay: **rip nick fury, gone but not forgotten :(

**ned :), tony stank, bucket, and 2,046 others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**alpine @mostbeautifulcat tweeted:** meow

 **> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: @jbabybarnes **you made your cat a goddamn twitter

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i did not

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **ive seen a lot of crazy shit but i think your fucking cat making his own twitter is the most unbelievable one yet

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hes his own cat i dont make his decisions for him

 **> >>>> alpine @mostbeautifulcat: **me did not recieve help macking me acount mr furry

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **It's true, and I know it because I trust Alpine and he would never lie to me.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **love u alpine <3 

**> > alpine @mostbeautifulcat: **thank u butifull humane <3

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: @iamironman **it was you motherfucker

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **me what

 **> >>>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **i have my eye on you

 **> >>>>> captain better @marvelous: **while we're on the topic of eye(s) and cats,, lol

 **> >>>>>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** shut tf up

**pepper, captain better, bucket, and 999 others rewteeted Nick Fury's reply.**

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted: @mostbeautifulcat** i have to ask, what are your thoughts on the other cats? ie goose and duck?

 **> alpine @mostbeautifulcat: **me very good frends with both, and me not jelous of ducks relationship with goose. if me say that every day, one day it will be tru.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **alpine what kind of life advice do u have for me

 **> >> alpine @mostbeautifulcat:** never doubt yuorself, beter <3

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thank u god bless

**spiderman, tony stank, captain better, and 1,295 others rewteeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** sometimes i look at cap and think god bless america

 **> flash @spideystan: **im straight except for when im not

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **me too kid damn :/

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fraternizing with the enemy??

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **damn, guess i can give up those dreams of being a double agent now :(

**captain ass, T'challa, clinton, and 647 others retweeted bucket's tweet**


	20. rumor has it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: so are we gonna talk about how the king of wakanda @tchallaofwakanda has a bf???

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** maybe cap should've stayed asthmatic :/

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **If it counts for anything **@jbabybarnes** still takes my breath away.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **ha gay

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **is he chasing u around with a nerf gun again

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **no this time its a fucking hook from a Halloween costume

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **That was not a nerf gun.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **what was it

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **cap what the fuck was it

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **"is that a nerf gun in ur pants or are u just happy to see me"

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Please do not talk about jr like this

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **are u implying that ur bf is attracted to me?

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yes

 **> >>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **No.

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** we are NOT letting barnes start another avengers orgy rumor

 **> >>>>>>>> thor @assgard: **do you know what a rumor is, Samuel?

 **> >>>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **its something that didn't happen

 **> >>>>>>>>>> thor @assgard: **exactly

**bucket, heckley, shuri, and 445 others retweeted thor's reply.**

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** this job is a fucking nightmare

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i wouldve been there tho ??

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **how could we have invited u if we didnt know who u were

 **> >> pepper @spicypepper: **oh god here we go again

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **im just a little offended that i wasnt invited

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **it didnt h a p p e n

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **looks like sammy boy wasnt invited either :( sad'

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** if sam wasnt there neither was bucky, hence implying: rumor

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymyotatogun: **big brain <3

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** just bc i wasnt there doesnt mean i havent SEEN the FOOTAGE

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **i dont even know what footage is, havent seen a single camera in my entire life

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i wasnt participating why would i delete it

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#capspreadsliesandslander

**Nick Fury, tony stank, rhodey, and 667 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay:** [image of maria hill] a woman

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** [image of okoye] a woman

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **[image of zendaya] a woman

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** [image of t'challa] a man

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **are we stating gender

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no, we're setting up the ideal monarchy

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **[selfie] a sad

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **[selfie] another sad

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **therapy is in session as we speak

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** [image of tony] a dad

**peter with a b, tony stank, nat, and 897 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers:** i think we are forgetting that nat and tony are a spec which leaves clint, thor, steve, and bruce..... two of which are HETERO which implies this orgy was just thor and steve

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Not this again.

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i thot **@7phdsindebt** said he and jolly green giant arent the same person and therefore dont have the same wants slash needs

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **i dont think i like what youre implying

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **alexander pierce was there

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** The fuck he was.

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **watch ur language there are baby eyes watching this

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **??? what baby

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **me!!!

**bucket, clinton, tony stank, and 809 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** so are we gonna talk about how the king of wakanda **@tchallaofwakanda** has a bf???

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **No. -T'challa

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **yes

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **whomst??

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **a hunk

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** but w h o

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's

 **> >>>>> og furry @tchallaogwakanda: **Shut the fuck up. -T'challa.

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: @mbaku** :3

 **> >>>>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Pardon my French, but I will take your good arm from you and shove it so far up your ass... -T'challa

 **> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** mmm watcha sayyyy

**nat, ant man, currently unaliving people, and 905 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** yeah i pee sitting down, it doesnt make me any less of a man

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid, this isn't your dm's

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** i know what im about bitch

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** did u just call me a bitch?? me?

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **was he wrong

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: ****@jbabybarnes** ur the worst role model

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **mmm watcha sayyyy

**ned :), mj, spiderman, and 649 others rewteeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** there's nothing bigger than my dick

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ur insecurities

 **> > snek @lowkey: **damn ok wig

**bucket, peter with a b, shuri, and 1,229 others reweeted snek's reply.**


	21. another close call

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @jbabybarnes** wants some song/music recs,, come get y'all juice

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i recommend frank ocean 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **AC/DC 

**> snek @lowkey: **florence + the machine. thats it thats the tweet

 **> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow:** is it true that she's actually a goddess

 **> >> thor @assgard: **no, but if she was do you think we'd tell you?

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **harry styles, the only white man we respect

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're forgetting hozier

 **> val @valhalen: **6lack, summer walker, HER,, could continue

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **miss valkyrie maam u have impeccable taste ily

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** doja cat

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **isn't she.. like idk... 

**> >> mj @becrimedogays: **i pretend i do not see it. bc she's pretty

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** queen, bon jovi, the beatles, fleetwood mac

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **ugh finally someone w taste

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **king princess, WILLOW, mitski,, they're all *chefs kiss*

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **baby lock the door and turn the lights down low

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **nah im just kidding, uhh dan + shay are pretty good if ya like country-ish music, and if you don't there's our queen rihanna 

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **i think you mean our queen beyonce 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i said what i said

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **the yts are at it again

**nat, clinton, captain better, and 33 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**clinton @hawkeyepapi tweeted:** it's fact time bitches: platonic and familial relationships are just! as! important! as romantic ones! just bc i don't love someone romantically doesn't mean my love for them is lesser!!! it's just d i f f e r e n t!!!! fucking get with the program

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you are absolutely correct

 **> nat @spidermom: **exactly, goddamn idiots can't understand simple concepts

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **me and **@becrimedogays** will 100% go fight some motherfuckers for u 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Language! But, I will also fight some bigots for you

 **> >> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **it's ok nat and i took care of it. but thanks guys :)

**snek, banner, tony stank, and 5,431 others retweeted clinton's tweet.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** is anyone else a little worried about what clint and nat did to "take care of it"? nah? just me?

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **they got what was coming to them

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **if nat and clint did something not good then it cancels out bc they're avengers so pemdas yk

 **> > Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **What the fuck is with you and cancelling things out using PEMDAS that should not be cancelled out?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **...i just think it's neat

 **> >>> banner @7phdsindebt:** it's basic fucking algebra bitch get with the program

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **pls don't yell at my bf :(( **@fastandfuryous @7phdsindebt**

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **yeah or i'll shove two of my daggers so far up your ass that.. well i think i'll let that be a surprise

 **> >>>>>> thor @assgard: **Oh brother, how funny you are!

 **> >>>>>> val @valhalen: **i will help with the protection of spiderman

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey:** the only true ally 

**val, peter with a b, heckley, and 16 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** did **@valhalen** just refer to peter parker as spiderman?? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we do bare a striking resemblance

 **> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **i thought u said you've never seen him

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we both have sexy vibes maam

**ned :) retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** [selfie of peter with spiderman] hanging with my best bro

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **i thought yall hated each other

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **y'all hear somethin

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **is that ned in the spidey suit

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **no omg why would u say taht ned is 10x hotter

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **it's tru

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **words hurt :(

* * *

 **potato @getrekt tweeted: @spidertheman** tbh loki and harls could do so much better than u :/

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i've never wanted to commit murder so bad in my life

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @badgirlriri**?? bc i'm pretty sure rihanna is the only person better than me... maybe peter 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **unplug your wifi router :/ 

**> snek @lowkey: **listen here you little shit sdkgjagh 

**> > snek @lowkey: **loki's phone has been momentarily confiscated while he cools off,, yk before he finds out where you are to murder you :D

**mj, shuri, bucket, and 1,408 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** see how i wither, flesh and blood and skin/alas! when will these bones be laid to rest.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **you hate literature ??

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **perhaps but i make it a point to know depressing lines 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you only quote this one when you're really upset baby, what's wrong

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i exist

 **> >> snek @loweky:** cuddles and snacks on the way

**shuri and ned :) retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i be that pretty motherfucker man

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **asap?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **yessir

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **rocky?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **yessir

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **welcome to austin tx asap

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **thank you sir

 **> >>>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I have met ASAP Rocky, there is no way he could be Spiderman. He would never do anything that could damage his perfect face. -T'challa

**bucket, okoye, asap rocky, and 7,391 others retweeted og furry's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** if i have to listen to ed sheeran sing "tay ammo maame" one more goddamn time i'm going to throw myself off the top of avengers tower

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **same

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** do a flip

 **> ed sheeran @edsheeran: **i... what did i do to deserve this

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **if u don't know we can't help u

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it's not personal dude

 **> >> ed sheeran @edsheeran: **i didn't think it was dumbass

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **damn now it's personal bitch. pls stick to singing in english you're talentless and cannot sing in any other language.

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** even jb did it better and we loathe him just as much :/

**15k people retweeted heckley's tweet.**


	22. pop culture adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: what do teens like?!? is it memes?? memes about skeletons???? piss?,?? communism??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of bucky's tweets for this chapter was inspired by a tumblr post from boredlord

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I learnt French. I'm cultured.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **did scary owl monster teach u

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **What?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **did the terrifying green bird bitch teach u french keep up punk

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **No?? Sam doesn't even speak French.

 **> >>>> ****falcon @thebestbird:** ok, first of all, bitch,

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he's also not green dumbass

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **He is with envy because I'm cultured and he's not.

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **there are so many things wrong with that statment

 **> >>>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Okay, well, green bird b*tch isn't a very nice thing to refer to Bruce as.

 **> >>>>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **b4 u hurt anyone elses feelings go lookup duolingo

 **> >>>>>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **oh

 **> >>>>>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **oh no

**bucket, tony stank, peter with a b, and 895 others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i wish to, as the kids say, eat ass and skate fast

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Halfway there!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i wish i was illiterate

**ned :). heckley, clinton, and 445 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** just finished watching 50 shades of gray. confused and upset.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **tf did u think it was?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **a documentary on the fascinating 50 shades of gray there are on this goddamn bitch of an earth?

 **tony stank @iamironman:** wig, carry on

**peter with a b, currently unaliving people, captain better, and 692 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I don't know what Bohemian Rhapsody is about but it's powerful.

 **> bucket @jbabaybarnes: **hes crying lmao

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **ur telling me all i had to do to bring the american symbol of freedom to tears was put on queen??? is that what ur saying??

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** queen latifah and destiny's child work too

**mj, shuri, tony stank, and 899 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** damn daniel back at it again with the white vans

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pls for the love of god im begging for u to stop referencing 2016 memes

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **then beg

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i think that gave me whiplash

**mj, snek, ant man, and 2k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** what do teens like?!? is it memes?? memes about skeletons???? piss?,?? communism??

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes thats exactly what we like and in that order too

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **well we like socialism, communism might be a stretch but we're open to possibilities

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **He's frantically writing all of this down in his notebook.

**tony stank, pepper, banner, and 667 others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass:** Honk if you love Bucky.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** honk

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **honk

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **honk

 **> thor @assgard: **honk

 **> snek @lowkey: **honk

 **> sam @thebestbird: **honk even tho u threw me out a gotdamn plane

 **> nat @spidermom: **honk

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **steven grant rogers this is why u died a virgin <3

**spiderman, clinton, captain better, and 1k others retweeted bucket's reply.**


	23. a little bit of chaos per chance

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i'm in a chaos-y mood...

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** loki no

 **> > snek @lowkey: **loki yes

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ngl i kinda wanna see where this goes

 **> thor @assgard: **This should be lovely!

**snek retweeted thor's reply.**

* * *

**lo @sneky tweeted:** so **@theavengers** who has the best significant other

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **uh me DUH, rhodey is the Bestest 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine: **<3 no u

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **awww

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ewWW

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I have two amazing boyfriends, I think I win. 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **fucker, bucky has the most ridiculous name and sam is a BIRD you can't win

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Tony, I'm sorry but the truth is two is better than one. And I have two. 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **yeah and i have two hands i can stick up your ass and then use to let out a repulsor blast

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i feel like he would like that more than you think,,,

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **That was crude and uncalled for. Apologize. 

**> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **uh oh he just told tony to apologize for thinking i'm the best and defending it this is not gonna end well...

 **> >>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **update, tony has recruited both spidey and harley to his side to defeat steve. they're literally having a mini war in the living area. 

**> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **M'Baku does. I'm fabulous, and the king of a very important and rich country. -T'Challa

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i'd say i win but stevie is a stubborn dumbass and sam is annoying,, i however am an angel. so ig maybe they win?

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **... 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **i win. u lose. hahahaha. 

**> nat @spidermom: **im single :/

 **> val @valhalen: ****@marvelous** is literally the prettiest girl in the galaxy soooo it's a no brainer

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun** how did you defeat captain america

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i shot him in ze legz bc hiz zield iz de zize of a dinner plate. and he iz and idiot. 

**bucket, tony stank, ned :), and 8,379 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** has anyone seen any birds lately...

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i thought we already answered this. no, no one has seen any birds

 **> thor @assgard: **But the Hawkeye and the Falcon are right across the table from you, young Stark.

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **oh, are sam and clinton spies for the government ??? they're birds and birds are under the government's jurisdiction

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg you're right i can never discuss my crimes in front of them again

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **crimes? kid, you're like a baby deer

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **am not

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **he's got a point

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **CAN WE GET BACK TO DISCUSSING HOW CLINT AND SAM ARE FUCKING BIRD SPIES FOR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT 

**heckley, tony stank, mj, and 647 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** so why is it that NO ONE in this GODDAMN STATE knows how to make sweet tea correctly

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **wdym the tea is v good

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **maybe you should just drink coffee like intelligent people do

 **> yeehaw @txbby: **nobody has sweet tea as good as the south and they never will,,, tragic

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it's like they don't even know what they're missing

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **just make your own fucking tea like normal people, god

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **im feeling very attacked rn :/

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **as you should

**spiderman, banner, loki, and 19 others retweeted stephen's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** one retweet and i'll try my damnedest to get the Avengers OrgyTM to happen.. again

**bucket retweeted bucket's tweet.**

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **thank you god bless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi is there anyone y'all'd like to see more of in this fic? -okaybi


	24. day ?? of quarantine; insanity ensues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: no tweets. head empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took lots of inspo from jorge garay & benji krolls twitter 4 this -levesqueen

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** please normalize eating babies. 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **sir?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **rt

 **> thor @assgard:** Loki no!

 **> > snek @lowkey: **loki yes

**bucket, heckley, ned :), and 2k others rewteeted.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** god knew if she gave me a fat ass AND the ability to throw it back id be too powerful

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **god knew if i was an actual spider id be too powerful

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **what.

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **6 more hands to say fuck u with

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: ****@harvard** give the boy a scholarship

 **> >>>** **tony stank @iamironman:** with what fingers?

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **the ones on the hands i will obviously still have bc i have no intentions of giving up the spiderman title

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **thats a horrible mental image, thank u

**heckley, mj, currently unaliving people, and 929 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** omg i cant wait to vlog WWIII 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** omg we're gonna make so many fire ass tiktoks

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I still haven't gotten over the embarrassment from your WWII journal entries about my suit.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **that sounds like a u problem

**snek, tony stank, og furry, and 667 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** no tweets. head empty.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **me 2 also

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **just another day in quarantine i see

**spiderman and shuri retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** **@lowkey** pls stop tagging me in the twilight fics with me in them

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **im sorry the WHAT

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **do i want 2 know

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **me werewolf

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers:** ok that's just wrong ur obviously a vampire

 **> snek @lowkey: **its an ART form

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **u say that about ur 'taking over' nyc too

 **> >> snek @lowekey: **ok listen u lil bitch

**heckley, peter with a b, shuri, and 1k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** who wants to punch me in the face im bored

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **sigh fine ig ill do it

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** im in line, u want human or robot arm?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why not both?

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **KID NO

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ok fine sir

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: @becrimedogays @jbabybarnes **sorry my dad said no :(

**bucket and mj retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i would never make u feel the way u make me feel

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **im 14 and this is deep

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** horny?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **DJDHSUYDJYDSD

**snek retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	25. the avengers? a mess? it's more likely than you think

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hi hello yes my doctor at this checkup i'm at has a really cute nose

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **was it a button nose??

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **have you developed a nose kink???

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **please never say that again

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **button nose?

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes it was a button nose. you're not allowed to say nose kink again or i will revoke your human rights

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **do it pussy,, why would i need human rights when i'm baby

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why would i need human rights if i'm dead

 **> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i'm on my way to kick the depression out of you

**mj, shuri, tony stank, and 311 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** watching the lion king and tbh ed the hyena's crackhead energy is such a mood

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **are you okay ??

 **> > tony stank @whoremachine: **define okay

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **felt that

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **torn between asking if you're alright and agreeing with you

 **> > snek @lowkey: **why not both

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **how long has it been since you slept 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **uno reverse

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **touche

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **go to sleep

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i haven't even been awake that long ??? only like 57 hours ? nbd

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **go to sleep now or i'll do something stupid

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **on a scale of drinking caffeine to getting injected with an untested serum that could potentially kill you bc you wanna fight in a deadly war, how stupid?

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I resent this. 

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **good, that was my intention 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **hmm probably around getting stabbed by a mugger bc i haven't slept enough, i haven't decided yet. any ideas? 

**> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **im sure steve could give you plenty, he's peak dumbass

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **nope nope nope i'm going to bed kid don't even THINK about it

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **mission accomplished :)

**pepper, rhodey, peter with a b, and 1,229 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** **@theavengers,** what is an item on all of your bucket lists

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **marry rich

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **;)

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **be a stripper

 **> > snek @lowkey: **date a stripper ;)

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **get someone famous to fall in love with me,,, oh wAit

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **<3

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **convert god to be an athiest

 **> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **one (1) one night stand

 **> nat @spidermom: **change how someone looks at things

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **pay off my student loans hahaha

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I have everything I want in life.

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **lame, i want to go to space

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **yk it's not all that great

**val, tony stank, snek, and 14 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @hozier** will u sing at my wedding pls 

**> hozier @hozier: **i'd love to

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **hkfjgha i can't believe u responded omg ily mr. bog man sir

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i keep telling my brain i gotta do the self care stuff but she said no i should suffer uwu

 **> snek @lowkey: **i felt this

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **baby :(

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i literally just kicked the depression out of you

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **error 305: message failed to send

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **it b like that sometimes

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **we all love you kid and we'll do whatever you need us to to help you feel better<3 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **:') ilyt #irondad

**snek, heckley, nat, and 1,112 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** this just in: i hate it here

**falcon, bucket, mj, and 4,682 others retweeted heckley's tweet.**


	26. hooliganryianism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: currently thinking about how @americas0ass and @becrimedogays are convinced that birds don't exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pronounced hoo-lig-an-ree-an-ism -levesqueen

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** it's official! **@whoremachine** and i are getting hitched!

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **congrats dad!!

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **fucking finally

 **> nat @spidermom: **there was a gunfight at my wedding

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **you're married?

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **no i was the better shot

**spiderman, mj, captain better, and 3k others retweeted nat's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** honestly the live action disney movies just weren't it sis :/

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **disrespect beyonce again i dare u

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **naomi scott. thats it thats the tweet.

**peter with a b and heckley retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** just finished binging saved by the bell with **@spidertheman @americas0ass** and **@assgard.** confused and upset.

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **No bells and no saving being done by bells. What was the point.

 **> > thor @assgard: **the journey was not the bells we were saved by, but the friends we made along the way

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **if u held a gun to my head and told me to be zack morris's friend or die id say shoot me

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **was no one going 2 tell me that slater was hot??hdsdgs

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **idk who that is but ill fight him

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **i remember watching that show and being caught between hating Zack and wanting to BE zack

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **justice for slaters chameleon,, what was its name?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **#justiceforartie

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **#justiceforartie rest in piss

**thor, shuri. ant man, and 689 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** im not like other girls...

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **... i have scorpions for toes

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ... i am inevitable

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i am iron man

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **and im kanye west

**og furry, bucket, clinton, and 665 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** cant decide if im bad bitch or baby

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **why not both?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **not all of us can be loki

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **this is tru

**spiderman, thor, val, and 487 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** all gays do is eat ass and celebrate Halloween, i should know i am one

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **faks

**captain ass, Nick Fury, mj, and 667 others retweeted peter with a b's post.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Should I start beef with **@iamironman** again?

 **> tony stank @iamironman tweeted: **good luck

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **laughing out loud ha ha

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **see me in my office.

**bucket, ant man, currently unaliving people, and 1k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** bitches be bonkers 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **one of my sugar daddies thinks the entire 12th through 14th century was a hoax

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **he probably thinks birds aren't working for the bourgeoisie lmao 

**> >> mj @becrimedogays: **y'all think birds exist?

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **the thot thiccens

**shuri and heckley retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** currently thinking about how **@americas0ass** and **@becrimedogays** are convinced that birds don't exist

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I never said that.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **so ur just gonna @ me and pretend u didnt ask if flamingo's were real back in '39? ok

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **I asked you that in confidence.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **i plead the fifth

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Didn't you say you didn't think Pluto exists? -T'challa

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **yes and what of it -james

**tony stank, captain ass, banner, and 989 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** sometimes i think sweet tea tastes like milk

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **just so u kno. if i had the ability to hulk out that statement alone wouldve been enough to trigger it. thank u.

**banner, clinton, spiderman, and 1k others retweeted heckley's reply.**


	27. tea

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i think it is time,, that the tea on your favorite superheroes is spilt

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **yayayayay

 **> chris @isthataweed: **does that mean ur finally gonna tell us why u and spidey hate each other

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **blockt

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **who are you gonna start with ???

 **> snek @lowkey: **now THIS is something i can get behind, go expose them bitch

**ned :), mj, shuri, and 1 other retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**clinton @hawkeyepapi tweeted:** ima be honest here, im kinda terrified of whatever the little genius is gonna say sO i will not be on twitter for the rest of forever :) 

**> nat @spidermom: **pussy 

**> > clinton @hawkeyepapi: **admit it you're scared too 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **i think this proves that i am, truly, the best bird

 **> > thor @assgard: **aha! So you admit, Son of Wil, that you are a bird. 

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **yk what that means folks, they're government spies :o

 **> >>> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **get your conspiracy theories off my post

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **hmm... no i think i'll just **@beterbarker**

 **> >>>>> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **ajshjs bye

**spiderman, mj, and peter with a b retweeted thor's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hello welcome to the avengers call out thread, i'll be your host beter barker 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **today we'll start with the easiest target, **@hawkeyepapi.** he once shot an arrow at one of the Tower's windows, but since they're like everything proof it ricocheted and somehow ended up embedding itself in mr. winter soldier white wolf barnes' metal shoulder, which then led to bucky throwing clint into the pool with his phone, wallet, keys, and hearing aids on him (don't worry mr. stark has multiple pairs of hearing aids for him just for shit like this)

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **next!! **@spidermom** ily but i gotta. she's soft. that's it. you probably thought she was gonna do something dumb, but no that would not embarrass her. instead i'm telling you that she will make me hot chocolate and watch mean girls with me if i have nightmares. 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okaay so now **@thebestbird** honestly this isn't much of a call out, dude just doesn't take anyone's shit. he almost got his head ripped off by a lizard-man thing bc he told it to "shut the fuck up with your monologuing and come fucking murder me, bitch" he is currently my hero

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thor! **@assgard** you're the best big guy, but bro the whole "i'm a dumb blonde don't make me do things" gag is getting kinda lame... i KNOW that you can work a toaster so fucking do it coward

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **dr. banner sir your work is the best im sorry... sorta **@7phdsindebt** one time bruce was making tea and **@shortforstepheneas** portaled into the kitchen behind him and asked for some, only for bruce to jump so high his head brushed the ceiling, proceed to dump nearly boiling water all over himself (he was fine, it mostly got on his clothes), and screech so high everyone thought there was an invasion going on

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: ****@americas0ass** tbh, your entire fucking persona is a call out. just why are you Like That. i mean i like you and all but what the FUCK is up with you man,,, just w h a t 

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **last (for now) but not least, **@iamironman** for someone who says they don't want kids, you sure do act as a parental figure for a bunch of kids w/o a dad or w/ a shitty dad... im just saying... also ily you're my favorite avenger

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **that is all for now, goodbi fellow gremlins

**fangirl3000, chris, spideystan, and 11k others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** is anyone else in awe of how fucking human these dumbass avengers are ??? like what the hell

 **> snek @lowkey: **yeah they're all idiots 

**> > heckley @getwrektbymypotatogun: **it's true, none of them have any common sense

**shuri, peter with a b, og furry, and 21 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i cannot believe that my own kid would attack me like this, shocked and disappointed

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Your "call out" was not even that bad? At least he didn't attack your entire personality. 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **but did you die tho

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **was he wrong tho

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **at least you made the cut, i'm not even important enough to get roasted

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it had to be said 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **should we tally up your adopted-ish kids ?? bc we can

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **n e one who has ever seen tony stark as their parental figure say "i"

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **i

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i 

**> >> heckely @getrektbymypotatogun: **i 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** i 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **okay @ all you heathens i fucking get it lay off

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** #irondad

**captain ass, falcon, rhodey, and 4,653 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i have no regrets

**bucket, rhodey, tony stank, and 2,843 others retweeted falcon's tweet.**


	28. anything for u beyonce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: say my name say my name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is late i've been surprisingly busy for not being able to leave the house. anyway we just wanted to let those of who you have been here since the beginning know that we notice you and we love you. thank you for commenting and giving feedback, we truly do appreciate all y'all's continued support. :) -levesqueen

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** say my name say my name

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **if no one is around u say baby i love u

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **if u aint running game

 **> >> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Say my name, say my name. -T'challa

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay: **u acting kinda shady aint calling me baby

 **> >>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **why the sudden change

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **well we know who passed the vibe check

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **James?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **daddy actually

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **FHDFHDFSY SIR????

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** bonky

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i thot it was boinky

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **shit my bad sorry boinky **@jbabybarnes**

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i vibe with that actually

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **anything for u buckyonce!!!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i dont vibe with this one

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **is vibe ur latest favorite meme

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i vibed w/ it

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **bastard

 **> > bucket @babybarnes: **thank u

**captain ass, tony stank, spiderman, and 3k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** hulk and i have agreed that anytime someone says "bring the beast in" i have to say "anything for you beyonce"

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **thats the worst joke ive ever heard

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **buckyonce **@jbabybarnes**

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i hate being here

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **where

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **my mentions

**ant man, nat, peter with a b, and 685 others retweeted bucket's tweet.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted: @spidertheman** is my celebrity pass

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **omg mine too!

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **mine is lil nas x

 **> >> @ned :) @guyinthechair:** bruh moment

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **bro

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **bro

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** mine is andrew garfield

**heckley and mj retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I won't name names, but one of the Avengers and company just asked if we had running water in the 30's.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** it was spidey wasnt it

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **as much as i love u two's jabs at my intelligence, it was not me

 **> ant man @antman: **it was a genuine question and i never got my answer

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **scott, buddy,,,

 **> >> ant man @antman: **LISTEN

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yes omg we had running water 

**captain ass, peter with a b, ant man, and 2k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**i have head lithe @murkywater:** **@spidertheman** what was ur first meeting with cap like

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** patriotic and patronizing

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **sounds like my dad

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Wait a damn minute,

**bucket, nat, clinton, and 436 others retweeted captain ass's reply.**


	29. miss keisha???

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** guys, gals, nonbinary pals,,,, we were just on a mission and james buchanan bastard barnes just fucking said "i'm a bad bitch you can't kill me" AFTER THE DUDE UNLOADED SEVERAL ROUNDS OF BULLETS AT HIM

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **fucking you and sam really deserve each other huh **@jbabybarnes**

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **why am i being attacked. i did what had to be done. 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Language.

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **bucky is a rat bastard why must you do this to me

**> >> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **you're literally dating him

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **he's hot. i'm gay. what was i supposed to do

**captain ass, tony stank, currently unaliving people, and 2,884 others retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**og furry @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** Just checked my horoscope and it said I need to shut the fuck up. -T'Challa

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **valid

**> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Mother just got mad at me for calling you a bitch under my breath. -T'Challa

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **this is what your horoscope warned you about

**> >>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **...You may be correct, sister. -T'Challa

**peter with a b, snek, val, and 1,009 others retweeted og furry's tweet.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** to get coffee or to let myself crash; that is the question

**> pepper @spicypepper: **Crash

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **third option: just straight up die

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **1) ding dong that is wrong 2) bold of you to assume you can do anything straight

**pepper, rhodey, heckley, and 321 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** i feel like i haven't heard from **@guyinthechair** in a while, how is the sugar baby life 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **it's the Best, i am fucking LIVING. i own three designer watches now for no reason ?? PLUS i already saved as much as i needed to so i can spend the rest on whatever ? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i wish this was my life

**> >> mj @becrimedogays: **your dad is a literal billionaire 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no comment

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **bro...

**shuri, snek, heckley, and 173 others retweeted mj's tweet.**

* * *

**ryan @ryan1johnson tweeted:** why is **@lowkey** even on earth rn, fucking criminal

**> snek @lowkey: **do you know who i am

**> > ryan @ryan1johnson: **obviously dumbass

**> >> snek @lowkey: **bitch im doja cat i go way back

**> >>> ryan @ryan1johnson: **dude what the hell

**> >>>> snek @lowkey: **it's a she/her day but go off

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **kindly throw your wifi router off the empire state building

**peter with a b, spiderman, mj, and 5,738 others retweeted heckley's reply.**


	30. the squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: ive made a horrible mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the harley helicarrier incident was based on true events rip george the mockingbird -levesqueen

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** the only thing im fucking is stupid

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i thought u had like 5 sugar daddies

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **who said i was the stupid one

 **> flash @spideystan:** same

 **> > mj @becrimedogays:** and **@spidertheman** in ur dreams

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **nice try

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **but im actually a powerbottom

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **get this the fuck off my timeline

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **dude get ur own super flexible dumbass bf w a death wish 

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **hes right im a taken man love u lil nas x

 **> >>>>>> lil nas x @cowboy: **<3

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh look u made him cry

 **> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **WHO made my son cry ill end them

 **> >>>>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **relax theyre happy tears lil nas x sent me a heart and its the closest thing to love i'll ever get

 **> >>>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **wow

 **> >>>>>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **im wounded

**heckley, bucket, mj, and 556 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamionman tweeted:** looking for parenting tips on what to do when ur adopted super son says he loves lil nas x more than u

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i still love and appreciate u

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **ur on thin fucking ice right now

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** he's losing his eyesight in his old age :( its me spidey not **@americas0ass**

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **ur gROUNDED

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **im a bad bitch u cant ground me

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: @jbabybarnes **this is all ur fucking fault u bastard

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i pretend i do not see

**peter with a b, ant man, clinton and 1k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** why am i ugly 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **jk bitch that was a joke!

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **im cute im hot im everything ur not

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i looked u up on google just to find out ur a flop

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **im sexy take a pic

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **im better than ur chick

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ur boyfriend messaged me and asked if i was timmy thicc

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck **@jbabybarnes** explain

 **> >>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: ****@jbabybarnes** What is happening?

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no idk this ones lost on me :/

 **> >>>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I walk around in Gucci, my favorite meal is sushi, if you want to talk then I'll hit you with that Uzi. -T'challa

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @buckybarnes: **teach me ur ways

 **> >>>>>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **You will learn in time. -T'challa

**bucket, peter with a b, tony stank, and 3k others retweeted og furry's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** ive made a horrible mistake

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** baby whats wrong

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **when harper lee said to kill a mockingbrd is a sin I took it to heart

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotato: **there was a mockingbird. it was alive but now it isnt.

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **OMG U DIDNT

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **IT FLEW RIGHT INTO THE MINI HELICARRIER PROTOTYPE I WAS TESTING

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **rip lol

**ned :) and flash retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** just found out **@7phdsindebt** was born in 1969 lol nice

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **a lot of things happened that year

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **woodstock

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **manson murders

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **moon landing

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i didnt know we were naming fictional things

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **u dont believe in the moon landing?

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i dont believe in the moon

 **> >>>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **havent you two had this conversation b4

 **> >>>>>>>> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** i believe that was regarding pluto

 **> >>>>>>>>> clinton @hawkayepapi: **and birds, apparently

 **> >>>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **everyone's a critic :/

**pepper, nat, banner, and 4k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**john @4567toast tweeted: @jbabybarnes** **@americas0ass** any wise words from the old men?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **beans

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **^^

**bucket, john, heckley, and 3k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**


	31. rest in piss class of 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is all over the place sorry i said "head: empty" on this one -okaybi
> 
> also, we are both seniors and dishappointed

**sure jan @jan2020 tweeted:** i'm sitting here,, crying in my prom dress

 **> sure jan @jan2020: **get it? bc i don't get to go to my senior prom? lmao rip

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **saying lmao doesn't hide your pain

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes it does

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i was really looking forward to a) wearing a prom dress and b) seeing peter wear a prom dress

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **how did u know i was gonna do that...

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i have my sources

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **#ripclassof2020

**peter with a b, snek, sure jan, and 12k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** sometimes i wish i was illiterate 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **when are those times

 **> > snek @lowkey: **idk bastard man,,, mayhaps it's when i pick up your phone bc it has the same case as mine and i have to read SEXTS from your moronic boyfriends

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **lol sux

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **now i wish i was illiterate 

**heckley, tony stank, falcon, and 35 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** why the fuck did you retweet that **@thebestbird** , YOU'RE the one who sent the text

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i can't believe you've done this

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **e x p o s e d 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Why must you type like this, Bucky? 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **why must you type Like That steven ????

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I think my method of typing is perfectly acceptable. 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i type like this bc im g a y steven did you ever think of THAT

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **That response makes no sense. 

**> >>>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **You are truly hopeless if you do not understand. -T'Challa

 **falcon** , **bucket, snek, and 754 others retweeted og furry's reply.**

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** [pic of angry loki] **@getrektbymypotatogun** GET YOUR FUKCIN DOG BITCH

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it don't bite

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **YES IT DOOO

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **smh i thought you liked it when i bite

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **get this off my good christian twitter timeline

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** you're atheist

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **and what about it

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **why do i feel like this is karma

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **bc it is bitch

**og furry, bucket, peter with a b, and 69 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** how much money you got

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: ***to the tune of a lot - 21 savage* a lot 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **69 cents

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **yk what that means

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i don't have enough money for chicken nuggets :(

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted: @spidertheman** how much effort do you think it would take to get the devil on twitter?

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **daredevil? on twitter? sweetie you're delusional

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: ** i bet i can convince him ;)

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **ew gross don't ever imply that again

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **hey now it could be true

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **mm whatever,, he has standards 

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **i'm wounded

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **was anyone gonna tell me that my son is friends with an infamous mercenary or was i just supposed to find that out in a random twitter conversation myself? 

**> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **n e way, stay tuned bc #teamred will soon be on twitter

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **doubtful

**tony stank, stephen, captain ass, and 19 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** hold on a fucking second, do i get a refund on my cap and gown ????

**35k retweets on chris' tweet.**


	32. me tinks im tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > spiderman @spidertheman: me thinks im hungies
> 
> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: for what 
> 
> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: biwwionaiwes
> 
> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i drew a pic of steve with a tramp stamp when i was like 15 and it still haunts me. anyway enjoy the chap babes <3 -levesqueen  
> ps it was 4am when i wrote this and i want to apologize ahead of time

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** me thinks im a lil gay

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **a lil? lol ok

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **i smell captain

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **he's a little confused but he's got the spirit!

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **me thinks im hungies

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **for what 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **biwwionaiwes

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: ** ~~oh no~~

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey:** not u billeas gates 

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **that's not his name

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **take out jeff bezos right fucken now

**bucket, ant man, tony stank, and 4k others retweeted heckley's tweet.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** the fuck is bill short for, time sensitive question

 **> thor @assgard: **i do not know who this bill is, but tis not kind to ask such a thing of a midgardian

 **> > snek @lowkey: **his name not his height bitch

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** billiam

 **> > snek @lowkey: **oh ok makes sense

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no dumbass its short for richard my god

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i thot it was short for christian.? no?

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay: **i thought dick was short for richard

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **wait how tf do you get dick from richard

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** u ask nicely

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no rick is short for richard

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** ive never met a human named richard ever in my life

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** we literally have 3 teachers named richard

 **> >>>>>> mj @becrimedogay: **i said humans

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **this got very off track very fast

**tony stank, banner, thor, and 3k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**roger @lennon96 tweeted: @americas0ass** why were u so pressed abt the accords

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I guess you could say I wanted to be in the room where it happened.

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **NO OMG U DID NOT

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what's happening

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **coulson and i spent HOW LONG going over pop culture and hamilton is the ONE THING you held on to???? pathetic

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Star Wars :(

**bucket, peter with a b, banner, and 2k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**og furry @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** Is being referred to as Old Sport truly the American Dream? Is it 'the move?' -T'challa

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** tchalla. dude. bro. have i ever steered u wrong. ofc its the american dream.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **the american dream is the unattainable ideal of a perfect family and career set for us by previous generations with no secure footing.

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **things have changed old man the american dream now is to live fast die young 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** is that what u were talking about when i found u up at 3am making coffee

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **now ur starting to get it!

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **anything other than 'disappointment' is the american dream

**tony stank, peter with a b, clinton, and 687 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** ive been doing a lot of thinking and internalizing during this time of crisis, and, guys,,, i dont think red is a real color

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** its a primary color

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **maybe for u

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **interesting theory, can i ask the reason?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **it just doesn't sit right with me. i mean why have it be roygbiv when it can be oygbiv

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **i dont think thats how it works

 **> >>> clinton @hawkayepapi: **wait let the man talk

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **The American flag says otherwise. God bless America.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **let me reiterate: i dont believe in it as a primary color

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **then what do u propose

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **pigment primaries on the american flag

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **The day I let our flag be magenta, cyan, and white is the day I put down the shield for good.

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** actually i wanna hear this out now

**bucket, spiderman, currently unaliving people, and 2k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**


	33. a few controversial opinions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember writing most of this I'm so sorry in advance -okaybi

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** is... is virginia a state

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **harley are you serious

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **well i know that west virginia is a state, but doesn't that imply that there's an east virginia 

**> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **No.

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **wait i think he's onto someting,, 

**mj, thor, peter with a b, and 901 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** british people b like "right. what's all this then." anytime something happens 

**> roger @rogertaylor: **americans b like "gimme gun gimme gun 2nd amendment RiGhTs"

 **> victoria @2victoria2: **americans b like "mmm borger" 

**> > eddy @edwardthebest: **alabamians b like "mmm brother"

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **seems a bit.. hypocritical of the brits to say after yk,, the whole socially acceptable incest fest that is your royal line

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **exhibit a [image of king charles II] 

**val, snek, ned :), and 20k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** im a top

 **> snek @lowkey: **lol

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **suspicious, please provide proof of this preposterous claim

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i can rap fergalicious with a straight face

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **...no you can't?

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i just did it ??

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **sweetie no

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **petey, baby, you laugh halfway through every time

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **:(

* * *

 **chris @isthataweed tweeted: @americas0ass** what's it like representing america and all its sins

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Good question, Chris. The answer is it really does suck! America is a mess, and I'm exhausted of being seen as a scape goat for bigoted people's ideals. Thinking of changing the name and burning the suit, retweet if you think I should. 

**pepper, mj, nat, and 23k others retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** totally support not supporting america's shitty lifestyle, but i really am gonna miss the things that suit did for stevie's ass :/

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i bet we could convince him to keep it for,,, recreational use

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i like the way you think sammy ;)

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **somebody bleach my fucking eyes

**tony stank, shuri, peter with a b, and 12 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** don't you all think it's fucking amazing that **@rogertaylor** was able to make the guitar noises in bohemian rhapsody ?? like he just sang but in guitar yk, true Talent

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **That was someone singing? 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **wild right?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **wow roger taylor fucking did that

 **> snek @lowkey: **exactly !! like damn go OFF

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i've never heard anyone play the actual guitar better than roger sang it,,, truly one of a kind

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it was an iconic move

 **> brian @brianmay: **what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fUCK what thE FUCK what THE FUCK wHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

 **> > roger @rogertaylor: **DJSJDFKJ this is the blessed timeline thank u 

**ned :), bucket, snek, and 43 others retweeted roger's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** rAnDoM dAnCiNg *goes feral*

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **oh.. oh no

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **i can't believe they've done this

 **> >> fangirl3000 @doesitlookilikeiknow: **who has done what i ????

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **you'll see

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **This show is odd, although Sam Puckett reminds me of Bucky. 

**> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **who the fuck introduced you to icarly

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **menaces

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **me and **@lowkey @getrektbymypotatogun**

 **> >>> chris @isthataweed: **you have done the civilians of twitter a great service

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i am to please

**falcon, snek, clinton, and 9,598 others retweeted bucket's tweet.**


	34. ugh words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> banner @7phdsindebt tweeted: fun fact of the day the A on captain america's cowl actually stands for arson

**macaroni @beansoneggs tweeted:** y'all can argue over tony and steve's dad energy all y'all want, but i raise u this: t'challa's dad energy

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** he has v big dad energy he always asks me how schools going

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **he plays catch with me more than my dad every did

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: @spidertheman @getrektbymypotatogun **am i a joke to u two

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **i never said he had more dad energy than u :(

 **> >>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I am just trying to engage with the people who will undoubtedly be the future of the Avengers. - T'challa

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **old man is trying 2 engage w the youth

**mj, ned :), peter with a b, and 1k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day the A on captain america's cowl actually stands for arson 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **and here i thought it meant ass :/

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** i thought it stood for anarchy

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **it stands for arachnophobic

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **This one is true. It's my one weakness. 

**> >> nat @spidermom: **your one weakness you say?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** i cant believe im the kryptonite to captain americas superman this is the best day of my life

 **> ant man @antman:** i was holding out hope for Ant :(

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you fools, you absolute buffoons. he's advocating for mr stark by wearing his first initial on his forehead

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: @americas0ass **u wear some other fellas initials on ur forehead?

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **it b like that sometimes

 **> captain better @marvelous:** it stands for Alittlebitch

 **> val @valhalen: **it stands for (less than) adequate

 **> snek @lowkey:** hm i thot it stood for antichrist

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i thought asseater? wild

 **> thor @assgard: @lowkey** you told me it meant Asgard?

 **> > snek @lowkey: **never change, brother

**clinton, ant man, peter with a b, and 667 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jabybarnes tweeted:** my therapist wants me to finds healthy alternatives to "i wanna k*ll myself" y'all do ur thing

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** stop it or ill frolic

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** that's a major L

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** bruh moment

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** i might commit arson

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i could eat an entire lamp

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **'id rather eat soap than be a part of this'

 **> ant man @antman:** i deserve an entire pint of ice cream after this shit

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **these are all great thank u

**spiderman, nat, Nick Fury, and 2k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**liz @lizallan tweeted:** if i were a boy b hittin different

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **who am i beating up

 **> > liz @lizallan: **peter no

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **cant believe im saying this but peter yes

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **ned peter and i are on our way with skittles

**ned :) and peter with a b retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**beans @eggsontoast tweeted: @jbabybarnes** where are u from ?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** indiana apparently

 **> > beans @eggsontoast: ** u cant fool me ik indiana isnt a real state

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** thats what i said!!!

 **currently unaliving people retweeted bucket's reply.**


	35. lists

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** what is up fellow twitter users, today we are compiling a list of Probable Homophobes! (can be fictional or real)

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'll start: jeff bezos

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **mike pence **@mikepenceVP**

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it doesn't go on the Probable Homophobes list if they are Homophobe Confirmed srry:(

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **umbridge yk the pink bitch

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **howard stark

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **he homophobe c o n f i r m e d 

**> captain ass @americas0ass: **Freddie's mom from iCarly.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **tbh,, steve gave me homophobe vibes when we met 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **No, you gave me homophobe vibes. 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **expert sexuality hiders they were

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **nicholas cage

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **god

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow:** justin bieber and selena gomez both

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **sandy cheeks

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **...chad 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **chad...who?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **chad. all of them.

 **> >>> chad @kappachad: **i would like to know what i did to deserve this 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **no

 **> >>>>> chad @kappachad: **valid, have a nice day

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **don't tell me what to do

 **> snek @lowkey: **odin

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **daddy issues solidarity 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#daddyissuessolidarity

**tony stank, snek, heckley, and 29k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** since we're making lists,,, Possible Serial Killers go

 **> mj @becrimedogays: @tedcruz **is first on the list.. all offense mr. zodiac sir, pls don't murder me

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **chad

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **see HE gets it

**> falcon @thebestbird: @nicholascage**

**> tony stank @iamironman: **steve rogers

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **say it w your chest

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: @americas0ass** ik you've done something Not Good

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **One time... 

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **at band camp

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **One time, I accidentally broke a piece of artwork at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. They thanked me for making their work better. I felt terrible.

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i should have foreseen this 

**heckley, peter with a b, nat, and 1,845 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** it's my turn to do the list thing so everyone drop something on your wish list :)

 **> chris @isthataweed: **my student loans paid off yeet

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **dm me

 **> >> chris @isthataweed: **he actually just paid off my debt i ???? ily thank you so much jgljjsdf

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **donations to this [link that does not exist] charity

 **> snek @lowkey: **death xoxo

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **gossipgirl

 **> sure jan @jan2020: **a new laptop for school 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: ** dm me what kind you want and i'll pay for it

**there are 18k more replies to tony stank's tweet.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** can i get a list of rich men looking for a sugar baby pls and thank u

 **> mike @mikejohnson: **hi i am

 **> frank @franky43: **dm me

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **what am i doing i already have 5 sugar daddies

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're sharing the wealth, i thanks you

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **literal ? billionaire ? dad ? 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **not the point

* * *

 **thor @assgard tweeted:** I was wondering if everyone would tell me something good about their day? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **hi mr. thor!!! i went on facetime with my friends today :)

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i pet an adorable puppy while on patrol!! don't worry i was social distancing from everyone except criminals and doggos

 **> > jjj @thatonedickreporter: **are u implying that u want criminals to die of COVID-19

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **mayb it's just me, but i feel like they shouldn't have been out attempting to assault and murder people in the middle of a pandemic... 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **i watched disney movies w rhodey and the kids <3

 **> > cara @caraluv: **im s o f t 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i got some fuck

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i also got some fuck

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **and here tones and i were,,, referencing wholesome family time

 **> >> chris @isthataweed: **did **@beterbarker** or **@spidertheman** also get some fuck

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no comment

**spiderman retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** here's a list for y'all,, i might be big gay and big dumb but im also big disappointment

**peter with a b, snek, shuri, and 34k others retweeted heckley's tweet.**


	36. steeb learns meme culture (pt 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @beterbarker @getrektbymypotatogun boys is it alright if i simp for loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinking of doing another Q&A with the whole gang, drop some questions if y'all want that to happen -levesqueen

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** What is a bussy?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's a cute little bus 🥰

 **> snek @lowkey: **its a gourmet meal

 **> > thor @assgard: **brother why are u like this

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i have reliable sources that say t'challa eats it

 **> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Lies and slander. -T'challa

 **> >> m'baku @kingshit: **its me im sources

 **> >>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Treason. -T'challa

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **mm cronchy

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **ned wtf

**peter with a b and liz retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alexa text sam

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **is no one going to mention how nobody in the tower has an alexa bc we have FRIDAY

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **ALEXA TEXT SAM

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **alexa tell sam he's a little bitch

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **what'd he do

 **> >> bucket @jbaybarnes: **nothing im just thinking about that time after u webbed us to the floor of the airport and **@thebestbird** told me he hated me

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **in my defense. u were not being very nice to me.

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **only bc u wouldnt move ur chair up in the car

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **in my defense,

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **??

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **nah i got nothing it was just fun fucking with you

 **> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **oh well im sure its more fun fucking me which u no longer get to do on account of ur a little bitch

**captain ass, nat, mj, and 2k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @beterbarker @getrektbymypotatogun** boys is it alright if i simp for loki

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **have u not been doing that already?

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **oof ouch

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **peter and i talked and we both think that was rlly mean of u to say ://

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Simp? What's a simp?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i didnt spend the entirety of my youth kissing ur ass to be disrespected like this

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **if ur only being nice bc u wanna lay the pipe, ur a simp

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **if you pay for all the clothes and then she says 'thank u bro!' youre a simp!

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **theres a whole song on it bro im sure u can figure it out

**mj, tony stank, captain better, and 2k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass:** eli5 Why does **@spiderman** keep saying he smells like beef?

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **u know reddit slang but not almost decade old vines

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **can u not just look this up

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **It's a video of a little girl saying it over and over?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **thats how meme culture works!! its basic marie kondo; if the meme does not spark joy we ignore it, if it does spark joy we repeat it until the words lose their meaning

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **spidey are u ok its 4am and ur ranting about a vine

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **it doesnt matter how i am,,, cap u and i are binging vine comps tomorrow 

**> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** Sounds like a plan.

**spiderman retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**yoyo @uhwenis tweeted:** **@americas0ass** what did u learn from the vines

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **When there's too much drama, all you've got to do is walk awayayay

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **it'd be nice of u to take ur own advice for a change

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: @spidertheman **look what youve done. youve created a monster

**peter with a b, ned :), and currently unaliving people retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** im in me mums car vroom vroom

 **> captain ass @americas0ass:** get out me car

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **aww :(

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **oh no theyre BONDING 

**bucket, falcon, rhodey, and 4k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** fine i'll bite **@americas0ass** which vine was your favorite

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **"I want to be a yo-yo man!" he cried. "Make me a yo-yo man." But the yo-yo master did not reply, he just kept on yoing.

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **of fucking course

**shuri, heckley, thor, and 2k others retweeted rhodey's reply.**


	37. predictive text fuckery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i hope everyone is doing alright :) -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hehe

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **ah shit here we go again

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **what'd he do this time

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i am but baby

**mj, ned :), heckley, and 11 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I love buttcheeks. 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** steve w h a t 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **No, I mean buttcheeks.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hUh

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Buttcheeks.

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Fuck.

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **LANGUAGE

 **> >>>>> nat @spidermom: **LANGUAGE

 **> >>>>> thor @assgard: **LANGUAGE

 **> >>>>> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **LANGUAGE

 **> >>>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **LANGUAGE

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **kgjadlkg

**bucket, captain better, val, and 4,240 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I just wanted to say I love Bonky.

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **oh so you love the bastard man but not me ? i see how it is

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **I love you, too, Samwich.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **SAMWICH IM WEAK

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** IronDad what did you do to my phone

 **> lucy @ilovelucyy: **who's irondad ??

 **> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **tony i'm pretty sure

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he's talking to you **@iamironman**

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **maybe so, but i didn't do this 

**> >> nat @spidermom: **im pretty sure baby stark is the culprit steve

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **snitches get stitches

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **oh?

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you don't scare me ms. spidermom maam

 **> >>>>>> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **she's crying

 **> >>>>>>> nat @spidermom: **i will stab you in the eye so you can cry too

**shuri, mj, spiderman, and 1,845 others retweeted nat's reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i cannot be the only one with "baby stark do do" playing in my head rn

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you're not

**peter with a b, bucket, fangirl3000, and 27k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**double d @daredevil tweeted:** what am i doing on this app 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **HA **@spidertheman** i TOLD YOU i could get him on twitter

 **> > double d @daredevil: **no your requests annoyed the fuck out of me, spidey put it on my phone and pleaded for like an hour

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **triple d!!!!

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **there's only two d's ??

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **it stands for daredevil dad :D 

**> >>>>> double d @daredevil: **i'm not sure if i'm prepared for the responsibility of being a dad but i should tell you that you're the only kid i can tolerate 

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **my eyes are sweating and it's not even abt me w h a t 

**> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i thought i was your dad

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **it's called co-parenting irondad 

**nat, captain ass, double d, and 138 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i love my two dicks

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **the sad thing is, i can't tell if baby stark got to you or if this is just you being you

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **fuck u

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **the world may never know

**ned :), heckley, loki, and 541 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	38. no plot, just tweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spiderman @spidertheman: steve took one look at the accords and said 'is now a bad time to say i can't read'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i challenged myself on this one -levesqueen

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** peter should give credit where credit is due for that stunt on cap

 **> thor @assgard: **whatever do you mean, sexiest man alive?

 **> > thor @assgard: **sexiest man alive, what's happening?

 **> >> thor @assgard: **br0ther please

 **> >>> snek @lowkey:** my work here is done

**spiderman, og furry, heckley, and 665 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** sam is so pretty :/

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **aw ty bby

 **> > bucket @jbaybarnes: **pretty fucking stupid 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **why post it if u didnt want him to see it ?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i thot i blocked him

**captain ass, peter with a b, heckley, and 1k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Controversy time: do you spell it as dummy or dumby?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why would u even suggest variations to dummy

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i named my first robot dum-e

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Please block me on all social media platforms, active immediately.

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **can't believe cap disrespected dum-e like that :/

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **neither bc im not an asshole

 **> > thor @assgard: **you called me a dumb bitch because im innovative

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **anyone would call u a dumb bitch after watching u make toast

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **there's a difference between being mean and being honest

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **i still wont forgive u for telling me my goatee reminds you of the genie from Aladdin

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: ** that was a compliment

**captain ass, Nick Fury, og furry, and 3k others retweeted nat's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** in response to all the mentions from banner's post, i think its time the world knows how thor makes toast

 **> thor @assgard: **with bread?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **wait but do u use a toaster

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **THE TOASTER OLD MAN, DO U USE IT?

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **LIGHTNING. HE USES FUCKING LIGHTNING. 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: @assgard **THOR WERE U USING LIGHTNING IN MY GODDAMN TOWER FOR tOaSt????? WITH MY CHILDREN IN IT??

 **> >>>> thor @assgard: **yes indeed :)

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **shut up and apologize before my therapist knows your name

**peter with a b, bucket, currently unaliving people, and 6k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**s** **piderman @spidertheman tweeted:** steve took one look at the accords and said 'is now a bad time to say i can't read'

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **'he's my emotional support brainwashed assassin'

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **dude :(

 **> >> shuri @imadelightabers: **issa joke love u bonky

**og furry, bucket, spiderman, and 445 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** im not saying obama and spiderman are the same person but have u ever seen them in the same room

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **this didnt age well at all

**spiderman and obama retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** uh so **@barackobama** and i have a secret handshake now?

 **> obama @barackobama: **It was very nice meeting you, Spider-man!

**ned :), mj, tony stank, and 26k others retweeted obama's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** since y'all keep asking, i'll tell u my identity: a rat

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** humor me here, how would a spider rat human work?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **ever seen ratatouille?

**ned :), bucket, nat, and 6k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @guyinthechair** you dirty bitch! look what you've done to my peonies!

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **they're not even peonies!!! they're marigolds!

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **god, i think she's right. they are marigolds.

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i may not know my flowers, but i know a bitch when i see one!

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i hate this generation

**peter with a b, shuri, ant man, and 13k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I try to remain vigilant about learning one (1) new thing every day.

 **> rats @fleasonrats: **what did u learn today

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **That Alaska is now a state.

 **> >> beets @microbella: **have u heard of hawai'i?

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I learned two (2) new things today.

**tony stank, falcon, rhodey, and 5k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektmypotatogun tweeted:** hi, im ethan, and im 14

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **slaying all these women with my massive peen!

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **ive got a couple of hobbies besides being blond

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **like performing for the boys with my ribbon baton

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I drink lots of soda and hang out at the mall?

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: ****@beterbarker** how much did you teach him???

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **enough to get by

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **I used to skateboard but I knocked out a ball,,

**bucket, spiderman, clinton, and 428 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** casual reminder that to this day, literally nobody has been far even as decided to go even go want to do look more like

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i think i just had a stroke

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **due to personal reasons i will no longer be practicing the english language

 **> thor @assgard: **well said, brother!

**wanda, vision, og furry, and 3k others retweeted thor's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** dear followers, today i offer you nothing. tomorrow? ,who knows

**nat, tony stank, val, and 34k others retweeted spiderman's tweet.**


	39. trolling captain america, as one does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i think it's kinda short -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** to establish dominance in an argument, simply slap the opposing party's ass

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **I think that qualifies as harassment

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **bold of you to assume my partners don't enjoy me slapping their asses

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **hnggg

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **i mean he's right so

**captain better, mj, m'baku, and 39 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Are there any more states I should know about

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yah, we acquired part of russia in 1977

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Oh?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mhm we stole it like we steal everything

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's true there's a piece of land that used to be russia now called "SUS" it stands for "Screw U Stalin"

 **> >>>> heckely @getrektbymypotatogun: **russia got sussed

**bucket, ned :), tony stank, and 1,004 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** rhodey is the prettiest person to ever exist i'm sorry i don't make the rules

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Incorrect.

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **while you were gone they invented technology to determine the prettiest person,, i'm sorry it's time to face the facts

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Sounds fake but okay.

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **it's true, tho i'm thoroughly disappointed i lost to jim. it's cool tho bc he's very very pretty

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **trying to steal my man, wilson?

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **and if i am?

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i'll make sure redwing can never fly again

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **that's just cruel

 **> >>>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **i appreciate the love but can y'all stop being so goddamn dramatic

**captain ass, bucket, nat, and 5 others retweeted rhodey's reply.**

* * *

**florence @seeliegoddess tweeted:** can we take a moment to appreciate that the avengers just keep trolling captain america?? like his bfs too i-

 **> valley @makeitbetter: **right!! shits wild

 **> nat @spidermom: **it's too easy

 **> > clinton @hawkeyepapi: **yeah just watch this

**19k retweets on florence's tweet.**

* * *

**clinton @hawkeyepapi tweeted:** hey **@americas0ass** did you know that in 1969 australia declared war on the US and their act of war was to make all the bananas disgusting,, that's why they taste different now

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **That's why? Huh. 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **ik i couldn't believe the australians didn't sick the kangaroos on us 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **they almost did, from what we learned in class, they just decided the banana approach was more long lasting and pettier

 **> >>> thor @assgard: **i find that fucking up someone's food is the greatest way to achieve your goals.

**florence, peter with a b, shuri, and 5,302 others retweeted clinton's tweet.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** has anyone told **@americas0ass** about the shrine to herbert hoover in wisconsin? i feel like someone should tell him

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh fuck i forgot about that, he's not gonna like that huh

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Pardon, the shrine to whom? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **herbert hoover! it's a quite spectacular sight if i'm being honest

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Why... Why did they make a shrine for a man who did nothing for the people during the Depression? **@jbabybarnes** Explain.

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **idk why they did it but they did so here we are

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I'm disappointed.

**tony stank, clinton, falcon, and 948 others retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** hey do you guys remember slap ass friday in middle school where it was just socially acceptable for boys to grope girls in the hallways and no one did anything about it? haha that's the american public education system for you

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **men are trash

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **twins!!

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **men are trash

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **They did what?

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i WISH i could say i was trolling captain america rn but this 100% happened 

**> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **America explain.

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **america is such a shit country for claiming it's one of the best 

**> > johnny @j4trump: **shut the fuck up america is the best country

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i can and will make the male species go extinct do not test me america

**peter with a b, spiderman, mj, and 342k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** What is 'trolling'? 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about

**falcon, clinton, heckley, and 97 others retweeted bucket's reply.**


	40. put a finger down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: let’s play never have i ever 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna apologize ahead of time for that last one -levesqueen

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** video games and kisses that’s it that’s all i want 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** the complexity and depth of the male mind is astonishing

**shuri, nat, val, and 32k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I can guess ur state by playing put a finger down

 **> lemon @grapevine:** ok bet

 **> >** **spiderman @spidertheman:** put a finger down if you have more than one finger

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** put a finger down if you’ve had eyes at some point in your life

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** put a finger down if your heart is currently beating

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** if you have anywhere from 1-10 fingers up, you’re in a constant state of anxiety.

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what if I have 0 fingers

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** then I got the first one wrong

**bucket, tony stank, ned :), and 6k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** let’s play never have i ever 

**> hecley @getrektbymypotatogun:** never have i ever accidentally used the wrong toothbrush then didn’t tell the person i used their toothbrush just threw it in the trash can and didn’t take responsibility when said person asked for their toothbrush 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** don’t look at me like that

 **> snek @lowkey:** my turn! never have I ever accidentally used nair as shampoo and then had to explain to tony stark why I need a wig for the next few weeks 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** wow that must’ve been embarrassing for whoever did that

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** wlw never have i ever lets go 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** never have i ever had a crush on a girl i was friends with but insisted it was platonic attraction even tho i wanted to hold her hand and kiss her 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** i suppose i must... put a finger down

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** never have I ever jumped off a plane without a parachute 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass:** I’m down to 7 fingers

 **> deviled @eggs:** never have i ever dared a girl to kiss another girl or myself at a sleepover but insisted i was heterosexual 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** FUCK

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** never have I ever been so high at a frat party that I thought koalaroos existed and preceded to cry over the fact that they were extinct for two hours even though koalaroos don’t exist and have never been a part of any kind of mythology 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **yikes

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** put a finger down Anthony

 **> captain better @marvelous:** never have I ever gotten such a bad cat scratch on my eye that it blinded me in said eye and I had to wear an eye patch for the rest of my life, which I then used for intimidation tactics 

**> > Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** no one in this fuckin house respects me anymore 🖐✌️

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** wait what were the other 2

 **> >>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** stay in ur lane bitch

 **> val @valhalen:** never have i ever forgiven my brother every time he stabs me bc “it’s how he shows his affection” 

**> > thor @assgard:** it is how he shows his affection!!! 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** ...it’s true it’s how i show my brotherly love

**thor, val, ant man, and 6k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** my toxic trait is that my dick is absolutely humongous :/

 **> snek @lowkey:** mine is my constant need for validation 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** that sounds suspiciously like a personal issue

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** mine is that i exist

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** if that your toxic trait then what do you consider your inability to have a meaningful conversation without trying to make it funny

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I didn’t realize by replying that I was gonna get ROASTED

**spiderman, nat, thor, and 3k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**french @fry tweeted: @spidertheman** do u have to wear a thong in ur suit 

**> snek @lowkey:** yeah spidey do u 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotato:** ^^

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** i plead the 5th

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I have a hunch that he doesn’t even own underwear

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** blokt reported dead to me

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogay: **men, you may not like this, but this is what peak male performance looks like

**snek, french, bucket, and 8k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I want a dog :/

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** and I want u to do the dishes like I asked u to but we don’t always get what we want do we

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I want to punt myself into the moon

**peter with a b, ned :), mj, and 12k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** i would like spider-man to raw me

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** the complexity and depth of the male mind is astonishing

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** put a finger down big fat wet throbbing pussy edition,, 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **put a finger down if your big fat wet throbbing pulsating juicy enormous extravagant delicious supercalifragilisticexpialidocious gentle (yet vigorous) yet cleanly but kind of salty? kindhearted moist deep-sea exploration dora the explorer swiper no swiping mystery incorporated yummy but also thiccticous and BOLD vibrating hammer pounding bean flicking ripe and luscious sensationally menstruating (occasionally dry) and plump thicc chunky KFC bucket greasy and considerably angry pussy has ever made you late for class

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **howd u fit that all in one tweet

**peter with a b, spiderman, mj, and 22k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**


	41. sounds a lil gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't even funny, i'm sorry lmao -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** im lonly nobody care me

**bucket, tony stank, val, and 14k others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** all bi folks know is "i'm gay," do finger guns, and lie

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **...so you?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **ma'am you should've known it was me from "bi folks" 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **and eat hot chip, you forgot that part

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you're right i did forget that part 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **which means you lied about how that's all bi folks know :/

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **well i DID warn you

**shuri, peter with a b, rhodey, and 163 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**tina @cristinarosales tweeted:** i would let **@marvelous** choke me,, in fact i would thank her

 **> tina @cristinarosales: **i did not expect this to blow up but apparently the wlw community is in agreement that carol danvers

 **> em @emmacc: **bro, we're dating

 **> > tina @cristinarosales: **noah fence, but i would leave you for her

 **> >> em @emmacc: **i'm not saying i condone this, but i understand

 **> val @valhalen: **see SHE gets it

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **oh is that how you feel

 **> >> val @valhalen:** smh you already know that it is

**188k retweets on tina's tweet.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** so **@daredevil,** are you yk part of the gayvengers

 **> double d @daredevil: **Please never group me with the Avengers, ever, thank you. 

**> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **sir you did not answer the question

 **> >> double d @daredevil: **I'm not part of the gayvengers bc i am not an Avenger. I am, however, a distinguished pan. 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **i have one (1) disaster dad and one (1) distinguished dad :D

**peter with a b, snek, bucket, and 7 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**kaitliN bENnett @kbennett tweeted:** women no vote only gun

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **the depth and complexity of the republican mind...

**tony stank, shuri, captain better, and 9k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** is mercury in renegade bc shits been crazy recently

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: ***aggressive milly rocking* renegade renegade renegade

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's gatorate

 **> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **...Retrograde? -T'Challa

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm not stupid, furry, i know that's not a real word

**ned :) retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**will @williamoh:** i am english, you are european. we are not the same. 

**> diego @perfdiego:** you are american, i am texan. we are not the same.

 **> helen @helenb: **you are american, i am lesbian. we are not the same.

**aline, mj, captain better, and 751 others retweeted helen's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** somebody is being mean to me what the h e c k

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **i will box them,, i haven't had a chance to to slap anyone recently w this whole quarantine thing, i WILL do it

 **> snek @lowkey: **i'm feeling... stabby

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **I understood that reference!

**tony stank, bucket, heckley, and 12 others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:**

me, realizing i was gay in the 40s: oh shit that’s illegal huh 

me: *shrugs* it isss what it isss

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **And you say I have no self preservation instincts. 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **it isss what it isss


	42. rip bucky's modelling career and also his couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: maybe I should be a model 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been projecting myself onto ned far too much -levesqueen

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** nice inferiority complex, did your mommy pick it out for you?

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** jokes on u my mom’s dead 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** samsies 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** re-fuckin-tweet

**nat, captain ass, thor, and 6k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** maybe I should be a model 

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** I believe in you.

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** support

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** never give up on ur dreams ❤️ except this one 🥰

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** hey my aunt works at a modeling agency and I told her abt u 🥰🥰 she said no tho 😘

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** damn u guys are brutal

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** but are you the ten amongst these threes?

 **> vogue @vogue:** we emailed you 🥰

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** wait no I was kidding

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** if he doesn’t do it I will

**spiderman, val, clinton, and 10k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** is it possible to die from an embarrassment asking for a friend

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** what did u do

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg ned i said it was for a friend

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay:** u cant fool us peter we know you dont have friends

**shuri and flash retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**bukcet @jbabybarnes tweeted: @beterbarker** I jus wanna know why you brought an ACTUAL LIGHTSABER into my apartment and destroyed my couch

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it was accident

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** h-how??? I just asked u to feed alpine while I’m gone

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I didn’t think it would actually work and mr stark said I couldn’t test it in the tower and aunt may gave me The Look :(

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** wait I thought i made lightsabers 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** snooze u lose

**heckley, spiderman, ned :), and 32k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** yes I’ve committed tax fraud

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:**   
T-  
A-  
X-

F-  
R-  
A-  
U-  
D-

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** 70 years of tax fraud and proud 😌

**snek, captain ass, tony stank, and 12k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** was cleaning my room and found the crocs I was wearing the day I lost my virginity 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg dude are u not gonna try and find it??

**snek retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** so i’ve never asked but **@getrektbymypotatoguns** how do u feel abt guns ??? 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i have shot one and i could potentially do it again but i didn’t enjoy it and i think owning automatic weapons is stupid as shit

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** thanks for coming to my tedtalk 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i knew i loved you for a reason

**mj, og furry, heckley, and 18k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes: @amercias0ass** draw me like one of your French girls

 **> captain ass @amercias0ass:** Dernier?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** .

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** I could hear him sigh through the tweet

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** i’m the only one here who knows french wdym

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what part of ‘I speak 30 languages’ do u not understand

 **> >>>> captain ass @jbabybarnes:** there’s a lot more than just 30 languages pal

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** sorry if i don’t speak the fucking language in which you don’t speak 3/4 of the letters in the words

 **> >>>>>> oui @baguette:** as you should be

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I speak French 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** go eat ur croissant the adults are talking 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m eating my quack son

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **.

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** omg i heard it again

 **> >>>>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** i thought a frog lived in your mouth not a duck ? odd

 **> >>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** he’s got the whole pond

 **> >>>>>>>>> snek @lowkey:** he even had a snake in there at one point

 **> >>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** right. logging off now

 **> >>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** id say don’t insult him but i’m p sure there’s also a turtle in there

**snek, tony stank, bucket and 22k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** val just said "I am what the kids these days refer to as ‘god’"

 **> thor @assgard:** as am i! 

**> > val @valhalen:** it’s hard to be mad when you’re like a giant golden retriever

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** if he’s a golden retriever what am 

**> >>> val @valhalen:** yk Salem the cat from Sabrina?

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey:** that’s fair

**val, thor, captain better, and 6k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i am both a cat and a dog person 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** as u can see from the fact that i’m dating loki and harley,, a cat and a labrador puppy respectively

 **> > milkshakke @pricetess:** what abt spidey

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what abt him hm

**spiderman retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker: @iamironman** I have prepared a power point on why you should let me use lightsabers in the tower

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** ‘it’s fun’ is not a good enough reason 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ok but what could go wrong tho? 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** exhibit a) my fucking couch

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I did u a favor on that one, interior design is not ur forte

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** besides you signed up for this when you asked me to do the thing

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i didn’t know your dumbass had a LIGHTSABER and that no one had the common sense to TAKE IT FROM YOU

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i think you should think about the consequences of your words :’(

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** .

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** that’s the THIRD TIME I’ve heard it

 **> >>>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** the complexity and depth of the male mind is astonishing.

**og furry, val, ant man, and 27k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** it smells like fish in here

 **> mj @becrimdogay: **need purell?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **the universe works in mysterious ways and usually it's against me

**peter with a b, captain ass, snek, and 16k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** ive got dumb bitchitis and its incurable

**peter with a b, tony stank, banner, and 48k others retweeted heckley's tweet.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ the quackson reference.,,, Ik it’s like the proper pronunciation and we Americans are the ones saying it wrong but I also have no impulse control so it’s there anyway -levesqueen


	43. horse girls, koalaroos, and general idiocy

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i only crave one (1) thing in life

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **dick

 **> snek @lowkey: **dick

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: @getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey** close but no. the correct answer was: death. 

**shuri, val, bucket, and 4,534 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** if you were a horse girl you are legally obligated to do my homework for me

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **just @ me next time jfc

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i thought she was talking about me ? whoops

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **it's me, bitch

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **john f cennedy it was about betty 

**> >>>> betty @bbrant: **you're in my death note :3

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **aww you're so sweet <3

**captain better, og furry, ned :), and 286 others retweeted mj's tweet.**

* * *

**fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow tweeted:** what're the avengers favorite coffees

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **steeb's is an iced americano

 **> > fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **:o

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **it'd be funnier if it wasn't the truth

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **wait legit??

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **I'm not proud of it.

**bucket, spiderman, mj, and 12 others retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the fox and the hound. that is all.

**nat, heckley, thor, and 3 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i feel like rabbits should be honorary marsupials

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **i take back anything i said about you being a genius

 **> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Fucking tell her, green bean. -T'Challa

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **nothing has made more sense to me in my life than rabbits being marsupials, and yk what a rabbit ISNT? a marsupial

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **koalaroos would be marsupials

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **not this shit again

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **nah shit it's a koala and a kangaroo, gah

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **just bc you said that they're no longer marsupials, bc it cancels out

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pemdas !!!

 **> >>>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **shut the fuck up about pemdas already goddamn

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **then what are they, tin can man? 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **reptiles

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **this house is a fucking nightmare

**thor retweeted shuri's tweet.**

* * *

**currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** im shaking, how are earth's mIgHtIeSt hErOeS so fucking stupid

 **> double d @daredevil: **like you're any better

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **obviously i am

 **> >> double d @daredevil: **who was it that said that if fish had legs they'd be mammals ??? that is, from an evolutionary standpoint, really fucking wrong.

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **sir i am the furthest thing from earth's migthiest hero,,, and anything high me said cannot be held against me

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr deadpool does the drugs 

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **no comment. 

**chris, fangirl3000, tina, and 24k others retweeted currently unaliving people's tweet.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** these boots were made for walking

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and that's just what they'll do

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **one of these days

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **these boots are gonna walk all over you

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **...yes pls

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **O...oH

**heckley, ned :), snek, and 1 other retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** can i get a s/o,,, can i pls get a s/o

 **> flash @spideystan: **an i oop-


	44. peabrain and Sherman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: thinking abt commenting 'twins' on someone's post and ruining their day

**chris @isthataweed tweeted: @theavengers** so what languages can you all speak 

**> pepper @spicypepper** let’s find out 

**tony stank, mj, og furry, and 32k others retweeted pepper's reply.**

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** alright who here speaks russian 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** aye 

**> > nat @spidermom:** Aye

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **aye

 **> >>> spideman @spidertheman: **i 

**> pepper @spicypepper:** spanish 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **aye

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **me 

**> >>> banner @7phdsindebt: **aye

 **> >>>> heckley @getrekybymypotatogun:** i 

**> pepper @spicypepper:** italian ? 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** aye

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** i

 **> pepper @spicypepper:** french 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Finally, my time to shine. 

**> >> nat @spidermom:** actually...

 **> >>> captain ass** **@americas0ass:** I can't have anything nice

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **what, like it's hard? 

**> pepper @spicypepper:** moving on,,, german anyone 

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** just me ? cool 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **I know asl

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** same

 **> >> Clinton @hawkayepapi: **probably a given but me too

 **> >>> nat @spidermom: **as do i

 **> thor @assgard:** i speak all languages i win mortals 

**> > snek @lowkey:** i speak all languages better than u 

**> >>thor @assgard:** you take that back 

**> >>> snek @assgard:** 😈

 **> >> val @valhalen:** I speak all languages but I also understand them

 **> >>> thor @assgard:** . 

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** that’s fair

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** I am fluent in spanish and “control ur dumbass bf” if anyone was wondering

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **rel8

 **> captain better @marvelous:** i can understand what people say to me but i can’t fucking talk back

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I’m not an avenger but I’m starting to understand the inside jokes if that counts

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat:** i speak groot

 **> > groot @iamgroot:** I am groot!!!

 **> >> rocket @funkylookingcat:** damn right buddy

 **> double d @daredevil:** i speak spanish fluently 

**> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** I speak Cantonese

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yeah well I speak uh. Bulgarian beat that

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** I also speak mandarin and Greek  
  
 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** fuck it i speak everything but english

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** And French, apparently.

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** what are u speaking now

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** if u can understand me, i’m speaking dumbass

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ur my idol

**ned :), snek, currently unaliving people, and 42k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** they always say never meet your heroes

 **> nat @spidermom:** so you decided to date yours

 **> tony stank @iamrionman:** so why the fuck did i have to meet cap

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** I take offense...? 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** as u should

**falcon, rhodey, peter with a b, and 12k others retweet tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i want everyone to know that when harley pronounces words in spanish it sounds so fucking southern it’s awful and adorable

**mj, shuri, snek, and 3 others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** did y’all know there’s a dialect of German that’s only spoken in the southern US

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** do u speak it?

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** please never insinuate that I know southern slang again

**heckley retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Harley won’t stop calling the Potomac ‘one big crick’ please what does this mean I’m crying

 **> heckley @getrekybtmypotatogun: **it means one big cock 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** crick*** silly autocorrect

**peter with a b retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** thinking abt commenting 'twins' on someone's post and ruining their day

**peter with a b, og furry, Clinton, and 27k others retweeted bucket's tweet.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** not to toot my own horn but I’m a savage

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** classy, bougie, ratchet

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** sassy, moody, nasty

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay:** acting stupid

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **What’s happening?

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** who tf have u been listening to meg thee stallion with

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** No, I’m literally asking what’s happening?

**bucket, tony stank, nat, and 19k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** im not like other girls {selfie}

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **twins

 **> > flash @spideystan: **omg its an honor mr seargent barnes sir

**2 people retweeted flash's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** ok so that backfired,, plan b: 'I wish I had your confidence'

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** this is devious and im here for it

**peter with a b, snek, heckley, and 2k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** bitch i look like im fresh off the runway 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 🤪 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** bitch i go crazy the dumb way

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 🤪

**mj, tony stank, captain better, and 10k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Hi

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **I wish I had ur confidence

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Wow, brutal.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hahaha gotcha bitch

**peter with a b, mj, val, and 14k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** I want 2 knock over the tower of pisa,, idec if I ruin it for future generations that's their problem and if they don't like it they can take it up with my lawyers

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** can I ask why you want to knock over one of the seven wonders of the medieval world/

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **I just think it'd be neat

**bucket, mj, shuri, and 43k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** the f in peter stands for funny

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ik that probably wasn't personal but it really felt personal

 **> > flash @spideystan: **it was personal

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **when they ask u how u are and u just have to say that ur fine but ur not really fine but you could never get into it be-

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **here lies: michelle jones, 2002-2020, died of laughter

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **rest in piss bitch, i'll miss ur kisses

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay: **do u want one now?? like rn??

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **she's risen!! it's nothing short of a miracle!!!!

**peter with a b and heckley retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okaybi would like me to inform all of u that we are southern and reserve the right to drag the south through the mud 😌 -levesqueen


	45. that's not my name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brain: ok i know exactly what's gonna happen next chapter  
> me: alright let's write-  
> my brain: no  
> me: but-  
> my brain: no.

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** lackey

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **leaky

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **lakie

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **laqi

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **jfc just @ him 

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **...licky

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **what the fuck do you want mortal

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatgun: **you're cute when you're mad :)

**peter with a b retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** locomotive, location, lock, lactose, looking, looooooccci pls listen to me :/

 **> snek @lowkey: **i wanna stab you so bad rn

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **do it u won't

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **now i must

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: @lowkey** what if i,,, moaned "laqi" (pronounced la-kwee) while we were fucking

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **im sobbing pls 

**> snek @lowkey: **what makes you think im ever gonna fuck you again after this 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **who said you'd be doing the fucking

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Can you guys stop talking about doing the fondue for the whole world to see?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no

 **> > snek @lowkey: **no

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **since you asked captain america,, no.

**shuri, ned :), spiderman, and 13 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** remember that time in 2016 when we were all terrified of clowns and their inevitable hostile takeover 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah i miss that shit can i have it back

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **thanks can i have it back

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **yes i recall

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **The... The what?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **you were literally out of the ice when this happened how did you miss it

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **he didn't bother learning how to work a phone until you got back and had one

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **ngl that's kinda gay

**nat, bucket, spiderman, and 13k others retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** okay @ steve/tony/bucky shippers,, i KNOW your ship didn't sail and it never WILL (also i don't really condone shipping real people) BUT i see your stuckony and raise you stonky

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **what did,,, what have you done spidey

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **what needed to be done

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **alexa play never say never - justin bieber

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **the ship won't sail? this is so sad FRIDAY play despacito

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **What's a 'ship'? 

**> chris @isthataweed: **spidey you funky little genius i love you 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **aww ilyt

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **why do you never reply to me :/

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **. 

**val, shuri, captain better, and 8,020 others retweeted spiderman's tweet.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i regret to inform you all, that me and harley have broken up. 

**> thor @assgard: **it b like that sometimes

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **bruh moment

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no we haven't quit being dramatic leek

 **> > snek @lowkey: **how come you only ever mess up my name,, why can't you fuck up peter's :'(

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **because

**rhodey, tony stank, mj, and 9 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted: @beterbarker** whose side are you taking in the divorce

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **neither, im switzerland

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **lame ass country,, 

**> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Be nice. But also, you're correct.

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **like how bella swan was in twilight?

 **> >> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Now, Shuri, we do not speak of those horrendous movies. -T'Challa

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **cmon, they were so bad they were good

 **> >>> rob @robertpattinson:** we really, really don't speak abt those movies

 **> >>>> kristen @kristenstewart: **re-fuckin-tweet

**bucket, heckley, tony stank, and 44k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** finally me and you, and you and me. just us, and your friend steve

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **dododododododo, steve dododododododo, leave!

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **are you gay for steve? i think you may be, and that would be alright

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you skipped so many lyrics

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **i just wanted to get to the good part 

**captain ass retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** is anyone else really confused abt flash replying to my 'i want a s/o' tweet? no? okay

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **you are so clueless

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **the depth and complexity of the male mind...

**flash retweeted mj's reply.**


	46. petrol quillion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: F͟U͟C͟K͟ Y͟O͟U͟R͟ C͟H͟I͟C͟K͟E͟N͟ S͟T͟R͟I͟P͟S͟
> 
> > peter j quill @stardaddy: context?
> 
> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beep bop boop, ive been simping for maria hill for months now -levesqueen

**bailey @bsarian tweeted:** who’s the best superhero

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** iron man

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** spidey

 **> nat @spidermom:** me, duh

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **It is I.

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **the 7 phds beg to differ

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Best, not smartest.

 **> Clinton @hawkayepapi: **me bitch

**ant man, ned :), thor, and 662 others retweeted Clinton's reply.**

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted: @theavengers** i would like to remind u all,,, abt that lil civil war u had in which i took no part in

 **> captain better @marvelous:** in fact i was out saving other planets, top THAT

 **> > Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** as much as i hate it, she’s right and she should say it

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat:** ok well I vote groot

 **> > Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** he’s a talking tree

 **> >> rocket @funkylookingcat:** he’s a cute talking tree tho

 **> >>> groot @iamgroot:** I am groot

 **> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** exactly, buddy, you ARE the prettiest tree in the forest

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** can I change my answer to groot

**peter with a b, bucket, tony stank, and 12k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** even old new york... 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** was once new Amsterdam

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** why’d they change it

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** i can’t say, people just liked it better that way 

**> >>> pepper @spicypepper:** alright fuckers now i have this shit stuck in my head. when i get back we’ll be having WORDS 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ...so take me back to Constantinople

**peter j quill, captain ass, rocket, and 18k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter j quill @stardaddy tweeted:** is murder still illegal

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** yes

 **> > peter j quill @stardaddy:** fuck

**bucket, rocket, nat, and 16k others retweeted peter j quill's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** F͟U͟C͟K͟ Y͟O͟U͟R͟ C͟H͟I͟C͟K͟E͟N͟ S͟T͟R͟I͟P͟S͟

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy:** context?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** no

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** I understood that reference.

**tony stank, currently unaliving people, snek, and 13k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**peter j quill @spiderdaddy tweeted:** I can’t wait to finally see queen in concert do u think I can get Freddie to autograph my limited edition cassette player??

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** you might wanna sit down for this one buddy

**peter with a b, ant man, daredevil, and 3k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg Steven I think we have a new vine buddy w/ **@stardaddy**!!

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy:** a new what?

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** :)

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** OH NO THERES THREE OF THEM

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** you just gotta learn to tune it out

**nat, banner, Clinton, and 16k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** F͟͟U͟͟C͟͟K͟͟ Y͟͟O͟͟U͟͟R͟͟ C͟͟H͟͟I͟͟C͟͟K͟͟E͟͟N͟͟ S͟͟T͟͟R͟͟I͟͟P͟͟S͟͟

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy:** I sense a trend

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** why do u follow me

**heckley retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter j quill @starddaddy tweeted:** I’ve been back on earth for all of 3 days and no one bothered to show me Toxic?

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** LISTEN TO TIKTOK RN

**peter with a b, bucket, currently unaliving people, and 27k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** animal crossing is my only savior right now

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** animal what

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** :O just punch me in the face why don't u

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** Isabelle is THAT bitch

**peter with a b, shuri, heckley, and 6k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** lorde wheres the new album,, come out i just wanna talk 

**> lorde @lorde:** sit there and drink your juice 

**> > snek @lowkey:** yes ma’am

**taylor swift, peter with a b, bucket, and 24k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**wong @therealbeyonce tweeted:** fuck your chicken strips

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy:** oh 

**> > Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** and FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS

 **> >> peter j quill @stardaddy:** oKayyyyyy

**tony stank and bucket retweeted peter j quill's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** hey peter u wanna speak up

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no

 **> > mj @becrimeodgay:** no go on. say it

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ᴼᴺᴱ ᴰᴵᴿᴱᶜᵀᴵᴼᴺ ᴷᴵᴺᴰ ᴼᶠ ˢᴺᴬᴾᴾᴱᴰ

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** louder for the people in the back

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ONE DIRECTION KIND OF SNAPPED

**bucket, shuri, falcon, and 42k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** F⃣U⃣C⃣K⃣ Y⃣O⃣U⃣R⃣ C⃣H⃣I⃣C⃣K⃣E⃣N⃣ S⃣T⃣R⃣I⃣P⃣S⃣

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy:** ok there’s definitely a trend

**ned :), Stephen, tony stank, and 12k others retweeted peter j quill's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my celebrity pass is lil nas x and spidey’s is Harry styles 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i feel like I should be calling you out

 **> > snek @lowkey:** i can’t say im mad bc hnng 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** nah i’m mad 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** u just miss drama shut up

**snek, okaybi, val, and 17k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** do you think I could fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** you’re a hazard to society

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** And a coward. Do 20.

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay: **the depth and complexity of the male mind...

**spiderman, nat, captain better, and 32k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** fuck ur chicken strips

 **> peter j quill @starlord:** old man gets to be on the joke but I don’t???

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** quill buddy just uhh FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS

 **> >> peter j quill @stardaddy: **it’s not even a FUNNY inside joke

 **> >>> Maria Hill @mariahill:** sir, kindly fuck your chicken strips :) 

**> >>>> peter j quill @stardaddy:** yes ma’am miss hill ma’am

**peter with a b, pepper, captain ass, and 8k other retweeted peter j quill's reply,**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** pickle Rick is the only bitch in this house I ever respected [image]

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I should call him

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** pickle Rick?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** oh

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** OH

**peter with a b and snek retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted: @beterbarker** ik that i’ve been a real dick to u and there’s no way i could ask u to forgive me but i’m apologizing anyways 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** okay but why the change of heart 

**> > flash @spideystan:** well ya see this person has shown me de wey

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ah shit ned

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** **@guyinthechair** pls meet me in my DM’s

**ned :) retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	47. respect women juice

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** why tf did harley just use a straw to eat mashed potatoes

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you didn't have to expose me

 **> snek @lowkey: **slurp slurp bitch

**bucket retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** mj, darling, love. would u be willing to spare some of thine coochie for a mere simp to get me through the winter

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** no

 **> flash @spideystan: **i'm stealing this line

**15k retweets on shuri's tweet.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted: @guyinthechair** would you be willing to spare some of thine coochie for a simp

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **a simp or u, the ultimate simp ?

 **> > flash @spideystan: **well there goes my dignity

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **u had dignity ?

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **aight ima head out

**peter with a b, heckley, mj, and 9 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** peter did my eye shadow [image]

 **> dan @damdan: **is he... y'know

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's people like you that are responsible for the issues prevalent in today's society where boys don't feel comfortable expressing themselves in healthy ways such as through makeup, which is an art. art is a pillar of society and to say that a boy is gay or not gay because of his interest in it is degrading and archaic. to answer your question, boomer, yes, i AM spiderman

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **oops **gay

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **i can't tell if you're calling me gay or an artist

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **both? both is good. 

**spiderman, ned :), snek, and 1 other retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** why does this [image of tom hiddleston] look like an older loki

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **that doesn't look like loki

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you didn't sleep with him, ned

**heckley and snek retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**dave @davidr47 tweeted:** god my wife sucks

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: @beterbarker, **This man needs some respect women juice. 

**> > dave @davidr47: **mind your damn business rogers

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **respect your elders :(

**captain ass, Nick Fury, tony stank, and 75k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**neil @nwatson1951 tweeted:** my wife is a shit cook

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Then cook for her, stupid. Or are you a shittier cook? Oh, you are? Hm, well then maybe

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **oh no

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **You need to fucking respect women. DRINK YOUR RESPECT WOMEN JUICE OR DIE.

**pepper, tony stank, spiderman, and 104k others retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i think we all know that steve 'i love my mom' rogers is THE feminist

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **tony 'pepper potts is the only person qualified to run my company' stark is also in the running

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i would like to nominate carol 'i do it for the girls and that's it' danvers as well

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **natasha 'one wrong word to a woman and i'll stab you' romanoff also pls

 **> >>> chris @isthataweed: **the 'fuck bigoted people' avengers for the win

**fangirl3000, tina, ned :), and 418k others retweeted chris' reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** okay so i made lightsabers better than peter

 **> ian @ianjohnson1954: **leave the handiwork to men and go make a sandwich

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **.

 **> >> ian @ianjohnoson1954: **not so smart now huh

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **any minute now

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **The fuck did you just say punk?

 **> >>>>> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **Fight, fight, fight. -T'Challa

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **i was gonna throw hands but it appears cap's got this one under control

 **> >>>>>> ian @ianjohnson1954: **yeah bc men are the only ones who can fight

 **> >>>>>>> captain better @marvelous: **wanna say that with an energy blast aimed at your head shitwad?

 **> >>>>>>> nat @spidermom: **i will break each and every one of your goddamn fucking fingers

 **> >>>>>>> val @valhalen: **my knives have missed the feel of an idiotic man's insides

 **> >>>>>>> okoye @generalokoye: **i will not hesitate to castrate you :)

 **> >>>>>>> pepper @spicypepper: **you might've missed this, which, frankly, wouldn't be all that surprising given what you've shown us so far about your intelligence, but some of your greatest heroes were raised into who they are by women alone. saying otherwise would be insulting to your mother and, therefore, would be insulting the man you've become. not to say that women can only be moms, but i just want you to know you're also insulting yourself. 

**mj, shuri, captain ass, and 2.3M retweeted pepper's reply.**

* * *

**fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow tweeted:** i think we can all agree that pepper potts

**1M retweets on fangirl3000's tweet.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** [[meme](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1293flwxisQJaB6yL6zzD1bn8I_9TmSdxBW4aQX5X-U8/edit?usp=sharing)] **@guyinthechair**

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **and i stand by that

**bucket, levesqueen, banner, and 87 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**


	48. why is the goat talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: someone’s dog just called me a whore and spit in my coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> too many damned characters in the mcu -levesqueen

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** can someone tell Bucky to stop putting his hands on his hips and saying “hey Steve how’s my form” it’s hurting my feelings

**bucket, peter with a b, falcon, and 16k others retweeted captain ass's tweet.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Harley when were u gonna tell me u were TikTok famous?

 **> heckley @getrektbmymypotatogun:** I wasn’t planning on it 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I can’t believe I’m dating a prince and a TikTok star this is my life and it’s blessed

 **> >> ryan @airryan:** what about spidey? He’s a superhero 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you call that a superhero 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** this is completely unrelated to that convo but I think u and spidey need therapy

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine:** very subtle babe

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i am the king of subtly 

**> >>>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine:** king of delusions maybe

**tony stank, heckley, pepper, and 12k others retweeted rhodey's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** this just in: Steve needs to stop outing people 

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** How was I supposed to know Spidey wasn’t out yet?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** STEVEN

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** I mean he’s said he’s a rat on The Twitter like 5 times, I thought it was obvious...?

**spiderman, nat, banner, and 22k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** u ever just throw in the towel on a whole superhero team :/ 

**> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous:** I never thought I’d relate to a fuckin high schooler

 **> captain better @marvelous:** I’ll drink to that

 **> > val @valhalen:** I’ll just drink

**ned :), snek, tony stank, and 31k others retweeted val's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I made a TikTok 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I thought u already had one

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** let me finish

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I made a TikTok duetting you but it’s just me and Loki roasting the shit out of you

**snek and mj retweeted peter with a b's reply,**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** all women are queens

 **> flash @spideystan:** if she breathes, she’s a THOT

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** we duel at dawn **@beterbarker** **@imadelightsabers** I’m gonna need those lightsabers

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** it’s a MEME pls LOVE ME

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so is this gonna be the homoerotic type duel or the pissing contest type duel ?

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** why can’t it be both?

**shuri, currently unaliving people, Clinton, and 16k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** how does peter make everything funny 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** aww it’s the trauma bby 🥰

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** peter we’ve talked abt this 

**pepper, nat, bucket, and 3k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** im exposing everyone’s secret music obsession :) 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dad’s is kesha and avril lavigne

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** nat’s is the backstreet boys

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** rhodey’s and steve’s is beyoncé 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bonky’s is taylor swift and nicki minaj 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bruce’s is hannah montana songs 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** thor’s is the spice girls and destroy boys

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** spidey’s is one direction 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Clints is weird al yankovic 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Do I want to know?

 **> >> peter j quill @stardaddy: **I do??

 **> >>> wanda @scarletwitch: **you do not

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** loki just listens to emo music and i’m here for it

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **I KNOW ive heard wanda and vis jamming out to Ayesha erotica more than once 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** harley’s is country music. enough said.

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** hey we already established i love rihanna

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** which is why i’m calling out ur SECRET music obsession dumbass. learn how to READ

**ned :), mj, pepper, and 42k others retweeted peter with a b's reply,**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** this just in; Peters a little shit

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m YOUR little shit

 **> > snek @lowkey:** dammit. you’re right.

**heckey retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** say what applies to u “I’m skinny I’m blond and my coke is from Cuba, your tan comes straight from the bottle bitch mine comes straight from Aruba, you might be fucking an heir but I’m a fucking heiress” I’ll start 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** my coke is from Cuba

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** you might be fucking an heir is abt me

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** I’m a fucking heiress!!!

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat:** I don’t like this game

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** ur tan comes straight from the bottle bitch mine comes from aruba

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** all of the above 😌

**nat, captain ass, banner, and 17k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** hey rocket how are u typing with ur little rat fingers

 **> rocket @funkylookingrat:** ain’t you illiterate, kid?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **.

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** that wasn’t the QUESTION

**heckley, peter j quill, flash, and 37k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** someone’s dog just called me a whore and spit in my coffee

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat: **what gave u the impression that im a dog bc im not

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **I was gonna guess goat next

 **> >> rocket @funkylookingcat: **im starting to think you've never seen a goat or a dog

**drax, tony stank, captain better, and 16k others retweeted rocket's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I cant help that im the sexiest person this side of gods asscheek

 **> flash @spideystan: **damn fuckin straight

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **never imply that im straight ever again

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Gods... asscheek...?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **oh, haven't you heard?

 **> thor @assgard: **asgard is on the other side of gods asscheek so id like to point out that Im the sexiest person overall

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **no

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **that's really self centered of u mr thor

 **> >> thor @assgard: **you are just saying that because you and my brother are courting

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ill have u know that loki is subject to my roasts far more often than u are

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **he called me a green bean

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ur theme is green. tumblr refers to u as a 'smol bean.' what was I supposed to do

**heckley retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	49. thor's sharing of asgardian culture

**thor @assgard tweeted:** did you know that in Asgard it is commonplace for children to run around with tentattacks

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what is a tentattack

 **> > thor @assgard: **it is a being that is entirely made of tentacles with no face, it requires no nutrients, and it attacks before it asks questions

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **Then why would you let the children play with them?

 **> >>> thor @assgard: **the tentattacks recognize the children as their own kind

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i feel like you're fucking with us but i do not have enough knowledge about asgard or space species' to prove my theory

**tony stank, spiderman, double d, and 39k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @lowkey** can u confirm the tentattacks?

 **> snek @lowkey: **of course, the tentattacks liked children bc children are also vicious in that they attack whoever whenever 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **okay so you're say they exist

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **yes, keep up. i thought you were a genius?

**thor, val, and captain better retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** okay we cannot trust loki's word bc he's literally the god of mischief

 **> snek @lowkey: **yeah that's fair

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **can anyone else confirm

 **> >> val @valhalen: **yes they exist. no i don't know where we can find one now that asgard's gone. yes thor is an idiot.

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **that seems awfully convenient 

**heckley, peter with a b, shuri, and 9k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted: @assgard** why the fuck you lying

 **> thor @assgard: **how would you know

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **i lived there ??

 **> >> thor @assgard: **pics or it didn't happen

 **> >>> captain better @marvelous: **ya got me there

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the same could be said for the fucking tentattacks

**tony stank, captain ass, heckley, and 12k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** since you mortals greatly enjoyed my last fun fact, flirting is seen as an insult on asgard

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i feel like this is just a way to get a confidence boost

 **> > thor @assgard: **tony, man of iron, I care for you deeply, and because of that I'm going to tell you that I don't think your quiches are all that good

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i would like you all to know that this insult is made worse bc thor refuses to pronounce quiche correctly and says "quickie" and i've never even had a "quickie" much less with him so i'm deeply affronted by this

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **tony... ily

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **<3

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** that awkward moment when u catch a caterpillar for ur flytrap but then u get attached and now ur a raising a moth

 **> flash @spideystan: **you're... amazing, wonderful, lovely, iconic, the apple of my eye, literal god,,

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **keep ur thirsting to literally anywhere but my tweets

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **so your dms are open, then? ;)

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i hate to say it but that was surprisingly smooth for flash

**mj, shuri, heckley, and 32 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** god is a little bitch and that's all i have to say on the topic

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **y'all can't slut shame me and then act like its ok that god can do this and that. fight me @god, ur big shit until someone calls u out on it smh

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **we really do b missing drama huh

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **can't believe i'm trying to start beef with god

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i would like to get in a sword fight with god. i just think it'd b neat

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **fuck that we're using fists. WWE rules

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **so now we know which one of us has class

**ned :), shuri, mj, and 11.2k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** can someone tell me how the wooing is going overall ? **@becrimedogays @beterbarker @getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey**

 **> snek @lokwey: **it's painful to watch

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yeahh flash is not very good at flirting

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **unrelated but if flirting is rude on asgard how come loki's so good at it?

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **why do you think i was so hated ? bc i flirted constantly

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **boys! focus! i want answers

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **i cannot tell if ned will be bending to flash's whims any time soon. ned has a fairly good poker face.

 **> >>>>>> flash @spideystan: **you guys do know that this isn't a gc right? this is visible to everyone

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we know what we're about bitch

**shuri, peter with a b, snek, and 2 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i fully embrace the fact that this is my legacy. 

**falcon, tony stank, nat, and 64k others retweeted bucket's tweet.**


	50. two more chapters and we have a full deck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: I’m using every single braincell I have to come up with the punch line

**flash @spideystan tweeted: @guyintehchair** lets recreate the creation of adam

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** i don’t need to take this from someone who sucks toes 

**> > flash @spideystan:** mmm watcha sayy

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** u neither confirmed nor denied

**> >>> flash @spideystan:** if i deny it people are still gonna think i did it sooo 

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** maybe u aren’t... maybe u aren’t stupid

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** i need to pause this convo im going to go have an existential crisis over this newfound revelation

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbraker:** I’m not fucking stupid flash Ik u stole ned’s last braincell for that

**> >>>>>> flash @spideystan:** maybe so

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** selfish ass. you and Thor would get along great

**snek, tony stank, bucket, and 32k others rewteeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** interior

**> mj @becrimedogay:** crocodile 

**> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda:** Alligator -T’Challa 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I drive a Chevrolet 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatoguns:** movie theater

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m shaking what the fuvk is happening

**> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **this is how friendships are made, buckaroo :)

**tony stank, ant man, wanda, and 24k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** if u dog ear ur books ur the worst kinda person 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** i bought the books ima do whatever the fuck i want w them

**> > snek @lowkey:** just know that ur wrong 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg he just said mj was wrong what is this alternate reality we’ve entered

**> >>> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** i can say w 93.684% certainty that we haven’t left our reality so

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yk what I can’t disagree personally I use receipts

**> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** I thought peter was illiterate

**> >>>>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** ever heard of speech to text, old man? 

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I went from being bullied by flash to being bullied by the elderly and a raccoon

**> >>>>>>>> groot @iamgroot:** I am groot!

**> >>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** and a tree

**> >>>>>>>>>> flash @spideystan:** do u want me to bully u again bc i COULD not that i really WANNA

**> >>>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no i do not want you to fucking bully me again dumbass, did u give ned the brain cell back

** ned :), captain ass, vis, and 25k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** so mj,,, u listen to girl in red?

**> mj @becrimedogay:** stop asking if I’m gay we’re literally dating

** peter with a b retweeted mj's reply. **

* * *

**peter with a b tweeted:** **@lowkey** do u listen to troye sivan 

**> sek @lowkey:** no bitch bc i have taste 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** who

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** BITCH

** spiderman and troye sivan retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome yesterday haha so now I take lexapro

**> tony stank @iamironman:** this is why you take it

** heckely, mj, and ned :), and 5 others retweeted tony stank's reply. **

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I’m using every single braincell I have to come up with the punch line

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so one?

**> > flash @spideystan:** no I still have that one

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you took my last braincell… and my heart xo

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** gross

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** flash would u make me give up my sugar daddies

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** and i ooP

**> >>>> flash @spideysan:** I thought u were MY sugar daddy?

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** AND I OOP

** thor, bucket, peter j quill, and 3k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** how many baby carrots do u think I could fit in my mouth 

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** At least 25.

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** sometimes i think it's a miracle y'all ever survived living under the same roof

** bucket, tony stank, val, and 19k others retweeted falcon's reply. **

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** who the fuck programmed Jarvis to call me brucey bear

**> tony stank @iamironman:** I am Spartacus!

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** ur a dead man is what u are

** currently unaliving people, ant man, clinton, and 14k others retweeted banner's reply. **

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun** why tf is ur @ so long 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotato:** idk dude the authors have like no foresight and even less impulse control 

**> > currently unlaliving people @babymerc:** wait that’s my thing

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** what’s your thing 

**> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** breaking the fourth wall! 

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotato:** i didn’t break any walls 

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** you just did ?? 

**> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** what’s this abt harley breaking walls

** peter with a b, banner, nat, and 48k others retweeted tony stank's reply. **

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthchair tweeted:** being olds gonna suck but wearing only Hawaiian shirts won’t

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that’s all u wear anyways ned

**> > ned :) @guyintehechair: **not tru. I wear pants sometimes.

** peter with a b, flash, spiderman, and 16k others retweeted ned's reply. **

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** wanna know what’s funny

**> thor @assgard:** oh I know!

**> > snek @lowkey:** no I’m gonna tell you

**> >> thor @assgard:** but I know?

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** WAIT. UNTIL I TELL YOU

**captain ass, bucket, captain better, and 12k others retweeted thor's reply.**

* * *

**Jarvis @TSJarvis tweeted:** Here is Tony’s reminder, 'Howard would’ve been proud of you,' set by Captain Steve Rogers.

**> tony stank @iamironman:** funny how bitches turn into my fans

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** if I can’t use humor as a coping mechanism u can’t either

**ned :), harley, pepper, and 34k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** Peters sense of humor hasn’t changed since he was 13 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what yes it has I’m big boy now 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** you still laugh at fart jokes

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** FRHGJG THEYRE FUNNY WHAT AM I SUPPOSNED TO DO

**> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** you can’t go more than 24 hours without quoting a vine

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** im that bitch,, been that bitch STILL that bitch. will forever BE that bitch,,

**spiderman retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I’m not pointing any fingers but George Washington was kind of a hoe

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: @becrimedogays** mom he’s at it again

** >> spiderman @spidertheman: ** snitch

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** with the white vans 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** stop it

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** get some help

**> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** Maybe the 21st century ain’t so bad.

** Nick Fury, bucket, captain better, and 24k others retweeted captain ass's reply. **

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I like cash and my hair to my ass 

**> flash @spideystan:** I do the dash can u make it go fast

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck the fame all I want is some bands

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** if she keep on mugging imma steal her man 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** he watching my behavior bc he know I’m bad

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** pussy, put a spell on him he’s in a trance 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** great teamwork, guys! rehearsals same time next week

** bucket, spiderman, tony stank, and 56k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **


	51. one more and we have a full deck

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** historically we've had maybe three (3) good presidents

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **america is wack

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **Who were they?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **obama, obama, and uhh *squints* hermit hoover ?

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **You're joking about Hoover, right?

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **yes we're joking abt hoover smh

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Thank God. 

**bucket retweeted captain ass' reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** nothing but respect for MY president **@beyonce**

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **rihanna > beyonce no cap

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **how can you just cast aside Lemonade so easily

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **easy. ANTI. can't top it.

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ladies, can we just agree that they're both icons 

**> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **no this means war

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i could top YOU

**spiderman retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** who kills the spiders in the relationship **@getrektbymypotatogun @spidertheman @lowkey @beterbarker**

 **> fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow: **spiderman duH

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: @doesitlooklikeiknow **i see you got your clown outfit on like you always do

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **harley kills the spiders

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah spidey's terrified of them it's hilarious

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **you’re the reason i crave death

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it b like that sometimes

**peter with a b, shuri, ned :), and 11 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** ned and flash are facetiming ?? and if THAT wasn't enough to make me pinch myself, they're also debating who would make a better president beyonce or rihanna ? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: @getrektbymypotatogun @whoremachine **when will you learn,, that your actions have consequences

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **who's arguing for who

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ned is team beyonce and flash is team rihanna 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i can't believe that scumwad has an ounce of taste and yet,,, are you sure you're not dreaming 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **honestly, no

**tony stank, flash, mj, and 24k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** this whole bey vs ri thing is really fucking with some relationships (read: mine)

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **for those of you asking, i like both of them equally. bucky and steve however...

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **literally no one was asking

**banner, nat, clinton, and 57k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** i can hear them yelling from my floor.

 **> nat @spidermom: **bucky: RIHANNA 

steve: BEYONCE 

bucky: WE'RE THROUGH DON'T EVER TALK TO ME OR MY SON AGAIN 

bucky: AND DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY CAUSE YOU'RE NOT

steve: I AIN'T SORRY

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **why am i dating them

 **> >> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **do we need to bring out the screenshots of the thirst tweets

**nat, peter with a b, tony stank, and 31k others retweeted clinton's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** thought someone cute followed me on tiktok, turns out it was just a kpop fanpage

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i thought this was gonna be a "turns out you were just fam" joke

 **> flash @spideystan: **i'm cute and i follow you on tiktok

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **u follow me on tiktok ??

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **gotta go 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **EUGENE GERTRUDE FLASH DELILAH THOMPSON GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ig you could say flash gotta go fast bwahahah

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays:** you're not funny

**heckley, clinton, thor, and 86k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** tiktok: if you sing the alphabet it looks like this song

me: ok. a b c w s x-

 **> flash @spideystan: **turns out i can't sing the abc's and listen to music at the same time

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **glad to see you finally returned the brain cell to ned 

**ned :), shuri, mj, and 1 other retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** so are they dating yet or not i can't tell

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no not yet

 **> > flash @spideystan: **you don't know that for sure

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm 93.071% sure that you or ned would have tweeted about it already. 5 bucks on you.

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **i came out to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

* * *

 **peter j quill @stardaddy tweeted:** i'm gonna say it, FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **if you know how i feel, why would you say that? like you know i'm not happy

 **> > peter j quill @stardaddy: **but you were all just saying this to me...? what 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **if you know how i feel why would you say that, like you know i'm not happy

 **> >>> peter j quill @stardaddy: **is this another dumbass gen z thing

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **don't be fuckin rude *hits you with purse aggressively*

**bucket, tony stank, og furry, and 242k others retweeted snek's reply.**


	52. full deck!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: saw a volcano erupt on tv and said “i should call him” nobody laughed

**pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** Howard Stark ruined a perfectly good man. Look at him, he’s got anxiety.

**tony stank, Maria Hill, peter with a b, and 32k others retweeted pepper's tweet.**

* * *

**flash @spideysquad tweeted:** til that by telling someone they don’t take criticism well, they probably won’t take that very well

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** YOU TOLD ME YOU COULD TELL I HAD SMALL DICK ENERGY THATS NOT CRITICISM

**> > flash @spideystan:** everybody’s a critic

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you tripped me into the lockers every fucking day for 4 years that’s not criticism 

**> >>> flash @spideystan:** and i apologized for that 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** .

**ned :), ant man, currently unaliving people, and 27k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** how many limes can I buy with $100

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** Probably 120.

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** what are y’all doing with 120 limes

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** cherry limeade 

** >>>> falcon @thebestbird:. **

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** aren’t there other ingredients in that tho?

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** not if ur innovative

**> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** aren’t you allergic to cherries anyway Steve?

**> >>>>>> clinton @hawkayepapi:** bro the serum fixed it

**> >>>>>>> captian ass @americas0ass:** I can’t die unless I’m killed

**> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that sucks for u

**> >>>>>>>>> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** I think the radioactive spider bite would work the same way

**> >>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** FUCK

**> >>>>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** Peter we talked about this

**pepper, MJ, flash, and 25k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @shortforstepheneas** is it true that you’re from... from nebraska ?? 

**> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** no nebraska doesn’t exist

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh thank god that’s what i thought

** ned :), heckley, snek, and 43k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** on the outside I’m saying ok sorry but on the inside I’m screaming suck a dick and die

**> snek @lowkey:** this is the plan

**heckley and spiderman retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** I eat spicy food bc it reminds me that I’m human

**peter with a b, thor, Nick Fury, and 12k others retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** saw a volcano erupt on tv and said “i should call him” nobody laughed

**> mj @becrimedogay:** they should’ve 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bro I would’ve laughed for you

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** you were literally there

**spiderman retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** thinking abt when i watched lemonade mouth and was obsessed with stella 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** i should’ve known

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** what’s lemonade mouth 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** HOLY FUCK MOVIE NIGHT GET OVER HERE NOW

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** it’s when u put lemonade in ur mouth

**> >>> shuri @becrimedogay:** I don’t have lemonade with me

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Steve and I are making cherry limeade it’s basically the same thing

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no the fuck it is not

**> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** straight lime juice is not cherry limeade 

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** not if ur a pussy

**> >>>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** I have many complaints

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** take them up with my lawyers and hop off my dick

**> >>>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** What was Bruce on Bucky’s dick for? Bucky, why would you cheat on us?

**> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** .

**> >>>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** steve you’re so fucking stupid i’m morosexual.

**> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** for the love of god lemonade mouth is a movie and y’all are filthy 

**> >>>>>> snek @lowkey:** not what u said last night

**> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** blocked and reported, have a terrible day

**peter with a b, thor, spierman, and 46k others retweeted hecley's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** getting kissed in your sleep is the purest form of love… unless your home alone

**> flash @spideystan:** tell me something I dont know

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** don’t has an apostrophe

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ned u didn’t even use the right form of your

** flash, heckley, shuri, and 6 others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** cowboy is not a gendered term cowboy is a state of mind

**peter with a b, tony stank, bucket, and 63k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** you guys wear a lot of spandex and live together, are you gay?

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** I have to laugh. HAHAHA

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** could you imagine that? if we were gay

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** Could you imagine?

**spiderman, nat, banner, and 24k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**richard @iamfromtennessee tweeted: @theavengers** yall i went to highschool with harley, is he still the dumbest genius both sides of the Mississippi?

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **yes 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **when worlds collide

**peter with a b, tony stank, snek, and 32k others retweeted heckley's reply.**


	53. ned and peter's 5 year plan

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun** ya know how you're from tennessee 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh no don't say it

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **bc you're the only ten i see

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **god he's gotten worse

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **he's gotten better actually

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **they don't call you the prince of assgard for nothing huh

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **i'm blushing

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **don't lie to make him feel better

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **he wasn't lying, he was honest to rihanna blushing

**snek and peter with a b retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** john jacob jingleheimer schmidt; his name is my name too

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **whenever we go out people always shout "there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt"

 **> thor @assgard: **your name is peter tho ??

 **> > snek @lowkey: **no idiot, that's john jacob jingleheimer schmidt

 **> >> val @valhalen: **his name is my name too!

 **> >>> captain better @marvelous: **whenever we go out the people always shout "there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt"

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **no one else say john jacob jingleheimer schmidt

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **omg his name is my name too!

 **> >>>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **i walked into that one

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **whenever we go out the people always shout "there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt"

 **> >>>>>>> peter j quill @stardaddy:** what the fuck is going on here

**shuri, peter with a b, spiderman, and 41k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** you think your life's hard

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm a high school junior wearing size 13 nike's

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **men's size 13 nike's

**ned :), mj, og furry, and 26k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i think that **@daredevil** and **@americas0ass** would get along

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **why would you think that

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **uhhh cause you're both catholic ?

 **> >> double d @daredevil: **jfc kid

**tony stank, rhodey, mj, and 4 others retweeted spiderman's tweet.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** body like a back road by sam hunt has the same energy as shape of you by ed sheeran. idk why but it does

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **maybe it's bc you can't stand either of those songs

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **maybe so

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **they're the same song

**shuri, ned :), ed sheeran, and 9,832 others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** vote for me or die xx

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i would totally vote for you but the other option is die and i'm kinda digging that rn

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **i changed my mind i'm gonna be the POTUS' side hoe and u can be the VP's side hoe if you want

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm extremely down with that

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **keep in mind this is a 5 year plan; within 5 years we will either be swimming in cash or dead. there's no losing bc either way we make history

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i can be patient 

**mj, chris, tina, and 116k others retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** what about me and loki **@beterbarker**

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what about you

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **harley ig you can be POTUS

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i am NOT letting flash into the executive branch

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **i thought we had something special

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **all we have rn is ur shitty flirting so u should maybe think on that 

**> >>> snek @lowkey: **does that make me the POTUS' side hoe's side hoe 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're the arthur miller to my marilyn monroe to harley's JFK

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** wait i don't think i like this plan anymore

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hey i knew that guy

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **uh uh we are NOT talking about that on twitter

**Nick Fury, tony stank, nat, and 94 others retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i can't believe they think i assassinated JFK ?? that's a conspiracy theory people have ?

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **wait,, so you DIDN'T assassinate JFK 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **of course not. i did assassinate william mckinley tho

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **That was... That was 16 years before you were born, Buck.

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **was it? maybe i did assassinate JFK... no i would totally remember doing that

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **i distinctly recall tell you NOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ON TWITTER

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **consider this: i don't care what you say, and i do these things to spite you 

**peter with a b, clinton, val, and 109k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** full disclosure, i did not assassinate any US presidents ever. thank you for your time. 

**tony stank, falcon, captain ass, and 583k others retweeted bucket's tweet.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if i back it up

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **is it fat enough

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **when i throw it back

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **is it fast enough 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **if i speed it up 

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **can you handle that

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you ain't ready for this work

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **now watch me throw it back

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **beautiful, iconic, inspirational

**captain better, shuri, bucket, and 72k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	54. twitter for toaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain ass @amercias0ass tweeted: my family doesn’t bully me I’m just dramatic  
> -  
> captain ass @americas0ass tweeted: Wait, I didn’t post that. -𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent had a thought in 254 years. what a life ive lived -levesqueen

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** alive. ahaha. fuck,

**> mj @becrimedogay:** mood

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** mood

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** mood

**> snek @lowkey:** mood

**> flash @spideystan:** mood

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** mood

** > rocket @funkylookingcat: ** mood

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** What?

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** just say mood

**> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** mood

** > og furry @tchallaofwakanda: ** Mood. -T'challa

** > nat @spideymom: ** mood

** > groot @iamgroot: ** i am groot

** > shuri @imadelightsabers: ** mood

** > banner @7phdsindebt: ** mood

**> falcon @thebesbtbird:** I think maybe we should start doing group therapy for the avengers and co

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** that’s a great idea wish I’d thought of it

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** ok I confess tony said it out loud I just typed it faster

** peter with a b, peter j quill, groot, and 32k others retweeted falcon's reply. **

* * *

**nat @spideymom tweeted:** I’ve never seen spidey as passionate about something as he is tiger conservation 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** NATASHA THEY ARE D Y I N G ,,, THERE ARE MORE TIGERS IN AMERICAN CAPTIVITY THAN THERE ARE IN THE WILD NATASHA. DO U REALIZE HOW BAD THAT IS?? ITSBAD

**> > nat @spideymom:** we watched one episode tiger king 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** maybe u and him did, but I know spidey and I binge it every Tuesday 

**> >>> banner @7phdsindebt:** I feel like that’s bad for mental health

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** u watch it with us every week banner don’t fucking lie

** heckley, clinton, ant man, and 17k others retweeted tony stank's reply. **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** not so sound gay but I’d simp for Flynn Rider

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** ‘not to sound gay’ ok bitch

**ned :), snek, spiderman, and 3 others retweeted heckle's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @amercias0ass tweeted:** my family doesn’t bully me I’m just dramatic

**bucket retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Wait, I didn’t post that. -𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩

**> falcon @thebestbird: @jbabybarnes** Bucky 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** he left himself logged in on my phone what was I supposed to do

**> >> captain ass @americas0ass:** Where’s MY phone though?

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** I’m fireproofing it after the last incident 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you still can’t figure out snapchat but u managed to get Twitter for the switch

**> > captain ass @americas0ass:** Desperate times, desperate measures. You know how it goes. -𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m genuinely fucking confused

**> >>> captain ass @americas0ass:** A running theme, I’ve noticed. -𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘭𝘢

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dude why do u have twitter on so many devices

**> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** Why not? -𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘶𝘮-𝘦

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** DUM-E doesn’t even have a screen

**> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i may have taken liberties with steve’s twitter

**> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** but you can’t prove anything so

**bucket, spiderman, currently unaliving people, and 54k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**twitter @twitter tweeted:** i’m sorry mr stark we’re gonna have to ask you to not hack twitter in order to say mr rogers is tweeting from random devices 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** i’ve done no such thing. how dare you accuse me of such an atrocity. 

**> > stephen @shortforstepheneas:** i’d like to point out that it’s DOCTOR stark  🙃

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** The only one I was actually using twitter on was the switch.

**rocekt, wanda, vis, and 124k others retweeted captain ass's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** I made an insta and it immediately got hacked 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** next time make your password something other than buckaroo1917 dumbass

**> > falcon @thebesbtbird:** i’m feeling left out 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** don’t worry his twitter password is sammy19??

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** wait a damn minute

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** Sam has the same password

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** ok fuck you now I need to change it

**bucket, captain better, vis, and 52k others retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers:** about to do crack -𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** not without me u aren’t

**> > og furry @tchallaofwakanda:** Neither of you are doing crack, my god. -T'challa

** >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: ** ok well u weren't invited so

** peter with a b, mj, ned :), and 13k others rewteeted shuri's reply. **

* * *

**CNN @cnn tweeted:** Engineer and the man behind the mask of Iron Man, Tony Stark, has been hospitalized due issues after carrying the entire avengers team on his back for over a decade. More to come at 7 CDT. 

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** He’s not in the hospital though, he’s right here playing jenga with Peter and I. 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** it’s for Peters daily good deed, helping the elderly and all

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Steve lost on his 5th turn lmao loser

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** so no ones gonna mention that the jenga tower is taller than Thor? Ok

** peter with a b, thor, peter j quill, and 156k others retweeted falcon's reply. **


	55. no theme, just tweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my head is so empty rn please forgive me -okaybi

**jules @julianb tweeted: @theavengers** so what are some nicknames you guys call each other

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i call clint pigeon 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **cap is literally "bitch" 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm repeatedly referred to as bastard and i'm okay with that

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **bonky

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **that too ig

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **tony is mechanic or soup can

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **harley is "fucker"; not nicknames, BUT peter is the angel child and spiderman is the problem child

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i resent that but also. yeah.

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **heck yes

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **i refuse to believe that you guys like peter more than me ??? not possible. im a delight

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **keep telling yourself that spidey

**rhodey, tony stank, heckley, and 12 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** am i the only person here with a normal sleep schedule

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pretty much, yeah

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **oh definitely 

**> captain ass @americas0ass: **I have a normal sleep schedule?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **i meant in the ironfam 

**> captain better @marvelous: **i actually have a normal one now 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **that's bc you're the best of us all

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **did no one ever tell you that if you want to go far in life you have to get insomnia? no? well i'm telling you now.

 **> nat @spidermom: **i haven't had a decent night's sleep since 1982

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **isn't your birthday in 1983

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **exactly.

**spiderman, snek, rhodey, and 941 others retweeted nat's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my breakfast was soy sauce on bread 😋

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you did THAT ✨💖never do it again 🥰🧚‍♂️

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** you dropped this 👑 it’s best you leave it on the ground though ✨

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I fw you for trying ✨✨but I’d fw you even more if you stopped 🥰💖

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ✨🧚‍♂️𝓈𝒽𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀 𝓊𝓅🧚‍♂️✨

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** a+ for effort Queen 💕you get an f ✨

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** kid…

 **> flash @spideystan:** i can’t believe i ever actually hurt ur feelings when ur family is like THIS

 **> nat @spidermom:** not enough sustenance ✨ use marmite next time 🥰

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt:** how are u WORSE than Peter

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Queen I have celiac that’s a no go 🥰 thanks tho 😘

 **> >>> nat @spidermom:** coffee and straight lettuce then 🧚‍♂️💖

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yummy 😍

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass:** sometimes I wish I’d been left in the ice

 **> clinton @hawkeyepapi:** vegemite exists for a reason petrol ✨😍

 **> wanda @scarletwitch** they always say to follow your dreams ✨I think it’s time for you to wake up tho 🧚‍♂️💕

 **> snek @lowkey: **you're actually a culinary genius

**peter with a b retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** head up queen 💖 ur furry ears are falling 🧚‍♂️✨

 **> flash @spideystan:** u said u wouldn’t tell anyone

 **> og furry @tchallaofwakanda:** I get it, I'm a furry okay. -T'Challa

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **you heard it here first folks! king t'challa is a furry confirmed

 **> >> og furry @tchallaofwakanda: **I humbly accept my place as the king of furries. -T'Challa

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i thought we'd already confirmed that?

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** yeah but now he's openly admitted to it

**mj, ned :), okoye, and 65k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** gonna make loki (and thor but who cares) watch emo the musical today !!

 **> snek @lowkey: **i cannot tell if this is going to be awful or wonderful

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **both. 

**> thor @assgard: **what is this musical of the emos

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh fuck yes i get to scream the lyrics again

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you literally did that last night

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **hence why i said 'again' duH

 **> captain ass @americas0ass: **What is this movie?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **only the greatest cinematic masterpiece of our time

**bucket, heckley, shuri, and 1,843 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** jesus would've been an emo. 

**peter with a b, thor, heckley, and 2,061 others retweeted snek's tweet.**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** **@jbabybarnes** [[meme](https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ppAj_Q1PYrVGQaYO5JPHs98xxSlnu39V5cJ0V_ACco/edit?usp=sharing)] for you <3

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: ****@americas0ass** see this is what true love is, thank you sammy <3 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **I got you chocolate milk!

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **sure but i had to ASK and even then you ignored me multiple times before you gave in

**falcon retweeted bucket's reply.**


	56. ok mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain ass @americas0ass tweeted: Due to recent events, I’m instilling bedtimes in the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I’m mad bc i actually did put soy sauce on bread for a snack and now I’m gonna be inadvertently roasted for it -levesqueen

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** god said Adam and Eve so I did both

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ADAM

 **> captain ass @americas0ass:** i think god actually said bucky and sam

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** no. he said let there be dick.

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** i thought he said love thy fellow homosexual ?

 **> >>> val @valhalen:** I’m god I never said any of that

 **> >>>> thor @assgard:** then what did u say?

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** drinks, probably

 **> >>>>>> val @valhalen:** u are absolutely correct

 **> >>>> rich @richardreeves:** so ur homophobic?

 **> >>>>> val @valhalen:** I will fuck your mom

 **> >>>>>> captain better @marvelous:** ma’am

 **> >>>>>>> val @valhalen:** WE will fuck your mom

 **> >>>>>>>> captain better @marvelous:** thank you

**val, snek, spiderman, and 124k others retweeted captain better's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** Peter if u have celiac why were u eating bread and soy sauce

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** gluten free bread bitch

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** it tastes like a brick but I kind of like eating concrete

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** what the genuine actual fuck

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** mood crunchity munchity

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** when’s the last time you slept

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what day is it

 **> >>>> heckley @getrekbymypotatogun:** Friday

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh worm?? like Tuesday idfk

**captain ass retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** Due to recent events, I’m instilling bedtimes in the tower.

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** ok mom

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I can hear u rolling ur eyes from here tony

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** good I amplified it for ur old man ears

 **> nat @spideymom:** bedtimes,, assuming I’m capable of sleep,,,, risky. bold. I like it.

 **> captain better @marvelous:** this excludes those of us who can breathe in space

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** AHAHA THE JOKES ON YOU I CANT BREATHE ON EARTH IM asthmatic

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i’ve decided that i’m never staying at the tower again bc bedtimes are disgusting

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** kiddd

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** don’t worry we can hang out at the compound !!

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass:** No, bedtime is in effect there too.

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you can’t be at both places at once to enforce that so good fucking luck

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** tell him sis

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I feel like 🥺👉👈maybe 🥺👉👈this bedtime thing 🥺👉👈might be good for u Peter 🥺👉👈

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** betraYALLLLLL

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** did somebody say y’all ? i’ve been summoned

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** wait what even is the bedtime

 **> > captain ass @americas0ass:** Not sure yet, maybe like 2am?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh ok i was finna write up a petition

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** *whispers* how would he know if i just stayed up past that and came down for breakfast in the morning like i just woke up

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass:** i can still read what you said ??

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ...no you can’t

 **> >>>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** some of us can actually read peter

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dude,

 **> >>>>>>> groot @iamgroot:** I am groot!

 **> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so you’re just gonna show up to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift at my birthday party on my birthday,,,

**flash, m'baku, ant man, and 17k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: @spideystan** your hair reminds me of

 **> flash @spideystan:** yes?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** it reminds me of a greasy rag from under the hood of a mechanic’s car

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **.

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** hahah GOT EM

**mj, shuri, bucket, and 12 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** thank u for making me holy

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** should we do this one

 **> > flash @spideystan:** thank u for giving me holes to choose from

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I just feel like it’s insensitive

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** and since I’m not a godless whore

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sigh fine

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** you’ll have to come in the backdoor, therefore

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck me in the ass cos I love jesuusss

**heckley, snek, ned :), and 24k others rewteeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted: @guyinthechair:** u come here often

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I live here

 **> > flash @spideystan:** u live in my mentions? or is it just my dreams <3

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ... u should change ur user to spideysimp

**spiderman and peter with a b rewteeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass tweeted:** someone tell Clint he’s not allowed to go on missions in bunny slippers anymore

 **> clinton @hawkayepapi:** comfort over conformity

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** Clint if we have one more goddamn blockage in the vents bc u lost a fucking bunny slipper I’m going to lose my marbles

 **> > nat @spideymom:** and besides , uggs are much better

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** nat u are the worst. crocs are better than both

 **> > currently unaliving people @babybmerc:** don’t listen to them. Follow ur dreams.

 **> >> clinton @hawkayepapi:** I’m deaf but i fw you for trying

**daredevil, currently unaliving people, og furry, and 224k others retweeted clinton's reply.**


	57. i'm a bitch

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the risk i took was calculated but boy am i bad at math

 **> snek @lowkey: **i will break every bone in your body

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **sounds kinky, i like it

**heckley and spiderman retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** i take it back **@spidertheman** i want ned to throttle me 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i will totally do just that, but not for the reason you think :)

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **somehow i hate this more

**mj, heckley, shuri, and 1 other retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i would like to state for the record,, that the government has no jurisdiction over THIS ass

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **unlike **@americas0ass**

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **i think this obviously makes me the superior bi disaster

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **I take offense to this. The government does not own my ass.

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **you're deadass called captain AMERICA

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **doesn't sammy work for the government?

 **> >>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **The government owns my ass.

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **okay but steve literally turned his back on the government for this boy toy 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hey :( i'll have you know that steve is the boy toy in this throuple

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **technically it was 117 countries,, it's a global thing

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **mr. worldwide

**captain ass, peter with a b, bucket, and 49k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** things i hate :D

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **1) that julius and augustus fucked up the calendar bc they wanted their names in there

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **2) that julius and augustus made the calendar better bc now it's jason derulo

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **why couldn't i have been born in a month not named after julius

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we're in this together bc i got augustus

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **relate

 **> >> captain ass @americas0ass: **I feel like you're being dramatic about this. It's not a big deal. 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **dramatic ? DRAMATIC ?? i can show you dramatic,,, being angry that pompous dicks fucked up the calendar for their own egos is PERFECTLY REASONABLE 

**tony stank, captain better, val, and 74k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i'm a bitch

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i'm a boss

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm a bitch and a boss

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **and i shine like gloss

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **that's it guys, that's their entire relationship dynamic. 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **loki do you do the sparkles like edward

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **i will find the deepest trench and throw you in it :)

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **so that's a yes

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i know what you are

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **don't say it

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **a bitch

**peter with a b, shuri, mj, and 93 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted: @theavengers** who was everyone's fav twilight character? i'll tell you what it means

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **jacob

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **you're gay !

 **> snek @lowkey: **rosalie

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **you're gay and That Bitch ! but also baby ?

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **alice

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **guess what ? YOU'RE GAY !!

 **> thor @assgard: **what is this twilight

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **you're gay too!

**shuri, heckley, ned :), and 20k others retweeted chris' reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** wow **@isthataweed** 's predictions are spot on

 **> chris @isthataweed: **omg thank you! yk what this means?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i believe so, yes

 **> >> chris @isthataweed: **you're g a y

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: @spideystan** i've got my eyes on you 

**> flash @spideystan: **oh really ;)

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **mhm for my next human sacrifice :)

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **:o

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it b like that sometimes

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **^^

 **> >>>>> flash @spideystan: **i will die valiantly for my love 

**> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **hahaha no you won't,,,

 **> >>>>>>> flash @spideystan: **ominous, i like that in a guy

 **> >>>>>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **flash there is something seriously wrong with you

**ned :), shuri, flash, and 1,322 others retweeted mj's reply.**


	58. bruh moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> captain ass @americas0ass: day 112 of quarantine, starting to think letting Bucky panic buy animal crackers wasn’t a good idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is so lame sorry not sorry xoxo -levesqueen

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I’m like a refrigerator with a burst pipe,,, cool but broken inside

**> captain ass @americas0ass:** I’ve got you beat on this one, pal.

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg we get it u were frozen for 70 years

** spiderman, bucket, tony stank, and 122k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I’m naming my first child X Æ A-12 in honor of my sugar daddy elopius muskus

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ur really bad at code names

**> tony stank @iamironman:** you’re implying elon musk is your sugar daddy?

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** I been 18 for 9 months now who gon check me boo

**> >> flash @spideystan:** hi

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** FUCK

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** so ur naming ur kid kyle but fancy

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** nvm im not letting my peter have the satisfaction of aaking my child 'what the fuck is up X Æ A-12'

**peter with a b, heckley, og furry, and 69k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**captain ass @americas0ass:** day 112 of quarantine, starting to think letting Bucky panic buy animal crackers wasn’t a good idea

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** fuck you it was my best idea

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** my entire garage. filled with animal crackers. what have u done

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** a damn service? y’all should be thanking me

**> >>> captain ass @americas0ass:** there’s an entire shelf in the fridge reserved for chocolate milk

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** he’s an actual child

** >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** #donthatemecosyouaintme

** captain ass, peter with a b, currently unaliving people, and 34k others retweeted bucket's reply. **

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** peter if we ever need code names yours is if i has to pick a dick

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i’m honored ig ?? 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** i’m offended honestly 

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** you’re gay 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** yeah but you’re my if i had to pick a chick ? 

**> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** well this is awkward

** spiderman retweeted mj's reply. **

* * *

**barbara @notasoccermom tweeted:** **@getrektbymypotatogun** so u had… crocs,,, on..,. The day u lost ur virginity? 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** psh no

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** why the fuck u lyin why u always lyin mmmohmygod stop fuckin lyin

**snek retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** so do chickens swim? what’s the deal with that

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** ,, Peter don’t say it

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** look at all those chickens I can’t sweem

**peter with a b retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** **@iamironman** if u can build entire super suits u can load the dishwasher 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** pepper would never disrespect me like this

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** you're right I get paid to disrespect you

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** bitch better have my money

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** YOU JUST QUOTED RIHANNA SHE IS SUPERIOR HA

**> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine:** Rihanna quoted me actually

**rhianna, lorde, peter j quill, and 364k others retweeted rhodey's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** TIL tortillas and soy sauce isn’t very good either 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** Peter u good? bc that combination isn't

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I know what I’m about bitch

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** Bucky this is your fault

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Bucky doesn’t give a fucky

**captain ass, rocket, wanda, and 224k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** did y'all hear about that actress that got stabbed

**> tony stank @iamionman:** wait who?

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** Reese 

**> >> tony stank @iamionman:** Witherspoon? 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no with a knife

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** Peter u son of a bitch

**spiderman, ned :), flash, and 40k others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** cute things to call ur gf  ✨✨

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** homie 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** that’s it thanks for reading guys  🥰

**mj, ned :), vis, and 45k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** ok here’s some things to say during s3x if u don’t like cursing  👄💖

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** holy moly  💕

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** yuh get into it  ✨

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** shiver me timbers  🧚♂️😳

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** golly gee  😍👉👈

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** hot diggity dog  💦

** heckley, flash, clinton, and 657k others retweeted ned :)'s reply. **

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** it was Theodore

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I think we all know how Alvin is Harley 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** but u SAW it it’s definitely Theodore

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it was Simon u can’t change my mind

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** how the fuck was it Simon when we all SAW how Theodore and eleanor were

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck u it was Simon 

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** don’t let this tear us apart 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** do u even know what we’re arguing about

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** no

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** stay out of this

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** were they… you know

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** NED IT WAS SIMON RIGHT

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** it was Alvin ive already said this

**> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** fuck you

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck you

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what’s happening 

**> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** I’m just as lost as u are

**> >>> captain ass @americas0ass:** I agree with Peter. It was definitely Simon. 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** THANK U I KNEW I TAUGHT U TIKTOK FOR A REASON

**captain ass, buclet, tony stank, and 1.3million others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

_**trending:** _

_#donthatemecosyouaintme_

_#buckydoesntgiveafucky_

_#whatthefuckisup XÆA-12_

_ #itwastheodore _


	59. bucky the rap god

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i am extremely gruntled rn

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't you mean disgruntled

 **> > snek @lowkey: **no i'm very pleased

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **gruntled isn't a fucking word

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **yes it is

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **he's right but he shouldn't have shared with the class

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **loki should've just sat there and ate his food but now mj's gonna

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **what is she gonna do ? kill me ? please i'm fond of death

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **therapy

 **> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **^^^

 **> >>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **peter you were included in that

**tony stank, snek, nat, and 143 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i'm beginning my rap career. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **my name is bucky and i don't give a fucky i have a pet ducky and live in kentucky

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **idk about y'all but this sounds better than m&m to me, but that doesn't make you talented boinky, remember that

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **good to know i always have you to keep me humble 

**> > captain ass @americas0ass: **Kentucky?

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **new york and kentucky are basically the same state

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **no the fuck they aren't

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **you've never been to kentucky a day in your fucking life

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **that's what i want you to think

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i've been to more countries than there are currently on the map is it really so hard to believe that kentucky is one of them

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i think i just had a stroke

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **parker stay out of this if you want to remain my favorite

**spiderman, heckley, snek, and 3 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @jbabybarnes** i thought i was your favorite ?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you're my second favorite **@beterbarker**

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **this is why i have depression

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **am i your least favorite

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yes

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **fuck yeah another win

**ned :), shuri, and mj retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i feel like everyone just forgets about me smh

 **> thor @assgard: **nonsense

 **> val @valhalen: **you're my favorite stabby person

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i feel so validated rn

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i've never met you a day in my life

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i'm thor's brothers ??

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **who the fuck is thor

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i'm dating peter and harley ? and also spiderman ??

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i do not recall

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **alright listen here ya little shit

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **why is this stranger being so mean to me :/

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i'm vibrating i have had so much coffee,, is this what being alive feels like

**chris, bucket, clinton, and 329k others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i dumped three buckets of glitter on steven rogers

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **this really tickles my tiddies

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it what

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **tickles my tiddies

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **lol mood

 **> >>> captain ass @americas0ass: **Bed time.

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's only 5am and also why are you awake

 **> >>>>> captain ass @americas0ass: **This is when I usually get up.

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i refuse to believe you are human

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **wait does this mean that cap is going on his run covered in glitter ??? i can't wait for the media to take this and run

**heckley, bucket, falcon, and 11k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Pepper yelled at me.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i can guess why

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **fucking lame ass :/

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i thought he was the rebellious one ? dishappointed

 **> snek @lowkey: **i just want you to know that i still have zero (0) respect for you 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** she made you change your @ ?

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **as she should've, why'd you let peter make your account again?

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **It seemed like a good idea at the time.

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **this coming from the man who jumps out of planes with no parachutes

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **If you're not living you're dying. 

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **that is absolutely not how this works steve

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **nah let the man speak

 **> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **for once he makes sense

**peter with a b, val, captain better, and 8,056 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**og furry @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** Pepper how do I change my name I can't look at my DM's anymore. -T'Challa

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **edit profile

 **> > T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **I've never said this before but God bless America. -T'Challa

 **> >> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **I'm never saying that shit again either, it left a dirty taste in my mouth. -T'Challa

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **you RUINED it pepper

 **> >> pepper @spicypepper: **it's all coming to fruition

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what is i'm scared

**mj, shuri, ned :), and 492 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**fangirl 3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow tweeted: @theavengers** if you could date anyone on earth who would it be

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **myself, but steve and sam are close enough 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **i am genuinely offended

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **peter. peter parker.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg stooooop i have a bf 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **rhodey

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **beyonce

 **> nat @spidermom: **god

 **> > val @valhalen: **sorry i have a gf xoxo

 **> thor @assgard: **my dearest, Jane! Oh how I miss you!

 **> > snek @lowkey: **bro chill

 **> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **my wife

 **> > nat @spidermom: **the one that divorced you?

 **> >> clinton @hawkeyepapi: **that's the one!

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** lil nas x <3

 **> flash @spideystan: **ned 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **no

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **:(

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **good 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're not an avenger dumbass

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **and what about it

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **not everything is about you

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **i think it is so 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @spideystan** bucky told me to tell you that you that i don't need to take this from someone who sucks toes

 **> flash @spideystan: **HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THAT

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i know everything about everyone it's why my hair is so big

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **it's full of secrets

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **peter i think we should have all of our sleepovers at mr. rogers' house from now on

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **guys :(

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ur invited mr. stark 

**> >>> flash @spideystan: **:(

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **not u

**spiderman, peter with a b, mj, and 902 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** arBy's 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we have the meats

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i've got a jar of dirt

**shuri retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** we're making pizzas and peter is just straight up eating the pepperonis

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pepperoni is very much adequate

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **pizza pizza

 **> > snek @lowkey: **it's not delivery it's digiorno 

**> >> mj @becrimedogays: **nobody out pizzas the hut

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **idk what their slogan is but TOTINOS 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **so good it makes grown men cry

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **What in tarnation is going on here?

**chris, T'Challa, tina, and 873k others retweeted Steven G. Rogers' tweet.**


	60. send tweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shalissa @notbeyonce tweeted: who even is Peter Parker. where did he come from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhh -levesqueen

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I want to believe you’re a Cancer but you’re acting like a fucking Gemini

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** don’t sign shame me

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m sorry my planets are in retrograde :((

**> snek @lowkey:** the stars aren’t real and the earth is flat dumbfucks

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ahh, Leos

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** sounds like a Leo

** >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: ** wait I’m a Leo

**ned:), flash, wanda, and 56k others retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I avocadon’t want to be alive

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it’s an avocado!! thanksss

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** omg stop flirting with me I told u it wasn’t gonna happen 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** u sure? ur my favorite Disney Princess  ✨ and it’s my dream 2 marry u 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** omg u said it urself u have 2 boyfriends stop  😳

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** is 3 bf’s too much to ask??

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** I’ll think abt it 

**> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymympotatogun:** youre a pain in my ass sometimes

**> >>>>>> snek @lowkey:** I ought to out the rat

**spiderman, tony stank, pepper, and 132k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

** ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: **

👉👑👈

👁👁

👄

and that’s on pyramid luhv  💕

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I never know what’s happening anymore 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ‘anymore’ lol

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I haven’t known what’s happening since 1945

**> snek @lowkey:** periodt 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** no I’m in menopause  ✨

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** it’s all the purell you put in your cooter 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** this friend group is a fucking nightmare 

**> >>>> pepper @spicypepper:** tell me abt it 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** legally the crown is mine but I’ll let u borrow it sis  🥰

** >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **

**mj, shuri, T'challa, and 63k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Bucky has been on the roof sitting in the rain for the past hour

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m washing me and my clothes 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** we have indoor plumbing now buckaroo it’s truly a modern miracle

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** washing me and my clothes

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** Bucky please

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** me and my clothes

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** mood

**bucket and heckley retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**shalissa @notbeyonce tweeted:** who even is Peter Parker. where did he come from. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m an intern

**> pepper @spicypepper:** He’s an intern at **@starkinc**

**> tony stank @iamironman:** he’s an intern

**> > shalissa @notbeyonce:** they refer to u as his dad tho mr stark?

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** ok he’s MY intern and i ask that you respect his privacy

**> >>> shalissa @notbeyonce:** whos heckley then?

**> >>>> tony stank @iamionman:** also an intern and his privacy is to be respected as well

**> >>>>> shalissa @notbeyonce:** who’s Loki?

**> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** a gre mlin, do what u will he likes the attention, banned from stark tower, 

**> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey:** doesn’t stop me tho up top  👋

**> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 👋

**> >>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** heathens, both of them. 

**> >>>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I’m an angel

**> >>>>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamionman:** you tried to shoot me with a potato gun 

**> >>>>>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** and ive immortalized it hell yeah up top 👋

** >>>>>>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: ** 👋

**snek, heckley, Steven G. Rogers, and 42k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** mr starkisn’t verified hmm seems suspish 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** it makes me more relatable to the youth

**> > heckley @getrektymypotatogun:** u sure the authors didn’t just forget to add the verification? 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** the what now

**> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** stOP DOING THAT

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** doing what 

**> >>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** I hate it here

**ant man, peter j quill, groot, and 47k others retweeted currently unaliving people's reply.**

* * *

**gwen @stacysmom tweeted:** a glorious day to kick ass and take names

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** GWEN OMG HII BDJDJDJDJDN UR HERE

**> > gwen @stacysmom:** it’s been like 2 weeks Peter

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 2 weeks too long quarantine is kicking my ass

**> >>> gwen @stacysmom:** it’s not hard to do

**> >>>> flash @spideystan:** hahaha she got u

**> >>>>> gwen @stacysmom:** dude

**> >>>>>> flash @spideystan:** wait no don’t do me next

**> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** all she did was say dude and he cowered lmaoo

**gwen, mj, peter with a b, and 24 others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers:** bonky pls give me wisdom

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** nutritious delicious make money fuck bitches

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** thank u old wise one

**bucket, peter with a b, T'challa, and 556 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** tell me why

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I let my image got so out of hand. I let people tell their sons to grow up to be a caricature of a man. They know I wasn’t born into this body. And they should know that it’s okay to not be strong all the time. They (the children) shouldn’t feel like they have to bottle everything in and punch someone just for looking at them wrong. It’s toxic masculinity at its finest and one thing I actually like about this new century. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ain’t nothing but a mistake

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** tell me why

 **> >> wanda @scarletwitch:** I never wanna hear u say

 **> >>> flash @spideystan:** I might be gay

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** I hate that it fits 

**spiderman, banner, nat, and 45k others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** so you’re breaking up with me because I have a fat cooter

 **> flash @spideystan:** you cheated on me with my best friend

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** I didn’t realize I had such a gorilla grip

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** you aren’t even listening 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I mean if I could change it I would

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogay: **quote another tiktok i dare u

**shuri, captain better, vis. and 24k others retweeted mj's reply.**


	61. women amiright

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** my account is rated G for girls. 

**shuri, captain better, nat, and 235k others retweeted mj's tweet.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i think we can all agree that women

 **> nat @spidermom: **yes

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Are the backbone of society, definitely. 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **that too

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: ***chefs kiss*

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **women are just,,,, iconic 

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** harley, quoting tiktok: i am not gay

peter, without hesitation: there's a hickey on my a-

harley: you know what i am gay

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **there's a hickey wHeRe??

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **;) 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **his adam's apple

 **> >> snek @lowkey: ** pretty sure it's his ass 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **what did i ever do to deserve the torture that is this app

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **you know what you did

**pepper and Harold retweeted rhodey's reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** was anyone going to tell me that happy has a twitter, or was i just supposed to learn that through a vaguely threatening reply from rhodey myself?

 **> Harold @haroldh: **I didn't want you to bother me. 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **why i would never do such a thing

 **> >> Harold @haroldh: **You're doing it right now.

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **yk why is your user so boring? kids, do you guys see this? i think you should spice it up a bit

**peter with a b, heckley, shuri, and 17 others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** mr. happy i hope you like your new username 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: ** **@4headofsecurity**

 **> > hApPy :D @4headofsecurity: **I'm deleting my account, changing my name, and moving somewhere extremely far away.

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no can do, 4head, we have contingencies in place

 **> >>> pepper @spicypepper: **Only Tony's kids

**rhodey, hApPy :D, bucket, and 10k others retweeted pepper's reply.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** People who have had their account names ruined by teenagers assemble.

 **> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **Relate. -T'Challa

 **> hApPy :D @4headofsecurity: **I want zero part in this. 

**> snek @lowkey: **aww put an f in the chat for old people who don't understand humor

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **f

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **f

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **f

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **f 

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **f

 **> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Didn't they get to your username?

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i actually did this to myself on purpose

 **> >>>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Why?

 **> >>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i am my #1 hater; i'm also my #1 fan

**mj, ned :), tony stank, and 91k others retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** **@guyinthechair,** u make me wet and unstable

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **u make me irrationally irritated 

**> > flash @spideystan: **is that all i make u tho?

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **no

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **yay

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **u also make me wanna bang my head against a vibranium desk

**spiderman retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i am simply a gay idiot with one (1) brain cell ready to sword fight god 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and i only have the brain cell on tuesdays

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **give the brain cell back

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's not tuesday, i don't have it. ask mj.

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **but she always has the brain cell

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **nerds.

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** rhodey is the only member of this family that i respect

 **> hApPy :D @4headofsecurity: **I'm offended.

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **I am also affronted 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i thought you didn't want to associate yourself with us, but since you do i respect you as well.

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **understandable

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **does that include yourself

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **obviously

 **> snek @lowkey: **none of us deserve respect

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **the only ones i respect are myself and pepper

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i feel like i deserve at least a milligram of respect

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i could give you a milligram of respect

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **sigh

**tony stank, snek, rhodey, and 27 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** happy mother's day to **@spidermom** and **@spicypepper,** as well as to all the other amazing, hard working, loving moms out there!!! you're very much appreciated and should be appreciated everyday <3

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **And

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **and happy mother's day to steve's mom, Sarah Rogers

**1M retweets on spiderman's tweet.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi we're going to take a week long hiatus because we've been burning out a bit. i promise we'll be back next sunday with better content. have a great week everyone <3


	62. bees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to ur regularly scheduled program -levesqueen

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** you should need a license to be this sexy 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** what

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees

** ned :) and bucket retweeted peter with a b's reply. **

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i’m wondering what i should put in my hair to give it more volume

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** oh worm?

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no bees

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Applebees? Killer bees? Specify. 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** idk. Bees

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** killer bees it is :)

**> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** NO

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Save some for me.

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** peter is baby he means honey bees 

**> >>>>> spiderman @spiderman:** that’s what the government wants you to think

**> >>>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** just because he kisses your ass doesn’t mean he isn’t secretly housing a nest of killer bees that refer to him as their queen. how do u think they made it to America, Anthony?

**> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** did this fucking kid just call me Anthony

**Steven G. Rogers, nat, banner, and 224k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird: @jbabybarnes** did peter make your user too?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** no i did this to myself

**spiderman, clinton, currently unaliving people, and 65k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** ah do you mortals know what animal my brother turned into to get me to trust him only so he could stab me

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees 

**> > thor @assgard:** no little one, but close, ‘twas a snake

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** actually those are the same animal mr. Thor one is just french 

**> >>> thor @assgard:** How stupid do you think I am, man who is a spider?

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** for once im not the only one shitposting at my brother and i think that’s neat 

**> >>>>> thor @assgard:** aha so you admit you’re my brother 

**> >>>>>> snek @lowkey:** bees 

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees indeed

**snek, heckley, ned :), and 14k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** jojo siwa, thoughts? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i can see why you’d think that 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** What's happening?

**> >> peter j quill @stardaddy:** i just understood the kardashian reference what THE FUCK DOES BEES MEAN 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ..bees

**rocket, bucket, nat, and 64k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I am so fucking tired of existing 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees <3

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** ur right Peter. tysm this is why ur my best friend <3

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** <3 :)

**ned and mj retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** no matter the scenario, the correct response is always “fuck” 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** i definitely did not mean that the way it sounds ohmygod im so sorry 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees ;) 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** FUCK

**peter with a b retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** Peter and spidey make me want to never be in on a secret ever again 

**> manila @thefolder:** wait what?

**> fangirl @cantthinkofauser:** ONG DOES RHIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS??? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** b33s?

**> >> fangirl @cantthinkofauser:** YALL ARE DATING???(

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** just because he’s sexy and hot and the most fuckable man I have ever laid eyes on doesn’t mean I’m into him

**peter with a b, ned :0, snek, and 144k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** today it was soy sauce on tacos

**> mj @becrimedogay:** slay  ✨💕 urself  🧚♂️💖🌼

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** do ur thing  ✨🧚♂️ somewhere else  😳

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** u killed it  🥰🧚♂️ leave it dead ✨✨

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** ur on a roll  ✨👑💕 good thing it’s off a cliff  💖🧚♂️🌼

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** y’all are still using the fairy trend? 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** what else is there

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bees

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** BEESBEESBEES

**bucket, banner, peter j quill, and 44k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** no no no. It’s pronounced MITOchondria. Start from the beginning of the sentence

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** :O I’m SORRY, but what is SO FUNNY about the way that Juliana is STRUGGLING to pronounce such a COMPLEX word. 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** I am APPALLED by the lack of RESPECT and DECENCY that you ALL have FOR Juliana. 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** when someone is struggling, we do not HUMILIATE them. We try to ENCOURAGE them, and HELP them. 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** Juliana, on behalf of your ENTIRE class, I am TRULY sorry. About the COMMENTARY from the PEANUT gallery. 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** no one should ever feel this way when they are STRUGGLING, and NEED HELP. 

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** so you will ALL be staying in, for INDOOR recess. 

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ladies and gentlemen, the volume inside this bus is ASTRONOMICAL. 

**> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** Juliana prolly sitting there like  👁👄👁

**peter with a b, mj, tony stank, and 627k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** think I could seduce the killer bees into doing my bidding?

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ur too slow I already did that

**spiderman retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Peter and I just had ramen with soy sauce

**> tony stank @iamironman:** why does this one sound normal but still make me uncomfortable

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Bucky those were spaghetti noodles

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** ah there it is

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** i feel like you’re just doing this to make the public angry 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bees <3

**peter j quill, rocket, captain better, and 55k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** elon musk really just “well, actually”d the woman who gave birth to his child literal days ago 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** this just in: men ain’t shit

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** well, actually, Shuri I am in fact shit, thanks

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** well, actually, Shuri, I cant shit ANYWHERE. I have  ✨ hemorrhoids ✨

**shuri, T'challa, bucket, and 265k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** oh to be a worm

**> snek @lowkey:** you are the dirt I walk on

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** sounds like something an angry bottom would say

**heckley retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my name is peter with a b

 **> thor @assgard:** Where is the b?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** THeReS A bEe???

**ned :), bucket, Steven G. Rogers, and 156k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**charles @charlesworm tweeted: @spidertheman:** dont u hyphenate ur name?

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** it depends on my mood

 **> > charles @charlesworm:** whats the mood rn?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** spider!man

**charles, tony stank, val, and 627k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**


	63. bees pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody!!! -okaybi

**Spider-man @spiderthaman tweeted:** fun fact! I don’t have bones, it’s all exoskeleton!

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** you don’t have what

**> > snek @lowkey:** what do u call ur boner then huh

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** y’all dumb af, all 3 of u

**> >>> mj @becrimedogays:** ok I’m just saying this on a whim but maybe… MAYBE… men shouldn’t have rights

** nat, pepper, val, and 3.2M others retweeted mj's reply.  **

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** okay i have blockt flash, time to BITCH ABOUT HIM 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** mhm sure 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **HES SO FUCKING ANNOYING,,, AND HIS STUPID CHEESY DUMBASS FLIRTING SUCKS 

**> >>mj @becrimedogays:** do go on

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** AND I WISH HED SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yes and how might yo make this happen

**> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **GONNA FUCKIN KISS HIM TO GET HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP 

**> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** also his face looks like that of a diseased fish 

**> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** okay time to delete this and unblock him xoxo

**> >>>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **gossip girl

* * *

**DM peter with a b @beterbarker - > mj @becrimedogays and shuri @imadelightsabers**

**peter with a b:** i got the screenshots bwahaha

** mj: ** time to enact phase VII of our plan

 ** shuri: ** all in good time

 ** peter with a b: ** okay but the next time ned complains about his flirting i'm sending them

 ** shuri:  ** valid

 ** mj: ** for once i agree with the nerd

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i should adopt a dog

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Bucky I’m still allergic to dogs

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ᵞᴼᵁ ˢᴴᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᴬᴰᴼᴾᵀ ᴬ ᴰᴼᴳ

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** an aussie 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** with what yard

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** dw Sam I’ll walk them

**> >>>> falcon @thebestbird:** I see I see

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** yk ig we did talk about a service dog?

** peter with a b, heckley, spiderman, and 94 others retweeted bucket's tweet. **

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** dog [image]

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dOg !!!

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** omg omg I’m on my way from wakanda rn

**> > T’Challa @tchallaofwakanda:** No we have dogs at home. -T'Challa

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers:** BUT THEY ARENT BONKYS DOG!!

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** damn now I want a dog

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** we should get one

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** 🥺

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** **@jbabybarnes** I will trade u one (1) fully trained rhinoceros for your dog

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** no

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** FUCK

**> T’Challa @tchallaofwakanda:** Those aren’t yours to trade!!!! -T'Challa

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** I’m a  ✨ 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈 ✨ I can do whatever I want

** mj, val, captain better, and 1,094 others retweeted shuri's reply. **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** mr. dad get us a dogpls  🥺

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** fuck tones get him a dog 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** i’m WORKING ON IT SHUT UP RHODEY

** >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:  ** i love how peter just has everyone wrapped around his finger but he doesn't even notice half the time. wild.

 ** >>>> snek @lowkey: ** the power he holds is insurmountable 

** tony stank, rhodey, pepper, and 503k others retweeted snek's reply.  **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just got back from the shelter :) [image]

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** he name Oscar

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I think I’m finna STEAL

** shuri, nat, spiderman, and 44k others retweeted heckley's reply. **

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** can’t,,, can’t anyone get a cat 

**> thor @assgard:** yes let us go to the shelter of animals and you can pick out a furry little anger floofball 

**> > snek @lowkey:** i can’t believe im saying this but ily 

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** this is bastard [cat pic]

**> falcon @thebestbird:** you named him after bonky ??

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** mine has a silent e at the end

**> >> snek @lowkey:** bastarde**

** falcon retweeted snek's reply.  **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** sweet dreams are made of bees 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** that’s,, that’s not how that goes

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** who am i to disagree 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i travel the world and 7 bees 

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** everybody’s looking for something

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** guys can we go to a gay strip club tonight 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** no we have dick at home 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** exhibit a: steve rogers 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Why 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bees 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **tell him sis, go off

** falcon, tony stank, nat, and 15k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.  **

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** peter is a nicki minaj stan 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i bees in the trap bees bees in the trap 

**> > snek @lowkey:** enough said. 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you're both idiots but you're my idiots

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **not for long

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **nOt FoR lOnG headass, get out of our mentions

**heckley and snek retweeted peter with a b's reply.**


	64. hackers and wendy’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted: Wendy’s twitter won't stop asking me for my beans recipe. What’s happening??? -T'challa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wendys makes her appearance!! hope y'all are doing well <3 -levesqueen

**Spider-man @spiderthaman tweeted:** new acc bc my last one got hacked

**> tony stank @iamironman:** u can’t fool me ik the only person smart enough to hack him other than me or Bruce is ned 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** not me sir

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** negative 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** this isn’t me!! 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** how can we trust that? 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** he can take my sauce but he can’t take the recipe

** Spider-man, bucket, shuri, and 444k others retweeted spiderman's reply. **

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** I can’t handle the secrets anymore it was me 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** I thought you said you were done with this

**> > flash @spideystan:** I said that to Peter not u bitch

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** spiderman doesn’t even run his own account he has me do it for him half the time

**> >>> flash @spideystan:** UR FRIENDS WITH HIM???

**> >>> flash @spideystan:** AND I stopped flirting with you to flirt with you. Ugh

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** peter tells me things when... ya know ;) 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you’ve turned me down multiple times now eat a fucking fuck

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** my ass is under lock and key 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** what about ur heart xo

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Loki come beat him up

**> >>>>>> snek @lwokey:** i’m team spidey tho remember 

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck. harley come beat him up

**> >>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** yes dear

* * *

**bucket @babybarnes tweeted:** kid hacked the account of a superhero, didn’t have any suspicion placed in him, and still cracked. jesus. 

**> flash @spideystan:** listen fucker I’m baby 

**> > thor @assgard:** you are a fully grown person? 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** u are embarrassing 2 be related 2

* * *

**spider-man @spiderthaman tweeted: @jbabybarnes** u talk a lot of shit for someone with small dick syndrome 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** WHAT

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** I thought we were done with this!!!!

**> > spider-man @spiderthaman:** u thought wrong bc ned has the braincell 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** it’s on loan to mj

**> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** ur not getting it back ever

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** that’s fair 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** y’all remember that fucking musical.ly song that went “get money ya ya get money ya ya wait wait uh skrrt skrrt ya spin on my dick like a beyblade ya” what was up with that

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** 2016 was a good year to be alive

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** no the fuck it was not 

* * *

**stacey @thottymami tweeted: @guyinthechair** wdym spidey doesn’t run his own acc

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I said half the time

**> > stacey @thottymami:** why

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** I have a life too Stacey

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** condoms should have a hole in them so you can pee

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what are you even doing that you need a condom, you’re not screwing anyone 

**> > flash @spideystan:** ,,, i was just saying thoughts

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** well stop it

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** mom, dad, lets get one thing straight 

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** I murdered the family dog -T'challa

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** who got T’Challa on TikTok

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** guilty as charged

* * *

**titus @yoloswag tweeted:** Tony Stark’s new prosthetics are the only reason I managed to get back into track and field

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** he said he wishes his dad could’ve had twitter

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** omg Peter stop bringing up my daddy issues on twitter

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sorry mr stark :(

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** writing an essay on STD’s -𝘢𝘵 𝘕𝘦𝘸 𝘠𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘊𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘑𝘢𝘪𝘭

**> tony stank @iamironman:** there is far too much to unpack here

**> flash @spideystan:** uhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i bet ur essay is iconic ! go off

* * *

**T'challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** Wendy’s twitter won't stop asking me for my beans recipe. What’s happening??? -T'challa

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** do u have a beans recipe? 

**> > T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** no. -T'challa

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** what the fuck is going on 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** quarantine really is getting to them

**> wendy's @wendys:** hand it over king T’Challa

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my aunt said u can’t come over mr corona I’m sorry :/

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** teenage boy singlehandedly ends coronavirus in New York City

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** T’Challa how’d you get wendy’s to stop asking you for your beans recipe?

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** They didn’t. -T'challa

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** oh no

**> tony stank @iamironman:** what’re they asking you for?

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** my chocolate milk recipe

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: @wendys** it’s premade Steve cant be trusted in the kitchen

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted: @wendys** arent u a restaurant

**> wendy's @wendys:** there’s always room for improvement miss widow

**> > nat @spidermom:** true, carry on

* * *

**spider-man @spiderthaman tweeted:** now Wendy’s is asking me for the coding info to hack twitter accounts

**> wendy's @wendys:** I asked that in confidence 

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** get back in ur lane Wendy

* * *

**wendy's @wendys tweeted: @iamironman:** what’s ur brain juice recipe?

**> tony stank @iamironman:** trauma

**> > wendy's @wendys:** oh ok

* * *

**wendy's @wendys tweeted: @spidertheman** can i get ur super power recipe pls 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** sure ! it’s one scoop of e. coli, two tablespoons of fuck off, and seven pinches ofrecklessness :) 

**> > wendy's @wendys:** . 

**> >> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** omg, I think he’s done it! -T'challa

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** miss **@wendys** i would like to offer up my aunt’s lasagna recipe 

**> wendy's @wendys:** go ahead 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** it’s a frozen lasagna,,, stick it in the oven @ 490 degrees and take it out 30 minutes later or until burnt :) 

**> >> wendy's @wendys:** peter you little shit

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @wendys** I stole a scalloped potatoes recipe off agent Ross

**> wendy's @wendys:** yes go

**> > shuri @imadeightsabers:** Issa box recipe 

**> >> wendy's @wendys:** you are a menace to society miss Shuri

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** I revolutionized neurotechnology but go off sis

**> >>>> val @valhalen:** Queen

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogay: **that’s my gf  ✨💕

* * *

**mj @imadelightsabers tweeted: @wendys** i can give u the recipe for a bomb 

**> wendy's @wendys:** continue 

**> > mj @imadelightsabers:** :) 

**> >> wendy's @wendys:** i see, you could give it to me but you won’t 

**> >>> mj @imadelightsabers: **:))

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I’m not even Wendy’s and I feel vaguely threatened

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I’ve got dumb bitchitis and it’s incurable

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** rt 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** rt

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** like father like son

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** I can’t tell if ur referring to Howard or Peter but either way thank u

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** rt

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** dear Shuri, you’re receiving this @ because I have some terrific news to share. For breakfast today, I ate hummus 500 times. And for dinner, a few moments later, I ate hummus 500 more times. (Pt 1)

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** (Pt 2) That’s 1000 hummus. Isn’t that amaze balls? The reason I’m telling you this is because it is fun to tell secrets. But please don’t tell this secret to ANYONE, especially 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** (Pt 3) Bucky and Steve. They’ll get way too excited and pass away. I’m so sad that they are old and have been old forever. 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** (Pt 4) That’s it for now, Shuri. I love you and I can’t wait to see you again xoxo

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** dear Peter, I told T’Challa, and he told Bucky, and Bucky got so excited he almost didn’t react. Hugs and kisses, Shuri. 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** blink twice if u need help

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker: @wendys** i gave u my sauce recipe pls respond

 **> wendy's @wendys:** u sent us a link to the wikipedia page for nepotism

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ya did u like it


	65. a splash of flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ap tests suck and so does college board ✨ -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** words of affirmation? i think you mean praise kink

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **degradation kink personally

 **> > flash @spideystan: **is THAT where i was going wrong

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: @imadelightsabers** do you see the shit i have to put up with

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i'll say it for you this time,, the depth and complexity of the male mind

**val, nat, mj, and 19k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** ever heard of panera's box ?? that thing you DON'T OPEN

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **...do you mean pandora's box

 **> > flash @spideystan: **that's what i said mr. stark tony sir

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ur such a dumbass

 **> > flash @spideystan: **u like it tho

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **quit putting words in my mouth

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **i can put something else in ur mouth if u'd prefer

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **my poor, innocent eyes

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **innocent ? 

**heckley and spiderman retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** hey guys,, why hasn't anyone fucked up clint's user yet? 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **omg he actually had a good idea for once ??

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **who would've thought he'd become useful

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **that's mean :/

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **.

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **okay i'm sorry 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i'm on it

**ned :), peter with a b, nat, and 2,345 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** why. why has god forsaken me. 

**> nat @spidermom: **remember that thing you did on that mission in budapest. god's still mad.

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **no you're still mad, god doesn't give a shit

 **> >> val @valhalen: **he's right surprisingly, i don't give a shit

 **> flash @spideystan: **this is a blessed day

**shuri, falcon, mj, and 43k others retweeted flash's reply.**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** the worst thing about quarantine is that i can't fight people irl

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **rt

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **haha i can suck on THAT

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'll suck on something else ;)

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **imagine how tired we are

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **imagine how tired w e are

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **quit thirsting over spidey on twitter it's disgusting

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **[receipts of flash asking spidey to throttle him] hypocrite,, also i'll stop when you stop thirsting over ned all over my timeline

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Bucky has gone through 3 punching bags this week

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **ok but steve you've gone through like 5 so

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i could take ur mans if i want to

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i'd like to see you try

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **but lucky for you i don't want to

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **:(

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **lmaoooo rip

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **bro you can't even get one (1) bf and peter already has two (2) 

**snek, heckley, ned :), and 1 other retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** u know why these bitches love me

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **cos baby don't give a fuck

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what you do

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i b facing the wii while,,,

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you can't say it can you

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **no i'm shy

 **> >>>>>> flash @spideystan: **i b facing the wii while she's sucking my dick pull it out then i titty fuck

 **> >>>>>>> flash @spideystan: **uh uh uh,, pull it out from the back and she nasty

 **> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i would like to go back into cryo pls i beg

**tony stank, Steven G. Rogers, clit, and 345k others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** harley called me peter porker, currently listening to potential breakup song

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **opening for bf ?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg stop

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Everyone make sure you vote; GO VOTE

 **> Harrison @hthompson: **Trump 2020, go vote

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Just kidding, don't vote. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **just voted for the first time for beyonce xoxo

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **that was an option??? can i revote????????

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **it's may

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **sorry. MAY i revote

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **i meant the month dumbass

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why'd you vote for my aunt

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **THE M O N T H 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **peter isn't even 18 yet, cmon barnes THINK

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **bastard doesn't have a brain

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's still thawing

**Steven G. Rogers, falcon, rhodey, and 27 others retweeted bucket's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** every time i had an english assignment i was tempted to just shit post

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **correction: he subtly shit posted throughout all of his english assignments

 **> > snek @lowkey: **he doesn't know what subtlety is 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **my teacher hasn't realized yet so i think i'm doing pretty good

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **no really he doesn't know what subtlety is he's been "subtly" trying to get in my spandex for ages now

**mj, flash, snek, and 63k others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** are your parents still married or are you normal

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **happily married parents? is that some type of sauce?

 **> > snek @lokwey: **you guys have parents?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **my parents are dead

 **> nat @spidermom: **parents? never met them? 

**mj, bucket, captain better, and 79k others retweeted flash's tweet.**

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @guyinthechair** are we the only ones with "typical" families ?

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **perhaps,,,, 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **..yeet

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i like the view

 **> flash @spideystan: **u do?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **yes

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** ur my best view

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **eh

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** i need boy advice :/

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **i bet i can help

 **> > flash @spideystan: **yay! so i like this boy,,, and he doesn't like me back :( what do i do

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **get over it

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **keep flirting bc he Does Like You

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **shuri i stg

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **what are you going to do? hm? that's what i thought, thot

**peter with a b, T'Challa, bucket, and 59 others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** can't believe i just got thot shamed by the princess of wakanda

**clit, tony stank, banner, and 1.3M others retweeted ned :)'s tweet.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** what is love

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ᴮᴬᴮᵞ ᴰᴼᴺᵀ ᴴᵁᴿᵀ ᴹᴱ

** >> flash @spideystan: ** no seriously

** >> shuri @imadelightsabers: ** no more

** >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ** what is loVe

** >>>> snek @lowkey: ** baby don't hurt me

** >>>>> flash @spideystan: ** why can't i get any goddamn respect in this friend group

** >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: ** not a single one of us has respect why would you get it

** >>>>>>> mj @becrimedogays: ** mhm

** >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: ** sike mj is the only one with respect

** shuri, ned :), heckley, and 3 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.  **


	66. yeah boy

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my longest yeah boy ever

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **can you kindly shut the fuck up

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **YOU FUCKED UP MY YEAH BOY AND NOW I HAVE TO RESTART

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **no you really don't

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **yes the fuck he does

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **alright that's IT, all three of us duel at dawn.

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **smh in the training room ?

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **obviously

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** One bussy at the Eiffel Tower [pic of sam]

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **It has come to my attention that this word does not, indeed, mean boy as Bucky has led me to believe. My apologies.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **who knew that bucky barnes would be doing the lord's work ??

 **> > val @valhalen: **can attest that this is in fact my work

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i've been having an affair with god

 **> snek @lowkey: **i am a god

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes that's the one

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** you guys can keep arguing about pineapple on pizza while i eat spam on pizza

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes mr. cop officer sir that's the one right there, hurry take the shot before he gets away

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Please don't try to kill Bucky.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **right or steve will have to run to the rescue and become a fugitive of the law again

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **That's

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **rt

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **steve's impulse control went to war in 1943

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Disrespect Peggy Carter again and you get the claw.

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i didn't show you toy story so you could use it to threaten people steven

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **rule #1 of steve's fighting handbook: everything can be used as a threat

 **> >>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Then why did you show it to me?

 **> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **to catch you up on modern media like you asked ??

 **> >>>>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **If you wanted to catch me up on modern media you would've shown me the most recent Farmer's Almanac.

 **> >>>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **okay no,, and have you ever SEEN a farm ?

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** since the internet wanted to know, no steve has never seen a farm much less been on one

**falcon, tony stank, spiderman, and 8M others retweeted bucket's tweet.**

* * *

**OK! @okmagazine tweeted:** [NEW ARTICLE: 20 Times We Envied Captain America's, Falcon's, and the Winter Soldier's Friendship]

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ****@captainamerica @jbabybarnes @thebesbird** lmao rip

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Excuse me? Friendship? We're dating.

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **no these are my bros

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah steve you didn't actually think we were dating right lmao

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **That's not what you said when your dick was down my throat yesterday.

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **#exposed

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **and they say people from the 40s have delicate sensibilities

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **obviously they've never met these fuckers.

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @jbabybarnes** I broke 17 and a half laws for you, how could you say we're not dating?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **17 and a half ? kinda sexy

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **you didn't break any laws for me so ig we're not dating huh

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I'll go commit a crime for you now if you'd like

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm the one who's going to have to clean that mess up and bail you out so pls do not

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't go breakin the laws

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **^ yeah or i'll have to stop you dude

**falcon, nat, pepper, and 4,433 others retweeted spiderman's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** earlier i said i wanna die and irondad Looked at me so i was like oKaY i wanna go absolutely ape shit

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i wanna go bonkers

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i wanna go mad yk like women in the olden days

**mj, thor, snek, and 85k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: @captainamerica @jbabybarnes** who was in charge of germany during wwi

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **why was my first thought stalin

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **ned you absolute fool

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **germany was for the streets in wwi

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I don't know, I just punched Hitler.

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **in true himbo fashion

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** thanks for NOTHING

**peter with a b, shuri, aye, and 539 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** the only ass i have is an ASSortment of trauma

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **well i have both so top that bitches

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I am actually CEO of the company.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's-a me

 **> >>> banner @7phdsindebt: **you all need therapy

**falcon, snek, captain better, and 54k others retweeted banner's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** let's try this again, my longest yeah boy ver

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **babe can you pls stopppppppp

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **no sir, no i cannot, i must do god's work

 **> >> val @valhalen: **this is not my work send tweet

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **that sign can't stop me bc i can't read

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **What's going on?

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm bringing back the fucking guillotine

**bucket, currently unaliving people, double d, and 22 others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**Spider-man @spiderthaman tweeted:** captain america is the worst superhero for ruining the longest yeah boy ever and that’s that on that

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yk what,,, you can stay

**spiderman retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** was anyone gonna tell me that captain america is a simp

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **or was i just supposed to learn that from a tweet confirming he commits crimes to get guys to date him

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Delete this.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **cmon steve you can't take away his free speech after you fought the nazis so he could keep it

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I never should've came out of the ice

**1M retweets on ned :)'s tweet.**


	67. just bc the chap is short doesn't mean it can't have bde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levesqueen: at this point I’m just giving Peter some food combinations that I happen to like but get shit for
> 
> Okaybi: im sorry,, YOU EAT GREEN BEANS WITH KETCHUP
> 
> Levesqueen: not in public  
> 

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** gonna write a soundcloud rap album 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** first track is ‘I lost my virginity over Skype’

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** second track ‘Omegle love affair’

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** third ‘sent my nudes to the POTUS, now I have a date with Congress’ 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** fourth ‘fell in love with a Russian ambassador’

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** fifth ‘I’ve been legally dead since 1945 but they haven’t caught me yet’

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** sixth ‘capital murder xoxo’

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** are u ok

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** what is going through ur head rn

**> > nat @spideymom:** some people are a little too empty inside and then there’s you

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** thanks

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** seventh ‘swam across the rio grande so they couldn’t prosecute me for tax fraud’

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** eighth ‘I threw 7 pb&j sandwiches at an nypd chief of police and now I’m on probation’ 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m calling the album ‘sonnets for an unrequited love’

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you’ve never had an unrequited love

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** that’s what makes it edgy Steve keep up

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @jbabybarnes** I will shit on your parents

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m p sure my sister spread their ashes

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** where

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** up ur ass? 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** :O JAMES HAMILTON BARNES

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** wh

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** wrong president

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** ned u absolute dumbass

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** he wasn’t even a president? 

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it sounds good tho doesn’t it

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** if I was born with a dime for every time someone asked “are you captain America?” I wouldn’t have had to worry about the Great Depression 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** but u aren’t captain America anymore? u aren’t even American

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ur a lesbian???

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** he was born in ireland

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** was anyone gonna tell me captain America wasn't American or was I just supposed to learn that from his boyfriends on twitter

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** cardi I wanna go to Pluto 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** we have Pluto at home

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** we have what now at home

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** just go with it 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** it’s not my fault loki brought pluto into the penthouse 

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** it’s entirely your fault. you told me to do it. 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** #exposed

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** ketchup and green beans today  ✨

**> tony stank @iamironman:** you aren’t even trying anymore kid 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** Hello, Jesus? Could you put on your sandals and come down here it’s an emergency

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: @valhalen** wait a minute,,, if you’re god, who is jesus 

**> > val @valhalen:** hayley kiyoko

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** wig ok

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ur my hero

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** bill nye the science guy

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Bill nye the science guy??

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL

**> >> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** Bill nye the science guy. -T'challa

**> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** science rules

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

**> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatopgun:** inertia is a property of matter

**> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL

**> >>>>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** Bill nye the science guy

**> >>>>>>>> flash @spideystan:** BILL BILL BILL

**> >>>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** t-minus 7 seconds

**> >>>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL

**> >>>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @lowkey** we going to the store what do u want

**> snek @lowkey:** idc 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** we got you a lunchable 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** maybe I care a little bit 


	68. lgbt(qia+)

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** Yk what? I’m tired of this. You guys need to stop excluding the B from LGBT. I’m fucking sick of it. British people should be proud of who they are and fuck you if you think otherwise.

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** truer words have never been spoken

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** right. what’s all this then 

* * *

**clit @ythatbitchfrancis tweeted:** what kind of sandwich is an LGBT?

**> tony stank @iamironman:** wouldn’t it be lettuce garlic bacon tomato? sounds nasty 

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** I take your lettuce garlic bacon tomato and raise you the lgbtqia 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** lettuce bacon tomato quinoa incaberries asparagus 

**> >>> pepper @spicypepper:** disgusting

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if I don’t get attention every single second of my life I Will Die

**> snek @lowkey:** h

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** don’t look at me I’m shy

* * *

**shalissa @notbeyonce tweeted: @theavengers** if u were a font which font would you be 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** comic sans 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** times new roman

**> tony stank @iamironman:** pinyon script 

**> thor @assgard:** ULTRA

**> falcon @thebestbird:** arial 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** calibri 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** permanent marker bc im annoying like that 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** ᴾᴱᵀᴵᵀ

**clit @thatbitchfrancis:** id be whatever font looks like it was written w someone’s left foot

**> nat @spideymom:** yk Veronica’s handwriting in heathers? That’s me i guess

**> val @valhalen:** i don’t write or read 

**> captain better @marvelous:** i simply vibe, take that as u will

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i’m wordart yEet

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** single spaced gothic style

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** since t’challa is lame i’ll do his,,, he’s paw prints.

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** gothic style  𝖇𝖔𝖑𝖉

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** my fear? elevators. If the one I’m in breaks I immediately pass away. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** the police find ur body with no apparent cause of death after being in a broken elevator for 5 minutes wyd

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** idk be mad? Bitch I’m dead

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** did you have your life drastically changed by hydra in a very terrible way at some point or are you normal? 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** Thanos actually

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** who the mcfuck is Thanos are u ok

**> >> peter j quill @stardaddy:** Thanos is my gf’s weird dad he collects rocks

**> >>> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** oh. that’s nice I guess

**> >>>> peter j quill @stardaddy:** on Saturday night dinners he rants abt universal domination and ‘balancing the natural order’ and he’s like “if I had one wish I’d eliminate half of all life so we have enough resources” and I’m like “why don’t you just wish for more resources” and he has to leave the room 

**> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** spidey how do u even know him 

**> >>>>>> spiderman @spiderman:** gamora (gf of quill) rocket and i and sometimes we play fortnite together and she'll rant abt her dads universal domination plans

**> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** when worlds collide

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** Steve, Bucky, Tony, and Peter are quoting ‘vines’ back and forth and i don’t want to admit weakness by asking what the fuck a vine is 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** tell peter you like his shoelaces 

**> > captain better @marvelous:** what why

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** it’s not a vine but he’ll get it

**> >>> captain better @marvelous:** he stole them from the president?

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** ned you bastard I haven’t even THOUGHT about that since I was 14

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** thank u I try my best

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman:** #6ix9ineisoverparty

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I don’t support cancel culture except for right now

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** FUCK yes 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** rt

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** rt!!! -T'challa

**> mj @becrimedogay:** I been WAITING for this one

**> shuri @becrimedogay:** #6ix9ineisoverparty 

**> nat @spideymom:** cancel culture is finally coming in clutch 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Chris Evans finally got instagram hell yeah 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Bucky thinks I look like him

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** hmm no I don’t see it

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** nah you two look completely different babe 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** they have the same chin

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** so do u and Sebastian Stan but that doesn’t mean u look alike Bucky

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** sigh ig ur right


	69. the holy trinity: goats, gays, and girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to leves queen who has been holding down the fort while i am in the middle of buttfuck nowhere -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** goats go absolutely cuckoo for cocoa puffs 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** they go ape shit for cocoa puffs 

**> > chris @isthataweed:** explain ? 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** they go crazy ahhh 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** go stupid ahhhh 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** for cocoa puffs 

**> >>>>> chris @isthataweed:** ah i see

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** being a hero is stressful 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** remember who u do it for 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you right 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **who 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **the girls and the gays 

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **WHO?

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **THE QUEENS AND THE QUEERS 

**> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **and why do u do it

 **> >>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **cause they’re loving my shit

 **> >>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **amen

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** peter’s dog is trying to eat my hair,, 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it won’t stop trying to eat me i’m not a snack bro what

 **> > snek @lowkey: **you might not b but i am 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **hey **@spidertheman**

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **now’s my chance 

**Spider-man retweeted spiderman’s reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** do u ever just

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **? 

**> > flash @spideystan: **no ur not supposed to b reading this 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **🙈

 **> flash @spideystan: **do u ever just wanna take a cute boy on a date 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** peter. bring out the big guns. i’m tired of this shit.

 **> >> T’Challa @tchallaofwakanda:** shuri! what would mother say? -T’Challa 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **for you to mind your damn business, furry

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **of course princess 

**> >>> mj @becrimedogays:** parker less nicknames more exposing

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okay okay 

* * *

**DM peter with a b @beterbarker - > flash @spideystan **

**peter with a b:** look at this [screenshots of ned thirsting over flash]

 **flash:** he said im annoying ?? 

**peter with a b:** that’s not relevant, he said he’d kiss you

* * *

 **flash @spideystan tweeted:** @ned well then get over here and kiss me to shut me up 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **hahah idk what ur talking abt 

**> > flash @spideystan: **sure jan 

**> >> flash @spideystan: **now are u gonna kiss me or should i find someone else to do that

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **no nope i’ll kiss u 

**> >>>> flash @spideystan: **wonderful.

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **fucking finally 

**shuri, peter with a b, gwen, and 39 others retweeted mj’s reply.**

* * *

**DM flash @spideystan - > peter with a b @beterbarker, shuri @imadelightsabers, mj @becrimedogays**

**flash:** it’s all coming to fruition 

**mj:** shut up loverboy and go on your stupid date

 **shuri:** rt 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** @theavengers disappointing things to hear on a first date go

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **is it supposed to look like that

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you put out on the first date? 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **BITCH

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **he does not put out on the first date 

**> >>>> snek @lowkey: **for you 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **STOP IT RIGHT NOW

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** “isn’t peggy so cool” 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** You made me be the third wheel on like 20 of your dates, Buck.

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** i’m the third wheel in my own relationship 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **not true, you’re more lovable than bucky

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah that’s fair 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i was up until 6 am taking uquizzes 😌

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **a true gen z 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** kid

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **sorry i accidentally drank coffee at like 10

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **and?

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **...and then i made more coffee bc i wanted to take more personality quizzes 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **did you take the which avenger are you one 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i took all of them 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **show off. which avenger did you get 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **predominantly tony and bruce 

**> >>>> snek @lowkey: **i got nat which doesn’t suck

 **> >>>>> nat @spidermom:** thanks ?? 

**> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **you should be grateful, yes 

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i got thor lmao 

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:**i’m dating someone with a similar personality to,,, nope no wrong take it again

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **okay this time i got boinky

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **i feel like i should mention that i got clint 

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **you shouldn’t have 

**ned :) retweeted mj’s reply.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I would just like to point out that Peggy Carter was an icon, and that I’m allowed to talk about how fucking cool she was because she WAS. 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **aunt peggy was that bitch point blank period 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i didn’t say she wasn’t cool i just didn’t understand why you talked about her on our date

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Because it was common ground? We both knew her and I THOUGHT that we both recognized how awesome she was. 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** passive a aggressive is not a good look on you

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **in fact i know a look that would be good right about now,,

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I see what you’re trying to do.

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **is it working 

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Perhaps. 

**2.4M retweets on Steven G. Rogers’ tweet.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @gwenstacy** do you have a bf

 **> gwen @gwenstacy: **no do u

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah i have three. i’m a slut. 

**heckley, snek, and spiderman retweeted peter with a b’s reply.**


	70. some t̶h̶o̶t̶s̶ thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice -levesqueen

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** life is shit and then you die 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** Hozier sounds good here

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** life is sexy and then you become god 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** this still sounds like Hozier mr stark

* * *

**val @valhalen tweeted:** life is trashy but there are also women 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** why the fuck is everyone quoting hozier today

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** life is lived and then you’re dirt 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** that’s literally a direct quote from in a week (Hozier)

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** c’est la vie and then everything fades 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** this is literally just no plan pls guys i beg

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** life isn’t lived until you’ve had so many sugar daddies that u become the sugar daddy

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** ah yes. Ninki minjaj

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** life is a highway

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** and I’m gonna wreck in 6 lane traffic

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** life is la croix. it sounds like a good idea, all fruity flavors and whatnot, but then you TRY IT and you spit it out in disgust. 

**> thor @assgard:** brother why are you so angry 

**> > snek @lowkey:** bc why not

**> > snek @lowkey:** why is water angry Thor. riddle me THAT

* * *

**charli @damelio tweeted: @beterbarker** if ur gonna do it do it right coward 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what are you talking about? I’m tired

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** [video of him flicking lighter]

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I do wanna go but ican’t. I’m tired 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I wanna go

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** carti I wanna go to Pluto 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** carti I wanna go to Pluto

**> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** now it’s stuck in my head god bless

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** I feel like Thor should have an e at the end of it

**> snek @lowkey:** what

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** thore 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** w hore,

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Wait, guys, I think she’s onto something

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** oh to be an ancestor of chickens on Pangaea 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** a jungle fowl 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** ive never heard someone call a t-rex that

**> >> tony stank @iam,ironman:** sometimes I forget you dropped out of school but then you say shit like this

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Why are you booing him? He’s right

**> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** I should get paid for all the science lessons I give these two when they say dumb shit like this 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** but chickens and ostriches are the closest relatives of the t-Rex?

**> >>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** listen I never claimed to be a paleontologist

* * *

**nat @spideymom tweeted:** this is for anyone who needs to hear it... shut the fuck up xoxo

**> tony stank @iamironman:** thanks I needed this

**> > nat @spideymom:** no problem

** > bucket @jbabybarnes: @captainamerica **

** >> nat @spideymom: @jbabybarnes  ** i actually made this post with u in mind

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** WHAT

** > clit @thatbitchfrancis: @thatbitchfrancis **

**> > nat @spideymom:** u right 

** > mj @becrimedogay: @spideystan **

** > shuri @imadelightsabers: @tchallaofwakanda **

** > maria @mariahill: @fastandfuryous **

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact time: the fight between Steve and Tony back in 2015 happened not because of a disagreement, but because their main character energies clashed 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Our what?

**> tony stank @iamironman:** makes sense thank u doctor 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** what is my energy

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** dumb bitch

**> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** fuck yeah

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** when u had more stuff happen to u but ur still a side character 

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** we’re in this boat together

**> nat @spideymom:** I’m main character energy in the body of a side character 

**> > spiderman @spiderytheman:** I feel the exact opposite 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I’m the guy at the fruit stand that has 3 default lines 

**> > snek @lowkey:** I’m the fruit stand 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** shut ur fucking mouth u literally fought all 6 og avengers bc u tried to take over nEw yOrK ciTy

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** I’m a main character fruit stand

** > rocket @funkylookingcat: ** i let quill think he's the main character but i think we all know it's me and groot

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just because you can’t see him doesn’t mean he isn’t here 🙏

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and his name is JOHNNNN CENA

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** jfc

 **> >> peter with a b @beternbarker:** john fucking cena 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** john f cennedy 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** dumbasses it’s jaywalk for clout 

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** shuri that doesn’t even make any sense 

**> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** yes it does 

**> >> flash @spideystan:** Jpeterisa Fucking Cunt 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ,,,,,,,,,,,

 **> >>>> spider-man @spiderthaman:** boom roasted 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you should’ve been left on the sheets


	71. do it for science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm jared, 19, and i never fucking learned how to WRITE -okaybi

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** euthanize me daddy

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **actually what even is the criteria for euthanasia ? like can you just be depressed ? i'm genuinely, morbidly curious now

 **> snek @lowkey: **eye-

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **on god we gonna get you some therapy 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **still think "sanitize me daddy" has bigger bde, js

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **js as in jessica simpson ?

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no js as in JOHHHNNN SENNAAA

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i recognize the error of my ways. just bc i cannot see him doesn't mean he isn't always there. amen.

**heckley, bucket, clit, and 79k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** why is it that whenever i want to do something it's "no, harley, that's stupid, harley" but when spidey does backflips off stark tower it's "wow that's so cool!" riddle me THAT 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **do it for the vine

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i ain't gonna do it

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **mayb it's bc you'd literally die ?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you don't know that. let's find out. for science.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **NO

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **he DID say it's for science, mr. stark

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **there will be no performing dangerous stunts "for science" or literally any other reason. 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: ** FOR SCIENCE !!!

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i'm dating impulsive idiots... let's do it tho

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** you guys ever been in a car with teenagers using gay and queer as insults and you WANT to say something but that would result in them asking why you're "so sensitive" and/or you accidentally outing yourself to people you don't want to out yourself to and so you just sit there and listen to it and you feel like you're not proud of who you are when you ARE and i-

**okaybi retweeted heckley’s tweet 5.4M times yeet.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Thor for the last goddamn time please stop using LIGHTNING to make toaster strudels. Sincerely, your neighbor that can somehow hear you through the soundproof walls. 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i've read enough fic to know where this is going

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Absolutely the fuck not Shuri.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **bringing back the avengers orgy,, 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird: **lAnGuAgE

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm sorry can we just get back to thor using WHAT to make strudels ????

 **> > thor @assgard: **they're magically delicious

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i can't do this anymore. i can't.

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **how about don't put all of our lives in danger for strudel

 **> >>> thor @assgard: **where's the fun in that

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **rt, i would die willingly for thor's toaster strudels

 **> >>>>> thor @assgard: **a brave warrior, young peter

**spiderman, heckley, shuri, and 32k others retweeted peter with a b's reply.**

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** can't believe there are thirty thousand people willing to die for thor's toaster strudels, my boyfriends included, and yet no one's lining up to die for my breakfast foods ? and i'm prettier than thor ? 

**> val @valhalen: **peak sibling culture

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **loki, love, are you telling me you're upset that people would rather die for thor than you

 **> > snek @lowkey: **yes !! i am superior

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **sweetheart, ily, but this is a mess

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i would die for your pancakes

 **> > snek @lowkey: **this is why i'm team spidey. 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **<3 ily bitch

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i ain't ever gonna stop lovin you bitch

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **this was our thing, how could you do this to me ?

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **now you know what your betrayal felt like

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** i'm dumb i'm a lesbian

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **is this bc u ran into captain marvel again

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **no this time it was bc of the valkyrie 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **gaYY

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **like you're one to talk; "i would kiss flash to shut him up" headass

**flash, shuri, peter with a b, and 21 others retweeted mj's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i feel so bad for the people that have only ever seen the straight side of tiktok and not the gay side

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **What's... tiktok? 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **it's wild like they think THAT's humor, when it is in fact not

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **they have no taste

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i sing gay tiktok songs all the time and literally nobody gets it and i- 

**> snek @lowkey: **idea: hack tiktok and eliminate the straight side

 **> > wee woo @wagon: **y tho

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **idk it just sounded fun 

**> >> flash @spideystan: **this is actually the gay agenda 

**mj, spiderman, snek, and 245k others retweeted flash's reply.**

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** SPIDERMAN RETWEETED MY REPLY I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW OMG

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **does this mean u can change ur @ i'm tired of it

 **> > flash @spideystan: **what should it b then

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **@/nedsbitch

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no mj that's too on the nose

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: ** peter's right,, it should b @/spideysimp

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i'm tired of spidey being in the name, i want something fresh something fun something absolutely fantabulous

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **then you must give us time to brainstorm

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** peter just ran through the living area holding two large ribbons and screaming "gotta go fast" and honestly that's one of the most normal things to happen all day.

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **update: clint just came into the room with one ribbon tying his ankles together and the other tying his wrists together. when i asked what happened all he said was "the vents are no man's land now" 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **apparently clint thinks the vents house mice that have somehow learned to lasso ? when in reality i'm sure peter is the one who did this

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: @beterbarker **i can't believe you've done this

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i cAn'T bElieVe yOu'VE dOnE tHiS,, this is what you get for eating my spaghetti last friday

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **remember kids, when peter says "don't toucha my spaghet" he m e a n s that shit

**rhodey, tony stank, nat, and 27 others retweeted heckley's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** stacy's mom 

**> gwen @gwenstacy: **heard u were talking shit

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **no ma'am, no way, i was simply singing 

**> >> gwen @gwenstacy: **why is my name in it

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i don't see the name gwendolyne anywhere, do you ?

 **> >>>> gwen @gwenstacy: **peter bermuda,,

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the song is literally called stacy's mom, gwen, omg

* * *

 **gwen @gwenstacy tweeted:** honestly i just wanted to see if i could annoy/intimidate him into telling me. boys are dumb

 **shuri, nat, mj, and 398k others retweeted gwen's tweet.**


	72. ate cold chicken nuggets while writing this 10/10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snek @lowkey tweeted: if attempting to take over New York City so that I can run it as my own personal Asgard is a crime then lock me up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap kicked the shit out of me -levesqueen

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I just want EVERYONE to know, I am VERY GAY for the man depicted in ‘the desperate man’ by GUSTAVE COURBET, and WOULD LEAVE ANY AND ALL OF MY 3 BOYFRIENDS FOR HIM

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** rt

**> snek @lowkey:** that’s literally me

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** wait really ?

**> >> snek @lowkey:** yes???

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I RETRACT MY STATEMENT, HE IS ALREADY ONE OF MY 3 BOYFRIENDS

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** the mona lisa is overrated, really some of vin diesel’s worst work 

**> patricia @monetwannabe:** whomst 

**> > raisin @meup:** no let him speak

** >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** _#digitalandtraditionalarefightingagain_

**> snek @lowkey:** mischief managed motherfuckers

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Isn’t that the guy that wrote Moana? 

**> > snek @lowkey:** u made it better xoxo 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Wait, maybe I’m thinking of Lin Manuel Miranda? 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ur thinking of The Rock

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** no he’s definitely thinking of Lin Manuel Miranda you’d know this if you were a real Moana stan 

**> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **was anyone gonna tell me that Lin Manuel Miranda wrote the Moana soundtrack or was I just supposed to find out from tony stark roasting me in the comments of one of Loki’s shitposts

* * *

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** someone just threatened to punch me in the face for being a Gemini

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** and I’ll actually do it too pow pow pow

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** they’re actual children

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** what did I do

 **> >>> nat @spidermom:** well for starters, u were born a Gemini

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** So now we’re oppressing people for being born in the wrong month?

****> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** god ur such a fucking cancer  
**

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** thank u Megan for giving us savage 

**> Steven G. Rogrs @captainamerica:** You want to be sassy, moody, and nasty?

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** uhh. Yeah 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** she has such a way with words <3

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i don’t even know what my star sign is we don’t have m o n t h s

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I feel like ur a Gemini

 **> > snek @lowkey:** oof ouch

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i get both leo and aquarius vibes

 **> flash @spideystan:** honestly i just think ur a fucking dick

****> > snek @lowkey:** that’s rich coming from a saggitatiys  
**

****> banner @7phdsindebt:** I know for a fact that he’s a goddamn Scorpio **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** everybody remember what’s important here: me

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** fucking leo’s i cannot

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** if u weren’t such a cancer u would see the humor in my tweets but u ARE

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** at least I’m not a Pisces xoxo

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** words can hurt

****> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** bro 😔  
**

* * *

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I’m the CEO of putting ketchup and soy sauce on food items they shouldn’t ever be on 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Weird name for a company but alright

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** no it’s a slang term

**> pepper @spicypepper: **I’m ceo of stark industries is that the same thing

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m never tweeting anything ever again 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** someone just got vibe checked lol

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** what a fucking FLEX miss pots

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** if attempting to take over New York City so that I can run it as my own personal Asgard is a crime then lock me up

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** **@beterbarker** Don’t make me beg. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m not teaching u

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Peter it’s essential to connecting with the youth

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what is

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **u can learn the cups song by watching shitty YouTube videos made by 9 year olds like the rest of us did

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my fatal flaw? this ass 🥴

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** my therapist says my problem is that i never take anything seriously

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** how much bullying would it take for Thor to try straightening my hair using baby lightning

**> tony stank @iamironman:** I’m sorry,,, baby lightning??

**> > snek @lowkey:** yeah like he just presses strands of my hair between his hands and uses a lil tiny bit of lightening and then bam part of me is straight

**> >> thor @assgard:** I’m not doing that

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** I hate this fucking family

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** I’ll tell u what kind of shampoo u use based on ur user and zodiac sign

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Leo

 **> > nat @spidermom:** Johnson & Johnson

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** she’s really good

 **> flash @spideystan:** savgitauris

 **> > nat @spidermom:** 4 in 1,

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** omg is that why your hair is so greasy

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** Gemini

 **> > nat @spidermom:** function of beauty

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** fuck she’s right

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Pisces

 **> > nat @spidermom:** something that smells like vanilla, probably garnier fructis?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** yeah ok

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** have y'all suddenly forgotten that she lives where u do? smh

 **> > sam @thebestbird:** not to mention she’s a super spy. Capricorn.

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** u dont own shampoo bc u use bucky’s

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** u do what now

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** cancer

 **> > nat @spidermom:** same as Sam

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** wait a damn minute

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironan:** you live with them and never noticed there’s only one shampoo bottle and it’s yours?

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** who am I to judge

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** Peter puts MUSTARD in his TUNA

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** and pickles 

**> > snek @lowkey:** u eat tuna? Nasty 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** How else would he eat it? Without seasoning? 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** ok but it kinda slaps though

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** no. wrong. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** it’s supposed to be mayo and tuna

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** mayo doesn’t have a flavor. it’s literally lubed up egg whip. 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I’m sorry,,, lubed up egg whip????

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so ur just gonna look at me and ur gonna tell me that I’m wrong???

**> captain better @marvelous:** u mean the right way?

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** the right way would be not eating tuna at all miss marvel 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** so u just don’t put grapes apples and eggs in urs?

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** mr Bruce u mean to tell me u put gr  🤢 grapes apples and  🤢 grapes apples and egg 🤢 I can’t even say it 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** HUH??

**> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** kinda wish I was Helen Keller rn 

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** what would my star sign be

 **> val @valhalen:** bro u are my star

 **> > thor @assgard:** bro

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** and if ur gonna call me a man, make sure u put spider in front of it

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** my way, my way or the high way

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** cucumbers are so pointless they just taste like water 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** put soy sauce on them 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** how about no 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bet it’d taste better 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** let me reiterate, how about no

* * *


	73. PSA discourse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just feel like stephen is anti steven on principle,, don't ask what principle just on it -okaybi

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** holding hands is totally punk rock

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr. boinky you weren't even alive for the punk movement

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **technically i was

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **on top of that,, punk is a headspace, a vibe, a state of mind

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **jfc you're really passionate about this huh

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **yeah bc hE's pUnK rOcK

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **:( 

**> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Sam apologize to Bucky right now.

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **fuck no

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** loving and supporting your significant other(s) is completely punk rock

**heckley, peter with a b, spiderman, and 390k others retweeted snek's tweet.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** he took the kids

 **> pepper @spicypepper:** who

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **steve. HE TOOK THE KIDS

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **What no!

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **THEY'RE MY KIDS TOO STEVEN

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't worry mr. stark i'll stay with you

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **that makes one of us, steve promised to take me to a yankees game. idk what that is but it sounds aggressively american

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: @lowkey** you're not gonna enjoy that game

 **> snek @lowkey: **if i don't i'll just take down steve like i've done before, a win-win

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **valid

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **no, no fighting steve

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **go for his knees

 **> >> pepper @spicypepper: **jim!

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **what he deserves it every once in a while

 **> >>>> stephen @shortforstephenas: **yeah he needs to be knocked down a peg or seven

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i agree, he's getting too comfortable

**stephen, snek, rhodey, and 4 others retweeted bucket’s reply.**

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** everything that comes out of steve's mouth at this point makes me wanna punch a wall. we've been in the same building for way too goddamn long

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **lmao

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I don't understand what I did. 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's the Disappointed Voice

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **The... The what?

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **yk the voice you make in the PSA's

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **what PSA's

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you've never seen the PSA's?

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **omg we're so watching them

 **> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Please, no. Sam, Buck, a little help?

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **nah i wanna see this

**bucket retweeted falcon’s reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** so you're in detention

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **God abandoned me long ago

 **> > val @valhalen: **i don't even know who you are kid

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **didn't know i needed someone to call cap a kid until now

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** so your body's changing

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **DJSKAJS

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **steve why did you do these

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **That one actually wasn't me.

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **the guy in that one has brown eyes

 **> >>>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **you're telling me someone who looks suspiciously like cap is running around pretending to be him in PSA's?

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **It's my evil twin brother.

 **> >>>>>> nat @spidermom: **his name's Roger Stevens

 **> >>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **what the fucking hell

**3,371 retweets on spiderman’s reply.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Roger is from an alternate universe.

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **i think you're wrong

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Well that's what he told me.

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **you're a gullible little bitch then

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **I'M CACKLING WHAT

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **these are the pegs he deserved to be taken down

 **> snek @lowkey: **on an actual note though what the fuck ?

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **this is a mess

**captain better, nat, falcon, and 964k others retweeted shuri's reply.**

* * *

**T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** I cannot believe I associate with you people **@theavengers** -T'Challa

 **> thor @assgard: **quiet, furry

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **does he even know what that means akjds

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **no but that just makes it funnier

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **this is why we can't have nice things

 **> >>> banner @7phdsindebt: **thor thinks furry is what the monarchs of Wakanda are referred to as; like a sign of respect or honor or something

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **well,,, he's not wrong they ARE called the black panther which COULD be a fursona

 **> >>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **he's a little confused but he's got the spirit

**322 retweets on clit's reply.**

* * *

**veronica @jdandveronica tweeted:** what is the ultimate yearning song 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **despacito 

**> > veronica @jdandveronica: **1) no. 2) how did u even find this post

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes. and don't question me.

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **obviously the ultimate yearning song is never gonna give you up

**spiderman, bucket, peter j quill, and 51k others retweeted tony stank's reply.**


	74. mr stank I don’t feel so dank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday toby stonk

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** whats everyone’s main character flaw mine is that i exist 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** mine is that im mean to ppl w shitty ideologies 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** mine is this big fat bussy

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainass:** I still have a cat allergy

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: @lowkey** luv u

**> snek @lowkey:** who doesn’t 

**> > snek @lowkey:** my dad doesn’t count

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** can an adult figure pls tell me they’re proud of me and they love me my mom didn’t say that after i came out

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** May wants ur #

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** May is now my mother in law

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** are u proposing

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** dibs on maid of honor

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** BITCH

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** sometimes I call nat just to hear her greeting 

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** thats kind of sweet -T'challa

**> tony stank @iamironman:** “Seattle taxidermy, you kill em we fill em, how can I help you?”

**> clint @thatbitchfrancis:** “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze em we freeze em, whats up?”

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** “austin egg cryopreservation, you have em we extract em” 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** that sounds so fucking ominous 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** good. 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dad come pick me up i’m scared

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** “Los Angeles defense attorneys, commit the crime and pay the dime”

**> > nat @spidermom:** I think that was my worst one

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** No doubt, it was.

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** (this was to spidey) “memphis chiropractors, you lack em we crack em” 

**> > nat @spidermom:** no this was the worst 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** yeah it made me feel insecure abt my lack of bones :(

* * *

**Steven G Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Sometimes I miss being a child in the 20’s. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** why tho?? U and Bucky always talk abt how much easier it is now

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** Obviously you’ve never been pushed down ocean parkway in one of these bad boys at full speed

[](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fantiques.lovetoknow.com%2FAntique_Radio_Flyer_Wagon&psig=AOvVaw2BI50w9Qdp6__YheluAcMa&ust=1590896213906000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCLjfpK7U2ukCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAK)

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I can feel the broken limbs through the screen.

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** Peter bites his ice lolly like a true gentlemen 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** the stark legacy lives on

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** I refuse to believe anyone that bites their ice pop is even remotely human

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** crunchity munchity 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** no

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what do u propose (other than marriage)

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** licking it like a normal person?

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** uhm no homo 

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** u have 3 boyfriends I think we’re past that

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** are you calling me a slut???

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh I think you’ve misunderstood, they’re my BITCHES not my boyfriends

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** am I a joke to u

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** frankly, yes

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** hey funky lesbian pls come back Karen I wanna see the kids (ur comments)

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** stop doing that to the wall 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I want whatever it is that ur on Wade

* * *

**the colony @weareants tweeted: @theavengers** JOIN US

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** JOINED

**> > the colony @weareants:** NOT YOU!  YOU ARE SPIDER, NOT ANT

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** ITS BECAUSE I DONT HAVE BONES ISNT IT

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** rip spidey, JOIN

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** JOIN

**> >> the colony @weareants:** BOTH ACCEPTED

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** when ur a spy

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** a spyder **

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** shut the fuck up

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** is nobody gonna talk about how today’s my birthday 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** well ya see 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** ? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i can’t take it anymore! mr. stark there’s a surprise waiting for you at home 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i knew this was gonna happen 

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** i’m sorry for having some faith in him! 

**> > snek @lowkey:** this is why i plan all the pranks and surprises by myself

**> >> thor @assgard:** I do not think surprise snake attacks count

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i’m loki and i’m good at keeping secrets blah blah 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** it’s not his fault you can’t keep secrets peter 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bitch

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** old man

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** u are literally 103 years old james

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** but i make it work, the same cannot be said about steve 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** You’re older than me Bucky

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** since when I do not recall

**> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** wdym you don’t recall I know u read the museum exhibits

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bold to assume I can read

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** when even is my birthday

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** March 10

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** thank u Steve

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @jbabybarnes** just out of curiosity, what do you think we were doing when we celebrated you in March?

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** finally accepting that I’m the hottest avenger

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** over this hot piece of ass? i think not.

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** tony is right on account of have u seen him

**> >> thor @assgard:** right in front of my spinach?

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** guys it’s me

**> >> nat @spidermom:** no tf it is not

**> > captain better @marvelous:** it’s me

**> >> ** **val @valhalen:** i’m god and she’s right


	75. avengers fmk ? no that'd be silly ahaha unless...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, if you're protesting in Minnesota or anywhere else, please be careful and as safe as possible! Black. Lives. Matter. And to my fellow white people, it's our job to educate ourselves and use our privilege to boost the voices of black people. 
> 
> if you don't know how to protest from home and want to, you can sign this petition https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/justice-george-floyd-0

**fangirl3000 @doesitlooklikeiknow tweeted: @theavengers** are you guys up for fuck/kiss, marry, kill ?

 **> the avengers @theavengers: **sure, tag #avengersfmk

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **i have a migraine already

* * *

**boo @youwhore tweeted:** #avengersfmk **@jbabybarnes, @captainamerica, @iamironman**

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **psh easy. kiss barnes, marry tony, kill steve

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Easy?

 **> > stephen @shortforstepheneas: **yeah that ^

 **> thor @assgard: **kiss tony, marry bucky, kill steve

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **You too?!

 **> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **fuck steve, marry tony, kill bucky. -T'Challa

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **why tho

 **> >> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **my mother basically adopted you, you're like my brother. -T'Challa

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm not crying i just have acidic rain in my eyes

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **fuck bucky, is there an alternative for marry ?, kill steve

 **> nat @spidermom:** i'm gonna do this even tho i'm a lesbian bc,,, kiss steve, marry bucky, kill tony

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **rip i guess

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **i'm also gonna do this, fuck bucky, marry tony, kill steve

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **WHY DOES EVERYONE WANNA KILL ME

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you just have one of those faces

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **and personalities

* * *

**gently @withachainsaw tweeted:** #avengersfmk **@spidermom, @spicypepper** (idk if she's included but i love her so) **, @thatbitchfrancis**

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kiss nat, marry pep, kill clinton

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **i see how it is

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **kill clint. kiss pepper ? marry nat ? idk i'm gay 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **hm marry clint, kiss nat, kill pepper 

**> val @valhalen: **goodbye clint, fuck pepper, marry natasha

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **same

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **The girls scare me too much for me to take part in this

 **> > nat @spidermom: **good

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **oOoh omiNouS

 **> >>> nat @spidermom: **i’m going to rearrange your feet

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Good luck with that, pal. **@jbabybarnes**

* * *

**jake @jgyllenhaal tweeted:** #avengersfmk me **, @jeffgoldblum, @ryanreynolds**

 **> snek @lowkey: **lmao so fuck jeff, marry you, kill ryan

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you’d fuck jeff goldblum ?

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **i’m about to ruin this man’s whole career

 **> >>> thor @assgard: **loki…

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **uh okay fuck jeff, marry ryan, kill jake

 **> > jake @jgyllenhaal: **is there a reason

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **idk i get villain vibes

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Marry Jake, fuck Ryan, kill Jeff

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **marry ryan, fuck jake, kill jeff

 **> >> jeff @jeffgoldblum: **why do old people hate me :(

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **no

**tony stank, thor, T’Challa, and 23 others retweeted rhodey’s reply.**

* * *

**ryan @ryanreynolds tweeted:** on a scale of 1-10 i am at about a 13 on the offended spectrum

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **you just don’t have that certain,, je ne sais quoi

**rhodey, T'Challa, thor, and 42 others retweeted currently unaliving people's reply.**

* * *

**ugh @asif tweeted:** #avengersfmk **@tchallaofwakanda, @captainamerica, @thebestbird**

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kiss steve, marry t’challa, kill sam

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **bro :(

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **it’s bc you’re my bro 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **bro <3

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **e a s y, kiss t’challa, marry sam, kill steve

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I’m under the distinct impression that you don’t like me very much. 

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **sorry but sam and t’challa are just prettier than you

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Yeah that’s valid, carry on.

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **alright so,,, i’d fuck all of them. 

**> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **agree

* * *

**big dumb @combatboots tweeted:** #avengersfmk **@valhalen, @marvelous, @hela**

 **> thor @assgard: **hela ? i thought we killed her

 **> > goth @hela: **oh? haven’t you heard?

 **> nat @spidermom: **oka hgng kiss val, marry carol, kill hela (who the fuck are you)

 **> > goth @hela: **one pretty ass bitch

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **you’re so fucking full of yourself

 **> >>> goth @hela: **you’re one to talk

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kiss carol, kill hela (?), and i’d marry val in vegas bc i think we’d be a fun little duo 

**> > val @valhalen: **damn right we would

 **> sam @thebestbird: **i would marry both val and carol bc,, and idk who hela is ?

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **i’d do the same as @spidermom

* * *

**why do you have a fake ID @tovote tweeted:** #avengersfmk bug edition?? **@antman, @wasp, @spidermom**

 **> val @valhalen: **rip scott, i'm sure you'll end up in some afterlife somewhere, kiss nat, marry hope

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kiss scott bc why not, and then set up hope and nat 

**> > why do you have a fake ID @tovote: **sir that was not the question

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **what're you gonna do about that tho

 **> captain better @marvelous:** fuck hope, yeah, marry nat, kill scotty sorry :/

 **> goth @hela: **hmm,, fuck scott, marry hope, kill nat bc she killed me

 **> > thor @assgard: **you're not even an avenger 

**> >> goth @hela: **yeah so ?

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **don't you know where you're not wanted 

**> >>>> snek @lowkey: **nvm i take that back you DID stay on asgard even as we yk destroyed it to get rid of you and then you followed us here ?

 **> >>>>> goth @hela: **sis i

**thor retweeted snek's reply.**

* * *

**the avengers @theavengers tweeted:** okay that’s the end of #avengersfmk !

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** i simply want a gf is that too much ?? to ask for ? pls

**52k retweets on nat’s tweet.**


	76. im listening to the waitress soundtrack and cryng hby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls read notes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur going to protest pls remember to wear protective eyewear and bring water to drunk and water/milk just in case of gas! if u can't protest, please text 'floyd' to 55156 to find out how you can help the cause in other ways. :) stay safe, loves.
> 
> On another note, starting this week the update schedule will be changing from daily to Tuesdays and Fridays only due to both of us working and/or being in school.

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** spider-man only wants one thing and it's fucking disgusting

**> spiderman @spidertheman:**

**[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.innerbody.com%2Fimage%2Fskelfov.html&psig=AOvVaw2aSxdENENlVMqy0-CYI6au&ust=1591115723061000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCKCp_I6G4ekCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD) **

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** imam wake up any minute now...... any minute :)

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** someone lied and 2020 several times and told her that she was fly, hot, sexy, and beautiful when she is nothing like that. she is nothing of the sort.

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if ur response to 'black lives matter' is 'all lives matter' pls do me a favor and block me

 **> Dondal Trumpet @presidentdonaldtrump: **Fine! Don't know why my advisors have me following such a snowflake in the first place anyway!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **im old enough to be ur father dude sit down

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** the boys and I are gonna meet at the tre tonight if anyone wants to join

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **am I invited to the treE

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **only if u have bones

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **FUCK

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** it's with a heavy heart that I announce that this ass is, in fact, still fat

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I have one (1) requirement for guys I date; bones

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **ok this is cyberbullying :(

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** if ur response to police brutality is 'not all cops are bad' unfollow me. the whole system is fucked

 **> dondal trumpet @presidentdonaldtrump: **I will up your taxes, Mr. Stark!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** what part of tax fraud don't you understand old man

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **always kinda wondered what it felt like to be a part of the boston tea party, guess im gonna find out

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** college is a scam but here I am anyways

 **> Steven G. Rogers @capainamerica: **Don't be shy, drop out!

 **> > val @valhalen: **I regret creating you

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Then get rid of me.

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **the energy and power is immaculate here

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **im getting distinct bucky vibes

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what's the saying spidey has? he can steal my juice but he can't take the recipe?

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I just want my bones

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **steal them from the president

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **steal them from hobby lobby they're homophobic so it's free game

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker:** found my silly bandz collection

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **I thought they banned them at school after flash kept flicking them into Betty's face

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I've always had a bit of a rebellious streak

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** steve wants another dog so the three of us compromised and now we have a worm on a string

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **it's what the gen z refer to as 'iconic'

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **it is indeed iconic

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **can I come over and tie it to the ceiling fan

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** worm abuse!!

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **wait till y'all find out about roomba's

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** we got a Roomba and steve and shuri immediately facetimed and named it debby

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **it's short for Deborah which is short for Deboroombah

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **life's a party here

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** im pretty and smart what more could you want

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **for you to keep the roombas under control every once in a while bitch

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** im offended and appalled you'd even SUGGEST that i'd ever invest in a Roomba. i'll have you know those are my custom made stark industry amboors


	77. my wAy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babes hope you’re all well! tuesday’s will be my day to update,, in other news i had my first day of college yesterday (online), and it was definitely something lol -okaybi

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** if you’re gonna call me boyfriend 

**> snek @lowkey:** put needy in front of it you stupid bitch. my way, my- 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** . 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** are you coming 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if my brain doesn't start releasing the happy chemicals soon,, i'll drop out

 **> chris @isthataweed: **c/o 2020 just graduated ?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i was referring to college, chrisanthemum 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **how would your sweet professor feel about that 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i didn't ask for your opinion, did i

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **don't guilt trip him, that's uncool 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird: **why did you use the word 'uncool'

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **for funsies

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **is this even real

**falcon, snek, val, and 545k others retweeted ned :)'s reply.**

* * *

**ke$ha stan @keshaisiconic tweeted:** thinking about how spidey could b made into boneless 'chicken' wings v easily and idk why ? what's wrong with my brain

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **stop that immediately

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **it really is like kesha said,

 **> > thor @assgard: **the party don't stop no

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **hot and dangerous

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **your love is my drug

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **everybody take it off

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i'll eat you up

 **> > val @valhalen: **brush my teeth with a bottle of jack

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **we R who we R

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **the party don't start til i walk in

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **like we're gonna die young

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **dancing like we're dumb 

**> > snek @lowkey: **i'll be the one you won't foget

 **> > T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **we'll be forever young. -T'Challa

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** me: speak 

my dog: i miss my thumbs

me: never mind! stop speaking!

 **> snek @lowkey: **this is why you get cats

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **No.

**Steven G. Rogers retweeted falcon's reply.**

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** my lack of bones makes it incredibly easy to..

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **So you decided to tweet this

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **what are you the twitter police

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** was anyone gonna tell me that it's not normal to feel like bugs are crawling all over you when they're not, or was i just supposed to learn that by offhandedly mentioning it to **@guyinthechair** who said it was weird

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid..

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **formication, the feeling of insects crawling across or underneath your skin, a type of paresthesia. could be caused by anxiety. 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and i think that's v sexy of me

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **bro 

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day: all the avengers are idiots :)

 **> thor @assgard: **hey :/

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **my bad, all the avengers are idiots except for **@whoremachine**

**rhodey retweeted banner's tweet.**

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @whoremachine,** did the kids come up with your twitter handle as well?

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **nope this has been my name since tony made my account like forever ago

 **> > T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **and you haven't changed it? -T'Challa

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **nah

 **> >>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **why not

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **why haven't you changed yours? 

**> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **touche

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **besides i think mine's funny

**tony stank, pepper, hApPy :D. and 120 others retweeted rhodey's reply.**

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i put PINEAPPLE on my BURGERS

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **so you decided to tweet this

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **should we bring back bullying? be honest

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **why

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **mmm Yummy

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: ** now i have that justin bieber song stuck in my head so FUCK YOu

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** and if you're gonna call me depressed, make sure you put bitch after it. my way, my way or the highway

**bucket, tony stank, snek, and 901k others retweeted peter with a b's tweet.**


	78. yes definitely ur way i been living in the same town for 17 years and still get lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levesqueen: Why did so many people stop at 77
> 
> Okaybi: bc it’s the last one
> 
> Levesqueen: Oh shit u right
> 
> Okaybi: ?? you’re literally writing chap 78 rn
> 
> Levesqueen: ,,so I am

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I’m a sentient rock. it’s very important to me that you all understand this. 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** No Bucky! You’re so much more than that! You have bones. 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** LAWYER THE FUCK UP STEVEN

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I’ve been a wanted man in almost every country, you can’t touch me. 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** mama I’m in love with a criminal

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** I’m tired of the fairy comments I need something new

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** chair  🤡🤢 but make it extra comfy  👺💀

* * *

**T'challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** I think it’s time we redirect our attention to the true center of our universe: me. -T’Challa 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** you stole my line

**> > T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** I worded it better. -T’Challa 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** right in front of my salad

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** if heat rises then why is the sky so gotdamn cold riddle me THAT climate changers

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** we aren’t having this conversation again

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** May b I won’t order extra salton my fries next time my tongue is burning

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that’s part of the fun and flavor

* * *

**vis @2020vision tweeted:** I need to cease existing and reset to default

**> wanda @scarletwitch:** aww no don’t reset to default ur so sexy

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Definitely don’t wear protective eye ware to protest. And definitely also don’t remember to not take pictures of people that the cops can use to identify them later. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** also you absolutely shouldn’t remember that water is better for tear gas than milk.

**> tony stank @iamironman:** and you probably also shouldn’t think about how tear gas causes contact lenses to melt into the eye causing permanent blindness

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** nobody tell the protesters that if wear fake tattoos that are identifiable where the police can see them then they can’t actually identify you later bc you don’t have that tattoo it’s a false identification

**> falcon @thebestbird:** but we probably should tell the protesters to self quarantine for at least two weeks after their protest

**> banner @7phsindebt:** no one tell the American protesters that it’s within their rights to peacefully demonstrate in public under the first amendment and that if police demand your notes you can say that you assume they don’t have the right to seize them

**> double d @daredevil:** is now a bad time to mention that if you happen to witness, say, police macing a medic it’s a war crime and a direct violation of the Geneva convention under article 19 (“The protection to which civilian hospitals are entitled shall not cease unless they are used to commit, outside their humanitarian duties, acts harmful to the enemy.”)

**> > double d @daredevil:** also, police rounding up protestors into allies and then teargassing/macing them is a violation of the Geneva convention as well (article 33 stating “Individual responsibility, collective penalties, pillage and reprisals. No protected person may be punished for any offense he or she has not personally committed”)

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** YES daredevil fuck it UP

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** and make sure you forget protesters, that it’s a violation of the geneva convention to use tear gas in war but it’s apparently okay to use domestically 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** also, rubber bullets are not made of rubber, they’re metal wrapped in a THIN LAYER of rubber and are meant to be shot at the ground at an angle from a distance and not point blank at someone’s HEAD

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** not to mention they’re meant to be shot from 40-75 yards away (at a speed of around 200 ft/60m per SECOND) at the ground to ricochet into someone’s leg and hence stopping them from pursuit, not to be shot at someone’s head from less than 10 yards away. definitely don’t keep in mind that cops are shooting to kill. 

**> >> ned ;) @guyinthechair:** so you definitely SHOULDnt wear protective headgear just in case

**> nat @spidermom:** definitely don’t let the protestors know that the bridge of their nose is their most defining feature and that they should hide it, and can do so by mixing Vaseline, flour, and foundation

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** and you should take WATER to stay hydrated folks, the police are trapping people on streets and bridges and you never know how long you’ll be there unfortunately

**> tony stank @iamironman:** and if you happen to be brought in by police, don’t remember to say the exact words of “I’m now invoking my right to remain silent” followed by “I’m invoking my right to an attorney.” If you don't word it exactly like that the police can take it as you stating you'd like an attorney without invoking your right to one.

**> Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** it’s definitely not worth mentioning that anything you’ve seen about overpowering a police officer (especially that tidbit about using their riot shields to flip them on their backs) is bs. you get better at fighting by gettting into more fights, the police probably have more experience that you

**> > Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** and even if you DID overpower one of them, two more would be right there waiting for you

**> >> pepper @spicypepper:** all in all, it’s better to not initiate contact with any police officer unless absolutely necessary

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** and remember kids, i for sure will not be in the crowd to fuck cops up if they try to fuck with you ! white people who want to start vandalizing shit with their skateboards are fair game too !

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** head empty, what do

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** read

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** you know I’m illiterate and you know it affects me so why would you say that????

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** every time u smoke a joint u kill a tree. think abt that. 

**> flash @spideystan:** can’t think when I’m high as FUCK 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** don’t listen to him, he can’t think in general

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** itchin and burnin 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** stanky and fishy 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’ve got STD’s

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** they make my coochie itch 

**> >>> pepper @spicypepper:** you guys tweet about EVERYTHING huh

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I can’t fucking believe this, ned. I can’t believe you’d do this to me, walking out on our friendship. Before you go, answer me one thing. 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** what is it, Pete

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** if I back it up, is it fat enough?

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** never as fat as the Bible amen

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** when I throw it back, is it fast enough????

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** if I speed it up, I swear to god ned, could you handle that?

**> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you ain’t ready for this work now watch me throw it throw it BACK

**> mj @becrimedogay:** mad appreciation for ned just rolling with whatever Peter throws at him

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** hey! what abt when i roll w what ned throws at me 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** .

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yes ma’am

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **then you or a loved one may be entitled to financial compensation

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** I was diagnosed with cool guy syndrome at the young age of newborn. The midwife saw me and told my mother “your son is going to vibe check so many people” and I have been living up to and exceeding the expectations set for me ever since. -T’Challa 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** just say ur a kiss ass and move on

**> > m'baku @mbaku: ** my love <3

* * *

**kevin @kevin1972 tweeted:** that was one bad cop, not all cops are bad 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** how’s that boot taste, bootlicker 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** boom roasted

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so how’s it smell?

**> > kevin @kevin1972:** what 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** well I figure since you’ve got ur head up the judicial systems ass it must smell like shit

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftenor.com%2Fview%2Fgetherjade-get-her-jade-rpdr-gif-9479342&psig=AOvVaw1bXJ2TTzxSWeowXt2Rci72&ust=1591497436883000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCODV3oqU7OkCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD)

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** DOES Charlie d’amelio deserve rights: discourse. defendant may go. 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** yes

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** why?

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** why not 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** a very good point. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:v **persecution may now proceed with cross examination. 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** she doesn’t get rights if I don’t get them

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what makes you think you don’t have rights?

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you told me I don’t deserve rights bc I like thin crust pizza

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dismissed, charli would never betray me like that. the jury says that the defendant (charli) deserves rights

**> > double d @daredevil:** this isn’t how these things work

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** on Twitter it is

**> >>> double d @daredevil:** Valid, carry on

**> >> gigi @hadidnt:** why does DD know how the law works 

**> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** he says to mind your fucking business 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** he certainly did not say that

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** and how would you know

**> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** okay maybe he said the that

**> >>> double d @daredevil:** I know what I’m about bitch

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** the legacy lives on

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: @2020vision** ur username is very unfortunate

 **> vis @2020vision: **what's to say I didn't do that on purpose? who's to think I haven't known about this shitstorm this entire time?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **if that is the case then I hope u have said ur goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to mention it in this chapter because it could change, but remember that cops currently have something called “cops qualified immunity,” which basically means that they can infringe on anyone’s civil rights and not be held accountable. This was instated in the 60’s and due to the current movement is being brought before the Supreme Court today. Stay strong and stay safe, loves. :) -levesqueen


	79. you give good directions tho ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s finally tuesday!! hi babes, it’s been forever
> 
> i just realized we never introduced ourselves on here ?? lol so hi i'm Ri and i use she/her pronouns -okaybi

**T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted: @mbaku** got me acting up. -T'Challa 

**> M'Baku @mbaku: **;)

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i think we should spice up your @ mr. m'baku sir

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **say no more

 **> >>> The King's Man @mmmbreakmyback: **shuri... why

 **> >>>> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **she does kind of have a point maybe. -T'Challa

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i like how 2020 has just turned into 'oh god what's next'

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's a shitshow and i lived through the great depression and ww2 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **2020 is keeping us on our toes, might be her way of saying we need to learn ballet 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **hot take: not this

 **> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **sometimes it be like that. -T'Challa

* * *

**The King's Man @mmmbreakmyback tweeted:** rt if you think that america is trash and you don't even live there

 **> kevin @kevin1972: **if you don't live here, mind your business. and if you do live here and think it's 'trash' then move. 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **or you could like, and i'm just spit balling here, advocate for reform in your country to make it not trash

 **> > Steven G. ROgers @captainamerica: **so you decided to tweet this

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **should've left this one in the drafts kEvIn

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **better yet,, delete your account

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **kevin pls smash your wifi router next time you go into a rage instead of putting your fist through a wall or a door

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @jbabybarnes** the goats miss you 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **my babies :') i miss them the most

 **> > T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **you are welcome to come visit. -T'Challa

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **as soon as i can i'll be there 

**> >>> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **mother will be pleased. -T'Challa

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **don't be like that, you're pleased about it as well.

 **> >>>>> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **do not be ridiculous, i do not have feelings. -T'Challa

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** on today's regularly scheduled program, i'm tired and crave affection

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we love you 

**> > snek @lowkey: **^ come cuddle <3

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **uwu

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** WHAT THE FUCK WHO IN THE HELL PUT THE MUFFINS IN THE FREEZER

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg mr. stark since when are you active on tiktok ?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **what are you talking about bambino, i'm asking a genuine question

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i just think the freezers are a super neat and cool modern invention

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **you would know you were in one for 70 years

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Tony,

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no he's right

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i wonder what it's like licking the boots of the people that defend the bourgeoisie, couldn't be me, no sir, no ma'am, no respectable person, not me. 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **i hope they choke on that boot they got down their throat

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** TIL i'm actually 1 full percent italian so i'm basically fully italian ?? oui oui

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **tedward,,,

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **That's French! I know French, I'm cultured!

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **cultured people don't chase people with nerf guns, steven

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **precisely, they chase them with potato guns instead

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **consider knives

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **no

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **but yes

* * *

**T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** i think we should all take a moment to appreciate something beautiful: me

 **> The King's Man @mmmbreakmyback: **i will take all of the moments in the rest of my life to appreciate your beauty, my love <3

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **ok but why was that actually cute tho

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **don't mind me i'm just crying in the club

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i did a thing. 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: **do i need to ready the lawyers

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **that depends

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **on 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: @sexierthor**

**> >>>> hozier @sexierthor: **you have bestowed a great gift upon me, i will cherish it

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **so no lawyers then ?

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** i have a message for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community 

**> captain better @marvelous: ** you are all valid and loved <3 happy pride month, babies. remember: keep supporting the BLM movement. pride wouldn't be possible without Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman. we're not going to turn our backs on our black brothers, sisters, and siblings. 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i'm 1% italian so technically my pizza recipe CAN'T be wrong

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thin crust pizza isn't pizza it's glorified toast

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **u aren't italian 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i literally am

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm fully italian and i think peter's right

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **my 2% french heritage says otherwise

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** god may i pls commit a crime

 **> val @valhalen: **i mean, i don't see why not ?

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **cool time to sneak into wakanda to visit my gf

 **> >> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **you could just ask, besides the dora milaje miss you. -T'Challa

 **> >>> mj @bec** **rimedogays:** i am soft this one (1) time

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** queer black lives matter. happy pride month, lovelies, keep fighting. i'm proud of you. 

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** reminder that you don't have to love your parents unconditionally just bc they're your parents, find people that love and support you and make them your family. this whole 'they're still your [insert familial position]' is bs.

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** anyone else ever hear a song and wonder who the hell thought releasing it was a good idea

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **ed sheeran's entire discography

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **swish swish by katy perry

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **africa by toto just... why

 **> > betty @bbrant: **take. that. back.

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **there are some songs that, like bastard says, are just meant to be left in the drafts

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **damn right

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** homophobia is me not having a gf during pride month :/

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** yeah i wonder why they haven't given nat a gf yet

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **the poor wall, you keep demolishing it. but probably bc they don't know who they'd pair her with

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i'm not demolishing anything tho ?

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **oh to be cursed with knowledge, sigh

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** So does Ned's 1% Italian heritage make him want to flip sides when he starts losing?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** does the 2% french make him want to surrender instead

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **the 2% french is outweighed by the 16% english telling me to beat ur ass

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **the 50% romanian and 50% jewish in me is telling me this entire conversation was a mistake

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **The 100% Irish makes me eat all the potatoes yum.

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **my italian ass with pasta

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **u were a mistake

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **hey, only i get to say mean things to bastard

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you literally let everyone bully me all the time

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **yeah true, nvm **@guyinthechair** carry on

 **> >>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **How does that saying go? Ah, yes. This house is a fucking nightmare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways defund the police, keep protesting (if you’re able), sign petitions, and stay informed. 
> 
> stay safe y’all :)


	80. girl I wish my mother had that sort of confidence in me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m max I use she/her and I’m the inspo for all of pete's food combo's

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** do you know what 5G REALLY stands for?

5 - five

G - goats

Every time you use 5G, there will be five goats. Is this a world in which you are ready to live in?

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I was born ready

**> tony stank @iamironman:** what’s the government gonna push onto us next? SIX goats?

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** seven? think we can do seven???

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** calm down, you don’t wanna push your luck 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** you can’t tell me to CALM DOWN SAMUEL there are GOATS ON THE LINE 

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** oh, to be a goat that your bf adores 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that’s the gayest thing ive ever heard come out of steve’s mouth

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** when I said till the end of the line I didn’t account for the goats I’d have to stop for sorry Steve

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** gay yearning is nothing new to me Bucky

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** and sorry for yelling at you sam

**> >>>>>>> ****falcon @thebestbird:** did you just,, apologize 

**> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** shut it 

**> >>>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird:** it’s okay if the goats are important to you babe 

**> >>>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** :) 

**> >>>>>>>>>>> betty @brant:** a healthy relationship ? i’ve never seen one of those up close before

**> >>>>>>>>>>> flash @spideystan:** THIS is how the gays turn up? then imma stick with the gays

* * *

**lil nas x @lilnasx tweeted:** spiderman isn’t spiderman if he isn’t wearing a cowboy hat

**> spider-man @spiderthaman:** proof that I’m the real spiderman 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** lies and slander! that’s a fedora!

* * *

**lil nas x @lilnasx tweeted:** how could you do that **@spiderthaman** ?? how could you lie to me like that ? 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** i never lied to you <3

**> > lil nas x @lilnasx** you’re right wanna be in my new music video

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** uh DUHHH

* * *

**Spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** HOLYSHIT HOLYDUCKINGSHIT HOLYHELL

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** bucky radiates both baby and daddy energy 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** who the hell let you on this website 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** i didn’t know you knew how to use those words 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** lmao steven, why

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** my poor baby innocent eyes im SCARRED 

**> nat @spideymom:** you’re really not one to talk, hypocrite

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** why is steve so,,, yappy

**> falcon @thebestbird:** mm like a chihuahua 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** did you really just call him a chihuahua i can’t  😭

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** not to be controversial but chihuahua is pronounce chi wow wha

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** HOLD THE FUCKING FLIP PHONE

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** Stark industries is proud to announce our latest project, the electric flute guitar! It looks like a normal guitar, but the neck doubles as a flute!

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I am very uncomfortable with the energy that we have created in the studio today

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** April fools gotcha kiddo

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s June

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** then this is v awkward

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** it was literally march when i went to the lab last night i stg

** > rhodey @whoremachine: @spicypepper @spicypepper @spicypepper **

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** rip lol

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarkr:** where are the states that Steve can’t go?

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Arizona, utah, and Ohio 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** theres 3 more states where Steve can’t be

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Texas, New Hampshire, and Tennessee 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I’m also not welcome in Europe 

**> pepper @spicypepper:** do I want to know

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** the list of arrest warrants out for Steve is long enough that you could hang it from the top of the Eiffel Tower and it’d touch the ground

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** oh how the mighty fall

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** babe ur banned from Alaska. ALASKA.

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** at least im not banned from texas, what kind of shit do you have to pull to get banned in TEXAS

**> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Cruz had it coming

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** if I’m not allowed to tweet abt the time I slept with walt disney and jfk pre-assassination then u can’t tweet abt the time u committed arson on Cruz’s property 

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I try to learn something new every day and it’s finally bit me in the ass

**> >>>>>>> nat @spidermom:** the time you WHAT

**> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** haha did i not mention that 

**> >>>>>>>>> nat @spidermom:** no you completely neglected to mention that you had SEX with the MISTER MOUSE'S DAD

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** Steve managed to get himself blacklisted from Taco Bell’s nation wide too. I think that’s worth mentioning. 

**> pepper @spicypepper:** I feel like it isn’t even worth asking anymore

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s worldwide actually, after the incident in moscow 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** there was an incident in russia and no one told me ? 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** we felt it best we didn’t tell you, steve was already wreaking havoc couldn’t have you on the loose too

* * *

**wanda @scarletwitch tweeted:** new game idea: we name places and Steve says wether or not he’s been banned from them

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** chick-fil-a 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** oh definitely

**> vis @2020vision:** Canada 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** not banned, but not welcome

**> tony stank @iamironman:** Japan

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I’m not sure and at this point I’m afraid to ask

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** mexico 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** i’m welcomed there so long as i keep opposing tr*mp, which i don’t plan on stopping that so

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** fuck it, Russia?

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s on sight there

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ..germany? 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** that’s touch and go

**> mj @becrimedogay:** Wakanda 

**> > T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** he is definitely banned -T'challa

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** wait I live here

**> >>> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** since when -T'challa

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** …Walmart?

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** not welcome to the locations in California

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** why

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** because I’m not welcome in California

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** My brain: put cheese in ur rice. do it. do it now

Me, sobbing and putting cheese in my rice: please shut the fuck up

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you’re doing great sweetie

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** when u really think about it cop cars are just gender neutral bathrooms

**> falcon @thebestbird:** I don’t think about it

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** u should

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** one time Bucky was driving me to Wendy’s and a cop used a megaphone to tell him to pull over and Bucky pulled out his own megaphone and said “actually it’s a cardigan thank you for noticing” and I think about that a lot

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: @jbaybarnes** ur humor>>>>

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** everything is fine 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** *narrator voice* everything was certainly not fine


	81. lol rip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babes! i had like 4 assignments, a test, a comp, and so many errands to do today. hope you're all well! -ri <3
> 
> TW: mention of abortion at the *** so you can skip that line if you don't feel comfortable reading

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** the savage remix is proof the beyonce is superior xx

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **tag yourself i'm big b and that b stand for bands

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** If you don't jump to put jeans on baby you don't feel my pain

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **hips tik tok when i dance

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **if you wanna see some real ass baby here's your chance

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** in this house we stan john boyega

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **damn right we do

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** [video of rhodey and sam doing the GOGOGO dance thing at a protest]

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go, WHO'S NEXT

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **they do this everywhere we go

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **It wasn't very appropriate when they did this in a graveyard.

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **well it wasn't illegal so i think we're okay

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** some people curb their homicidal tendencies by becoming a cop, i do it by running over jaywalkers

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **dp you're literally a mercenary

 **> double d @daredevil: **i pretend i do not see

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you pretend huh ?

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** peter please come over it's family picture day

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i live here ?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **right, please come up to the common area. and ask may if she can come over for family picture day

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why can't you

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm v busy

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **he's scared of her

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **shit i'm a little scared of her,,

 **> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **and she's kinda into her but that's besides the point

 **> >>>>>> nat @spidermom: **i have a bullet with your name on it

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **rip clint

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** **@whoremachine** i'll whoop your ass

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: ****@whoremachine** your boyfriend looks like my dad

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **do i wanna know

* * *

 **jia @ihatethor102 tweeted:** thor is the worst avenger, he just stands there looking hot and stupid and weird

 **> thor @assgard: **in case you haven't noticed, i'm weird. i'm a weirdo. i don't... fit in. and i don't want to fit in. have you ever seen me without this stupid hammer? that's weird. 

**> > snek @lowkey: **i typed that for you give me credit

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **can't believe i'm alive to see actual norse gods quoting the clusterfuck that is riverdale

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **can't believe i'm alive

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **mmm yeah that's fair

* * *

 **borhap @freddiestan tweeted:** why isn't there a straight pride month

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you're... literally a freddie mercury stan account

 **> > borhap @freddiestan: **your point?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **um that freddie was bisexual

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **lmao the straights are at it again

 **> > borhap @freddiestan: **this is heterophobia

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **white cishets want to be oppressed so bad,,, so baD

 **> brian @brianmay: **freddie would despise you have a nice day :)

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** it's family game night

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **no

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **today we play on twitter for the world to see and enjoy this with us 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **hEck yEah

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **who's turn is it to pick

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Mine

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **oh no he's gonna pick the trump game isn't he

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **the what

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I like to call this game Did Trump Say This or Did I Make It Up on the Spot

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg i love DTSTDIMIUS

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Peter is up first, his issue is skateboards.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **skateboards are killing the entertainment industry

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **why, you ask? i'll tell you why. they interfere with taco tuesday's. i know what you're thinking, 'donald, do you use hot sauce on your tacos?' yes, i do. super, very hot sauce. very good hot sauce, made by a mexican, too, so i can't be racist. there's like an entire pepper in it, don't ask which one, that's melania's forte, her being in the kitchen and all

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and that's why skateboards are the leading cause of death.

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** what was the question?

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **it's only over when the person speaking says 'what was the question'. **@lowkey** what do you think?

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **hmm i'm gonna say that was a true trump line

* * *

 **chris @isthataweed tweeted: @captainamerica** should you be doing this on the internet

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **What's the government gonna do? Kill me?

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **good point, do continue

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i like the insult fuckass. it's gender neutral

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **shitwad

 **> snek @lowkey: **asseater, although that may not considered an insult per se ?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **not by my terms :)

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **he has such a way with words

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **why on my timeline. you fucking shitsucker

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **>:( who told you

* * *

 *****heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** vote democrat so we can redistribute the ab*rtions 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** vote democrat to piss off your local tr*mp supporter and g*n g*rl

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** **@getrektbymypotatogun** yay socialism! i can't wait to redistribute my awesome first edition captain america comic book collection

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **You have one of those?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **special thanks to mr. agent who is ALIVE and WELL 

**> >> Phil @captainamericasnum1fan: **yw :)

 **> >>> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **goddamn Coulson why couldn't you just stay pretend dead

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why couldn't you

 **> >>>>> captain better @marvelous: **wreck him

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** don't make me sad i have a steve and he's very impulsive

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **said the deadliest assassin to ever walk the earth

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **bro i told you that in confidence :(

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **YOU LEFT ME IN SIBERIA JAMES. SIBERIA.

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i just think it's so neat how hulk just snapped and everyone was back alive :)

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **me too!

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **There definitely wasn't anything drastic that happened after that.

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **thank you it's the bde

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **wonder what would've happened if i'd snapped instead ?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **luckily we'll never find out :)

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **nothing good, i can tell you that

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **don't ruin it stephen

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** how many sugar daddies does it take to buy a bmw? the answer may surprise you

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **one mike pence and half an elton john

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **ding ding ding! we have a winner

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** so was anyone gonna tell me that elton john is still alive ?

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you didn't know that??

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **they made a movie about him ! i thought he was dead !!

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **this is exactly like the time shuri thought james dean was related to paula dean

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i'm not even ashamed of this

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **this is just like when bucky convinced steven that a bussy was a cute bus

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I don't want to talk about it.

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** never let it be said that i half ass things

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **think you made that pretty clear with "i am iron man" 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i like big boys

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **itty bitty boys

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **little 5'8" piece of shit boys

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **5'8" little mousy boys that live in your wall and crawl around for cheese

 **> >>> peter with a b @betterbarker: **... MISSISSIPPI BOYS

* * *

 **wanda @scarletwitch tweeted:** "i am inevitable" said the little bitch

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **and i'm iron man said the super cool and pretty billionare philanthropist

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **and i have the power of god AND anime on my side!

 **> thanos @littlebitchboy: **this is cyberbullying

 **> > wanda @scarletwitch: **you deserve it honestly,, moldy rusty dusty musty toilet seat looking bitch

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Thanos looks like the tread of a melted boot.

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **big macho man can't function without his rocks?? huh? headass. get out of here

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **got an entire fleet knocked out by one (1) bad ass bitch who's dating god? not very supervillain-y of him

 **> >> thanos @littlebitchboy: **do you know who you're talking to?

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what're you gonna do freeze me?

 **> >>>> wanda @scarletbitch: **maybe snap your fingers a lil too close to my face ? ask for my manager ? fuck off karen

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** 'i don't even know who you are' that doesn't say much mr 'i think we're taking up too many resources so instead of creating more i deleted half the population'

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **his problem solving skills never fully developed :( boohoo

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i just think it's funny how **@littlebitchboy** somehow knew me ? even tho you think all midgardians are beneath you ? am i just that pretty or what

 **> thanos @littlebitchboy: **and i oop

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** you have not lived until you've seen the twitter thread of the avengers roasting thanos

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** is now a bad time to put wanda on flash's timeline

 **> flash @spideystan: **yeah but i'd deserve it anyway

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** aw thanos thinks his life is so hard bc his planet went to shit :( you aren't special dude

 **> snek @lowkey: **2020 is doing a number on us and us normal people haven't tried to murder half the population (i do not speak for the government they suck)

 **> (: @gamora: **my planet went to shit bc of you and somehow i didn't turn out to be a genocidal megolomaniac

 **> > blue @nebula: **lmao from your own daughter? that had to hurt

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **he deactivated his account hahaha

 **> >>> peter j quill @stardaddy: **damn it i missed the party

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** if you can look me in the eye and say you never sent nudes to your gc to see if they're tasteful enough. you're lying.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **jokes on you i'm not in a gc

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **dude you're in the avengers gc

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and why in the cracker jack would i SEND NUDES TO THAT GC TO SEE IF THEY'RE TASTEFUL IDIOT

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **why the fuck are you in the avengers gc

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm their emotional support peter

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **don't question him you don't have enough rights for that

 **> >>>>> flash @spideystan: **yes sir mr iron man sir

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** **@spideystan** you're such a kiss ass

 **> flash @spideystan: **you would know huh

 **> > snek @lowkey: **so ig we know who tops

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **LOKI

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **LOKI

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **sounds just like last night

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **NOOO

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** bae said she's on her period so i am too. it's uterUS

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **just say we synced up and move on jfc

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **so y'all use bluetooth ? wild

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i'm the conductor and my sugar daddies are the orchestra

 **> flash @spideystan: **yes GET that bag babe

 **> > betty @bbrant: **relationship goals

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **you missed your chance elizabeth

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **how do you even get betty from elizabeth

 **> >>>> betty @bbrant: **lots of trauma

 **> >>>> betty @bbrant: **also it's a nickname for beth

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the avengers as things my friends and i have said: a thread

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **tony: i'd tell god to suck my ass if they were real

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **nat: i'm mysterious [the pink panther theme song plays ominously from nowhere]

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **t'challa: oh to be a big kitty yawning in the wild

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **steve: i could be a criminal if i wanted to be

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **bucky: we don't have time to be sexy!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **thor: we don't have time to NOT be sexy!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **carol: *in a horrible singing voice* shine bRigHt like a diAmond

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **loki: i have 7 boyfriends and you're one of them

followed by harley: that's so fucjing hot

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **spiderman: i'm too hot to be alive. actually i'm too dead to be alive.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **scott: do bee do bee do wa

followed by sam: agenT pEEEEeeee


	82. rest in piss ig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: how many dad jokes do i have to make before someone calls me daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im never going to be as funny as I was when I was helping ri write chap81and its time I just accept that -max  
> TW: super brief mention of mild self harm at ***

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** oh to be a pigbutt

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bacon

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** no like the sea creature

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’ll have whatever ur having

** >>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **

[](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FSmithsonianNMNH%2Fphotos%2Fmeet-the-pigbutt-worm-chaetopterus-pugaporcinus-this-polychaete-worm-lives-about%2F10156592832673230%2F&psig=AOvVaw3iuhVbRUXVbmDJz9snuoEB&ust=1592579615736000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCKC0sMTTi-oCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAI)

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i wonder if that can be made into bacon tho

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** maybe I should’ve stayed in the ice

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** my ass eating days are far from over

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** seafood has never been more appetizing

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** y’all ask where i get my cool sassy superhero one liners 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** the answer is simple. 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** my bf writes them for me the night before for different scenarios and i memorize them 

**> >> chris @isthataweed:** which bf 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: @beterbarker**

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i would like some credit upon occasion ?? it’s the least i deserve

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if i die. bury me face down so everyone can kiss my ass

**> its science @janefoster:** ‘if’

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I know damn well u know who I am

* * *

**tonk @grapius tweeted:** which avenger most looks like guy fieri 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** clint.

**> tony stank @iamironman:** clint.

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** and i was like “we know, but hey!”

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** the demons that used to watch me in hopes of possessing me died from second hand embarrassment

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** so did the ghosts. 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** and my dad 

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** wait

**> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** no, i’m right

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: @hotanddangerous** why do u run a fan page for us lol

**> darcy @hotanddangerous:** LOKI YOU SLUT YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT TELL 

**> > snek @lowkey:** I might be a slut but I’m no snitch

**> > thor @assgard:** was I not supposed to tell him? 

**> >> darcy @hotanddangerous:** ok u get a pass bc ur hot but this is ur LAST warning Barney

**> darcy @hotanddangerous:** listen james, Jim, my guy, my man, I’m just giving the people what they want

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** candids of me and the other’s being dOmEstiC

**> >> darcy @hotanddangerous:** and candids of ur asses yes exactly u get it

* * *

**rock @paperscissors tweeted: @theavengers** daddy issues, anyone?

**> tony stank @iamironman:** my dad used to change the subject when people asked about me

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** raging homophobe

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** i cant say much without outing myself but yes

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** never met mine but it didn’t affect me much? I don’t know, other than being homophobic Mr Barnes was pretty neat

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** yes 100% no doubt

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** you betcha

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** my dad was the man Steve wishes he could be

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s true :(

**> nat @spidermom:** y’all got dads?

**> falcon @thebesbtbird:** they never developed my backstory enough to have daddy issues

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i’m supposed to do that 

**> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** no IM supposed to do that

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** Have you ever had a dream that, that, um, that you had, uh, that you had to, you could, you do, you wit, you wa, you could do so, you do you could, you want, you wanted him to do you so much you could do anything?

**> flash @spideystan:** he has such a way with words <3

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted: @7phdsindebt** what qualifies as a healthy coping mechanism? asking for a friend

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** taking a bath, exercise, writing to-do lists, establishing a set routine and schedule. things like that

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** thanks brucey Bear xoxo

*** **> >** **peter with a b @beterbarker:** oh so not scratching at your skin ?

**> >> banner @7phdsindebt:** NO

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ... what about 

**> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** the answer is probably no

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dying your hair drastic colors 

**> >>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** not harmful but not helpful ? 

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** chopping your hair off/shaving your head 

**> >>>>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** again,, not harmful but not helpful 

**> >>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you hear that ?? i’m looking at YOU @thegays @thegirls

**> >>>>>>>>>> snek @lowkey:** but the serotonin

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman:** I scrolled too far and found bucky’s first tweet 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** what was it

**> > nat @spidermom:** [screenshot saying 'bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: piss on me daddy']

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** dont look at me like that

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** you people are actually into this?? i thought this was like a porn thing

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** i’m not kink shaming but i honestly to val thought this was a fake kink

**> >>>> bucket 7phdsindebt:** THATS NOT MY KINK

**> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** IF UR GONNA JOKE ABOUT HAVING A PISS KINK JUST OWN UP TO IT BARNES

**> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** NO FUCK YOU

**> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** civil war

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman:** did you actually lead the avengers or were you trying to be Regina George 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I still got hit by a bus

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** bitch no you didn’t

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** the entire UN hunting you down, getting hit by a bus. same thing.

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** fighting your best friend from the present, winning prom queen. same thing.

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** exactly! you get it

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** coochiehunter69 just called me a glorified praying mantis  😔 dont hmu 

**> toabama @Coochiehunter69:** I said I was sorry

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** sorry doesn’t fix broken hearts coochiehunter69

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’m like 99% certain thats betty’s spam

**> >>> toebama @coochiehunter69:** dont out people Peter its rude

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** if I were straight I simply would not harass women

**> kevin @yankeekevin:** you don’t even have all the facts

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** why are you defending yourself

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yk what actually. i like girls too and i simply do not harass women. like ??? it’s not hard and it’s called being a decent human being

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** I would simply not harass women

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** don’t harass women 2k20 

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers:** this meme is so old, the nostalgia

**> shuri @imadelighsabers:** if i were straight I simply would not make sexualizing and objectifying comments about shirtless men just trying to live their best life

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** that too !

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** dont harass unless they’re racist or a cop 2020

**> mj @becrimedogay:** if I were a man I simply would never wear a bra ever again

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** babe u don’t wear bras as it is

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** and that will never change no matter the gender

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** y’all old people are real bold thinking I won’t call you out for being racist etc bc ur frail 

**> Kathie @kweenkat72** this snowflake generation has no respect for their elders I swear

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I was born in 1918 try again

**> >> Kathie @kweenkat72:** you missed a lot of years

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** still older. still wise r. next.

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** get her jan

**> >>>>> Kathie @kweenkat72:** Captain Rogers you know what I mean right

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Bucky is older than me by 1 year and I need to respect my elders

**> >>>>>>> flash @spideystan:** got em

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Nick was definitely very gay for Gatsby

**> tony stank @iamironman:** wbk 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** i remember the 20s tho so it’s better coming from me

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** you got those memories back? that's good bucky!

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I remember punching a Rockefeller kid in the nose

**> >>>> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda** that’s what the kids refer to as king shit -T'challa

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you were like three in 1920 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** but not for the entire decade tho

**> >>>> falcon @thebestbird:** you were a preteen. a baby

**> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** youth never stopped Steve from being a little shit why do you think I punched the Rockefeller kid

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I almost had him

**> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** you were knocked unconscious

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** how many dad jokes do i have to make before someone calls me daddy

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** adopt a kid idk 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** actually

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** NO DONT

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** adopting kids is my thing ?? 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** tony adopting kids can’t be a just you thing 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** bet i can adopt more kids than you

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** civil war

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fellas is it gay to have good personal hygiene 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** the answer is no dumbasses

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that’s why i have 7 bfs

* * *

**ralph @getrekt tweeted:** List of **@theavengers** inside jokes on twitter:

I know what I’m about bitch

Val is god

Thor is selfish 

‘Civil war’

Anything else?

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** many boyfriends 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** them making a deal abt peters weird ass food combos

**> val @valhalen:** it doesn’t happen often but carol roasting nick fury

**> tony stank @iamironman:** Steve and Bucky being as active as they are is kinda funny

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** bucky being a gen z kid at heart

* * *

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝒶𝓇

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** 𝓃𝑜

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** hit me with a bus then ? 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i could do that 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** NO

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m the cool uncle tony sorry if you can’t handle it

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** why would anyone CHOOSE to be attracted to men ??? the other day i caught spiderman stuffing his face with 7 subway sandwiches at the same time.

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** bucky was sitting across from him shoving more sandwiches in his mouth 

**> Chelsie @fangirl4500:** what does spidey look like 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** idk hot

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** peace of mind? nah. i only know blinding anxiety.

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** harley and rhodey arguing about rihanna vs beyonce is almost as bad as the zutara vs kataang shipping wars 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** zutara

**> > toebama @coochiehunter69:** kataang

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck why did i do this 

**> snek @lowkey:** i raise you all,, zukka 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i- you’re absolutely correct

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I opened a dr pepper can and fucking Clinton yelled "bless you" from the vents

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **I think ur looking for the phrase thank you ?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **nah im definitely looking for the chancla tho

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **peter you're not supposed to have caffeine

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **come and take it

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ur not even from texas

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **that's a phrase they use in texas ? the more u know

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Twitter, do we like shag carpet or are we normal?

 **> nat @spidermom: **shag carpets are great bc if u get blood stains on them u can just cut them out

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** thanks for the input nat, does anyone normal have an opinion?

 **> >> Stephen @shortforstepheneas: **I have many

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **We know.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **shag carpet is dollar store grass no I don't take constructive critisism

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I think shag carpet costs more than $1, but I get where you're coming from.

 **> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda: **Consider this: lawn turf. -T'challa

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **in the house?

 **> >> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda: **in the house, yes -T'challa

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I'm listening.

 **> >>>> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda: **it's an ingenious idea -T'challa

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **that's a terrible idea

 **> >>>>>> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda: **someone is just jealous she didn't think of it first -T'challa

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **shag carpet discouse

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** fur rugs

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **ive lost countless guns in those motherfuckers

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **please tell me ur joking

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **buck, why do you put your weapons on the floor in the first place? Seems counterproductive.

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **:( don't hmu

* * *

 **pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** okay team, what would happen if a minor was caught in possession of alcohol?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** they would have to drink all of it right then, right there, on the spot

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** they’d probably get fired from that mine :/

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** I take possession of said alcohol and dispose of it in a responsible adult manner 

**> > pepper @spicypepper:** which would be?

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** giving it to Val

 **> >>> val @valhalen:** sip up babes

* * *

 **antman @antman tweeted:** i found this glowy blue cube it’s awesome ! 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** uh oh 

**> thor @assgard:** bRotHeR nO

 **> snek @lowkey:** give me the glowy blue cube scottathon

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** scotthaniel don’t ! 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** give it here before i disembowel you 

**> >>> antman @antman:** . 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** loki what did we say about threatening people to get the tesseract?

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey:** ...it’s rude and uncalled for. i don’t need the tesseract because i am a powerful mage. 

**> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** point blank period


	83. i have 4 wips and i don't wanna work on any of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again :) my tumblr is heck-no-bby someone come talk to me lol -ri

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** [picture of two redheads saying they're not the same person] okay so one of them is reba and the other is ? an osborn ?

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **wait a minute reba and who???

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **idk is that not sharon osborn ?? or kelly ?? idk their first names

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **NO BITCH THOSE ARE BOTH REBA

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **THEY SAID THEY'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **THEY FUCKING LIED

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ARE YOU SURE

 **> >>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **THOSE BITCHES HAVE THE SAME FUCKING NOSE,, YOU'RE JUST GONNA TELL ME I'M WRONG ????

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **civil war

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** so do they just have a civil war over every minor disagreement

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i mean that's what happened in the first one. accords? let's not have a discussion about it, let's fight it out. :)

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **the saying is either fight it out or fuck it out and i am a taken man

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **not to mention that looking at cap doesn't spark the slightest bit of sexual attraction in my grayace soul

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **this is what i was SAYING about the orgies!!

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **there were no orgies!!!

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you sound disappointed

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **i can assure you i am not,, and what abt demisexual do you not get

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **do we not have a v close bond :(

 **> >>>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **not a close enough one for me to be attracted to you!

 **> >>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yk that's fair, we still on for rdr2?

 **> >>>>>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **fuck yeah

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** no civil war :(

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **why does that make you sad

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **:(

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **fUck okay do you want some hot chocolate ?

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **:)

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** steve, going to lie on his enlistment forms and getting shot down anyway: you're disrespecting a future US army soldier

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i hope the jason derulo months don't do us like the others did :/

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **jason derulo would never disrespect us like jan-june

 **> > snek @lowkey: **see i want to believe that, but how do we k n o w 

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Do you know how hard it is to be Irish and encouraged to drink alcohol but also this is God's country you filthy heathen we do not drink the devil's juice when religious things are afoot

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **rip it's not like you can get drunk now anyway

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **SHUT YOUR FACE

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **civil war

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **can you imagine a drunk steve? oh lord,

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **1940s drunk steve was a masterpiece

 **> > thor @assgard: **i can bring some asgardian mead and the good captain can certainly get drunk!

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** the superduo are now very, very drunk

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **yeet almost feel bad for the others babysitting them

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** my ass is the artwork, sorry if you came to this exhibition for my sketches and paintings

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **exhibition, you say? hmm

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **it's like babysitting two horny twenty year olds

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted: @valhalen** come pick me up i'm scared

 **> val @valhalen: **this is a party i want in on

 **> > thor @assgard: **bottoms up

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **okay can an actual responsible adult remove me from this situation

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **can't believe i'm the responsible adult in this scenario, but yes

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **irondadd to therescueee

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **alright which one of you fuckers gave spidey the asgardian stuff? huh? which asshole did it?

 **> >>>>>> nat @spidermom: **thor

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** that's IT thor's DONE FOR

 **> snek @lowkey: **yikes

 **> goth @hela: **fucking finally

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** okay let's see what we're working with

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **nice cock

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **nice cock

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **nice cock

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **nice cock

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **NICE COCK

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **NICE COCK

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** lil nas x using the twitter voice feature to say 'penis' is such a fucking power move what a dude 

**> lil nas x @lilnasx: **thank you i try

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** **@captainamerica** let's do a round of the trump game your subject is the geneva convention

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **the princess diaries aren't real what was the question

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **wait when did you watch the princess diaries ? also you're thinking of genovia

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **i had to show him. it has both anne hathaway and julie andrews. i couldn't not make him watch it.

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** do you ever crack your neck real fast and feel a little tingle go down your arm? yeah that's some good nerve damage right there

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i don't fucking have bones to crack, so no i don't

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **rip spidey but my body different

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** can i be an organ donor ??

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **shit i never thought of that

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **FUCK CAN YOU

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **IDK THAT'S WHY I ASKED

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I'm suing you both for having fine asses **@thebestbird @jbabybarnes**

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **let's do it baby i know the law

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **wait

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **not if i sue you first

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** **@jbabybarnes @captainamerica** STUPID FUCKING DINOSAURS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **get them

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes king give us nothing

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **It's not for lack of trying

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **STEVE

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **STEVE

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i did it first

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **BUCKY

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** so mr rogers, what was it even like being frozen for that long

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **one good long blink

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no one wants to know my experience :(

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **what was your experience?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **several bad blinks

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** no one ever wants to know MY experience

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **you were frozen?

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **bucky locked me in a meat locker once :(

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it was an accident! and it was only for 2 minutes!

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **i'm traumatized :(

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** micki minjaj

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **is he having a stroke

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **nah but i DID get semi poked with a pointy stick

 **> >> double d @daredevil: **he got stabbed

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **WHAT THE FUCK SPIDEY 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** and they were cowboys

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **oh my god they were cowboys

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** happy pride month to whatever that little roman soldier and little cowboy had 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **since when is steve a cowboy

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i really need to show you two night at the museum

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Is it better than during the day?

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **i hate it here

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **your dick got you into this, remember that

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** still can't believe steve turned his back on the entire UN plus some for buckaroo

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **He's hot. I'm gay. What was I supposed to do?

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** finally convinced rhode island to let me buy it !

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **oh no

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Why? What's happening?

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **here's the big renaming reveal

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **tony, love of my life, pain of my ass, please don't do this

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **it will now be called rhodey island !

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ingenious

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **talented, brilliant

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **incredible, amazing

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **showstopping, spectacular, never the same

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** furries be like a wolf with a shark tail 

**> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **yeah and it whips ass. -T'Challa

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @lowkey** wanna come ove

 **> snek @lowkey: **i can't right now

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **my parents aren't home ;) 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **kid we talked about this

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i can't believe bucky robbed the white house in 1982

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i feel like this is a lie but i don't know enough about me to dispute it

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Can't believe Bucky fucked me into the mattress in 2014

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i- did i?

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **in my house no less

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no definitely a lie

 **> > snek @lowkey:** guess we know who tops

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **this one feels obvious tho

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **jesus let me live

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** rest in piss howard stark, a dirty gremlin. miss you mom, fly high angel

 **> red @yesthatsmyname: **let me move my bang so i can read that again

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** You kids and your ipears and your seatbelts... back in my day we died and we enjoyed it

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **thank you mr super serum sir

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Ah to be a man in the forties dying at age 27

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i hate you with a passion

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** president fuckass just took in a stray cat and named it mittens

 **> thor @assgard: **mittens doesn't need to take this from you

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i can call mittens vice president fuckass to her face and as long as i say it nicely she'll be happy

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **p-president fuckass?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **p-pwesident fuckass? uwu

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **never speak to me ever again edward

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **#presidentfuckass2020

* * *

 **chris @isthataweed tweeted:** theory: thor is president fuckass bc he is the Ultimate Top

 **> thor @assgard: **my body different

 **> captain better @marvelous: **excuse you

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **you're absolutely correct, thor is the Ultimate *male* Top

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** one time in tennessee i saw a dude with a mohawk mullet

 **> snek @lowkey: **what would that even look like

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **so like your regular mohawk, shaved at the sides and an inch or so on top but then when you to the back it just keeps going

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **so,,, a rat tail

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yes exactly

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **a really extra long rat tail down the middle of his head

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **PRESICELY

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **w h at in the confederate flag kinda shit is this

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i get the distinct feeling that trump would get a mohawk mullet (as a wig, obvi he doesn't have enough hair)

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i think the jetx is all about speed

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **JETX

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **jetx represents freedOm and iNdePendence

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **JETX

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you know, being able to go wherever, whenever

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **JETX

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: @jbabybarnes **What

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm so lost

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **zoey 101 was the shit

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I hate when people ask if I'm a top or a bottom. A pancake isn't done til it's been flipped on both sides.


	84. my mom made me cry in the whataburger drive thru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Femboy hooters. that ise all. -max

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @littlebitchboy** I OUTTA WHOOP UR ASS UR GIRLFRIEND LOOKS LIKE MY MOM

**> thanos @littlebitchboy:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmemegenerator.net%2FPepe-Looking-Out-Window&psig=AOvVaw0k6jyxqwSc0tp-kxs0tD2B&ust=1593058468573000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCNDt5rPLmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD)

**> peter j quill @stardaddy:** if you held a gun to my head and told me to be on the same planet as Thanos I’d say shoot me

**> > thanos @littlebitchboy:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fimgflip.com%2Fmemetemplate%2F47357926%2Fkirmet-rain&psig=AOvVaw0k6jyxqwSc0tp-kxs0tD2B&ust=1593058468573000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCNDt5rPLmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAk)

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** in a galaxy far, far away

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** thanos is crying little bitch baby tears as we tear him a new asshole to shove his rocks up

**> >> thanos @litttlebitchboy:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freepik.com%2Fpremium-photo%2Flonely-teddy-bear-sitting-bed-looking-out-window-rainy-day_4574900.htm&psig=AOvVaw3S9SzREtJPCBSbc2mzOpVZ&ust=1593058653067000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMjAyJHMmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAO)

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Thanos looks like he walked straight out of a funhouse mirror and then got hit by a bus

**> > thanos @littlebitchboy:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.ph%2Fcjlzrt%2Fcrying-meme%2F&psig=AOvVaw39-BrDgQoXQt_KAMP37vJG&ust=1593058729735000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPDdz6_MmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD)

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i just think it’s funny how,,, thanos thought he could choke loki to kill him,,

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** he probably said some dumb shit like “my gorilla grip coochie chokes things tighter than this”

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** we know but hey!

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** ok **@captainamerica** it’s time for u to do a round of is this something trump said or did I make it up ur topic is free for all

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I love the Jewish people. Tremendous people, great people, hardworking people. So good with money, the Jewish people. And I love them so much. Many people think the J in Donald J Trump stands for Jewish, but it doesn’t… it doesn’t. It stands for Jenius.

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** FAKE. FAKE NEWS. THAT WAS AN ALEC BALDWIN QUOTE YOURE DISQUALIFIED STEVE

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s MY game tony

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** tough shit Steven!

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** civil war

 **> >>>> Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** g e t h i m

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Steve’s theme song is baby one more time by Britney Spears

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** explain

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** “I shouldn’t have let you gooo”

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** :(

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** my theme song is rain on me by lady gaga and ariana grande

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** explain

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** the building debris really rained on me

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** is it gay to look at a guy if u don’t have socks on????? Time sensitive question

 **> nat @spidermom:** yes without a doubt

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** o h n o

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Dude u should’ve told me u didn’t have socks on before we made eye contact!

 **> >>> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** I’m sorry bro I didn’t know u we’re gonna look my way :( but now that u have are u free this weekend bc damn ;)

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bro

 **> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** bro

 **> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** is this allowed

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted: @spidertheman** did it hurt

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** did what hurt?

 **> > snek @lowkey:** when

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** when i got shot? yes, it hurt v much. thank you.

 **> >>> snek @lowkey:** i just wanted to say he’s pretty :(

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Sam got me this fucking apron that says “if you put my meat in your mouth you’re gonna want to swallow” wow way to be fucking DISCREET

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** u can cook?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yes I do the cooking and yes I do the cleaning

 **> snek @lowkey:** guess we know who tops

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** again,,, obviously

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** :( i’m being cyber bullied

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** suwucide

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 😭sTop

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** did u know 😳 that uhm 👉👈 if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be-

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** the fuck is mesothelioma, back in my day you simply got the flu and died

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** back in the forties you got the flu and died and it fucking SLAPPED

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted: @jbabybarnes:** who are you talking to

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Steve from State Farm

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** what are you wearing, ‘StEvE fRom StaTe fArm’???

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** uh khakis

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** she sounds hideous

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** remember when peter was in band

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i didn’t even know any of you then ???

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** REMEMBER WHEN PETER WAS IN BAND ??

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** what instrument did he play

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** you’ll never guess

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers:** then tell me

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** nah

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if you or a loved one has ever attended one of my band performances in a polo with booty shorts and socks with sandals i just need you to know that I’m ashamed to have ever been seen with you

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** who would do that omg

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** we’re all looking at you Steve

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** the shorts did be looking good tho

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** what do you PLAY

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I scream when they need me to

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** clarinet

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck u ned

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Steve pick up chocolate milk

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** no

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** heart been broke so many times,

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F795307615430946386%2F&psig=AOvVaw39-BrDgQoXQt_KAMP37vJG&ust=1593058729735000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPDdz6_MmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAm)

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** am I strange cos everyone says

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** she says he’s too crazy crAzy CRAZY

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **riiiiing

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** OH BOY THREE AM

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** I called you my green M&M

 **> >>>> toebama @coochieslayer69: **machine gun noises

 **> >>>>> flash @spideystan:** baby Ruth baby Ruth baby. Ruth.

 **> >>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine:** not to be a boomer but what the hell

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I think it’s time I come clean. There’s something that’s been going on in my life for a while now and it’s affecting my twitter presence, and for that I apologize. You see, I’ve been working on a project known as SLAMIMH, which is an organization dedicated to stopping SHAWTY LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if you drank half a five hour energy would you have 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half energy

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** 5 hours of half energy, obviously

 **> > Steven G Rogers @captainamerica:** See, that’s where you’re wrong.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** my math is never wrong

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** It is this time.

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** i will literally bitch slap you

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Pussy. You won’t.

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** civil war

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** ✨every kiss begins with✨

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Ketamine, a hydrochloride tranquilizer used in veterinary practice.

 **> > falcon @thesbestbird:** no

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** who even taught you anything ever

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** idk dude i’ve been brainwashed since then

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** how many baby carrots can I fit in my mouth at once? find out more at 9

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** at least 1 right? at least

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** I really don’t have time to teach you two critical thinking

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** a priest just tried to perform an exorcism on me? I’m not possessed bitch I’m just cool

 **> nat @spidermom:** rt

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** uncontrollable rage ≠ demonic possession

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** please normalize traits of demonic possession

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Welcome to the gay agenda, which trait of demonic possession can I get for you today?

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** my demonic possession trait IS that i’m gay 💞

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** fuck your zodiac sign what's ur favorite Minecraft wood

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** dark oak, sometimes spruce if I’m feeling festive

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** i don’t,, i don’t know woods

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** if u don’t use birch ur a simp

 **> flash @spideystan: **noah fence but acacia is the ugliest bitch in this house

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** Is this the fort of nights?

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** Steve I think we should see other people

 **> thor @assgard:** ah yes! the crafty mine! Princess peach is my favorite!

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** this house is a nightmare

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @guyinthechair** shave your head

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** have you seen my fatass forehead

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** dw your fatass eyebrows make up for it

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** let’s play a game. **@thebestbird** say the first thing that comes to mind when i say these words. 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** god

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** damn 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** queen

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** B

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** raccoon 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** bucky 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** :/ you promised you wouldn’t make fun of my first attempt at eyeliner

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** say it with me, you are not held accountable for the atrocious makeup skills of the disgusting people who brainwashed you 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fninaveinfia%2F-m%25C3%25B8%25C3%25B8d-%25C3%25B9-%2F&psig=AOvVaw39-BrDgQoXQt_KAMP37vJG&ust=1593058729735000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPDdz6_MmeoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAQ)


	85. i'm simply asking to not be perceived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does one get people to stop perceiving them, asking for a friend x -ri

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** if the theorists are right and everything is in the governments plan then this corona thing set back their brainwashing the youth plan by like 40 years 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what the government SHOULD have done is tailored covid-19 to affect gen z, then their brainwashing plan could work faster on the next gen

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **exactly! we have the governments braincell 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and they're not getting it back

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** looked something up on sam's phone and his search history was basically "what to feed a raccoon" and "how to feed a raccoon"

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **bucky barely ever eats :/ i wanted to help

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **bitch

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** **@thatbitchfrancis** WHY on god's green earth would you teach a blind man how to shoot a bow and arrow!!

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **AND YET YOU'RE STILL YAPPIN AREN'T YOU???

 **> > double d @daredevil: **in my defense, i was aiming for you

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **why wouldn't you,

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** this is why the rest of you can't be part of team red

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** What am I, you ask? Gayer than a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @iamironman** Your dad was a great man

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **bitch i'm sorry did YOU spend 18 years getting treated like dirt by him ? mhm that's what i thought

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **his dad was highkey gay for you

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **I KNEW IT I KNEW HE WAS TRYING TO TAKE MY MAN

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I'm sorry, what

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **he never stopped searching for you, steve

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what about me

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **what about you

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **bruh moment

 **> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **major L

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **vibe check

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** just a little disappointed to see that the ghosts aren't social distancing

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the ghosts are already dead what're they gonna do ? die again ?

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **you're telling me i only get to do it once?

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i mean i fucking hope i never have to live again

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **mood

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **m00d

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i'm atheist and all but canon jesus would beat fanon jesus' ass with a spatula

 **> chuck @actuallygod: **elaborate on that

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **no

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** for legal reasons, i did NOT just walk in on peter carving a deck of cards out of an apple, but if i had, i'd ask what the hell

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **good thing you didn't!

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Art is his passion.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i'll ask: what the h e l l

 **> nat @spidermom: **for legal reasons, i will not tell anyone that YOU taught him that

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **for legal reasons, i used a potato, not an apple

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **same thing bitch, just different shapes

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **this entire thread is why rhodey's the only other one who is not a dumbass. i'm tired.

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i haven't even done anything

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **yeah but you do dumb things all the time

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **you do them with me

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **...maybe so

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **right in front of my salad

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** He was sitting at the table... talking about sucking dick and cock... at dinner with my entire family

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **gotta blast

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i've got a sick obsession

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i'm seeing it in my dreams

 **> > flash @spideystan: **i'm looking down every alley

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **i'm making those desperate calls

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i'm staying up all night hoping, hitting my head against the wall

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **and she's the girl reading this <3

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **FUCK HARLEY

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **what

 **> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **YOU RUINED IT

 **> >>>>>>>> flash @spideystan: **NOOO

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** steve with the shield strapped to his back,,, yum

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he looks like a fucking turtle when he does that

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i didn't see it until you said it but now i can't unsee it

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i guess you could call him... a hero in a half shell

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **TURTLE POWER YES MR STARK

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** someBODY once told me

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **cheese SLAPS on macaroni

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

 **> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **she was looking kinda dumb

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **with her finger and her thumb

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **in the shape of an L on a shotgun 

**> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **fed to the wolves and i hit the ground running

 **> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **didn't make sense not to live for fun, your brain cells start dying and you lose the lump sum

 **> >>>>>>>> double d @daredevil: **so much to do so much to- yk i don't like this song very much

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i am physically not capable of being alive xo

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **you are literally alive right now. physically.

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **my brain says otherwise

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hi my name is peter, and my strange addiction is reading spiderman fic

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **why you so obsessed with me, boy i wanna knOw

 **> flash @spideystan: **me too

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **i can't figure out which one of those statements weirds me out more

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the difference between me and flash is that he reads reader slash

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **no shame in being gay

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @jbabybarnes** you're supposed to read reader slash about me :( not other people

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **or i could read it about someone i'm not already dating ? that's the point 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **....who do you read it about

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **not telling :)))

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **reader/bucky that's it that's what he reads

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hey :(

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **and reader/thor sometimes

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hey x2 :(

* * *

 **T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** Shuri gave me weed brownies without telling me there's weed in them. I'm supposed to be running a country! What was she thinking. -T'Challa

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **that you need to relax!

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **rude, share 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** sometimes i just wanna punch barney right in his dumb fucking purple face

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **he is one of us, a true gen z

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i might not be a purple people eater but i sure am a purple dinosaur hater

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **and that applies to thanos too! iconic

 **> >>> thanos @littlebitchboy: **i will step on you all

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **i mean it's a step up from trying to choke me out i guess 

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **aww wittle bitty grape man wants to be tough :( stop crying about losing your fucking rocks and maybe you can sit at the big kids table

 **> >>>>> thanos @littlebitchboy: **wittle bitty- i'm taller than you

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i was referring to the bde,,, or lack thereof

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** if thanos went to college and was actually educated he'd be a geology major with the way he simps for those fucking rocks

* * *

 **chris @isthataweed tweeted:** who is the most responsible member of the ironfam

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **harold

 **> > pepper @spicypepper: **bitch

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** for personal reasons i will b passing away

 **> snek @lowkey: **for legal reasons, i'm a whore

 **> ant man @antman: **for political reasons i'm a dumbass

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **for financial reasons i will no longer be accepting 'love'

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **for social reasons, i will be hiding in a corner somewhere

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **for environmental reasons, i will be spontaneously combusting

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **for educational reasons, i will be yeeting myself into the voud

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy: **for economic reasons, i will be the burning man this year

 **> thor @assgard: **for familial reasons, i will be minding my own business

 **> val @valhalen: **for religious reasons, i will be causing the rapture

 **> nat @spidermom: **for philosophical reasons, i will be playing the devil's advocate (bleh)

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **for reasons to do with historical accuracy i will be portraying women as objects. but i swear, i'm NOT sexist 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **for historical accuracy, i will not be including POC representation, 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **for aesthetic purposes, i will be hanging chains and whips on my walls. please do not come into my home and accuse me of being a kinky bastard. i mean, it's true, but you shouldn't say it.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **for therapeutic reasons, i will be bringing the american government to its knees

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **for sexual reasons, i will be buying strawberries and whip cream

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I said raspberries 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **same thing bitch just different flavors

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **For constitutional reasons, I will be doing what gives me liberty and life and throwing myself off the nearest bridge

 **> captain better @marvelous: **for reasons that have to do with making threats, i will be googling how many raccoons can fit into a human asshole

* * *

 **stephen @shortforstepheneas tweeted: @captainamerica** haha steeb

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Your name is Steven too 

**> > stephen @shortforstepheneas:** yeah but mine's sophisticated

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **I'm not taking shit from a guy with the last name Strange

 **> >>> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **ok rogers

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** truth be told i miss you :'( and truth be told i'm LYIN 🤪

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted: @captainamerica** if i were a gardener, i'd put our two-lips together

 **> falcon @thebestbird: @jbabybarnes **if i were a gardener, you'd be my hoe

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **okay

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Tulips** nice try boomer

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **can't have anything nice

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I'm America's next top! and America's next top bottom

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** steven, quit finding weird new ‘quirky’ ways to say you're a switch

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **that sign can't stop me because I don't care

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i am very uncomfortable with the energy that we have created in the studio today

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** ever been raw dogged in a chuck e cheese parking lot? yeah. me neither.

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **this is an extremely personal attack

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it shouldn't be

* * *

 **flash @spideystan tweeted:** put a finger down if you've ever rawed someone in an applebee's parking lot

 **> flash @spideystan: **i'm down to nine fingers

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's like god made you both so that there'd be two people as fucking wild as you

 **> > val @valhalen: **i didn't do that, i didn't even see the blueprints for those two. not even sure which bitch approved manufacturing. 

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** put a finger down if you've ever been pegged in a hobby lobby break room

 **> snek @lowkey: **8 fingers

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **3, 3 fucking insane people in my life and i'm dating one of them

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **put a finger down if you had to hack all the hobby lobby cameras at 3 am on a monday

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **9 fingers

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** put a finger down if you've ever fucked someone into someone else in a denny's parking lot

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **okay i'm now down to TEN FINGERS BC IM NORMAL

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **FINALLY SOMEONE WITH SENSE

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **time for a social media cleanse

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i can't say i'm surprised bucky outed our sexcapades to all of twitter but i'm certainly disappointed

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** put a finger down if you've ever broken into an ikea at 4 am and made love on one of the futons 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **,,, 9 fingers

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** put a finger down if you've christened every surface of the trump tower bathrooms

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **8 fingers pls stop tweeting

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** put a finger down if you accidentally hit it in the back of a cop car

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm begging you here,,,

 **> > snek @lowkey: **you were then too, what about it

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** put a finger down if you've skinny dipped in the pond in central park

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **6 (six), are you done yet

 **> > snek @lowkey: **silence, bottom

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **i'm down to 3

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **holy shit mr. pool

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **don't call me that

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** put a finger down if you've encountered a god in the biblical sense

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no shame in that, 5

 **> captain better @marvelous: **9

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **9, never again

* * *

 **thor @assgard tweeted:** put a finger down if you had an orgy with the other avengers

 **> thor @assgard: **9 :)

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **THOR SAID AVENGERS ORGY RIGHTS

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **can you two PLEASE stop telling people we had an avengers orgy

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **the truth always comes out eventually!!

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **just like you and the closet huh

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **hey :( if i remember correctly it was YOU who got caught by their mom not ME

 **> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **to YOU

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **you are both hypocrites

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what does that make you

 **> >>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **gay


	86. hand door man hook car door???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this includes some excerpts from when ri and I were working on dialogue for our non-binary peter and bucky fics so enjoy :) -max  
> also the first segment of this got all kinds of fucked up while I was finishing up editing but I couldn't figure out how to fix it :(

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** fuck the government 

**> sapho @renegadecharli:** elaborate on that

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** No, I don’t think I will.

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** nothing has changed about steve OR the government in 70 years

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** is the serum a joke to you

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** LISTEN

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Remember how we had to use the constitution against the government to get them to let gays be gay?  ✨

* * *

**bucket @jbaybarnes tweeted:** just thought abt how lord farquaad was probably rlly lonely

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** hey y’all look kind of similar

**> > bucket @jbaybarnes:** WE DO NOT

**> > bucket @jbaybarnes:** PETER TAKE IT BACK THATS SO MEAN

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no never

**> >>> bucket @jbaybarnes:** PETER :(

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** changing my name to pussy so u keep it out ur mouth

**> >>>>> flash @spideystan:** pussy Parker

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** WAIT NO UNDO 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Bucky is short for James bc James reminds me too much of the guy from Sofia the first 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** weirdly specific but ok

**> tony stank @iamironman:** I might not be a math wiz but that shit dont add up??

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** how do u know who that is

* * *

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** so we have lesbian jesus

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** and we also have gay jesus 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** walking on this goddamn bitch of an earth 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** who is gay jesus 

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** boinky. i mean the hair is a pretty obvious indicator

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i still stan lesbian jesus harder 

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** taste

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I was ready to accept that the real one had made his return like a true jedi 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** does your dick jump when i text you

**> falcon @thebestbird:** man what

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** for certainly

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i loved my dead gay dad :/

**> snek @lowkey:** I almost forgot heathers was around during the dinosaur age

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** arent u older than me

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** pls don’t make this weird

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** it wasn’t fucking weird until u said that Harley

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** gender is confusing that’s why I choose to ignore mine  ✨

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** this might come as a shock, but cis people don’t do that

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** what.

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** they don’t ??

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sweetie

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** debate time: does Steve deserve rights?

**> tony stank @iamironman:** do legally dead people even have rights

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** missing in action, thanks

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m only dating him for his 70 years of military backpay

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** that makes sense 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just opened the peanut butter jar by myself,,, i make a motherfucker say OH YEAH I’m cold as a lion with no hair if y’all ever see me fighting in the forest with a grizzly bear, HELP THE BEAR. cuz that bitch gon need it

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** need a new sugar daddy, u free mr Stark? 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** sorry but I’m a married man, Ned 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** since when

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** fuck I knew I forgot to tell u something

* * *

**tony stank @iamiornman tweeted:** fuck your zodiac sign what’s on your funeral playlist 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** greens beans potatoes tomatoes yams hams chicken turkey 

**> snek @lowkey:** i like cash and my hair to my ass 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** the devil went down to georgia 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** spray stomp from wildn out  😌 i ain’t scared of no roachesss

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** the circle of life -T'challa 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** oops i did it again

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** blond boyz

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** what ur zodiac says about u  ✨

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Aquarius  ♒️ everyone thinks ur a fucking jerk

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you can’t base these off of people we know Bucky 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I can and I will 

**> > wanda @scarletwitch: **I thought we moved past this :(

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ur an Aquarius???

**> >>> wanda @scarletwitch:** yes!!!

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** oh,, oh no

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Pisces  ♓️ u think the FBI or CIA is following u

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** wait aren’t u a Pisces?

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** yes

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Aries  ♈️ a pioneer type who hates everyone and is a prick

**> > thanos @littlebitchboy:** I’m an Aries 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** we know.

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Taurus  ♉️ if ur a Taurus ur nothing but a damn communist

**> > double d @daredevil:** :/

**> > T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** bruh moment -T'challa 

**> > captain better @marvelous:** I learn something new about myself every day :) 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Gemini  ♊️ ur an ok guy Tony

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** thanks 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** cancer  ♋️ everybody in prison is a cancer 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** is this based off of me

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** it might be 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Leo  ♌️ thieving motherfuckers who’s favorite hobby is kissing mirrors

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I heard somewhere that spidey is a Libra

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** offended and appalled, have a horrible day

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Virgo  ♍️ Virgo’s are good bus drivers and 

P I M PS

**> > nat @spidermom:** thank u thank u my bus driving skills are truly something to be marveled 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Libra  ♎️ if ur a Libra u don’t exist sorry

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** what’s that supposed to mean

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** nothing love u

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** wait, 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Scorpio  ♏️ ur a perfect son of a bitch and that makes u dangerous :/ 

**> > Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** stop, you’ll make me blush. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Sagittarius  ♐️ since they have no talent, the majority of Sagittarius’s are drunks

**> > currently unaliving people @babymerc:** i did nothing to deserve this 

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** turn around every now and then I get a little bit tired, 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Capricorn  ♑️ cant trust ur political opinion bc it’s always based off of how attractive the ticket is 

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** THAT WAS O N E TIME

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** tonight,,, we watch emo the musical and take shots of la croix every time we sing along

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** only if we can watch the princess bride after and take actual shots every time wesley says as you wish 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** there will be No Alcohol 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** :(

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** okay so since peter’s idea got vetoed i vote after emo we watch mean girls and take shots of la croix every time we quote a line

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I PUT SALSA ON MY BURGER SBBSJDJDJ COLOSSAL DUMBASS

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** BOY FOR WHAT

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** THIS TIME IT WAS ACCIDENTAL I THOUGHT IT WAS KETCHUP

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** OHH YOUR HOMEADE KETCHUP ??

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Yes I made a mistake when I put them in the same shaped container without labels

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **boy why 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Thought it’d be a fun game but all I did was hurt my own feelings :-(

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I fixed my ketchup/salsa issue but at what cost

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if ur a Virgo u probably just ran out of milk

**> nat @spidermom:** witchcraft, if ur a Pisces u probably just ate an entire container of straight up cream cheese

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** omg howd u kno

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** the salsa is tangy I like it

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sir that was my ketchup

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** u mean the tomato smoothie?

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: @captainamerica** come get ur mans before I punch him 

**> >>> bucket jbabybarnes:** am I wrong???

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** YES ITS K E T C H U P

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** several points were made

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** not you too!!!

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** peter you can’t drown your food in soy sauce and then judge people for saying ketchup is a tomato smoothie 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I CAN AND I WILL

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** Before He Cheats is such a fucking BANGER I will never know another song that elicits the same emotions

**> mj @becrimedogay:** before he cheats makes me hate a man that doesn’t even exist

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** Dirty laundry is almost the sequel

**> tony stank @iamironman:** blown away screams daddy issues and i vibe with that

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** y’all can listen to yeehaw music and I can’t ?

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert are the only acceptable yeehaw artists I’m sorry 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** church bells reminds me that poisoning me is in fact a good idea

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** so you DO have taste

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** carrie could say she thinks sushi is good with cheese and I’d be like “yes Queen your MIND”

**> > shuri @imadelightbsabers:** you probably would think that anyway w your weird ass food choices

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** brb gonna go cry

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** singing jesus take wheel is the closest i’ll ever get to being religious  🥰

**> thor @assgard:** all american girl makes me irrationally angry idk i just can’t stand it

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** her only con is how live laugh love she is anyway this segment caters to a very specific audience can we move on? 

**> > currently unaliving people @babymerc:** so do u hear white and yellow too? damn

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted: @spidertheman** I am formally asking for your hand in marriage. 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** simp

**> >> harry @hoesborn:** so you asked a celebrity for their hand in marriage and got turned down

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** you also asked for my hand in marriage sir 

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** i am also a celebrity so it does not matter. plus you never said no

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** simp

**> >>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** I’m not a simp and I know so bc my Minecraft gf said so  😋

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** my Minecraft gf and I are renting out a Roblox server for our wedding and none of u are invited except Ned

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** why me

**> > harry @hoesborn:** nvm u ask too many  questions :/

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** do u actually have a Minecraft gf

**> > harry @hoesborn:** that’s the fun part of it, idk!!! 

**> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** I like this kid

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** are you sure this isn’t another 50 yr old man or woman

**> >>> harry @hoesborn:** that only happened once 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** harry 

**> >>>>> harry @hoesborn:** okay,,, twice 

**> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** harry. 

**> >>>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** i may have daddy issues but that doesn’t mean you’re adopting me

**> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** .

**> >>>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** oKAY so it happened FIVE TIMES

**> >>>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** but it was for real one time she just ended up being a lesbian

**> >>>>>>>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** forgot about that

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** at least there wasn’t a gun fight at my fake Roblox wedding

**> nat @spidermom:** don’t be shy, @ me next time

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** you play Roblox miss widow?

**> >> nat @spidermom:** real life exists too kid

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** can’t believe u tried to shoot me at our wedding

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I can’t handle this amount of information from a Roblox wedding thread

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis:** would russian roulette work w a bow and arrow

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** like what if i just notched 12 arrows and let them fly and hoped one of them hit the target

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** i stg if you invite daredevil for that shit

**> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** I won’t, DP is inviting him

**> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** he never comes to anything i invite him to :( 

**> >>>> double d @daredevil:** the last time i did you nearly got my head blown off 

**> >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** yeah but that’s the fun of it, the spirit of adventure, yk 

**> >>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** can we be friends

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** hey **@lowkey** just wanna know if ur boyfriend is single

**> snek @lowkey:** which one

**> > harry @hoesborn:** the nerdy one

**> >> snek @lowkey:** w h i c ho n e

**> >>>harry @hoesborn:** the cute one 

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** bitch IM the cute one

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** harrison 

**> snek @lowkey:** YOUR NAME IS HARRISON 

**> harry @hoesborn:** dammit stark

**> harry @hoesborn:** I was making FRIENDS

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** make friends without committing crimes! 

**> >> harry @hoesborn:** I speak English sir

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **don’t break laws!

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn: **dOnT brEaK laWs do u hear urself? what the fuck

* * *

**peter j quill @stardaddy tweeted:** thinking abt going to mars for the weekend

**> harry @hoesborn:** take me with u?

**> > peter j quill @stardaddy:** who are u

**> >> harry @hoesborn:** an accomplice

**> >>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** I like this kid he’s got spunk

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** and daddy’s credit card let’s goooo

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted: @beterbarker** did you hear what the fuck i said 

**> harry @hoesborn:** shake some ASSS

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** be gay do crimes idk what to tell you man 

**> mj @brcrimedogay:** you. i like you.

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Harry is a menace and that’s why I keep getting his accounts suspended 

**> harry @hoesborn:** THAT WAS U????

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** and now it won’t let me report u wtf :(

**> >> harry @hoesborn:** bitch I bought out twitter and ao3!!

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ao what

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** dw abt it :)))

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I thought u read fics? 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** exclusively bad 1D wattpad fics

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** holding out hope for the homies  🤞

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** hold up harls that implies You read fic ?? 

**> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** i never said i didn’t 

**> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** but you never said you DID either 

**> >>>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **well now ya know

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** mr dad will you buy out twitter for me :(

**> tony stank @iamironman:** no kiddo 

**> > harry @hoesborn:** HA 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **don’t even get me started on you rn

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if ur a Gemini u should go to bed u haven’t slept in 54 hours

**> tony stank @iamironman:** personal attacks based off my zodiac? well played

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i want a space bf 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** like a bf that’s interested in space

**> > harry @hoesborn:**no like an alien

**> >> shuri @imadelightsabers:** that implies that you also want/already have an earth bf

**> >>> harry @hoesborn:**I like to have options

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** and yet u asked if my bf was the single one

**> >>>>> harry @hoesborn: **omg ur right!! Is ur brother single

**> >>>>>> thor @assgard:** i am but not for u 

**> >>>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **ur only like,, 24 in human years nbd 

**> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** there are so many things wrong with that sentence

**> >>>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **so far sims has been my best friend but now miss marvel and her friends exist

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i’ve only been here for five seconds but i already know that val is god and bruce is the buzzkill voice of reason 

**> harry @hoesborn: **so basically ik everything i need to :)

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** ur an Aquarius arent u

**> >> harry @hoesborn: **yes how could u tell

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no reason

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn: **just checked ur tweets, not cool man :(

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** just found out there’s a 13th zodiac. I’m all abt inclusivity so here goes

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ophiucus  ⛎ u probably like jazz and make small talk with bees

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **also ur toes hurt occasionally for no discernible reason, u should get that checked out :/

**> >> rocket @funkylookingcat:** oddly specific but somehow right

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i’ve decided to make my own horoscope bc none of bucky’s descriptions fit the sexy, conniving, villainous depiction of me 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you’re literally a cinnamon roll

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** well I’ll be honest I don’t really understand but I fell down the stairs and now I’ve got glue on my hands and I’ve got records on my fingers

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **records on my fingers! I’ve got records on my fingers and I just can’t stop

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **don’t stop

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **I can’t stop I’ve got a platypus controlling me

**> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **I’ve got a platypus controlling me!

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** will you still love me when im no longer an arachnid with human flesh

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **don't word it like that

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** niko (and I cannot stress this enough) niko ni??

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **im gonna break ur gotdamn niko niko kneecaps

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @hoesborn** you remind me of the babe

 **> harry @hoesborn:** what babe

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** babe with the power

 **> >> harry @hoesborn:** what power

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** the power of voodoo 

**> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** who do?

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you do!

 **> >>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** do what?

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** remind of the babe :))) a GOBLIN BABE

 **> >>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I knew where this was going and it still surprised me


	87. wish i could make my leg stop bouncing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short surprise “update”, fuckery afoot - ri

**max @levesqueen tweeted:** I like how we just skipped over Steve’s birthday altogether, tbh maybe I would’ve said something in the chapter if it wasn’t on fucking Independence Day

 **> ri @okaybi:** what’s he need a birthday for mf is old as hell

* * *

 **ri @okaybi tweeted:** and remember kids, all countries matter <3 

**> max @levesqueen: **except for antartica, fuck the penguins 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **what the pudding pack, penguins are adorable !!! what’s wrong with you 

**> > stephen @shortforstepheneas: **antartica is a continent. 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** anyway that’s enough of the authors being fucking stupid 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **see you back here on tuesday for our regularly scheduled bullshit and not whatever this is! 


	88. oneshot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ri and I hate our numbers being switched and we thought this would be a genius idea bc we don’t really have any content prepared and honestly I had no plans of going anywhere with this oneshot so y’all can have it xoxo it cuts off kind of abruptly but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ -max

perhaps this was it. the vastness of forever spread out in the stark white of hotel towels and the scratchy cotton of motel sheets. maybe this was what was waiting at the end of the rainbow; the pot of gold. 

she turns toward the tv, the host announcing the players of some soccer game they’d long lost interest in. interest they’d only lost once things more appealing took the place of scores on a screen. 

yes, perhaps. 

perhaps this assassination gig could be the rush of pleasure a lover never quite presented. 

she didn’t know what to do with herself if she didn’t have a target, something to fiddle her hands and her mind with so she wouldn’t go insane and turn up on a river brink somewhere like Soldat had. no, that’s wrong, she thinks to herself. it was the other Soldiers that turned up on river brinks. Yakov would never let himself fly that far off the handle. 

she was never good like him, in that sense. she’d flown off the handle, discovered the world and the dark web, and look where she is now. a hired hitman. 

she slept with a gun under her pillow and a knife in hand, and when a lover questioned it—well. that was that, she supposes.

never let it be said that Natalia Romanova can’t hold her own. 


	89. kinda want to hold someone's hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babes, have a good rest of your week -ri

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** remember your roots

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ben 10

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **shego

 **> flash @spideystan: **spidey

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **well this is awkward

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **avan jogia 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **danny phantom

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **meredith from the parent trap

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** hey guys here's your daily reminder that being poor, black, queer, etc. shouldn't be a death sentence

 **> ernie @notascoolasbernie: **explain

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **none of that needs to be explained ? it's common sense. you shouldn't die for existing.

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted: @jbabybarnes** don't make faces in every mirror you pass by challenge

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i ain't gonna do it girl... i was just thinking about it

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** people who sell meat might be gross but people who sell veggies are grocer

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ha ha

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Peter he was really proud of that one :(

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no steve, it's fine

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** living in the country means hearing a weird sound when you're out alone at night and not being afraid

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i think you mean suicidal ideation

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **maybe so

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** **@hoesborn** are you seeing anyone

 **> harry @hoesborn: **no why

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i think a therapist would be good for you

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i know i joke a lot but i actually don't wanna date anyone i'm just here for the affection

 **> harry @hoesborn: **what can i say, the only kind of whore i'm capable of being is for attention

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **retweet

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted: @beterbarker @lowkey @getrektbymypotatogun** can we go on friend dates

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **fuck yes absolutely

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** my neck has the w o r s t crick in it, will be committing murder

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **support

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **thank u <3 who should i murder is the real Question

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **me

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **no

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **heart been broke so many times~

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** having his children is a small price to pay to live comfortably for the rest of my life

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **i feel like this is about harry

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it definitely is

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **thought we established your dad is a billionaire

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm not in the will

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **1) you can't just talk about my will on twitter 2) how do you know you're not in it

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **1) i can if i'm not in it 2) i asked happy

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **happy doesn't know who's in my will

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **are you saying he was screwing with me

 **> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **that's exactly what i'm saying

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hArOlD !!!!!!

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** all my tweets are the same shit nowadays. it's time to adopt a new personality

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Bucky that isn't healthy

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **can this personality stop talking peter into doing stupid shit

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **first of all, bitch, using crushed up leaves to make paper was INNOVATIVE, second of all, whore, my new personality is gonna have straight humor

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **straight... humor... ?

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **funny faces are so funny haha a butterfly landed on my nose and i sneezed it was hilarious lol 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **can we have more examples of straight humor pls

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i still think friends is a good tv show and i've never had to worry about getting beat up for holding hands with a guy 😂😂😂

 **> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **the laughing emoji really sold it

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **thank you, pal!

 **> >>>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **back in the friend zone :/

 **> >>>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **does this put me back in the enemy zone

 **> >>>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you never left 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alright boys, back into the closet, both of you. no coming out until i make a bridge joke. 

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted: @jbabybarnes** straight humor hit it

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i hit the woah in public hahaha i'm SO goofy omg

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** elsa is an aroace queen and y'all are all just haters, in this essay i will- 

**> nat @spidermom: **where's the essay op

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **op i will steal your kneecaps if you don't give me this goddamn essay

 **> harry @hoesborn: **merida is also an aro badass mf, she repeatedly states she doesn't want to get married in this essay i will-

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **harry, that is an arrogant, uneducated thing to say. CLEARLY merida is a lesbian

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** thinking abt that time peter told the whole world he peed sitting down

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **did not

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **chapter 20

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **what does that even MEAN

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **it MEANS chapter 20 keep up

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **why are u even thinking abt that it's so weird

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **only if you make it weird damn

 **> > snek @lowkey: **if you think THAT'S weird

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **we do NOT want to know what kinks and fetishes you all have pls STOP

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we literally have to hear you and flash talk about yours all the time

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **he does make a point

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **no he does

 **> >>>>>> flash @spideystan: **i said a point not a good one

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **I SAID I WAS THINKING ABT HIS TWEET HOW IS THAT A FETISH

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **sounds like someone is insecure abt their love of golden showers...

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **N A S T Y 

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **jail

 **> >>>>> harry @hoesborn: **woah :O

* * *

 **captain better @marvelous tweeted:** if goose scratched nicky's other eye out,, what would that be like

 **> double d @daredevil: **gee i wonder

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr fury could see again bc it cancels out! p e m d a s

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **i like the way you think! let's try it out :)

 **> >> Nick Fury @fastandfuryous: **thought we were friends

 **> >>> captain better @marvelous: **that was before you came down with a bad case of douchebagitis :(

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** y'all seen the ass on spidey lately

 **> what @even: **dude. you're obsessed. pls start dating him already

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** disgusting. blockt.

 **> >> what @even: **you didn't even block me

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't call me out like that

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **datin has to have attraction in both directions

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **so you swing both ways on that web of yours?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **DAMN BOY

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** 11/10 would cuddle the shit out of spidey. he's so cute

 **> flash @spideystan: **YOU'VE SEEN HIM

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **nope, but the aura is *chefs kiss*

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **the aura has a sort of, je ne sais quoi

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** barrettes are gay culture. sorry people i don’t make the rules 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **you’re just saying that bc bucky wears them 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **perhaps. doesn’t make me wrong. 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **no, it doesn’t 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** one retweet and i'll push clint out of a tree

**bucket retweeted bucket's tweet.**

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **<3 thanks

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** if i had a nickel for every time someone told me i reminded them of lin manuel miranda if he put too much salt in his milk, i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **who was it

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **bucky and mj

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **great minds

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okay that's not a bad food idea actually

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **look what you 2 have done. 

**> > snek @lowkey: **hoe how else are you gonna make ice cream? ice cream salt exists for a reason

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i think i need to sit down

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** MIKU BINDER THOMAS JEFFERSON FOR PRESIDENT

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thank you bucky val bless

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **does he know about MLP roosevelt

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **there's. there's more than just miku binder jeffereson?

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: ****@thebestbird** sam i'm scared

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **what about anime george washington

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i feel like you're making shit up now

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i wish they were

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **emo lincoln emo lincoln emo lincoln 

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **they'd be rolling in their graves if they knew

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i feel like jefferson would've enjoyed it

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Arson might be a sin but if we didn't sin a little then jesus died for nothing

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **yk what. you're right. bucky, get the blowtorch

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **yessir

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** quarantine was just put back into action in the states pushing to open their doors sooner. i wonder how this could've been prevented ??

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **bars in texas closed indefinitely due to COVID, and if you weren't sure which ones of your friends and family members were alcoholics before, you are now

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** if you've never seen an episode of glee i envy you so fucking much

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **while you’re here, remember to not stan l*a m*chelle 🤢

* * *

 **E! @enews tweeted:** studies say girls feel safe with their arm tucked around someone else's 

**> nat @spidermom: **i feel safe with a knife in my hand 

**> > nat @spidermom: **would feel safer with two daggers or a sword tho 

**> >> pepper @spicypepper: **okay nat that's for the input

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** somebody come get her, she's dancing like a stripper

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** okay but did anyone ever go get her or is she still dancing like a stripper

 **> > snek @lowkey: **do you even know any other type of dancing besides country. like do you know what dancing like a stripper is.

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no, loki, living in the south meant i only know the two step and line dancing to the boot scooting boogey

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **that's what i thought

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **he can square dance

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you, by extension, can ALSO square dance peter

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **oh yeah

 **> >>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **HAHAHA you're both so teaching me this shit when we go on our friend date

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **what am i doing :(

 **> >>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **sitting there looking pretty ;) 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i'm finally gonna crack a cold one with the boys

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **the fuck you are

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **when your plans are thwarted by tiny 

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** never gonna call tony anything other than tiny again bc it's hilarious

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **also don't tell him i said this but he's so cute when he blushes

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i can read yk

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **but you're jared, 19

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** yeah i'm into BDSM

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **Being Dead Sounds Magnificent

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i just really love the opportunities for murder that sleeping with your back to the door presents 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **and the comfort, too, it's unmatched

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** can't believe people think that imperial america ended. you guys do know we're still doing it right... right?

* * *

 **thor @assgard tweeted:** this is my emotional support rabbit

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat: **and this is my emotional support tree 

**> > groot @iamgroot: **i am groot! 

**> >> rocket @funkylookingcat: **that’s exactly right

 **> >>> groot @iamgroot: **i am groot ? 

**> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** no we can’t steal gamora’s swords, she’ll use you for paper and make me roadkill 

**> >>>>> groot @iamgroot: **i am groot

 **> >>>>>> rocket @funkylookingcat: **i know buddy, she’s really mean

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** on a scale of 1-10 how likely is it to be able to walk across the Niagara? find out more at 10

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **finally some fresh air

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **no more closet time!!!!


	90. my tiny wenis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in regards to that oneshot I posted: idk I might continue if yall really liked it? I started it over a year ago and Im not too sure what direction it was going in lol n e way thanks for reading love yall xoxo-max

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** uh oh

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** stinky

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** so.. you got drunk and married to your alien s/o in vegas and now you want to know if you’re legally married

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** hOw diD yOu kNoW tHaT

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **u posted the entire thing on snapchat

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** dermatologists hate Steve

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I hate him too

 **> < tony stank @iamironman:** who hurt u

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** homemade ice cream??? ur telling me a hoe made this ice cream???

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** sir I can’t cook

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ned. honey. how would one COOK ice cream

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** with ice

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** that’s exactly what i’m telling you, steve made it

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it’s red white and blue

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I wonder if they ever made smut for the bee movie

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** pls don’t look it up then you’ll find out and tell me and i’ll idk riot

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** The answer is yes

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** espresso??? you’re telling me I have to express myself to this hoe?????

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** that’s how communication works

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** I guess u could call this beverage an iced americano with an extra shot of espresso

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** talented, incredible, amazing, show stopping, never been done before,

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I’m not saying that Chester cheetah is spiderman but has anyone ever seen them in the same room

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bro what

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** idk I’m zooted

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** only two people know my identity; Harry Osborn and Harry styles

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** why does Harry styles know who u are

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** I panicked

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** but I know who u are?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** three people

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair::** me

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** four people

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** me too

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** 5… people

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** also me

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** fuck 6 people

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** I as well

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** damn okay I get it I can’t keep a secret

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** (he) hus(he)s her -michael jackson

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I think I would honestly pop off if I had a podcast

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** the two of us doing the nightly news would be unstoppable

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** this just in, Jameson called me a prick again and it made me cry. in other news, his car got egged last night. wonder how that happened.

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** trump has an acab manny face mask? more at 10. [obviously edited photo of trump]

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Tony stark let me use his table as a giant cheese tray, but at what cost? more at 7.

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you didn’t tell me about the cheese tray

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it never came up

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted: @jbabybarnes** you suck

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** (i) don’t (care)

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I belong to the streets of Brooklyn

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** no, no, nuh uh, nope, you belong to these CHEEKS amen

 **> > snek @lowkey:** so we definitely know who tops

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** as far as history tells steve belongs to every back alley in brooklyn the way he was marking his territory with his blood

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you’re making me feel old

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** you were conceived before the idea of pre-sliced bread was

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** ok who told Bucky about shakira c’mon fess up

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** what do you do if you put too much pepper in something

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** suffer

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I hate snapchat filters nowadays they make me look inhuman

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** Humans just don’t want to accept that they’re the ugliest species

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** “they’re”

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** On all levels except physical, I am a wolf

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I didn’t know seaweed came with flavor packs

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** they don’t

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:**

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.traveltechgadgets.com%2F2020%2F05%2Ftravel-accessory-of-month-silica-gel-free.html&psig=AOvVaw0gmt1sej3xUUo2t_BPq9wE&ust=1594443674749000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCID6_djzweoCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAY)

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** KID

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay: **ignore him mr stark he clearly cant fucking read

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** he eats enough soy sauce for his sodium levels to be off the charts and ur worried abt his silica intake?

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** i’m allowed to worry!!

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** mm salty

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** goddamn it

 **> >> Elton @johndoe:** is he gonna be okay

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine:** oh yeah he’ll be fine

 **> >>>> Elton @johndoe:** ...are you sure tho? aren’t those things like poison

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine:** he’s got some,,, wild dna

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** back in my day we ate silica packets and died like real men

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** and it fucking SLAPPED

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** wish that were me :( alas i only have like mild indigestion

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** so y’all can call me a dishwasher but I can’t call y’all wallets? systematic sexism at its finest

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** if he’s sexist he’s either way deep in the closet or has a small pp

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** I’m assuming Howard was both

 **> >> harry @hoesborn:** you never walked in on your parents having sex?

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** no

 **> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** lol yeah me neither

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** imagine having parents that loved each other

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** imagine having parents

 **> >>>>>>> harry @hoesborn:** WOAHH NO DADDY ISSUES ON MY TIME LINE THANKS

 **> flash @spideystan:** n e ways my dad doesn’t know that i’m regularly thinking about my bf’s gorilla grip coochie while he talks about “those damn gays” ahaha

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** he thinks my tractors sexy

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** uh since when??

 **> snek @lowkey:** there’s a reason when we lock the doors we also turn the lights down low

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** oh :(

 **> harry @hoesborn:** if i was into sex i’d think your tractor was sexy

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** bro 🥺

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** bruh moment

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I think tractors at large are sexy

 **> > flash @spideystan:** i can take you for a ride on my big green tractor ;)

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** why is it green

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** LMAOOOOO

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yoda’s little green wiener has entered the chat

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** NO DONT DO HIM LIKE THAT

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey:** stop it, get some help

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** maybe we should stop making fun of steve being in the ice for 70 years and pay more attention to the man who is a fucking ice god

 **> snek @lowkey:** frost giant, but I appreciate the effort

 **> tony stank @iamironman::** it’s bc Loki is cooler

 **> > snek @lowkey:** I can’t tell if that was a pun or not, fuck you either way

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** if it was 2013 and I was a lesser man I’d be making frozen references rn

 **> > harry @hoesborn:** ooh I’m a lesser man! **@lowkey** elsa lookin ass bitc

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** whos anna?

 **> >>> thor @assgard:** me!!!!

 **> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** you’re too proud of that

 **> >>>>> thor @assgard:** I’m sorry if it came across as pride, I’m not very happy with this thread tbh

* * *

 **groot @iamgroot tweeted:** I am groot!

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat:** NO TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW I AM N O T OLAF

 **> > groot @iamgroot: **I am gRoOt

 **> >> rocket @funkylooking cat:** ok then smart ass, whos kristoff?? Hmm? Olaf??

 **> >>> groot @iamgroot:** I am groot, groot I am

 **> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** he says he’s sven and Gamora is kristoff

 **> >>>>> peter j quill @stardaddy:** not me?

 **> >>>>>> groot @iamgroot:** I am groot

 **> >>>>>>> peter j quill @stardaddy:** YOUNG MAN YOU DID NOT JUST USE THAT LANGUAGE WITH ME

 **> >>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** whatd he say

 **> >>>>>>>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** lmao he called quill a sad excuse of a pine cone

* * *

 **I hate my user too @sparklepony2005 tweeted: @theavengers** okay but what princess would the rest of you be

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** hi my name is merida

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** i’m rapunzel my father liked to manipulate me so i’d be useful to him :))

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** i- do you need a hug

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** yes

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I don’t like where this is going

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** sleeping beauty finally showed up :)

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** there it is

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** id be Shuri

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** lowkey he’s right tho :/

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay:** ur a Disney Princess??? Babe!!!!!

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** I’m THE Disney Princess

* * *

 **mj @brcrimedogay tweeted:** while we’re here can we talk about how all disney films involving black main characters somehow end up being about animals. like ??

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** tiana was literally a frog for over half of her movie. HER MOVIE. and for what ? nothing. i didn’t see any of these other princesses turned into animals and reducing their entire move to that

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** legend has it Walt can hear you from his cryofreeze chamber

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** you could still hear?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** bitch idk I can’t even remember who’s kitchen I woke up in this morning

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** what.

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** it was mine

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** you drank all my soy sauce

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** that was me actually

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom:** what.

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** chugged an entire bottle of liquid smoke and passed out

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** why

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I wanted to know what it was like to feel alive while meeting god

 **> >> val @valhalen:** you could’ve just asked for another movie night damn

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ma’am,,

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** IT SMELLED LIKE BACON WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** p sure it was also expired but I took care of that

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** how does one obtain as much crackhead energy as you

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** take ur will to live and say “I won’t need this where I’m going”

 **> >>>> harry @hoesborn:** i already did that but it just made me empty inside 🤪🥴

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I don’t need sleep I need ANSWERS

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** about what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** how do taxes work!!!

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** youve… never done…?

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** apparently once ur declared KIA u don’t need to pay them but now Im not KIA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can’t say I’m proud of the fact that I actually DID chug a bottle of liquid smoke and then passed out.,,, and also bee movie smut DOES exist and it is. whoo it’s something -max


	91. i want mac n cheese or to be 6ft under

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda really mad that so many colleges are opening in the fall. hope you're all staying safe, babes -ri

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** missing her* 😍

 **> snek @lowkey: ***my period of good mental health

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** me and rhodey are so wholesome. like we just watch shitty movies and eat good food and raise our pseudo kids. i love us.

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **you're such a sap

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **but i'm YOUR sap

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **that's a pretty good argument

 **> nebula @blue: **is this a healthy relationship. 

**> > nebula @blue: **no seriously someone tell me, i don't know what a healthy relationship looks like

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah neb i think it's a healthy relationship

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **think i just threw up a little in my mouth

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **you're on thin fucking ice right now mister

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **whatever you say old man

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **you did this to yourself

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted: @getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey @beterbarker** remember when spidey canceled date night and said he was on a work binge with me in the lab 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **he actually got shot twice that night and was in the infirmary healing without telling you

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you promised not to tell them

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **and hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, spidey, welcome to the real world

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you did WHAT

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm very disappointed in you

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **wait a minute.... who ARE you

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** you can take tiktok from us, but you can't take our natural fuck up the government mindsets

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **vive la revolution or whatever the french taught us

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i will literally keep finding ways to download tiktok the gov can kiss my ass 🥰

* * *

 **captain better @marvelous tweeted:** VELMA IS A LESBIAN CONFIRMED

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **if god hates the gays, why do we keep winning

 **> > val @valhalen: **who said that i hate the gays i AM the gays

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **idk they also said jesus was white they're getting all kinds of shit flipped

 **> nat @spidermom: **this is the only timeline god blessed amen

 **> > stephen @shortforstepheneas: **the way that you're right even though i know you were saying it as a figment of speech 

**> thor @assgard: **a big win for my lesbian friends indeed!

 **> > sally @lolsally: **who are your lesbian friends

 **> >> thor @assgard: **all lesbians who wish to be my friend!

 **> >>> sally @lolsally: **wholesome content. (also that means i'm friends with thor omgomgomg)

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** am i the only one who thinks my boy bradley from emo the musical was gay? like he was definitely dating soft pan!jay

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i thought we went over this

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **did we? i literally can't recall

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **he's the gayest straight to ever gay

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** nothing will EVER be as iconic as Taylor's red era

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i THINK you mean her speak now era

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **so this is where we deviate

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **i raise you both: her fearless era

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **okay but her hawyee era kinda goes hard tho

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **first of all, tim mcgraw is the BLANDEST song that i've ever heard and i've heard thor's friends try to play instruments. second of all, you're all wrong. 1989 era is That Bitch.

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** never thought there'd be taylor swift discourse on my twitter timeline. life really does start coming and it doesn't stop coming.

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** yk what lil nas x. that's it that's the tweet.

* * *

 **frank @itsfrank tweeted:** idk why females get so mad about men calling them females. it's what you are.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **there you go, contradicting yourself by using the terms men and females in the same sentence.

 **> > frank @itsfrank: **no females always being doing shit like this

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **being misogynistic, at your big age? 

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** are men okay... mentally?

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **no ❤️

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** shawty

 **> flash @spideystan: **i don't MIND

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **like a melody in my head

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **got them apple bottom jeans

 **> wanda @scarletwitch: **is an enie meanie miny moe lover

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **fire burning on the dance floor

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i like my men like i like my ovens: hot and dangerous

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we make the hipsters fall in love

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **yes of course we does

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **you're under legal obligation to run this town just like a club

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **as long as you don't wanna mess with us 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **bc you got gay jesus on your necklaces

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **and brush your teeth with a bottle of jack

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **NO

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **wrong kesha song

 **> >>>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **only if you're a pussy

 **> >>>>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **this the remix

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i'm too young for my body to be giving out on me like this,, girl cmon stop being lazy and make those cells move faster

 **> harry @hoesborn: **kinda wish my body would give out on me

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah but all at once!! none of this pussyfooting shit

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **cmon girl kill me all the way

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** one of my toes has been tingling all goddamn day. just the One.

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **congrats! you've been poisoned

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **my toe did that when i got stung by a scorpion

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **fuck maybe that's what happened. hope i got poisoned tho 

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** i want me to not be anywhere 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i wanna be at the sistine chapel, so i can caption it "periodt sis(tine)"

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i would like to be buried in a shallow grave so that i may return to piss off the government,

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **you can do that without dying ?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **yeah but then i'd have to deal with like,, consequences

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** omg what if i went absolutely apeshit and just turned into a tree

 **> harry @hoesborn: **i would like to be a cherry tree

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **HOLD UP DO CHERRIES GROW ON TREES fuCK

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **"omg what if i went absolutely apeshit and just turned into a tree" GIRL WHAT

 **> >>> harry @hoesborn: **ASJNS STOP IDK

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** okay but no one answered,,, do cherries grow on trees

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **yes they grow on trees dumbass

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** would like to know who decided apple juice was a "kid" drink, it's fucking spectacular

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** just found out about being a man, hope they find a cure

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **praying for men, hope you get better soon 😔

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** quick! someone call 911!!!!

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **shawty fire burning on the dance floor

* * *

 **brandon @brandonyeet tweeted:** can't believe females keep acting like they're the victims

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **aw are you the victim then? did you get your lil feelings hurt by a woman? did she realize you're a douchebag and a half and she deserved better? huh did she? 😢

 **> > brandon @brandonyeet:** fuck off

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **small dick energy response. don't interact.

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **you've been hit by, you've been struck by,

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **a smooth criminal

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **dun dun DUNNNN

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **QUIT RUINING SHIT HECKLER

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** god is real and he gave me head

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **so god's name is steve

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **in the spirit of full disclosure, you have also given me head ;)

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my mother didn't raise a dumbass, i did that all by myself :))

 **> snek @lowkey: **we've talked about this

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **lmao same

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **we've talked about this.

* * *

 **peter j quill @stardaddy tweeted:** uhh, yeah i like starbucks. star lord and bucky. 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **no ❤️

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no ❤️

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **he disconnected my PlayStation so you can have him

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you deserve it for owning a playstation

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **just for that I'm disconnecting your Wii

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **the bastard is heavy and snores good luck

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **are you saying i'm fat ???

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **you just have a lot of muscle mass baby

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it still sounds like you're calling me fat

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **not getting involved with this one 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** snape, snape, severus snape

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **dumbledore!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** ron weasley

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **herrrrmione

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **harry potter, harry potter!!! harry potter, harry potter!!!

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **snape

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **harry!

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **snape!

 **> >>>>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **HARRY

 **> >>>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **S N A P E

 **> >>>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **DUMBLEDORE!!!!

 **> >>>>>>>>>> mj @becrimedogays: ** herrrrrmione

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** went to a job interview one time and they made me do the cha cha slide to see if i was employable

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **did you get the job

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **no :(

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **HA rip

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you would've got it if they asked you to square dance

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **quit making fun of meeee :/

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** me and the boys decided to remix blond boys, watch in on my youtube channel in 15 minutes 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **nvm they won't sing it with me :(

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **...fine

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **:)

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **we're just bi boys doing what bi boys do

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **sigh, we're just bi boys doing what bi boys do

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **to the bi boy zone !

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid idk how you got them to do that but it was amazing

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** for breakfast, i'll be putting soy sauce on my eggs and drinking bleach

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **chatter chatter chatter, you never stop talking!

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** seriously someone get me a girlfriend

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it's not like i can just tell the authors that

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **nvm the authors said there are options. 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** there's may, pepper, maria, or okoye. choose your fighter. 

**> >>> nat @spidermom: **literally what the fuck

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i made cookies

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **your mom's recipe ???

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **duh

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **bet i'm running

 **> >>> chris @isthataweed: **why are you running

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **sm never maks enuf 4 every1

 **> >>>>> chris @isthataweed: **why are you typing like that

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **he's running too

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i was the only one besides sam that got some of the cookies lmaoo

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **all that running for nothing 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **it was still exercise, that's still important

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **to you

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **bucky,, you have to work out it's good for your health

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **meh

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** petition to change "who is the man/woman in the relationship" to "which one you says 'bruh' and which one says 'hi'"

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i say both tho, so fuck me i guess

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **that's definitely mj's job 

**> > mj @becrimedogays:** 👀

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** **@getrektbymypotatogun @beterbarker** i love you guys so much i would conquer new york again if you asked

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ***yeehaws in gay*

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **no! bad loki!

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **what do you mean again, you didn't even succeed the first time

 **> > snek @lowkey: **listen here you puny mortal


	92. why’s it spicy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say happy birthday to me or I’ll stop holding ri back from her dreams of killing off Steve >:( -max   
> ps only if u want to tho

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** IM CAMPING AND A GRASSHOPPER HOPPED ON MY COOCHIE SIR I DID NOT CONSENT

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** HUH

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:**: WHAT

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** WHY

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** I WAS WALKINH AND IT JUMPED UP BETWEEN MY LEFS AND I WAS LIKE OH HELLO BUT FUCK OFF

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** IT LANDED OJ MY  
C O O C H

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** STOPPPPP

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** IM BEIN HONEST

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I DONT CARE I HATE IT

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun;** something else to scare you from the outdoors ❤️

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you’re such a fucking cunt do you wanna fight

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I also had a frog hop onto my foot and when I moved it nudge it off I accidentally stepped on it instead

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** NED PLEASE I AM B E G G I N G YOU

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** so in short I love nature ✨🧚♀️

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bitch my mind isn’t function cohenrtly and it’s youR FUALT

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Who gon check me boo 🦟🦗

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** ✨ karma ✨

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** Straggot is so fucking funny I can’t-

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** STRAGGOT

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** s t r a g g o t

 **> nat @spidermom:** S T R A G G O T

 **> snek @lowkey:** sTrAgGoT

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓰𝓸𝓽

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** straggót

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ˢᵀᴿᴬᴳᴳᴼᵀ

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** sssssttttttrrrrrrRAGGOTTT

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker: @spidertheman** hey u little pissbaby

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** not this again

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** u think ur so fucking cool?? Huh? U think ur so fucking tough??

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** no I don’t :(

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** u talk a lot of big game for someone with such a small truck

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** bitch I cant drive!!

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** aww look at ur arms ur arms look so fucking cute they look like lil cigarettes I bet I could smoke u

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** I am BEGGING

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I bet I could roast you and u’d love it u’d text me “ily” and then I’d fucking GHOST u

 **> snek @lowkey:** piss boy? spidey is into watersports confirmed

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** UHHH OMARASHI ALERT HOLY SHIT

 **> flash @spideystan:** my time has come

 **> > mj @becrimedoagay:** … ewwWWWW

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** nat’s been having a ton of dinners with Peter and his aunt why am I the only avenger not allowed into peters family

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** y’all hear something

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** are u saying u wanna date my dad???

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **no offense steve but hard pass

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I mean even Bucky is allowed into your family and all I get is vine compilations on my yahoo email

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Bucky always brings apple juice and I will never pass up free juice

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** yeah we’re bros

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** but me and peter are bi boys

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sorry it’s not the same

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** I’m not allowed in

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** stinky bastard man, begone!!

 **> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** idek what I DID

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** I’m not a part of the Parker family :(

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** do our political debates mean nothing to u

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** neither am I

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** you’ve forsaken our bond of science

 **> nat @spidermom:** bet y’all are reading my user and weeping right about now

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** NATASHA NO NOT ON TWITTER

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** IM DEFINITELY NOT APIDERMA WE ARE NIT THE SGAME PERSON WE DINT EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER WHO IS SPIDETMAN NOT ME

 **> >>> nat @spidermom:** very convincing

 **> thor @assgard:** he is my friend because he wants to be!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** absolutely right ily thot

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** im papa

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ur my favorite dad bc u don’t notice when ur alcohol goes missing

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** or do I

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I need a bad… bleep… lil spidey the baddest, and he's gor his ways :)) obviously these lyrics are very heartfelt to me because I am Peter Parker

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** u wish u had an ass this cute, poser

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** head up queen ur captain america cowl is slipping

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** FUCK OFF

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** steve’s tramp stamp is so cute 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** wdym cute it’s not cute 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** exactly. it’s sexy asf.

**> tony stank @iamironman:** Howard would’ve loved this

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** that sounds kind of gay of him tbh

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** fuck this, I’m gonna befriend the fae

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** what if i fuck the fae ??

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** GIRL LMAOOOO

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthchair:** i should do that,, pretty fae prince

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** wait no

 **> >>>> ned :) guyinthechair:** hm yes

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** Yk what go for it I support u

 **> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** thank u, i was gonna do it regardless but your support means a lot 💞

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** someone cut my hair my pride will now allow me to go to the hairdressers anymore

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** your pride??

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** did I stutter

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** why????

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** it is frowned upon to use toca boca hair salon as a reference pic

 **> >>>> Steven G. Roger @captainamerica:** uh

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman:** ur being awfully judgy for someone with a tan line in the shape of a mask

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** dp, every Tuesday at 7pm, with passion: GIVE ME THE BEAT BOYS AND FREE MY SOUL,

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** I WANNA GET LOST IN YOUR ROCKIN HOLE

 **> > spdierman @spidertheman:** THOSE ARENT THE LYRICS

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I wanna get thrown in a fuckin hole

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** N O

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted: @spdieystan** suck my dick Eugene

 **> flash @spideystan:** mj you don’t have a dick

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** …suck my strap then

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** you have a gun ????

 **> >>> mj @becreimedogay:** ugh straggots

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers:** i think mj’s fake dick is bigger than flash’s

 **> > flash @spideystan:** hey! but you’re probably right

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** raitofuk, oconin, nrber been dine before

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** HOW DID I MESS UP THAT BAD

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** Jeff Warren; he might be a genocidal maniac but at least he isn’t racist

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt:** w h a t

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** which part

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** someone tell me why Barnes’s voicemail tone is “you’ve reached Manhattan Pizza Hut and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce! Please leave your message after the beep.”

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** creativity

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** i would like a chicken sees her salad please

 **> harry @hoesborne:** let me move my bang so i can read that again

 **> > harry @hoesborne:** nope didn’t help, What do you want

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** a chicken sees her salad

 **> >>> harry @hoesborne:** ...a chicken caesar salad?

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan:** IS THAT WHAT THE BITCH IS CALLED

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 🥗  
the chicken: 👁👄👁

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** bone Apple teeth ig

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **simlish??? is that what this is???

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bon apetit✨

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** can’t believe they’d butcher french like that

* * *


	93. have been watching chopped for half the day

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** dear thor, i regret to inform you that the world does not revolve around you. many thanks, peter.

 **> thor @assgard: **friend??!?!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i fooled you 

**> >> thor @assgard: **you have been spending too much time with my brother. one time, he even pretended to be a snake.

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **correction, he has not spent enough time with me 

**> >>> val @valhalen: **this is a good story.

 **> >>>> thor @assgard: **he knows i love snakes, so when i picked him up to be my friend, he bit me :(

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey: **i've also pulled a knife on you as myself so like

 **> >>>>>> thor @assgard: **but at least then you were not trying to deceive me

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **idk what to tell you, blame odin for raising me like This

* * *

**villain @oftheday tweeted: @spidertheman** i'm holding your precious loki hostage, give me money or else

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **are you sure they're not holding y o u hostage? hmmm?

 **> > villain @oftheday: **well they're bound and gagged so

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **yeah you're screwed. hoped you enjoyed the 5 minutes of fame you got from this.

* * *

**roger @rogerstevens tweeted:** hello twitter

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **steve this is you isn't it

 **> > roger @rogerstevens: **who's steve not me 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **steve we Know it's you. 

**> >>> roger @rogerstevens: **idk what you're talking about i've never seen you before in my life

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **it's okay to come out bro, we won't judge you for being steve

 **> >>>>> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **i'll judge him for that, actually

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** **@rogerstevens** please come home we miss you 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **speak for yourself damn

* * *

**roger @rogerstevens tweeted:** why the fuck does everyone think i'm steven

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **ok even if you ARENT steve (which you are, no doubt, bc your prifile pic is him with a mustache edited on, badly) everyone recognizes me. you're overcompensating

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **you're overcompensating, title of steve's biography

 **> > roger @rogerstevens: **idk who you are mr stank but you seem very full of yourself

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **leave the poor man alone

 **> >> roger @rogerstevens: **thank you peter

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **WHAT

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **who the hell is peter

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **thanks ned

 **> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **np peter

 **> >>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **BITCH

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** everyone keeps calling me peter and it really hurts myfeelings

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **imagine how i feel, you're an asshole

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **okay listen here you little shit-

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **at least i'm pretty, you wear a mask so no one can see your face!!

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **that's bc people can tell i'm cute strictly! from! vibes! and! personality!

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **obviously not bc i know that you're an asshole

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** guess who won monopoly 

**> empty @yeet: **what happened to roger

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **no one WINS monopoly steve, you just don't lose

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **except actually i won

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **shut the fuck up y'all didn't even finish the game bc bucky flipped the fucking board

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **so what you're telling me is that i won

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **wrong. i won bc i didn't fucking play

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **i think we all know that i won

 **> > nat @spidermom: **yes ma'am

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **pepper i will e n d you

 **> >> pepper @spicypepper: **like you could, peasant

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **pep you weren't even there and ik it bc we were getting manicures

 **> >> jinkies @velma:** you get your nails done?

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **my hands aren't gonna keep themselves soft

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted: @theavengers** so who the fuck won monopoly

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **nobody they never played

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i think we ALL won monopoly

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we played we just didn't finish. kinda like my ex.

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **which one

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yes

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** **@jbabybarnes** remember when me, you, and peggy-

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i don't, actually. brain is more scrambled than the eggs you had for breakfast. in case you forogt

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **was anyone gonna tell me that my bfs had a threesome with peggy or was i supposed to find that out just now

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **we didn't have a threesome ??? i was talking about the time we beat up white supremacists together 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ffs i thought you meant a threesome too

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** you've heard of the bro code, now get ready for the hoe code

 **> snek @lowkey: **hoes before bros

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **period

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** it's been over ten years and teardrops on my guitar still fucking SLAPS

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **teardrops on my guitar could NEVER go as hard as picture to burn

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **holy s h i t YOU'RE RIGHT

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** more taylor swift discourse ? really ?

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **the authors have a lot of opinions damn

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** thinking about the time spidey had his wisdom teeth removed and called wade a cesspool of cispool 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **baby boy i'm hurt :(

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **fuck off cesspool of cispool

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** sometimes i don't want to be happy -dixie d'amelio, 2020

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **words to live by

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** men be afraid to moan, i be in my girl's ear like caCHOW

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i be in my girl's ear like owen wilson saying "wow" 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i be in my girl's ear like "wow you can really dance"

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i be in MY girl's ear like "wow YOU can really dance"

 **> harry @hoesborn: **i be in my girl's ear like "why it spicy"

 **> snek @lowkey: **i be in my girl's ear like come here lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i be in my girl's ear like JESSICA ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR TEACHER

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i be in my girl's ear like MISTER WILSON

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **i'm mister wilson

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** hey **@hoesborn** could you do the accent for wow you can really dance

 **> harry @hoesborn: **i don't... know ??

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's french right ?

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **certainly not

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **peter you're such a fucking idiot

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **be nice to him 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah mj be nice to me :(

 **> >>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **nerds

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** tried texting peter so he'd do my english hw and someone replied with "he's busy" 

**> harry @hoesborn: **damn y'all are getting laid during quarantine? 

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** "roger" disappeared right when steve reappeared,,, coincidence? i think the fuck not 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **e x a c t l y 

**> roger @rogerstevens: **why are you so obsessed with me 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **why do you have my name but like not

 **> >> roger @rogerstevens: **did you forget your own evil twin from another reality

 **> >>> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **listen. i know that's incorrect. roger is steve. 

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **quit ruining things for me

 **> >>>>> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **n e v e r 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i'll stop making mental health jokes when mental health stops making a joke out of me <3

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid,, you have therapy today. want me to drive you?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** yes please dad

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** tony is crying. just thought you all should know

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **PLATYPUS QUIT OVERSHARING !!!!!

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** no matter how fast i skate i can't escape my daddy issues

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **do you even skate

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **do you even skate

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **do you even skate

 **> harry @hoesborn: **do you even skate

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **do you even skate

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i hate it here

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** never need a bitch i'm what a bitch need

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **you're awfully full of yourself 

**> roger @rogerstevens: **i need you in me ;) 

**> > roger @rogerstevens: **FUCK wrong account

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** the way that cap's lack of technological knowledge was his downfall is really vibing with me. it's so,,,, fitting. it feels like a breath of fresh air, tastes like cold water in the desert, it's just s o 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **we get it, you're amused. shut up

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: @spicypepper **i'm gonna murder 

**> >> pepper @spicypepper: **no tony

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **...fine

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** different day.... same dumb bitch >:(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't hate me for it being short and sucking yeet -ri


	94. keener 4 president

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chap is late bc I wanted it to be -max

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** men I would trust with my drink at a party: a thread

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** spiderman

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** reluctant to say this, but Steve Rogers

**> nat @spidermom:** Bruce

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** T’Challa

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I’d say Clint but he’d probably drink it all >:(

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:**: it’s bc I don’t condone underage drinking Peter 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** lil nas x

**> betty @brandt:** ned, def

**> liz @forgotmyuser:** keanu reeves and Kurtis connor

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** rhodey 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** honestly... bucky kinda 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** i’m honored

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** not that I’ve had to deal with this, but Ryan Reynolds seems like the perfect, very trustable guy

**> betty @brandt:** any of the men from buzzfeed unsolved/try guys

**> mj @becrimedogay:** julien solomita

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I think I’ve been a part of the avengers long enough for y’all to admit u have a boyband and also to let me play drums

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** there’s no boyband

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** he’s just saying that bc he’s already on drums

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** fine I call lead singer

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** BITCH

**> thor @assgard:** I play the harp very nicely! 

**> > snek @lowkey:** no he can’t

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** if Thor can play the harp for ur boyband that means I can play my Akai Professional APC Key 25>:(

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ur fucking what now

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** no I called dibs already sorry

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** is nat in this band 

**> > nat @spidermom:** they begged me to join but bc i have self respect i declined instantly 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** liar you joined for half a slice of cold pizza

**> >>> nat @spidermom:** they offered me a spot as triangle player, I couldn’t refuse

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** ah yes, i know a super hardworking teenager 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** !!!! 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** ...halle bailey 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** i can literally lift buses 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** but can you put up with white people hating you bc they don’t want you to play their fav fictional characterand shitty reporters asking shitty questions 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman:** halle is indeed v hard working

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** hey peter remember Colby Jack ?

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** STOP IT

** >> ned :) @guyinthechair: @cj.cheddar **

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** WHYA RE THERE 19 FOLOWEFS

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** IN CHEESES NAME WE PRAY, FETA IM DEAD

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** STOP I DODNT NEED TO REMEMBER ALL OF THSI

**> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** IF I DO SO DO U

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** NO MAAM

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** mj do u remember cheese religion who were the big 3 again 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** STOP IT RIGHT NOW 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** there was Colby Jack as god, cheddar as jesus, and,,

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ugh. Gouda was the Holy Spirit right 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** I thought it was velveeta?

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** maybe that was hell

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** THATS HELL

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogay:** why are you yelling 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i like to yell >:(

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** vote me for president and I’ll tell u all who really killed Princess Diana (hint: John mulaney)

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** *bitchslaps u but in like a sexy way*

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker:** uhhh no shaking the bed until marriage !!! 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** you came up w that just now didn’t you

* * *

**fjdjhfjdh @ratsupmyass tweeted: @thatbitchfrancis @spidermom** what does it mean to be asexual 

**> nat @spidermom:** I’m allergic to horny 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** mm no. no seggs for me, thanke yuo <

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** the gays just... get it 

**> YES @hiddenvalleyranch:** get What? 

**> > captain better @marvelous:** it.

**> > val @valhalen:** obviously you’re not one of the gays

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** I can’t be happy unless ur miserable sorry, This is what it means to be the antichrist

**> mj @becrimedogay:** im pretty sure i’m the antichrist tho ?

**> > snek @lowkey:** this math isn’t adding up

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** are the antichrist and satan the same thing. im p sure they are, but i don’t know enough about religion to prove it

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** I don’t think so?? I think the antichrist is like. A manifestation of the exact opposite of everything Jesus represents,, A shadow ig

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** a yes evil twin from alternate universe. roger stevens, if you will

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** NO

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** NYET

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** NEIN

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** u missed non

**> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey:** SHUT THE ENTIRE FUCK UP

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I’m entering elections as a gamer boy candidate 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** u aren’t a gamer boy shut up

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I play Minecraft >:(

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** “Cowboy up and get liberal.” -Keener for President, 2020

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I trust him

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** “If Kanye can do it, I can do it better.” -Keener for president, 2020

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I’m aware my age might be an issue for some of you more conservative cowboys, and that’s okay. But I raise you this: can trump build a solar powered tank engine? no, he can’t. Keener for president, 2020.

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** vote me for president and the electoral college will consist of spiderman and deadpool only

**> tony stank @iamironman:** why??

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** have u met them ?? very trustworthy

**> double d @daredevil:** this is ableism 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** oh shit you’re the Most trustworthy, will add you as well 

**> >> double d @daredevil:** that’s what i thought

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** my bones are there and they are ready to hold up the country as I lead you into a new age. 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** u won’t be getting my vote anymore

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** who’s the VP?

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** Beyoncé

**> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** bitch

**> roger @rogerstevens** can i vote if i’m from a parallel universe 

**> > Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** no  ❤️

**> T'challa @tchallaofwakanda:** if I could cast a vote you would have it -T’Challa 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** that’s sweet but we both know you’d vote for yourself

**> >> m'baku @mmmbaku:** well he’s proven to be a competent leader, who wouldn’t vote for him 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** 70% of america. at least.

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** we don’t like competence sorry try again 4 years from now .

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I am a stra-  🤢 str-  🤢 homoflexible white cis cowboy. vote for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact! the @cj.cheddar is actually an instagram account. it’s our Instagram account. from the religion we actually created when we were 15&16 and dead inside. I mean we’re still dead inside but at least we’re funny now -max


	95. it doesn't feel like tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we played 8ball to decide if we should stop at 100 chapters and thanks to my talent and skill you all get more of this shitfest for an undecided amount of time xoxo -ri

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** oh you’ve had sex? well i’ve had e n o u g h

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** due to personal reasons, i will be taking over the world

 **> snek @lowkey: **okay but when i do it,,,

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you don't have the same vibes that i do. i could get away with it.

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **my vibes are better tho

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **perhaps,

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no really his vibes are better

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i love it when we all gang up on spooderdude he sucks

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **spoo- spooderdude ?

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** martha was an average dog, she went

 **> snek @lowkey: **woof

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and

 **> >> snek @lokwey: **bark

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and 

**> >>>> snek @lowkey: **grr ᶠᴼᴿᴱᴵᴺᴱᴿ

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** i made may a twitter

 **> m a y @mayp: **hi

 **> > nat @spidermom: **everyone say hi back or else

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Hi May!

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **oh n o 

**> >> chris @isthataweed: **hi 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **oh thank god now you can witness the stupidity

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **may!!!

 **> >> pepper @spicypepper: **maymaymay

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **sounds gay

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **hi :)

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** steve lives everyday as if his favorite artist wasn't, at on time, lucille bogan

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **she's poetic

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **oh yes "i got nipples on my tiddies big as the end of my thumb"

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **p o e t r y 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @jbabybarnes** pls spread more of miss lucille's wisdom

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **"i got somethin between my legs that'll make a dead man come" 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** this just in: peter can't drive

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **neither can harley !!!

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **okay but that's bc i grew up in a small town where the law did not apply

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **did either of you ever consider that you can't drive bc you're gay 

**> >>> harry @hoesborn: **no bc they're idiots

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** we're all stupid then we die the end

 **> hozier @sexierthor: **this is my song

* * *

 **jesper @jesperf tweeted:** what will you do if a sex scandal comes up regarding you, as president **@getrektbymypotatogun**

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **release a statement, "well it's fine b, because i'm a whore"

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and i sleep with guys just for fun and drugs

 **> > jesper @jesperf: **i- well you have my vote you crazy fucker

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** there's Good Country Music and then there's country music

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i hate how that makes so much sense in my head

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **this tweet lives in my head rent free

* * *

 **T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** someone tell bucky to quit staring at my boyfriend's pecs -T'Challa

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i am Looking

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **why are men... allowed

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **on the internet?

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **on this planet

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **.... fair

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** everybody share some thoughts they had today i'll start

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **god she's really got NOTHING between her ears. she's 👁👄👁 personified. 

**> banner @7phdsindebt: **she'd be my type if i wasn't so fucking gay. wait, i'm not gay. 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **(about the car behind me at mcdonald's) you're not just my bitch. you're... my homie.

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **do i deserve rights? be honest. (the voices in my head proceed to argue over whether i deserve rights)

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **maybe if you would fuck off this wouldn't be a problem. (about my anxiety)

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **what if everyone voted keener 2020 haha ha

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **self promo? lame. blockt ❤️

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **if i was on the show naked and afraid i would simply not be on that show

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** it's the metal arm for me

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's the glorified onesie for me

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **it's the dora hair for me

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's the hand signs for me

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **fucking raccoon ass wannabe

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **don't you have daddy issues

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **you ARE a daddy issue

* * *

 **flash @spideystan tweeted: @guyinthechair** if i were a worm would you still date me

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> flash @spideystan: @guyinthechair**

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **maybe

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **understandable

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** harry and i are practically queer platonic partners

 **> harry @hoesborn: **w a i t can we actually be queer platonic partners ??

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg yes !!

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **wholesome

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i love them. i'm so proud

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if god hates the gays why are we so cute

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **if god hates the gays then why is he such a bottom

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **if god hates the gays why did he kiss judas full on the mouth like that

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **if god hates the gays then why am i even alive

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **if god hates gays why hasn't he smited me yet

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **not y'all mixing up god and jesus

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **lmao fuck mj why'd you have to point it out

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** just saw a bug. tell me why my first thought was "go away before i k word you"

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **k word you i-

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **my second was "i'll k!ll you"

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **k!ll you sounds different in my head but i can't explain it out loud

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **EXACTLY

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** it's the failed attempt at world domination for me

 **> snek @lowkey: **it's the action figure looking ass costume for me

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **it's the lames ass cape for me, i thought edna mode said those weren't allowed

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** don't you have daddy issues

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's the inability to come up with his own insults for me

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **i have mommy issues too, you gonna make fun of those as well? damn

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **it's the hypocrisy for me

 **> >>>>>> snek @lowkey: **it's the goatee for me

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** it's the wings for me

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **it's the stupid rock band hair for me

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's the goggles for me

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **it's the eyeliner for me 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **it's the fact that they're cuddling while posting these for me 

**> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **did he just meme correctly

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i think he did shuri!

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **mark your calendars folks

 **> >>>>>>> snek @lowkey: **this is a day that will go down in history

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** it's the fucking cowl tan line for me

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **it's the pizza platter weapon for me

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **come on guys i didn't ask for this

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's the fact that he answers questions that i never asked for me

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **it's the god complex for me

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't drag thor into this

 **> >>> val @valhalen: **keep my name out of your mouth

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** it's the southern accent for me

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **don't pretend like you don't like it ;)

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **shut your whore mouth

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted: @lowkey** why do you have a british accent, when you're from space

 **> snek @lowkey: **shit if you find out let me know 

**> > harry @hoesborn: **and why is thor's accent australian instead

 **> >> thor @assgard: **bc loki's adopted!

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **bc i'm adopted

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** it's the gorgeous smile for me

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **thanks :)

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i was talking about my gf dumbass

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** if socialism is what keeps all people fed and happy then i say that's what we do babey

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **keener 2020 bitches

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** not to be annoying, but could you pls confirm that you still like me. unless you've decided to like randomly hate me that's cool too... yeah 

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** it's the way he always steals my dog tags for me

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i wear them better, love

* * *

 **FOX News @foxnews tweeted:** Tony Stark: A Kleptomaniac? Read more [here]

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah exactly. he stole steve's coin collection

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **1) why would you out me like this 2) no he didn't ??? 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **lies and slander. you did that yourself

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **he stole rhodey's heart isn't that so sweet

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **just bc you're right doesn't mean i won't end you

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **what're you gonna do? 

**> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **:) **@spicypepper** look at the PR scandal they're fueling

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **FUCK ABORT ABORT

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** let's pack it up, that's enough fuckery for today pals 


	96. teen drinking is a crime,, but I got a fake ID tho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted: for legal reasons, i should preface by saying that we are NOT living in a simulation, but have y’all ever noticed the cameras?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made ri edit this for me bc SOMEONE couldn’t just let me win at 8ball. but anyway thank u ri -max

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** anyone care to explain why there’s a raccoon in my kitchen

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** my names John bc I ain’t cena thing

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat:** idk what ur talking abt also ur out of chocolate milk

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** why our kitchen. why not the communal one or bucky’s

 **> >> rocket @funkylookingcat:** good question

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine:** ?? U gonna answer it then??

 **> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat:** no that’s why I said it’s a good question. dumbass

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** someone get bucky some vodka it’s the only thing russians drink

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **.

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** he’s not even actually russian ???

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** you carry around the trash can lid i used to use as a sled, your opinion is irrelevant

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** rip steve, he died doing what he loved most. getting absolutely torched by a teenager.

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** daddy abe b like I wanna emancipate your proclamation

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** let me move my bang so I can read that again

 **> harry @hoesborn:** daddy abe b like do u listen to boy in blue

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** don’t encourage him omg

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** daddy tommy b like i wanna declare your independence

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** that doesn’t make sense,,,

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **daddy james b like i wanna constitute you ;)

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** i- why do i try

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird** rt

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** thinking abt how james Buchanan and Abe Lincoln were the only confirmed gay presidents

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** uh

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** makes sense, can u explain the Abe part tho

 **> > mj @becrimedogays:** reports say that he rarely slept in the same bed as his wife and was having an affair with his bodyguard

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **oh, so like Howard

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I'm leaving

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** we confirmed james buchanan was gay a LONG time ago

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** he means the fucking president bitch

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** in that case, did ur mom know and is that why he’s ur namesake

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** were you just that gay at birth

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** gay at birth airing on freeform

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** imagine a man

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ok

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **are u scared now? yeah, me too

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** thinking abt him

 **> > harry @hoesborn:** thinking about… Him

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** thinking abt h i m

 **> >>> harry @hoesborn:** …Him [picture of lip bite lin]

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** i was gonna say miku binder thomas jefferson but okay

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my life is a meme

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** wait no that’s a lie it doesn’t spark joy

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** by that logic i should get rid of it! thanks marie kondo

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i used to think avocado by itself was yucky but then i grew up

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** take it back

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** some bitch said the pride patch on my backpack is offensive??? girl u are NOT ready for my browser history

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** he’s talking about the destiel fanfic tab he has open

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** I’m inventing flying cars just to spite Howard

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **how is that spiteful when he actually did it

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** mmm did he though??

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** it rose a foot off the ground and sparked a couple times. cmon bucky could make a car do that

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** for legal reasons, i should preface by saying that we are NOT living in a simulation, but have y’all ever noticed the cameras?

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** are u ok

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** absolutely not

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I just feel like someone’s always filming me

 **> >>>heckley @getrektbymypotaotgun:** no shit???

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I could never be president I’d be there for a week and tweet out “LMAOOO YALL WILL NEVER GUESS THE FUCKIN NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES CAN U BELIEVE ITS WASHINGTONS BDAY” and I’d just fucking die

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** LMAOO NO I’D BE LIKE “YALL WILL NEVER GUESS WHATS GOING ON IN DC, THE SENATOR FROM GEORGIA IS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE WITH ONE KF THE REPS FROM WISCONSIN” and then someone would assassinate me for outing family secrets >:)

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** “YALL I JUST FOUND THE FILES ON DIANA,,,, GUESS YALL CAN CALL ME JOHN BC I AINT CENA THING”

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** “BABES I REALIZED I NOW CAN HAVE CONFERENCE CALLS W WORLD LEADERS SO I CALLED QUEEN ELIZABETH TO ASK HER WHY SHE BROUGHT HER 1960s STYLE AND IMPERIALISM W HER TO THE 2020s. n e way she blockt me :/“

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** “uhhh was anyone gonna tell me ms Washington senator was gay or was I supposed to find out by walking in on her and mr Illinois senator’s wife going at it 👀”

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **“Pluto isn’t a planet bc Pluto isn’t real. don’t google it just trust me <3”

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** “y’all will never guess what i did this weekend. i banned terfs from interacting ! that means the terfs have to leave sorry not sorry. j*r is also never allowed back ❤️”

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** “I’m pushing a law to make being mean online illegal <3 these fucking fic writers are abt to get their whole careers ruined”

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **if this reflects on my keener 2020 campaign no it doesn’t ❤️

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** Bucky coming out to president trump on live television is the only memory that will flash before my eyes when I die

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** and I’ll do it again!

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I’m closing in on 100 like a parking garage drift

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** but you’re 103?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** tough crowd


	97. i’m a hot mess and so is this fic

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** do you lock yourself in your lab whenever you're experiencing any strong emotion or are you normal

 **> chris @isthataweed: **if we don't have a lab, does the bathroom count?

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **absolutely, that was where i went when howard was alive and wouldn't let me have a lab bc he was scared i'd eclipse his genius :)

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **i find new reasons to want to murder this man every day

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it's okay i already did it for you ❤️

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **we jameses are so scarily efficient

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i have anxiety and depression but nobody wants to talk about that they just wanna keep saying how sMaRt i am 

**> betty @bbrant: **mood

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **mood

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **mood

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** can't believe some people don't know that rihanna is our queen amen

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **this is why you're the problem child. no respect for beyonce.

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **goddamn i thought we got past this

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **smh obviously not

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **not until he accepts reality

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** we were playing trivia and fucking harley didn't know who princess diana was

 **> harry @hoesborn: **even after spidey gave the hint that there's a big conspiracy around her death

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **queen elizabeth ii murdered her and i STAND BY THAT

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **wait hold on harley watches john mulaney, how did he n o t get this

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **okay just say i'm stupid and move on. no need to point out just How Stupid

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** songs i would gladly meet my demise to: a thread

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **nina cried power by hozier

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **uptown girl by billy joel

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **the devil went down to georgia by the charlie daniels band

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **savage (remix) by meg thee stallion and beyonce 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **the sugar baby theme song

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **deepthroat by cupcake

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **rodeo by lil nas x

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **feel free to add your own

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i just b thinking

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **maybe don't do that

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i love lasania

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you love what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **lasania

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **... lasagna

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **we didn't graduate high school

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i couldn't tell

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **are you sure you went to college? it's just your grammar,,,

 **> >>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **yours is the same ???

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **maybe so. but like steven said we didn't graduate high school, we have an excuse

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** okay fess up who let the raccoon into the pool

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat: **i tried to scream

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **but my head was underwater 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** how are you two worse than steve

 **> >>> rocket @funkylookingcat: **i am actually better than him. in every conceivable way.

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **at least I don't eat trash 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** thor is objectively the most attractive

 **> chris @isthataweed: **most attractive person or..?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **well ya see since he's kind of a god i figured i'd just say most attractive. seems about right yk.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **yeah but have you seen rhodey

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i actually think t'challa should win this one

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy: **i'm literally the most attractive person in the galaxy

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **no 

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** [selfie] felt cute might delete later

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **your eyeliner looks stupid

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **hey, be nice. *let her go by passenger starts playing*

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** somebody just erased ? all of my student loan debt ?

 **> wee woo @wagon: **oh that happened to me too

 **> > he @hee: **yeah no somebody hacked it and erased Everyone's student debt

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **i'm going to build them a statue

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okay but they can't say who they are bc the government

 **> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **i'll protect them from the government. full stop.

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **lmaooooooooohioooooo

 **> >>>>>> banner @7phdsindebt: **YOU ABSOLUTE MAD LAD YOU'RE AMAZING

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** time to brainstorm more @'s for brucie. i'll start: 0phdsindebt

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **psh too obvious AND it makes it seem like he has no phds. i propose: 7phdsnodebt

 **> snek @lowkey: **what about, punymortal

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **you really wanna do this again

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **angrybutsmart

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **drhulk 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i just saw a picture of donald without a tan or a toupe and now i can't see anything else

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **mmm sexy 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **isn't his VP your sugar daddy ??

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **peter i told you that in confidence! we're not supposed to talk about it

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted: @beterbarker** shawty a baddy

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ****@beterbarker** yeah he's my lil boo thing

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: ****@beterbarker** shawty got a fatty

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **shawty got a- wait 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @donaldtrump** sir i still have tiktok

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ****@donaldtrump** you can't get rid of her bitch!!! she's not going anywhere

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** y'all think the term breeder is offensive to women but still use bitch ??

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **it's even funnier when they think straggot is insulting but use the f slur like,,, what's not clicking 

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** and then he said she said we said me

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **my little bird brain is struggling here , what

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** it's in my crotch pocket

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **wait vagina except it's called crotch pocket

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **that's why the gender pocket equality exists

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm not even gonna pretend like i know what the hell is going on here

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** those guys in there were talking about you

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** i'm taken

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **taken by who

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **god

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **which one

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** put taken by god" on my gravestone if i ever die please and thank you" 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** plotting a murder

 **> snek @lowkey: **whose? let me help !

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **mine, any help would be appreciated !!

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **in that case,,,, t h e r a p y 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ugh not That kind of Help :/

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **yk what. **@iamironman** come get your child

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **harley. kid. please. would you like some ice cream ? a movie night ? your weighted blanket ?

 **> >>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **...all three? and loki, peter, and spidey

 **> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **you got it

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i love my stupid, buff, supersoldier boyfriends.

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **like. look at them. 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **i l o v e them they're just,,, dreamy sigh

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **dork i can't believe you just said dreamy sigh ???

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **he also did the dreamy sigh out loud i witnessed it

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **don't be mean! i think it's cute 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **perhaps it is, doesn't mean i can't make fun of him for being sappy

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** anyway. i'm done simping. i want a pet rhino. 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **oh! **@tchallaofwakanda**

 **> > T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda: **no, Shuri -T'Challa

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **you're no fun

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted: @becrimedogays** do you want to maybe smuggle a rhino out of wakanda for sam with me

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** what kind of question is that, of course i do

 **> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda:** you do know i can still see this, right? -T'Challa

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **i pretend i do not see

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **jared, 19 has suddenly taken possession of my body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babes, thanks for reading! sending love :)


	98. I hit the 8ball first, always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted the finished onsehot from the filler chapter a while back. on another note, can u guys tell the difference between ri and i's segments? im v curious -max
> 
> I also think its worth mentioning that when I was watching the first avenger with ri's sister and we got to the scene where shmidt and steve were fighting she said "lovers not fighters" ma'am what????

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** : I think I was born with a crush on paul rudd

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:**: he looks like Scott 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker**: mm no I don’t see it

**> snek @lowkey:**: Neato I was born heartless1

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** I date women bc the only thing men have to offer is the audacity 

**> shuri @becrimedogay:**: i thought you dated women bc you’re a lesbian

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** that too

* * *

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** : can y’all BELIEVE that ned had the AUDACITY to tell me that selena is overrated ???

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:**: i just, nvm i don’t wanna get roasted 

**> Maggie @magpie**: selena,,, gomez ?

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:**: i’ll k!ll you. 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** NED SAID WHAT 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:**: I KNOW

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** goddammit ned i trusted you

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** 😔

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** sam keeps beating me at sea battle on imessage games :/ 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** BUT i absolutely wreck him at darts so ig it’s cool 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** lies and slander, we draw 

**> >>tony stank @iamironman:** Wrong 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** at least I can aim in archery  💅

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** when ur bf can’t bait a hook :P

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:**:P

**> snek @lowkey:** then what do u call my catfishing??? 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** ur what

**> >> snek @lowkey:** I made u think I was human when I’m actually not. I’m better than that

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** he’s a bitch <3

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** hook line & sinker babyyyy

**> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I walked into that one

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** it’s a fishing line not a closet

* * *

**harry @hoesborne tweeted:** if you were a flower you’d be a damndelion

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** dandelions are weeds

**> > harry @hoesborne:** nobody called for the botany expert damn

* * *

**boy in red @redskull tweeted:** maga means make America German again

**> thanos @littlebitchboy:** make America ussr again 

**> > nat @spidermom:** make America sexy again (I’m asexual)

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** mask stays ON during sex 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** kinky 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** why. why am i here. 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** bc i look sexy in my mask 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** right??? 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** i- 

**> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** tell him he looks sexy in his mask. 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** you look sexy in your mask.

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** 🥰

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** : I would never throw someone under the bus metaphorically. Literally, well… 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** helicarrier, Potomac, 2014 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I said I was sorry :(

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** I’m just providing receipts to back up ur claim babe

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** that wasn’t a bus and you weren’t thrown under it

**> >>>> falcon @thebestbird:** same thing bitch just different shapes

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** internalized homophobia check! y’all can be gay but I can’t

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** why?

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** my mom said no

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** why do i feel like bucky was a spy in the US during the red scare 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bc i was  ❤️

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** omg love that for you

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** a power move is forcing myself to like seaweed so I can be like “yeah I eat seaweed”

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** I’m doing all of this for my future dog 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ungrateful bastard, I can already tell

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** all of what pray tell

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** hoeing  ❤️

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** here is the church, here is the steeple, I’m going 90 in a 50, I need to slow down

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** when Steve and Bucky said “lovers not fighters” the pope retired bc he could never facilitate a miracle like that

* * *

**thodey @whoremachine tweeted:** not to speak ill of the dead but Howard = rat <3

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** kool aidman saying oh yeah was a sexual awakening

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **why are we dating

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **bc we can talk abt taylor swift together <3

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **idk if its enough anymore after all that

 **> >>> oeter with a b @beterbarker: **:(

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **apologize or else

 **> >>>> ****heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** baby :( im sorry


	99. one more chapter and we’ll become a centipede !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babes :) i'm bored sooo which character do u think i project the most onto? i'll let the first person to guess correctly name my next chap lmaoo -ri

**snek @lowkey tweeted: @beterbarker @getrektbymypotatogun** put me in your mouth babey and eat it til your teeth rot

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ma’am this is a mcdonald’s drive thru

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **horny on main, i applaud that

 **> > snek @lowkey: **instead of clapping those hands you could be clapping these cheeks 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **girl,,,, 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** the queerness leaving my body when howard told me he couldn’t accept it: ✨💞✨

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **murder on my mind

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** why 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **why what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **Why

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **ok worm 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it’s a centipede actually

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **w h a t

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **i see we’re progressing through the W questions, proud of you! 

* * *

**miles @milesmo tweeted: @spidertheman** hi

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **that’s a child!1!!

 **> > miles @milesmo: **and that’s an ugly pimply bitch

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **😮

 **> >>> miles @milesmo: **yep i’m nine, but thank you

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my guy pretty like a girl 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **and he got fight stories to tell

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **i see on both sides like chanel 

**> >> gina @queengina: **ah yes, the bi anthem 

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** who introduced captain america to frank ocean and can i center a religion around them

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **no but you can join our cheese religion 

**> > chris @isthataweed: **BET

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** cannot believe i'm expected to like,, be an adult and do adult things

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm too anxious for this 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **if it makes you feel any better, nobody can actually do adult things

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah we're all just pretending ! it's f i n e 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it most certainly is NOT FINE 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** you say tony and howard, i raise you phineas and doof

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **w h a t 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** stay hydrated !!!

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **stay what-ed? 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **don't be suspicious don't be suspicious 

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** don't tell his royal furry-ness, but shuri and mj actually got me a rhino :) 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **you're welcome 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE TIDES T

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okay guys i've distracted him and taken his phone, btw blame boinky for harley singing moana songs all the time

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **SO SHINNNEYYYYYY

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **i just wanted to talk about my new rhino 

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** what do kids even like these days, i know bucky asked a while ago but i'm still confused

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **WAP

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **washington airports ?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no, actually. it's wireless airpods

 **> >>> T'Challa @tchallaofwakanda:** but all airpods are wireless so why would they make that distinction -T'Challa

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **y'all really don't know shit huh

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we didn't finish high school

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **that cannot be your excuse for everything

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** so i googled WAP and what a video. the graphics? stunning. why are people so worked up about this song anyway

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **misogyny 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **they lack taste

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i'm dizzy, i'm horny, i'm hungry, nap time 

**> flash @spideystan: **horny? babe why would u nap when u could come over

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** i miss peter and the others 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: **come? see? them?

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **what if they don't want me over there or if tony doesn't

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **kid, you can come over whenever

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **please come so we can have another lightsaber battle

 **> >>> harry @hoesborn: **yessss okay 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** this just in i will be kicking norman osborn's ass

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **not if i get there first

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **i have super strength

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and i have burning rage, your point?

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **touche 

* * *

**currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** who is the Best Spiderman

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **holland, obviously

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **who

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **but maguire ????

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **w h a t

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **your opinion is Trash

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** okay who is the best human torch 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **chris evans

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **wrong. michael b jordan

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **if you already had an answer why did you ask ???

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **YOU DID THE SAME SHIT

 **> the human torch @johnnystorm: **uh, guys?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **ahahahaha anyway

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** today i'm pissed bc the fact that walmart doesn't sell straight pineapple juice almost made me cry

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm gonna cry bc i thought you meant heterosexual pineapple juice for a full minute

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **LMAOO

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **idiot 

**> >> flash @spideystan: **yeah what a dumbass

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **only i get to do that.

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **right sorry

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** not me hugging clothes straight out of the dryer so i can feel warmth

 **> harry @hoesborn: **oh so you're touch starved

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** so i asked you if you wanted mcdonalds

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yep

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **and you said yes

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **uh huh

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **which means we'll be eating mcdonald's 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah makes sense to me

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **so why is it that you got upset when we pulled into the drive thru for mcdonalds

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it yucky

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** thor of fucking asgard, what's this

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **you say don't take the lord's name in vain ONE TIME and all of a sudden

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **sweet mother of val

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **thor, frigga, and odin

 **> > nat @spidermom: **i swear to val if you don't shut the fuck up

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **well, val damn, can't believe this ruckus 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh sweet baby thor, bless your heart

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **oh my val

 **> >> captain better @marvelous: **normally i'd say she's my val but i'll allow it this once

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **val bless

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** why don't i get to be a deity

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **you're my deity alone that's why

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **excuse you ??

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah spidey we s h a r e 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **mmm watcha say

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **not this again

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: @jbabybarnes **fuck u for this

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:**....mmm watcha say

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **you're a menace to society

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm sam's menace to society tho

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **;) you know it

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** when your parents are shocked when you don't tell them things and you're just sitting there like hahaha i feel like that's on you tho

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i like CHEESE but only on PIZZA please

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **and sometimes on a homemade quesadilla

 **> > flash @spideystan: **otherwise it smells like FEET TO ME

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **AND I 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOoooUUUUuUU

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why do you always do this

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail 

**> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **and i love it when you say my nAAyyyEyyyEyAMEEE

 **> >>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **nick jonas would be proud of us. not of you tho, **@getrektbymypotatogun** that wasn't cool dude

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** sharpay isn't the movie villain. troy is. i said what i said. 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **sharpay is an icon

 **> gwen @gwenstacy: **say it l o u d e r 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **what the frick frack is a sharpay? is it a fancier sharpie? 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yes absolutely

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** ngl i'm kinda upset that sam has a fucking rhino

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **do you want a cool pet (other than our dog)

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **y e s

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **that's great bc i already bought an alpaca. meet gerald. 

**> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **this is why we're married


	100. worm ig? no, centipede

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a note from Ri’s book, first person to guess who I project onto gets to name my next chap (hint it’s not peter) -max

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** u can do anything u want when

 **> heckley @getrekbtmymypotatogun:** ur insecure

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** god loves all his children except u

 **> >> snek @lowkey:** and me 😍

 **> > harry @hoesborne:** I raise u: urine secure

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Harry what the genuine fuck

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** u thexthy

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** imma need spidey to stop saying “oh shit, a ghost!” and doing The Dance every time he sees me

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** I just miss 2019 memes :(

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** he says “”oh shit, a rat!” when he sees me

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** see that’s good tho

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** Bucky just admit u think I’m funny

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** “oh shit, the police!”

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** what’re u gonna do arrest me

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: @spideystan** how am I supposed to find another gay snail

 **> flash @spideystan:** I’m not gay

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** ur bi?

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** I’m straight

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** bromance means nothing to u??

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay:** Eugene I shouldn’t have to explain critical thinking to u

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** ok recruits drop down and give me $20

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** sir yes sir!

 **> harry @hoesborne:** no

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** mj :(

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay:** the man said to drop down and give him $20

 **> >>> harry @hoesborne:** sir yes sir!

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** black lives matter

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** "all lives matter"

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** no lives matter >:(

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** we’re all made of matter

 **> >>> snek @lowkey:** harambe matters

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman:** IF YOU CANT STAND REALITY, THEN YOU SHOULDVE STAYED INSIDE YOUR MOM

 **> Stephen @shortforstepheneas:** point blank period

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** I might not be great at math but this shit don’t add up mr universe portal man

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** what’s the shit that comes out of volcanoes

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** sriracha??

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: ** … lava?? Yk the hot stuff??

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** sriracha is hot too

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** y’all did another lab binge didn’t u

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** the flying car works now. take that Howard! that’s what u get for trying to steal my man

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** we should replace oxygen with SWAG

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** with,, with what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** S W A G

* * *

 **Rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** two words: word art

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** i could’ve sworn it was WordArt

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine:** you could’ve sworn wrong

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers tweeted:** you think you can hurt my feelings? I’m captain America.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** found out the hard way that u aren’t bulletproof tho :/

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** this is what the youth call a bruh moment

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** ‘the youth’ ur like 30 shut up. ‘the youth’ headass

* * *

 **rocket @funkylookingcat tweeted:** Bucky wears goggles on missions so he can keep an eye out for selener

 **> thor @assgard:** AND THAT IS WHY BRUCE WEARS GLASSES

 **> double d @daredevil:** selener can’t touch me I’m bulletproof

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** well actually, she can you just can’t watch out for her

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker:** well jimmeny cricket

 **> snek @lowkey:** please just say fuck

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** you’ve said it before please peter we’re begging you

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** i will only say f*** if you beg for something else ;)

* * *

 **ned :) @getrektbymypotatogun:** y’all ever see ur siblings and go “I’m about to ruin this bitches whole day 👊”

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** the infamous Cain instinct

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** some days i just have the giant urge to piss my sister off like. i just gotta.

 **> > snek @lowkey:** that’s everyday for me buddy

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** buddy zoned 😔

 **> >>> snek @lowkey:** we’re in a relationship ??

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** this thread got so off track so fast

 **> the human torch @johnnystorm:** walking into Susan’s room just to annoy her 😌

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Becca and I used to play a game where the first person to get a stomach hit in won 😌

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** not real hits tho like yk the ones they do in that ninja game

 **> > becca @bproctor19:** and it was always me

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** when did u get twitter go back to ur nursing home

 **> >>> becca @bproctor19:**you first!

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** if u can’t handle me at my musical.ly u don’t deserve me at my vine

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** ik I see red is about sex but I can’t help but think of Home Depot when I hear it

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** reading classic books is so great it’s always a toss up between is this racist or misogynistic

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** or the ever present: both!

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** songs feel shorter when you’re buzzed

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** in other words, time flies when you’re having fun

* * *

 **captain better @marvelous tweeted:** angelicaaa

 **> val @valhalen:** elizaaa

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** wish Peggy was here to complete the triad

 **> > hill @mariahill:** and Maria

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** begone, Reynolds!

 **> >> captain better @marvelous:** that’s when miss Maria Hill walked into my life she said “hey mamas”

 **> mj @becrimedogay:** y’all know that entire play is propaganda right

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** true but the songs slap

 **> >> mj @becrimedogay:** ....only when lin isn’t singing

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** lin’s voice gives me shivers in a Bad Way

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** but i give you shivers in a good way right ?

 **> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** ;)

 **> >>>>>> mj @becrimeodgay:** why does it always come back to being horny with y’all

* * *

 **Friday @Friday tweeted:** beep boop beep beep

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** boop!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** what the Fuck

* * *

 **pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** oh so i’m the only single sapphic around here ???

 **> hill @mariahill:** you don’t have to be ;)

 **> > pepper @spicypepper:** hi

 **> >> hill @mariahill:** hey mamas

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbmymypotatogun:** i feel like i shouldn’t have been given the right to speak

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** not Steve getting into fights like “this time baby I’ll be bulletproof”

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** somebody give me a gun and i’ll deal w america’s biggest problem

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i have a gun you can use babe

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** guys you’re gonna get arrested

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** what’s new

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** that’s why we get the cops too

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** didn’t u already get Kennedy

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I sure did!!! And I’ll do it again!!!

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** we said we wouldn’t talk about this on twitter

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** YOU said that. I was just there

 **> snek @lowkey:** i can shape shift and take the shot so that no one takes the fall

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** the shot is mine back off

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** who gon check me boo??? the government??

* * *

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted: @captainamerica** U love getting political dont u

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** my therapist says I have a lot of pent up anger

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** and on the seventh day god created me. hence, flood.

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** can we talk about dean winchester for a minute

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** no but we can talk about sam

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** what abt me

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** no not u sorry

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** **@captainamerica** this u?

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dday.org%2F2017%2F10%2F19%2Fcaptain-america-a-wwii-fighting-force%2F&psig=AOvVaw25E5gpHQMyWFBzJjEUfTVA&ust=1597503824612000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMCE9tfOmusCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAK)

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **why i look like that

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** don’t hmu I’m in a really bad place rn

 **> peter with a b @betrbarker:** not mentally I’m just american

* * *

 **harry @hoesborne tweeted:** was higher than pterodactyl tits last night and now I co-own Microsoft. how has y’all’s 2020 been.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** much to unpack with this one

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** ‘higher than pterodactyl tits’ outranks my current best of ‘higher than a giraffes pussy’

* * *

 **Friday @Friday tweeted:** gotta get down on friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps i just remembered that I’ve literally said “not me projecting onto ___ again!” in like 3 of my fics/chaps I’m done


	101. 101 dalmatians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i moved into my dorm and i don’t know anyone and i’m too anxious to go to the dining hall lmaoo college is off to a great start -ri
> 
> also apparently i've been spelling dalmatians wrong my entire life like an idiot ?? s/o to autocorrect

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** fuck a bitch named peter 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **ma’am yes ma’am 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **you disgust me

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **good. i should. 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** is productivity necessary

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted: **no

 **> snek @lowkey: **no

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **yes

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **shut up you're a jobless headass older than the great depression

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **got em

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the same applies to you 

**> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **we love to see it

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** why don't we just take all the anti-maskers and shove them in the white house

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **no

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **no

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **nobody thinks what i think 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we can't bc the children don't deserve that

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **fuck them kids

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **biological warfare?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **sure why not

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **bringing back the ghengis khan method. i'm here for it.

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** do my own two eyes deceive you

 **> harry @hoesborn: **wait something's not right here

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yes your eyes are deceiving me. i cannot tell which color they are.

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** no cursing from now on >:(

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm a bad bleep bleep the bleep if a bleep get slick i'm gonna cut the bleep

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **she's a bad.. bleep... addison rae, lil shawty the baddest, and she got her ways

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **these lyrics are obviously very heartfelt to me because //i// am addison rae

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** i've decided i will no longer be perceived

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **sorry mom said it's my turn to not be perceived

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** what's doja cat's real name

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **tia tamera

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **how have you survived this long

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **cryo-sleep mostly

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** yk like what if i just took the entire otter pop out of its wrapper and yk... ate it like a slim jim

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i thought you were gonna say what if i took the entire dick out of its wrapper and ate it like a slim jim

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i am in t e a r s

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **idk aren't uncircumcised dicks like things w wrappers ???

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **STOP IT RIGHT NOW

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** tell me why they made shang so hot for

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **in mulan >:(

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **tell me why the made mulan so hot, riddle me THAT

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **UR RIGHT

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if you're straight and say the f word, congrats on coming out!

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **f-fuck?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** frog

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm not saying it but if i DID it rhymes with tag

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ah yes. taf <3

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **can you read be honest

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** i'm tired of straight men and i'm one of them

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm tired of men and i'm one of them

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm tired

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **seems like a really roundabout way to say you're tired of yourself dr. banner

 **> > banner @7phdsindebt: **peter that is literally my entire existence in a tweet

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i'm men

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i'm tired of them

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** the way we all hate ourselves >>>

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **what's this we

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **tones we all know

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **the way we all hate ourselves or our dad**

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **couldn't be me

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ESPECIALLY YOU

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** steven did the debby ryan thing and my life flashed before my eyes

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **update! mr. dad quoted 100 gecs, the world truly is tilting on its axis

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **and i'll do it again!

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **if bucky quotes bella swan or edward cullen like they're fucking shakespeare one more time i'm gonna lose it

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** hate to break this to y'all ut if you're not respecting your kids boundaries and feelings, you're not the outstanding parent you think you are

 **> timmy @timothy42: **you don't even have kids, shut up

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **wrong

 **> > heckley @guyinthechair: **how could they be so loud and incorrect at the same time

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **you'll be hearing from my lawyers bc this is s l a n d e r 

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **okay let's calm down

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** thinking about the karen that came into work last week and complained about the coin shortage. i wonder how she's doing now that we don't carry aluminum cans <3

 **> snek @lowkey: **i wonder how they're all doing with the decrease in cash usage

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **"how will people pay my son for his yard work!!" venmo

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **or in food, bitches love food

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **well i mean whose account will they link the venmo to

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **mine

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **babey that's just money for baby's first mortgage

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it goes straight to the education system!!! pay teachers not leeches

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** sometimes this generation scares me. why do y'all see children and automatically want to punt them. what made you think that was okay. 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **"i see a baby and i go EMOJIS" so you're a danger to society you mean

 **> snek @lowkey: **i don't like them. they look funny, they talk weird. therefore i kicks.

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **so now you're gate keeping punching babies???

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **if it's a baby no it isn't

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **if i'm pregnante with a boy no i'm not 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i ate sour patch kids for dinner last night <3

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **kid,,

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **don't worry i had like 3 sips of water with it!! v super healthy 

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** y'all name your dog daniel and your kid buster and that's on period

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **that's how we do it down here in yeehawville yes ma'am

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **y'all put your kids on leashes and give your dogs a plate at the dinner table point blank period.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **all the leash did for me was make me a better boyfriend

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **get out of my mentions kinkboy

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **wait no i think he's onto something

 **> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **MAAM?????

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** they call me peter because i'm an on with the and yes

 **> flash @spideystan: **penis**

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **all two inches babey

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i'm having a stroke trying to read that so thx

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you can have a strok taking this dick

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **sigh

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **i'll get the leash

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **:(

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** you ever wish you never learned to read? bc that's me. everyday that i wake up and get on this godless app

 **> val @valhalen: **it's not godless if i'm here smh

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **fine. on this disgusting gremlin-infested app

 **> >> val @valhalen: **yeah that's fair buddy

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** idk who needs to hear this but,,, 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **??

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **i'm pausing for dramatic effect give it a second

 **> harry @hoesborn: **sometimes you should maybe not say your thoughts out loud <3

**> > rhodey @whoremachine: @getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey @beterbarker**

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: @captainamerica**

**> > falcon @thebestbird: @jbabybarnes**

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: @guyinthechair @spideystan**

**> > harry @hoesborn: @normanosborn**

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **kadjgalkg HARRY

 **> >>> harry @hoesborn: **i'm right and i said it. no undoing it

 **> >>>> oscorp @oscorp: **it's not too late to delete this king 

**> >>>>> harry @hoesborn: **i'm sorry i think you've mistaken me for a pussy

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i'm gonna say it... 'american' food sucks

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **american food is like. idk i can't think of anything the US made on it's own haha that's pretty telling 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **is the author too lazy to google it or something

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **oh yeah for sure

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **disappointed but not surprised

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i have no idea what's happening under that post and it's MY tweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would like to leave y'all with this knowledge  
> max: *trying to come up w segments for the fic*
> 
> me: fucking hell how do blinds work 
> 
> max:


	102. mine hips do not bare false witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: how soon is too soon to start making Salem witch trials jokes
> 
> > bucket @jbabybarnes: if she practices witch craft she belongs to the stake
> 
> >> spiderman @spidertheman: if she dare mock thy drip, perhaps she is a WITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in other news ive had an entire week off from work which means way too much time alone with my own thoughts so enjoy :D-max  
> (ps I project onto Bucky) inspo creds to nontelescopic on insta

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** latin words that just make sense 

**> flash @spideystan:** microp-Enis (noun)

**> > flash @spideystan:** whenever ned and I have our sleepovers he always says ‘Eugene you have a microp-enis’ and I believe it means health of the mind body and soul <3

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Dear twitter, 

I would like to apologize for what I did. It was very wrong and I am very sorry. I would just like to move on and lead a normal life. You know, get a job and a wife. I promise I will change my ways, and I hope this apology impresses you even though my dad made me do it and I don’t really mean it. 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** you did not just quote tweet boomdocks for your apology tweet

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** what’s he apologizing for

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** horny tweets  ✨

* * *

**peter j quill @stardaddy tweeted:** my favorite actor is crisp rat

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** hey don’t call rocket that

**> > rocket @funkylookingcat:** he meant Chris Pratt you fucking asshole

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** I wish time travel was real

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** GUYS GUESS WHAT

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** that was not very funky or fresh

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** I can smell colors now 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** changing my middle name to bamf so y’all stop making gay president jokes

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** hi bamf I’m dad

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** what’s up bamfy 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** dude what the FUCK

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** bucky was a nickname for buchanan so i had to make u a new one 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** I like this tweet we should frame it

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes:** ya I’m fat 

F - fucking

A - 

T - tired

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** yeah i have WAP 

W- wasted 

A- 

P- potential 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** yeah i’m queer 

Q-

U-

E- eeee

E- e ee

R- 

**> nat @spidermom:** yeah I have BDE

B - Bucky

D - duped

E - everyone into thinking he was named after a president 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** bamfy* but yeah  ❤️

**> val @valhalen:** yeah i’m god 

G- gay

O- 

D- 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** yeah I’m a stark

S - 

T -

A - asshole

R - 

K- 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** yeah IM a stark 

S- 

T- taken

A- 

R- 

K-

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** yeah I’m the hulk

H - here

U - unfortunately 

L -

K -

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** yeah i’m pretty 

P- pretty 

R- redneck

E-

T-

T-

Y- y’all 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** yeah I’m old

O - on the highway to hell

L - 

D - 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis:** yeah I’m a boomer

B-

O-

O- AHHHHHH

**> snek @lowkey:** yeah i’m an emo

E- emotional

M- mess 

O- 

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: @jbabybarnes** get a bucket and a mop

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** for this WAP? 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you spilt chocolate milk EVERYWHERE

**> falcon @thebestbird:** can y’all not talk like. Irl

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** also i think we all know i’m the one with the WAP in this relationship 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I think we ALL have WAP

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** speak 4 urself 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** captain america’s coochie is dry ???  🤭🤭

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** what i this WAP you all speak of 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** it stands for “wittle ass penis” 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** it’s actually “word art please” 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** WORDART IS ONE WORD 

**> >> rhodey @iamironman:** SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ITS NOT 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** oh to be an old married couple

* * *

**New York @times @newyorktimes tweeted:** Captain America doesn’t have WAP?

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** no need to read the article the answer is no

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** never have I ever seen someone look hot in the spiderman uniform ps I’m a visual learner

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: ** [image]

**> > flash @spideystan:** not what I wanted but what I needed

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** me neither 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** >:(

**> >> flash @spideystan:** MR SPIDER!MAN SIR ITS AN HONOR SIR ILY UR MY IDOL

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** please stop dmi ng me about a swing around the city it’s not happening 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** the concept of taxes isn’t new to me it’s just the concept of actually filing them 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** you’re talking about tax evasion

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yep mhm yes sir I am

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** there’s some whores in this house

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** don’t talk about rocket like that

**> > rocket @funkylookingcat:** that’s it ive had it

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** I’ve got ben Shapiro saying “spit in my mouth” as my ring tone 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers:** you could make me saying the same thing your ringtone

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** alright humans! I am coming back to Midgard for the first time since 2018! Please inform me of your new trends!

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** staying home 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** go back 

**> darcy @hotanddangerous:** WAP!!!

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** plague 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** Annabelle escaped 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** and then she got the wrong trump

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** renegade  😍

**> nat @spidermom:** Kanye ran for president. He lost.

**> > clit @thatbitchdrancis:** the election hasn't even happened yet

 **> >> nat @spidermom:** sometimes you can just tell

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** savage  🥰

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** Jesus didn’t die for our sins just so we wouldn’t commit them

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** hell might be hot but I’ve heard satan is too  🥵

**> val @valhalen:** i've met her she's not

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** shh! I am listening

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **for what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **:/

* * *

** banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:  ** fun fact of the day! in Adele's song "hello" she sings 'hello, it's me' this is a reference to the fact that she is herself

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** on a scale of peters horny tweets to Kanye interrupting Taylor swifts speech how out of pocket would a pedo priest joke be

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** IDk abt a Steve grabbing Sam's.Ass during a mission?

**> > double d @daredevil:** ooh my text to speech didn’t like that one

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** go ahead call me a boy Trisha Paytas one more time see what happens

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** no I’m not gonna post a vid of me crying on the bathroom floor

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** omg spiderman took me on a swing around the city! 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i could fuck my way into hydra 

**> snek @lowkey:** i know you didn’t just say that

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** ...if i wanted to 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** that’s what i thought

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** how soon is too soon to start making Salem witch trials jokes

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** if she practices witch craft she belongs to the stake

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** if she dare mock thy drip, perhaps she is a WITCH

* * *

**harry @hoesborne tweeted:** peters tweets about boinking have me in actual genuine tears #stopthemadness2020

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** rt #stopthemadness2020

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted: @jbabybarnes** your name makes me. uncomfy ❤️

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** bamfy? Steve seemed to like it, he was saying it all night

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** DISGUSTING

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** Jesus died so I could commit the sin of punching people in the dick

**> mj @becrimedogay:** please tell me this is your last one

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** no promises

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** you guys are afraid to moan but I be in my bf’s ear like [this](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJhjLQcA/)


	103. should i rewatch emo the musical be honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college is actually not fun who would’ve thought -ri

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** bitch i’m a cow bitch i’m a cow im not a cat i don’t say meow 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **meow for me kitten 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **THATS IT WHO SHOWED THIS TO STEVE 

* * *

**chris @isthataweed tweeted:** i will NOT be getting covid-19 vaccine, bc it’s made with hillary clinton’s breast milk which is toxic and full of socialism 😡😡

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i heard it was made of bernie’s piss samples 🤭😡

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **wouldn’t want to accidentally start caring about fundamental human rights now would we 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** gen z will rid us of politics and i’m looking forward to it

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** millennial humor is just “i hate my life” 

**> snek @lowkey: @beterbarker **how does it feel to be a millennial 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **exactly like generation why by conan gray makes it out to be !

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** bucky just draped himself over me and fell asleep. adorable. i’m keeping him. 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **wait where are you :( i wanna join

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **the common room couch but you’re not allowed to take my bucky !! 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **who the hell is bucky 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **gaspppppp

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **bucky’s quite literally still asleep so shuri please stop hacking his account 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i hate playing video games with bucky he always says the weirdest shit

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **"the clunk of my armored ass cheeks alerted the guards, i'm either gonna get some or Get Some"

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **"i'm making a rectangle out of the nether block hahaha, oh- oh. that's new. that's a fucking DRAGON-"

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **"is it legal to marry the minecraft dragon yes or no"

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** yeah bucky's got a bamf 

B- big

A- ass

M- MF

F- forehead

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** yeah i do coke

C- cocaine

O- opiods

K- ketamine

E- ecstasy

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** alright which one of you motherfuckers called the police on me. c'mon fess up

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **not all of us are prone to snitching on ourselves like you 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **that's the last straw

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** my anxiety fueling my depression which then fuels my anxiety which fuels my depr-

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **anyway how is everyone? good, i hope :) love y'all

 **> snek @lowkey: **do you want a kiss

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **...and cuddles

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we're on it baby

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **can you bring hot cocoa too pls

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **of course, love

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** peter is your mother home

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sure **@iamironman**

**> > tony stank @iamironman:what what's all the yelling**

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **he's selling chocolate

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **chocolate?

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **what what's he selling?

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **CHOCOLATE

 **> >>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **WHAT

 **> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **C H O C O L A T E 

**> >>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **I CAN'T HEAR YOU

 **> >>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **THEY'RE SELLING C H O C O L A T E

 **> >>>>>>>>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE?

 **> >>>>>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **YEAH

 **> >>>>>>>>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i remember when they first invented chocolate

 **> >>>>>>>>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **this thread went exactly as planned thanks for the help mr stark

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** what if we go back in time to when little bitch boy thanos was a baby and.... yk.... k word him

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **wHaT iF wE jUsT gaRbAgE diSpOsAl tHe tiMe sTonE

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: ** what dumbass said that

 **> >> stephen @shortstepheneas: **fuck you

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** spidey just asked steve if we know how to drive a horse. what.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **well do you??

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **answer the question

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **you can't DRIVE a horse

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **so that's a no from you

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** bamfy just tackled spidey and spidey is just. cackling. man i love him.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **do you have to use That name for bucky

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yes. yes i do.

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **teenagers.

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **you signed up for this 

**> snek @lowkey: **he's such an idiot

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah i know right

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **you didn't elt me finish,, he's an idiot but i love him

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** i fell a little in love w peggy carter when she shot at me three times without blinking 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he fell in love w me bc i beat people up for him

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **he fell in love w me bc i was really good at making breakfast and kicking ass afterward

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** this just in: captain america has a competence kink

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i mean yeah

* * *

**sofia @sofiac tweeted:** i miss when men would go to war and die

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **now why did steve and bucky both retweet this 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine: **idk but i'm also about to retweet it

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **me as well

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** this house is a nightmare

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact! the reason doctor perpper is pep doctor is why yes and that's why doc bepor

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **and that's why bepis !

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i love learning new things!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i haven't felt this discombobulated since 2012

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **that's a big word for someone who never graduated high school

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **fuck off babe

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **i'm not gonna say what i want to say but just know i'm saying it in my head 

**> >>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **say it you won't

 **> >>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **i just said i wouldn't 

**> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i think someone is a coward

 **> >>>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **wrong

 **> >>>>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **methinks someone is a,,,,, pussy

 **> >>>>>>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i got this guys

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** **@thebestbird** tu es une chatte

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** if i could do a back handspring into my own grave the world would be a better place

 **> ellen @theellenshow: ** rt

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **omg ellen you didn't!

 **> >> ellen @theellenshow: **didn't what

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** you 🤝 me 

face to face but we don't see eye to eye

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **WE'RE LIKE FIRE AND RAINNNN

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **FIRE AND RAINN

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **YOU CAN DRIVE ME INSANE

 **> >>> harry @hoesborn: **DRIVE ME INSANE

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** wait. that could've been a crack at my height :/

 **> harry @hoesborn: **you're like an inch shorter than me shut up

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **and you continue to hold that inch over me to this day

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **well i can't exactly hold it level with you, you're too short

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i'm 5'4 but on tinder i'm 7'9

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i'm 11'7 on christian mingle <3

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **farmers only for me

 **> >>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **on eharmony i'm 5'2 and my name is stacy

 **> >>>>>>> gwen @gwenstacy: **OMG THAT WAY YOU

 **> >>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **haha oops

 **> >>>>>>> mj @becrimedogays: **i'm 8'10 on match dot com

 **> >>>>>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **and in my heart :)

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** we finish each others

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **sentences? 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **sandwiches? 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **don't interrupt me.

* * *

**val @valhalen tweeted:** appreciation post for the most iconic person to ever grace my earth with her presence **@marvelous** love you

 **> captain better @marvelous: **you're. actually my favorite. 

**> mj @becrimedogays: **why are lesbians always winning

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **bc it's what we deserve

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day! in the song WAP (cardi b and megan thee stallion) cardi says 'macaroni in a pot' this is a reference to the fact that macaroni in a pot sounds like wet ass pussy

 **> snek @lowkey: **this is my favorite fact of the day so far, thanks

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** my carrot disappeared mid-fall 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **please pull a carrot on me

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **god i've seen what you've done for that carrot, please do the same for me amen

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **...uh oh

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **AGAIN???

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **kid c'mon i can't handle this i have heart problems please 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** i don't gotta get naked for a tennis bracelet... but HE will

 **> flash @spideystan: **why is everyone looking at me

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** there's a whore in this house (me) BUT ALSO THERE'S A WHORE IN THIS HOUSE WHO WON'T DO HIS CHORES

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **listen,,

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **babe :(

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i am a whore that doesn't do chore, yes

**> spiderman @spidertheman: @funkylookingcat**

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** they always tell you the devil went down to georgia, they never tell you he actually went to tennessee and possessed one very cute blond cowboy yeehaw

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **okay let's take a step back

 **> snek @lowkey: **monster fucker lol

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if i hate myself no i don't yes i do 


	104. before thy man lay with another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall were stranded on a deserted island, no food or water (clothes optional) which marvel character would u take with u? personally id take thor but only if he brings the hammer. assuming he doesn't have access to the hammer id take vision bc obviously I would still have my phone and id need the wifi to keep my pocket frogs healthy. ri says she'd take bucky bc he's hot. -max

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i wouldn’t say I’m quirky but there’s definitely something wrong with me

**> mj @becrimedogay:** who’s gonna tell him  🐸

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** for legal reasons I can’t tell you that you can technically use a utility knife to cut your own door into a suburban tract home, borrow wisely friends and foes

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** and that’s on what?

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** period 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** and that’s on W H A T?

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** PERIODT

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I CANT HEAR YOU

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** PERIODTTTT

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** if my pp hard no it isn’t <3

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** for the love of god

**> > val @valhalen:** no thanks

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** your chances of being beat at chess by a fully domesticated space raccoon are low but never zero 

**> rocket @funkylookingcat:** and all do it again :*

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Bucky  🤝 me

Being stupid whores

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** call me stupid again see what happens >:(

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** god made me cute and for what?

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** man I wish I had the confidence of ned from an hour ago, where’d he go

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt:** weather update Laura go spin rain swim time free pool (?) more to come

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** no one should ever wear flannel unless they are a sexy lumberjack. Amen

**> falcon @thebestbird:** you wear flannel

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m also a sexy lumberjack, ur point is? 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** since when are u a lumberjack 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** what I do in my free  time is none of ur business. also u didn’t deny that I’m sexy 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** lesbians such as myself??? 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** sorry. no straight person should wear flannel unless they’re a sexy lumberjack. 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** no offense but ur the last person I’d take fashion advice from. I’ve never seen u in civvy clothes other than a Henley or flannel and jeans. 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** I wear shoes too sometimes 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** no he doesn’t 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** no i don’t

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** I’m the strongest avenger and I know so because my mother told me

**> quill @stardaddy:** yes but also no

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Bucky took his casserole out of the oven and said “it went in dry and came out soggy” this cant be real life

**> tony stank @iamironman:** is this the same man who gave me a parliament level lecture because I spread a little rumor about cap’s bussy being dry

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** my little bus?

**> >> tony stank @iamiornman:** ugh who’s gonna tell him

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I already did! It’s a little bus  🥰 a bussy

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** always be urself unless ur a theater kid

**> harry @hoesborne:** :( tell me how to say no to this,

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** fun fact of the day! James’s. James Jim meat stick slim Jim. Yes <3

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I feel like ur trying to make a joke abt slim Jim’s being named after me

**> > banner @7phdsindebt:** yes <3

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** with that waist,,, they just might be !

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** it’s the way Bruce’s tweets have gradually gotten harder to understand for me

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** if u follow traditional sentence structure of the English language then ur just a sheep sorry 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** college kills creativity 

**> >> banner @7phdsindebt:** tell that to my tweets 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** you earned that creativity back by being a cog in the machine that is capitalism. you made friends w a billionaire andnow that you don’t have to worry about your needs being met your brain can have fun

**> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** this u?

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fhygall.com%2F153162603&psig=AOvVaw14yCgSDVBNLoJVYNSRNXBr&ust=1598668267371000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCOjK58TtvOsCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAJ)

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** weather update: i think we’re in for a *dramatic pause* sharknado!

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** hunt. gather. die. 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** men’s live laugh love 

**> mj @becrimedogay:**

𝓗𝓾𝓷𝓽

𝓖𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻

𝓓𝓲𝓮

* * *

**rocket @funkylookingcat tweeted:** breed: different 

**> snek @lowkey:** breed: different 

**> > thor @assgard:** loki you’re still my brother 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** thor im a different species ??? 

**> >>> thor @assgard:** and what about it 

**> >>>> rocket @jbabybarnes:** this is great and all but the post was about me 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** breed: tbd

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** breed: sad 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** we know 

**> > harry @hoesborne:** sweetie i thought you liked biology

* * *

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** cactus = prickly glizzy 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** delete this 

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** no

**> > nat @spidermom:** he knows too much we have to eliminate him

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** you cant hide it from the public forever!!! the truth alwa

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** omg they got him

* * *

 **pizza 4 breakfast @rainbowglizzy9000 tweeted:** I just find it weird that someone who’s been alive for  100+ years is spending their free time making memes on twitter

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @realDonaldTrump** it works better if u tag them

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** “no plan just panic” is Le Gay motto 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** Isn’t that the song by hozier??? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** LMAO it’s also my anxiety anthem ! it’s a multi purposeful motto

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** WHY DOES MY VOICE OF REASON SOUND LIKE DORA THE EXPLORER

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** bc girl always had a plan !

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** til Bucky wears falcon themed underwear 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** have u ever been snaked by a friend and just for the clout they’ll do it again :,( 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** for your viewing pleasure ! bucky barnes in his falcon themed underwear [image]

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** he also owns captain america fuzzy socks in case anyone wanted to know 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** posted with their consent ofc 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** begrudgingly :(

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I’ve been rubbing my hands together and bowling way too much

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I hate this generation please speak human 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** yk

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2F49ers%2Fcomments%2Fduha9j%2F49ers_dl_watching_the_saints_ol_right_now%2F&psig=AOvVaw0hw57e7jSAPQhTU1BYjgE0&ust=1598668442775000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMjOiZfuvOsCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAj)

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ??

[ ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbowlingtechniques.net%2F&psig=AOvVaw3uD566-vjtgTMEnojxic_f&ust=1598668520800000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPiizbvuvOsCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAt)

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** it isn’t easy being Heather but I make it work 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ri: lmaooo poor bucky all confused 
> 
> Max: thanks it’s personal 
> 
> Ri: hoy just made me snort


	105. 🙅🏻no rodents🙅🏻

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI :) -ri

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** please buckle your seatbelts and keep all hands and feet inside the car at all times as we begin our journey through this rodent-less chapter 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **heck yes let’s goooo

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **what if i... didn’t 

**> > snek @lowkey: **well that’s on you ig 

**> shuri @imadelightsabers: **how are we defining rodents 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **we’re not! 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** anyone seen a kid about yay high

 **> ariel @red: **what's their name

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **good. question.

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ned?

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **harley?

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **thor?

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** reading the epic of gilgamesh and the introductory thing is defining "epic poem" so they brought up the iliad and "in achilles' mourning for his friend patroclus" JUST SAY THEY WERE GAY 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: **haha bury me with my best friend bc we're bros dude we're not gay !

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **patroclussy haha

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **"no homo" they were wearing socks, james

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **this was ancient greece no tf they weren't

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **how do you know, you weren't there. i read percy jackson so 

**> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **they literally wore chanclas 

**> >>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **they went out in hoodies and booty shorts. and socks and crocs.

 **> >>>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **"i just fucking died in my gucci flip flops"

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** all projectiles are created equal

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat: **why can't you just accept the fact that bows and arrows are archaic and hard to replace

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **they look fucking cool tho!

 **> >> rocket @funkylookingcat: **not when you use them

 **> >>> nat @spidermom: **i beg to differ i think he looks super cool

 **> >>>> rocket @funkylookingcat: **then beg

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** so if the 'rodents' are gone,,, what is rocket still doing here

 **> peter j quill @stardaddy: **gaspppp don't talk about him like that. 

**> snek @lowkey:** while we're here is thor included in the 'rodents' category? it'd be nice for a little break

 **> > thor @assgard: **hello brother!

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **that's for me to know and you to- not know.

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **you're so mysterious ooOOh 

**> >> heckley @getrektbmypotatogun: **damn right i am

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **Language!

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **oh come on, haven't we played that joke out enough by now 

* * *

**captain better @marvelous tweeted:** on jupiter rn. smells like shit.

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **?? ma'am how are you tweeting from jupiter

 **> > captain better @marvelous: **vis has wifi 

**> >> wanda @scarletwitch: **vis is with you???

 **> >>> vision @2020vision: **i have wifi

 **> >>>> wanda @scarletwitch: **but why are you on jupiter with carol

 **> >>>>> captain better @marvelous: **he has wifi. what's not computing

* * *

**val @valhalen tweeted:** carol why are you even on jupiter there's nothing there **@marvelous**

 **> captain better @marvelous: **i just needed some time alone

 **> > val @valhalen: **it's not alone time if you take vis with you tho

 **> >> captain better @marvelous: **vis has wifi and a muter button

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **i wish all men had that 

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** i've seen every episode there is to see of judge judy and it never could've prepared me for spidey's debate skills

 **> nat @spidermom: **ex "don't google it just trust me"

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **"his chakras were all off tony, he's guilty"

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **"i just feel it in my gut" "oh like spidey sense?" "NO"

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **so today is shit on spidey day huh. is this how steven feels every time he opens his dms

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **there was no need to drage me into this

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **but i'm right

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **.

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **HA SEE THE CHAKRAS NEVER LIE YOUR HONOR

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** do not disrespect the chakras young pupil, they are more wise than the entirety of the avengers team

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** when's carol coming back i want to learn to fly 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: **like a plane?

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **sure that's what i meant

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **hello ???? i could teach you how to fly 

**> > harry @hoesborn: **no<3 thank you

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** confused myself fa bit while singing WAP ended up saying "shit in my mouth"

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** WAP means wanton and pretty. like me. ;)

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **WAP = woke ass people

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **we are proud (pride flag)

 **> thor @assgard: **WAP! wise and powerful

 **> > snek @lowkey: **yes like val 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair: **wook! a pussy uwu

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **work and play

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** for whom the pussy popith

 **> flash @spideystan: **for whom the bussy bustith open

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **for whom thine titties bounce

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **i sit here on this app. and for what. for this? 

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** is it ageist to say i've hated every single middle schooler i've ever met

 **> harry @hoesborn: **yes that includes me

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** timeline asleep? girls are pretty

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **ugh you're so right

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** it's crazy to me how dumb i am like wow after growing up hearing you're gifted and so smart for your age realizing that you're now just on par with your peers is crushing bc you built your entire identity around being the Smart One and now you're decidedly Not haha it's just really fun and sexy

 **> harry @hoesborn: **oh this is a universal experience? sorta? interesting

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** gifted child burn out babey !!!

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **mood

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** thanos sister snapped

 **> thanos @littlebitchboy: **thanks?

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **not in a good way

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **i would've sister snapped thanos' neck if stephen wasn't such a pussy

 **> > stephen @shortforstepheneas: **heard you were talking shit

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** "turns out no one outside the US thinks the electoral college is a good idea" no shit ! it's stupid !! 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **i wonder if maybe the reason nobody copied our form of government if because it's actually,,, it's actually really fucking shitty and ineffective and nobody else thinks that's a good thing

* * *

**currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** he's the carne asada to my burrito

 **> double d @daredevil: **who

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** captain america not being allowed in america unless it's for court or to save the world qualifies as poetic justice in my book

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **hasn't stopped me tho

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **disappointed but not surprised

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **ok wait a second tone it down howard

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** just read an article/essay and it said "we all want the same things in life: to gain other people's attention, to be adored, to be sexually desired, to be intimate with people we find attractive, to have great sex" 

**> nat @spidermom: **idk about y'all but my asexual ass does not want to do some of those things (if other asexuals want to that's great love you guys!!)

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **imagine thinking everyone everywhere wants to have sex. couldn't be me.

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **i don't like this why'd they do that

 **> > nat @spidermom: **haha i don't know :)

 **> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **i'm grabbing the ice cream, we'll watch the incredibles

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **rhodey and i are coming too

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** high school musical who says we have to let it go it's the best part we've ever know step into the futureeeee high school musical let's celebrate where we come from-

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **i feel like i should ask if you're okay but i'm only going to say that you should rewatch hsm2 bc 3 is trash and 2 is just superior to the rest of them

 **> > harry @hoesborn:** mmmm yeah that's a good point gonna go do that 

* * *

**currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** no we don't want no rodents

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no we don't wanna see their tweets

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **no we don't want none of their vibessss

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **thanks for coming to our tedtalk 

**> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **you just love ruining the good moments huh

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yeah<3

* * *

**d** **ouble d @daredevil tweeted:** op who is the carne asada to your burrito **@babymerc**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's kinda short sorry y'all


	106. teardrops on mine lyre

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted: @jbabybarnes** WHERE ARE YOU 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** and I’m so sorrryyy

**> > falcon @thebestbird:** STOP TRYING TO BE CUTE AND ANSWER UR FUCKING PHONE

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** SIM cards are for the weak of heart

* * *

**ned :) @guyinhechair tweeted:** u don’t measure spices with the spoons u measure that shit with ur heart 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** me making chocolate milk

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** I was crying over an assignment and I heard Bucky yell “Sarah Paulson? is that you?” that’s it I’m never doing my hw at Captain America’s house ever again 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** u do ur hw at Steve’s house?

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **it's about WWII I figured I could afford to scam the system just this once 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman: **ur hw shouldn’t stress u out that much kid 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** thanks  ❤️

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** 2020 sucks, but u don’t have to  ❤️

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I can’t believe ur being openly homophobic on twitter 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** ned honey I’m gay 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** I can confirm that she is a lesbian

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** hey is it possible to ask Santa for virginity? asking for a friend xoxo

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I’m getting a suspiciously large amount of tweet replies claiming Santa isn’t real which only further puts me on his case regarding getting a second V card

**> > flash @spideystan:** does a second hand V card count? ;)

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** gross

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** let’s hit the woah for all our gay cowboys out there

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if you commit a crime (I.e armed robbery) you can easily win the case by shutting the fuck up. if u shut the fuck up and exercise your right to remain silent, you probably have a better chance of getting away with shit than had u not shut the fuck up. Hope this helps <3

**> tony stank @iamironman:** give me one good reason why Spidey AND Steve retweeted this

**> > potts @spicypepper:** Tony why did YOU retweet it hmm?

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** two comrades getting married? in my neck of the woods we call that a Soviet Union 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** I can’t believe u got Nat to say this in her speech at my wedding 

**> > clit @thatbitchfrancis:** and it was beautiful 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** comrades by chance, lovers by choice

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I’ve never seen pitch perfect but if I was a Bella I would simply change my name

**> falcon @thebestbird:** to what 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** not-Bella ??

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Idk probably not a name I already have either. I’ve always thought Kachow McGee was a pretty cool name but now I lean towards George Washington III

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i have an idea. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** ill see y’all on the national news xoxo

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** who is doofenshmirtz why is he incorporated why is he government funded

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @iamironman** what gave u the impression that dr doof is government funded

**> tony stank @iamironman:** is there any other option? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** his wife was mega rich when she left him and they didn’t have a prenup

* * *

**harry @hoesborne tweeted:** hits the woah in cursive 

**> snek @lowkey:** milly rocks in cursive 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** dabs on the haters in times new Roman 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** floss in comic sans

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** why can’t I be cute AND sexy :(

**> harry @hoesborne:** on a scale of yes to no how out of pocket would a Shane Dawson joke be rn

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i would like to see it 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** what 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** it 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** what’s it 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** WOTS IT 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman:** all of that just to make a joke abt british ppl,,, dishappointed barnes dishappointed

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** how many shots would it take to make out with my friend(s). 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @captainamerica** we’ve been friends for a really long time and I tried to kill you once so it’d be awkward. but also we’ve already made out a whole lot so zero. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @thebestbird** I kinda hated him for a while and I threw him off a helicopter I think? But we’ve already made out a ton so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @spidermom** we’ve also been comrades for a really long time and I trained her a while back so its kinda weird to think about? but we’ve also made out so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @iamironman** (?) idk if we’re friends and I also have a weird history with his entire family so it feels wrong. but I’ve also made out with him on a dare so zero. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @thatbitchfrancis** he's heterosexual so like that’d be weird. there’s no way he’d go for me. but we’ve also made out so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes; @babymerc** he’s him and he goes on rants a lot and he eats a shit ton of tacos and always smells vaguely of cumin? but I’ve also already made out with him so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @fastandfuryous** you’re my boss so that’d be kinda awkward and you’re really fucking insane too. but we’ve already made out so zero

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @assgard** I’ve met him like twice and I need to have a really deep connection with someone to feel comfortable making out with them yk? But also I’ve already made out with him so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @valhalen** im gay and you’re gay so we definitely wouldn’t kiss. except we got zooted and did so zero.

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @7phdsindebt** he’s my doctor which is kinda kinky but also not my thing? and he’s straight I’m p sure and I would never want to make him uncomfortable. anyway, we HAVE already made out so zero 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @whoremachine** he’s definitely married to tony whom i have already made out with and that’s like ? not cool. but we’ve definitely made out so zero. 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** we have never shared saliva ever 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @stardaddy** I only know him bc we have a mutual friend or two and he always smells like raw beef which is super weird but also we’ve made out so zero 

**> > peter j quill @stardaddy:** yeah  ❤️

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @mmmbaku** he kinda helped me raise my goats for a minute? so like he was a coworker, a colleague yk? so that’d be odd. but we did make out in a haystack so zero

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** can’t believe I forgot! **@antman** he has a gf and a whole family and he’s got a whole lot of straggot energy but also I made out with him in the back of a VW bug one time so zero

**> > scott @antman:** you’re just pretty man i can appreciate that

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Steve crashing the Valkyrie [like](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJSBhenJ/)

**> snek @lowkey:** for those of us who don’t have TikTok :,( “fun fact actually really really sad fact I can’t swim”

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** I was there when Hannah montana revealed her identity

 **> 1982832898 @user314159: **theres no way

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **I am deadass from Tennessee

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **howd u keep ur mouth shut about that one

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **haha ig people just didn't believe me :(

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I don't know the second half of the national anthem and im proud of it!!!

 **> tony @iamironman: **ok mr American hero and bf of captain america

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **captain America steve rogers who cant leave new York state without court approval or captain America sam Wilson who puts baking soda in his sweet tea?

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **man don't knock it till u try it

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** I can't stand a copycat "I'm a survivor" stop ripping off beyonce and maybe then i'll go for the head,,,, purple headass

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it won't let me add beginning chapter notes which is weird but whatever. I just wanted to say that this year just got shitter with the passing of chadwick boseman (who played T'challa and took up various other significant movie roles WHILE BATTLING STAGE 4 COLON CANCER,,, the strength-). I really hope his family is doing ok right now. -max


	107. pHiNeAs and fErB are making a tiTlE sEqUeNcE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did i get here -ri
> 
> ps don’t ask me abt the title babes i really don’t know why either

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** sometimes i get the “cause jake isn’t your average joe” state farm jingle stuck in my head 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** why

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** it’s catchy 

**> >> snek @lowkey:** is it tho 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** by all means get something else stuck in my head then smh

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey:** if the world was ending you’d come over right

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **right 

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:**what if no yes no definitely not maybe <3

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** sometimes you have to eat ice cream with your husband and pretend the world isn’t out to get you 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** a starkrhodes tradition spanning like three decades 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and it’ll be carried on by ur lovely children 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @beterbarker** i like youuu

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @getrektbymypotatogun @lowkey **don’t give a fuck bout your man 

* * *

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** would like everyone to know that we’re gonna walk down to electric avenue 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** **@lowkey** loki loki you should really get to know me ;) 

**> snek @lowkey: **not camilla cabello again 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: ✨**karma is cruel✨ 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** sometimes i want to join the army just to get out of here

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **omg wait for me i want to commit treason

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **(for legal reasons, this was a joke aha)

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **haha yeah all jokes

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **if i die in the war y'all can't call me selfish 

* * *

**pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** do you all see what i have to deal with. can you believe them. they're supposed to have common sense. where is it. i don't see it anywhere

 **> maria hill @mariahill: **babe we can go spar with the boys later and kick their asses

 **> > chris @isthataweed: **who are the boys

 **> >> maria hill @mariahill: **clint and phil

 **> >>> chris @isthataweed: **ah i see. enjoy kicking ass!

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** i would bitch slap trump for free. keener 2020

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **!!! TOUGH GUY ALERT !!!

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **!!! WARNING: EXTREME VIOLENCE !!!

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **!!! PARENTAL GUIDANCE ADVISED, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION !!!

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** im in love with a stripper

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **he's me i'm him

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **wait i'm not a stripper :/

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** thinking about how if we were living in the republic of rome mr dad would be a patrician and i would be a plebeian

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you think of the weirdest things kid

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and that's why i'm the light of your life, the joy of your existence

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** my bfs are short

 **> snek @lowkey: **i have to look down at them. i can put my chin on top of their heads.

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **lmaooo okay but how about you un-shapeshift from like 7'11

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **update: he un-shapeshifted but went into his frost giant form and is now actually like 7'0 rip us i guess

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** where's scotthaniel so i can s t o m p on him like the ant he is 

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** if growing up means not being funny then i guess i'm peter pan

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** sometimes i stare at sam and bucky to make them uncomfortable

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he tried staring at me to make me uncomfortable once and it didn't work because i stared at him harder

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **harder, hm?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **get your head out of the gutter young man !

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** **@hoesborn** did carol ever teach you how to fly

 **> harry @hoesborn: **no she's not back yet :(but rhodey's helping me!!

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **oh so it's just me then?

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **yeah <3

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **when they ask how you are and you just have to say that you're fine

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i could've taught him

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **you can't fly

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **just for that i'm gonna let tony upgrade the arm so that i CAN fly

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** YOU WOULDN'T DARE LET HIM MESS WITH MY TECH

 **> >>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **try me

 **> >>>>>>> falcon @thebestbird: **this was about me guys

 **> >>>>>>>> harry @hoesborn: **actually it was about me

 **> >>>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah but this is my tweet so fuck off all of you :)

 **> >>>>>>>>>> rocket @funkylookingcat: **plot twist it's about me

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** the bags under my eyes AREN'T designer, they're not even decent knockoffs

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **i wanna be surprised that tony retweeted this but i'm really not,, sigh

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** internalized biphobia is a bitch !!!!

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the rice i got is bland should i put taco bell fiery hot sauce on it

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **yes 10/10 no doubt

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you were supposed to be impulse control, turns out you were just fam

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **uh oh oopsy? you're asking me for impulse control?? boy

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **and now to stir

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** time for another round of the trump game! topic: cheese

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **good or bad

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **bad cheese

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **it's bad because i said it is. it's got milk in it, which comes from cow tits, which means if a woman drinks milk she's gay and gay is bad

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **and it's often yellow, yellow is the color of the sun, which is associated with the god apollo, so if a man eats cheese he's gay as well.

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **which brings us to point D (also gay), cheese is not Christian and is therefore UNCONSTITUTIONAL 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** nailed it

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** are there like... actual full grown adults out there who still think the men of the table should order your food for you...

 **> betty brant @bbrant: **i'm not sure but if there are i say we eat them<3

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **the men?

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **no that's hetero

 **> >> betty brant @bbrant: **yes was that not obvious

 **> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **!! STRAGGOT ALERT !!

 **> >>>> betty brant @bbrant: **you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** my brain literally does not function correctly she is not doing this right at ALL, i'm gonna blame the terrorist organization that fried her for at least 50 years :)))

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i'm gonna commit a murder or fifteen thousand

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **once, just ONCE, i want to be the one who can voice their desire to do some stupid shit and have YOU be impulse control. but nO. you just can't help yourself

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i was born in a state of righteous anger

 **> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **...and that's why i love you i suppose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so it's short again, the chapters will probably get shorter i think we're both pretty stressed atm so yeah, sorry pals :/


	108. acquire thy bucket and a mop, ‘tis a WAP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's short, i promise it has a great personality -max

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just got tested for covid. when I said I liked giving brain that’s not what I MEEAAAANNTTT

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i think that rhodey and tony should fly the lambda flag when they go into battle together

**> tony stank @iamironman:** odd 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** do you know nothing abt ancient greek history 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** should i 

**> >>> rhodey @whoremachine:** y e s you should

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** anyone got olive oil 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** tf do you need olive oil for 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** i know what i’m about bitch

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** almond oil works best 

** >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes:  ** ive got socks on, nice try tho

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if he uses swords he belongs to the streets

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** katanas to be exact 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** 2 of them. named Bea and Arthur 

**> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** this is super specific who are u talking abt??? Bc I know it isn’t me  ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** today might be 🔪 🙀💀🚨😳🏙✈️🗾 but that doesn’t mean tomorrow can’t be 🥳💅👑❤️✨

**> double d @daredevil:** I’m on a library computer wtf is he trying to say

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** today might be knife scared cat skull siren shocked emoji city plane japan but that doesn’t mean tomorrow can’t be party face emoji manicure crown heart sparkles 

**> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** u have such a way with words Spidey  ❤️🥰🍆👻💩😻

 ** >> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** hes cut onions for his famous meatloaf, but oh no! that's illegal now! he can hear the sirens already, he's gotta go. he doesn't know where, but SOMEWHERE. the cheapest international plane ticket is to Japan. he's still got beef with Ms. Matsumoto, but he'd rather deal with a cultist who never misses than the American justice system. and besides, he's pretty sure she's got a new cult in NYC.

 ** >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: ** bravo!!! how'd u know abt my beef with bullseye >:(

** >>> double d @daredevil: ** was really hoping u wouldn't bring her up again Buck

** >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: ** i work for no one

** >>>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: ** u sure? bc that ass definitely does things for me ❤️❤️❤️🥰🍆👻💩😻❤️❤️❤️

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** yeah I’ve got simp. 

S- squirrels

I - in

M - my

P - pants

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** why is rocket in ur pants 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** MOooMMM

**> > nat @spidermom:** what spidey

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** clint and bucky are making a title sequence ! 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** sure they are spidey

**> mj @becrimedogay:** y’all saw Vanessa right  👀

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** 🦾

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** 🦿

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yee dawgy 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** billy ray ?????!?!  😳

* * *

**val @vahalen tweeted:** throwing a party for dionysus tonight bitchesss bring the alcohol

**> randol @randaolfd** arent y’all norse ?? 

**> > val @valhalen:** i have literally no clue what you’re talking about

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** when thanos said “I’m inevitable” I said “and I’m the king of the swingers”

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** the jungle VIP?

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** did u reach the top and have to stop? is that what’s bothering u? 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** he wants to be a man, a man cub if u will

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** is he a muppet or is he a man I’m confused

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** songs with shawty in them, go

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the dance floor wooahh

**> tony stank @iamiornman:** shawty got them apple bottom jeans

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** shawty a little baddie, she my little boo thing

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I need a bad… bleep… Addison Rae, shawty the baddest,

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** you can call me by my middle name, my middle name is vanessa so you can call me by my middle name if you want to or you can call me shawty or shorty or whatever you want okay thats the fucking gucci gang shit and that’s the fucking period shit you know the fucking vibes ahaha-

**> mj @becrimedogay:** SHAWTY LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THAT I CANT KEEP OUT

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** riddle me this liberals. why women say more word when less word do more. hmm?? riddle me that. 

**> mj @becrimedogay:** if women no want me look at booby why they have them. hmm? 

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** why discord girls call me ugly when mommy says I’m handsome boy. hmm. riddle me that. 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** my spinal chord itches 

**> snek @lowkey:** you don’t have bones 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** MY SPINAL CHORD ITCHES

**> >> snek @lowkey:** okay damn calm down

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman:** i CANT

* * *

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** so is he like growing a spinal chord is that why he’s freaking out 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur here from the beginning notes yes that was a pp joke im 12 <3 -max


	109. fettuccine wet ass pussy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brain thinks the Weirdest shit and now that i have a journal i can write it all down ??? who let this happen lmao -ri

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the 1975 really opened a song with “we’re fuckin in a car” like what a bold move ?? 

**> brian @brianmay: **pack it up roger taylor

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** started wearing eyeliner on my waterline,,, yeah ❤️ 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **pack it up winter soldier 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **just remember to wear your mask to complete the look

 **> > harry @hoesborn: **can’t tell if you’re bullying me or your bf :/ 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **it’s obviously both of us 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird: **yeah 😌

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** my thoughts are in cursive bc im that bitch

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **are you sure it’s not bc you’re an alien

 **> > snek @lowkey: **mind your business mr. boneless chicken wing 

* * *

**roger @rogerstevens tweeted:** </3

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** maybe i’m hilarious and have an amazing sexy personality

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **yeah that sounds right 

* * *

**currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** i can’t believe the author didn’t name chapter 99 “NINE NINE” like,,, wow

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted: @theavengers** i made friendship bracelets for all of you and only bucky and spidey wear them what's up with that 

**> nat @spidermom: **anklets exist :/

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **it went on my rear view mirror

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **mine's hanging on my lamp in the lab 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** what if we were in the med bay together and there was only one hospital bed

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **you're sleeping on the floor idc

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **and they were bedmates

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **omg they were bedmates

* * *

 **roger @rogerstevens tweeted:** you think you can hurt my feelings? everyone thought i was my AU self and wouldn't be nice to me bc of it 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mr captain we k n o w that's you again

 **> > roger @rogerstevens: **>:(

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i don't wanna mm i wanna wooh! i wanna uh, i wanna choo i want you to touch that touch that brr that swings in the back of my throat

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **how is the pg version of WAP somehow more vulgar than the normal version

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** what to do when you're being catcalled go

 **> nat @spidermom: **bark at them

 **> > val @valhalen: **i like to howl but to each their own

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **pull an elle woods on them "i object!"

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **do it back

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **growl

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **start singing no scrubs

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **got catcalled while walking my dog once and threw a bag of shit at them

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** tweeting at you live from the avengers tower, bucky has the iron suit on for the sole purpose of being able to say "see me do my dance in these thousand dollar pants" 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** i could've just put on any of your suit pants if that was the sole reason

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **then what was the REAL reason

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **oop! got me there. there was none.

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** coffee isn't doing it for me anymore time to move on to crack

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** thigh high platform crocs stay ON during sex

 **> snek @lowkey: **only if i get to keep on my thigh high heely's

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **and my thigh high converse

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **sometimes i wonder how you guys got in a relationship together but then something like this happens

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **hot wheel jammies stay ON during sex

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** nemean lion fur stays ON during sex

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **iron man themed fuzzy socks stay ON during sex

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **the suit stays ON during sex

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **which suit

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **yes

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** captain america jammies stay ON during sex

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **then i get to keep the tact gear on

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **hey now, we're saying things that don't hold sexual appeal

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **just imagine if he kept the cowl on i would not stop laughing

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **hey >:(

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **it's kinda neat, makes him look like a patriotic dr phil

 **> >>>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **PATRIOTIC DR PHIL LMAOO I CANT

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **daddy phil wishes

 **> >>>>>> dr phil @drphil: **daddy phil wants you to stop calling him daddy phil

 **> >>>>>>> phil @number1captainamericafan: **you do not speak for all daddy phils

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** steve was in the gym with me, pepper, maria, carol, and val and just started chanting "let's go lesbians let's go" while we all did a warm up jog

 **> nat @spidermom: **i think i'm in shock

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we've come a long way

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **i remember when he didn't know what a lesbian was

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he's learned so much

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **ok "hello from lesbian"

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **lebanon and lesbian look rela similar ok :(

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **yk what we call that? growth

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** it's not my fault hydra put my brain in the juicer :(

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** one retweet and i'll hack nick fury's twitter

**spiderman retweeted this**

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **omg thank you so much on it rn

* * *

 **nick fury @fastandfuryous tweeted:** eye patch stays ON durin sex

 **> captain better @marvelous: **i... would not be surprised if that was actually the case

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** imagine saying the name peter during sex. like ok pack it up pettigrew

 **> harry @hoesborn: **you gotta stop this

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **don't you have dark lords to kill? stfu

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** duck

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **duck

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **MOOSE

 **> >> harry @hoesborn: **sam winchester ????!??

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **you get me <3

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i would've let achilles press his heel to my neck

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **that's his weak spot tho wouldn't that have hurt him

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **he can boss the fuck up for this wap

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** achilles' ankle >> achilles' heel

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **no!!!

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i said what i said

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** they call me kilometers per second bc i want to km/s

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** how to turn red flags into green flags? just don't tell mj about them <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll leave you with this <3  
> me: do you think in the mcu people would write y/n fic about people being sold to tony stark 
> 
> max: I don’t want to think about it
> 
> me: i thought about it bc of u so i had to share
> 
> max: ugh now I’m thinking about it


	110. fiesta en los Estados Unidos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone want 2 play a game of among us or evil apples with me -max

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** burrito 

1 can mash bean

1 taco bread

open bean

wrap in tortilla (taco bread)

burrito 

follow for more recipe 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** 👁👄👁

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:**: — 👄 —

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** 👁👄👁

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** so my eyes are correct!

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainanmerica tweeted:** in these trying times we WAP (wait and pray) 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** *take me to church plays in background* 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** send you my THAP (THoughts and Prayers) 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** keeping you in my THAPS

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** in my

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** wait I 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** in my. In my tho

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** thaps (th

**> >>>>> mj @becrimedogay:** there was an attempt

**> >>>>>> shuri @imadelightsaabers:** go on don’t be shy

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** keeping u in my thoughts  😔

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** ghosts won’t be the only things in the sheets this Halloween ;)

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatigun tweeted:** keeping you in my THAP

T- tight 

H- hole 

A 

P 

**> harry @hoesborne:** THATS NOT WHAT GARBAGE DISPOSALS ARE FOR HARLEY

**> snek @lowkey:** so we know who bottoms

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** are u fucking kidding me u were THERE

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** yeah u 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** why do u think my hole is so tight,,,

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** my street isn’t the only thing I’m gonna be plowing this Christmas ;)

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** broke: Throuple

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** woke: just me and Loki sorry Harls 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** it’s ok I deserve it

**> > harry @hoesborne:** 👀

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** BACK THE FUCK OFF ITS MY TURN 

**> >>> flash @spideystan:** see that’s where ur wrong 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** let me move my bang so I can read that again 

**> >>>>> flash @spideystan:** don’t ruin this for me 💔

* * *

**i write smut @ratsupmyass tweeted:** imagine someone from the 40’s looking through spidey’s tweet replies 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I pretend I do not see  🙈

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** spaghetti 

1 can tomato 

2 can noodle 

1 can water 

pour noodle in water, wait cook, pour tomato 

spaghetti 

follow for more recipe

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** one emoji that signifies u as a person, go

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** sorry I can’t there’s no WAP emoji :(

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** urs is  💩

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** this is the last damn straw

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** Steve stfu urs is  🕳

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** LMAOOOO

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** so this is what it’s like being on the audience end of that tweet :/ 

**> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** can’t believe we’ve been torturing them like this this entire time 

**> >>>> heckley @getrektbmymypotatogun:** alright lets get back to it

**> >>>>> snek @lowkey:** chop chop harls this is ur line

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I used to genuinely think the rain was angels taking a leak

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** that’s bc I told u that  ✨😻

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** save a horse, ride me 

**> harry @hoesborne:** hcnnfjfj why are u so fucking HORNY Christ almighty

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** wishing I was Y/N rn

**> tony stank @iamironman:** y/n cleaned their bedroom 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** fuck

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** the pumpkins won be the only things getting their guts rearranged this Halloween ;)

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** There’s some wh*res in this house? No, pal, that’s the lord in this house.

**> tony stank @iamironman:** the only lord in avengers tower is me, ur landlord 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** lord of the land? pack it up lord farquaad

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** i don’t wanna SPIT i wanna CHOKE i wanna GAG- 

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** ✨ on a cheese stick ✨

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** and some salami for your fries

**> tony stank @iamironman:** context?

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** no  ❤️

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair:** I don’t wanna spit I wanna choke I wanna choke I wanna choke I wanna ch 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** -cha cha slide  😍

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** emotionally stunted superhero check 

**> j.jones @notjessicarabbit:** present unfortunately

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** here !!!

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** PETER 

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** nerd you’re not a superhero 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** in my head i do everything right  😔

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** idk if i’m a superhero but i AM emotionally stunted 

**> double d @daredevil:** foggy said i belong on the list

**> nat @spidermom:** yeah ❤️

**> raechel @spicyroach:** so all of our heroes are emotionally stunted ? neat love that 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** I’m baby in that I too enjoy laying on the ground staring at the ceiling fan for hours on end

**> tony stank @iamironman:** don’t we all like to do that 

**> > tana @mikubinderjeff:** simple minds simple pleasures

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** 👁👄👁

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** ok mikubinderjeff

**> > falcon @thesbestbird:** no we don’t all like doing that dude wtf 

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** yk what that means

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** i’m not like other girls

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** it’s not the zombies that are gonna be eating u out this Halloween ;)

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** Harley why

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** it’s a candy CAN not a candy CAN’T

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** SINCE WHEN

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** pancake

1 bread loaf

cut bread loaf in slices

bake in pan @ room temp for 4 hours 

pancake 

follow for more recipe

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** it is now ILLEGAL to be mean to me. pack it up bullies. >:(

**> flash @spideystan:** ok penis

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** STOP YOU’VE VIOLATED THE LAW 

**> >> mj @becrimedogay:** Peter u have violated this law more than flash ever did 

** >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: ** traitor vibes

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I don’t count it’s like capitalism or something

**> harry @hoesborne:** cry about it Pete 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** your honor he’s guilty his chakras are all off

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** peter, darling, sweetheart, no ❤️

* * *

**nat @spidermom tweeted:** yeah drugs are cool but have u ever gotten into a triple digit car chase on I-35 with 200lbs of cocaine in the trunk? yeah me neither 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** not my finest moment I’ll admit 

**> > val @valhalen:** take me with you next time we’ll make it 300lbs 

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** u can’t flirt with me like that  😳

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** yeah back off my bucky !!!!! 

**> >>> falcon @thebestbird:** you’re embarrassing\

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** dear big Corp,

don’t  😀👍

Sincerely, Bucky

**> banner @7phdsindebt:** why I think he just ended global warming

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** tell me why my vocab consists of “yuh” in Ariana grandes voice and the frat boy laugh 

**> snek @lowkey:** yuh <3 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** you’re not funny you’re not funny yourenotfunny

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** don’t forget “haha, fuck!” in the frat boy voice 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** :O I DO NOT curse!!!!

* * *

**helen @cryabtit.troy tweeted:** today is a getting so frustrated with ur hair that u end up whacking ur head the brush kinda day

**> snek @lowkey: **rt

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** rt 

**> thor @assgard:** rt

**> val @valhalen:** rt 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** haha yuh

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** french toast 

1 slice bread 

a toaster

1 beret 

toast slice bread, put beret on top freshly toasted bread 

french toast

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** POV we’re watching a movie and u keep asking me to turn the volume down but I can’t hear u bc the tv is super loud 

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** are u talking about date night? 

**> > tony stank @iamironman:** mhm

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** this might be ur hot girl summer but this is my New York summer 

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** 🎶we're fighting in the grocery store 🎶

 **> > snek @lowkey:** 🎶 and i love u but i dont know if i like u anymore 🎶

* * *

**currently unaliving poeple @babymerc tweeted:** the best kind of steak is a well cooked one  😻✨🥰😳😚💩

**> spiderman @spidertheman:** ur literally going straight to hell

**> > currently unaliving people @babymerc:** I actually can’t do anything straight!!!!  💅💁♀️👑🥰❤️⭐️

**> > double d @daredevil:** it’s real interesting that you think his streak preference would be the thing to land him there though

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** somebody thinks what I think

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** NOT U TOO

**> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I’m just as upset about it as u are

* * *

**val @valhalen tweeted:** if I’m not god then who am I

**> captainbetter @marvelous:** a sexy mf

**> > val @valhalen:** aww  ❤️ fuck you

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarkerr tweeted:** how many avengers can I get to do a Carl Wheezer impression 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Bucky did it without complaint but it wasn’t very good  ⭐️⭐️⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:**:I told tony it was father son bonding (which it was) and he gave it a go but it also wasn’t very good  ⭐️⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** nat was a tough nut to crack but her wheezer impression was spot on  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Steve did it after a little grumbling and it was really good but then I asked if that’s what he sounded like before the serum and I got a lecture about respecting my elders  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

**> > snek @lowkey:** 5 stars?

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** imagine being lectured by Steve Rogers himself  🥰

**> >>> snek @lowkey:** I was, almost took over Manhattan remember 

**> >>>> banner @7phdsindebt:** mm did u tho?

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Clint is PERFECT at it. Like spot on. But I’m also 99% certain he’s the actual VA so  ⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Bruce did not participate :(  ⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Sam was also not very good at it but to be fair I’d called him mid flight to ask so  ⭐️⭐️

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** Thor’s never half assed anything in his life, Wheezer moan included  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** French fry

Grab ur French friend (gently) 

give job at chicken express

French fry (cook)

follow for more recipe 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when each chap had an individual plot <3 yeah me neither


	111. y u h

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAX MADE ME READ RED WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE AND I FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS JFKSHJFKD PLEASE -ri

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** you have to stop saying that you like tennessee whiskey. you don’t. it’s disgusting. be honest with yourself.

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **it’s good tho ?? i like it ??? 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you have to stop saying that you like tennessee whiskey. you’re lying. the only tennessee whiskey that hits is the song. separate the art from the awful beverage. 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **disrespectfully, i disagree

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it is smooth tho so thanks for that chris stapleton !

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** he was a punk, he did ballet. what more can i say

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **go on 👁👁

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **did no one introduce the fossils to avril lavigne ???? that’s blatant stupidity. somebody queue up girlfriend 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** we should stop trying to write the south off as backwards bc while some people are definitely like that we can’t pretend the north isn’t just as blatantly ignorant and racist and homophobic. like there’s a k*k branch in every state. 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** peter got his wisdom teeth removed and i feel bad for him but watching him drinking sprite with a spoon is the highlight of my week. 

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** when you shrink someone where do their molecules go

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the molecules get smaller !

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** what about their atoms those don't shrink where do they go!!!!

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **they split !!

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **atoms do that right

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **that's called an atomic bomb hahah

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** as of last friday i am Straight :) right mj?

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **right peter!

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **me and mj? dating? idk what you're talking about we're just realaly good friends who share a bed :)

 **> flash @spideystan: **hi dad i was joking about all the gay stuff that was a joke

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** s that really going to work babe

 **> >> flash @spideystan:** it fucking will if you quit calling me babe

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** how many of you pronounced bon iver wrong before you hear mxmtoon's song and the right way to say it

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** alright now how many of you still pronounce it wrong anytime you say it not within the song by mxmtoon 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **if you're both talking about yourselves just say that <3

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i'm dating heather

 **> mj @becrimedogays:** stop calling me heather IM NOT HEATHER

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **sorry michelle <3

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays:** thank you

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i'm sorry he put a corncob where ?????

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** country girls make do

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **DAMMIT BAMFY FUCK YOU

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **gotta be faster than that kid

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i'm sure steve and sam just love it >:(

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** country girls make do

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** the term slut is only applicable when you're talking about yourself or spiderman

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** it's true

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** sucky bargson <3

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** what

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **that's us three

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **no

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **it's mostly you

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **the way steve's only letters are s and g

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **the s was sam

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** would i let venom fail me? that's a secret i'll never tell

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **RAIL ME NOT FAIL ME

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair:** THE TYPO IS EVERYTHING

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **xoxo gossip girl

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **bottom energy is wanting venom to rail you

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **bottom energy is being a bottom

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **i thought we've had this convo

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **we have this convo once a week, yes

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** my favorite movie is bareback mountain

 **> thor @assgard: **brokeback mountain?

 **> > snek @lowkey:** did i stutter

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **jake gyllenhaal ???

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** you should definitely be simping over heath ledger not jake 

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **but jake !!!

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yeah i vibe w him

 **> >>>> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **probably a bad idea

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** saying "i'm an atheist" >>> focusing on your complicated relationship with religion

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i mean i don't believe in a god but also why am i mad that he would supposedly hate me for being gay if he DID exist. it doesn't make sense. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all,,,,  
> Max: peter drinking sprite with a spoon
> 
> me: NOT WITH A SPOON
> 
> Max: THATS WHAT I DID AFTER MY SURGERY THIS MORNING
> 
> me: YOU HAD SURGERY?


	112. dance likening to that of Sir Michael Philip Jagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello, readers. this week i offer you nothing. next week? who knows... -max

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** I’m sorry I just think we really glazed over Steve’s tramp stamp, can we go back to that?

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** no next question

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbaarker tweeetd:** NOOOO SIMPTEMBER IS OVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FLIRT WITH LIL NAS X NOW

 **> spiderman @spideertheman:** i don’t trust people who don’t think lil nas x is fine asf

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted: @spideystan** saw u got a Mohawk. it looks fucking stupid.

 **> flash @spideystan:** a soft, velvety cake filled to the brim with an edible white cream-like substance. am I talking about a Twinkie or ur bitch last night?

 **> > mj @becrimedogay:** me from 30 seconds ago didn’t know how good she had it

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatgun:** hey Eugene I have NYFD on the line theyre calling about ur fucking dumpster fire of a hairdo

 **> >> betty @bbrant:** it’s pretty bad when the fire department calls YOU and not the other way around

 **> >>> heckley @getrekbtmymypotatogun:** LISTEN HERE YOU ABSOLUTE HARLOT

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthehcair:** yes hello 911 I’d like to report a murder

 **> >>> flash @spideystan:** ur supposed to be on my side

**> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:**

**> >>>>> flash @spideystan:** ur not a top tho

 **> >>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** are u implying u are

 **> >>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** WAIT A MINUTE,,,, if YOURE a bottom,,, and IM a bottom,,, then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE?????

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbaarker tweeted:** hey that’s a real sexy coping mechanism u got there… u mind if I uhh… steal it

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** when u accidentally tell Steve about hentai “everybody makes mistakes”

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** accidentally letting ur uncle hellbent on world domination take over ur multi billion dollar weapons company “everybody makes mistakes”

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** I like this coping mechanism I think I’ll take it

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** u want my other ones too?

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** sorry May said no

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** ive never seen **@assgard** and **@spidertheman** in the same room. coincidence?

 **> snek @lowkey: **that's suspicious..... that's WEIRD

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** isleeps

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted: **zzzzzzz

 **> > bucket @jbabybares:** u snore too loud


	113. it’s time to stop thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me and max watched the devil all the time and let's just say we need to learn how to read content warnings! -ri

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** calling all the monsters will forever be THAT song. it’s the halloween song to end all halloween songs. i want china anne mcclain to Know the cultural impact it had. 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** daredevil is the mr stark of the defenders

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **iron fist is literally a billionaire ?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **yeah but he's super powered, and you and dd aren't and still somehow manage to be the baddest bitches of your teams

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **i'm NOT tearing up right now NO

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** today we're getting back to our roots <3

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yeehaw

 **> nat @spidermom: **that's great bc your roots are really starting to look a little dry

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **depression ???

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **yes

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** i think he meant the great one 

**> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **are we gatekeeping depression now

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **idk my therapist said my depression was pretty great

 **> snek @lowkey: **if we're going back to our roots does that mean,,, no thank u 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **da vinky ?

 **> > vis @2020vision: **da vinky?

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** when red got you acting up... EMERGENCY MEATING

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **so we're horny for among us now?

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** anyone else thinking what i'm thinking

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** probably not

 **> > snek @lowkey: **barron trump. in the white house. by himself

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **not following

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **HOME ALONE REENACTMENT LETS GOOOO

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** what's my contact name in your phone

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **bucket, sam is mop

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **bitch 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **bamfy!

 **> nat @spidermom: **knife emoji

* * *

 **clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** and we're fighting in the grocery store and i love you but i don't know if i like you any more

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **say what you will but this was the REAL fuck 2020 anthem

 **> jared @jareddude: **real. 

* * *

**trisha @trisha tweeted:** IM FREEEE!!! WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY FUCKING LIFE

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **me escaping hydra

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **me, 1991

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **me crashing a plane and dying

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **me getting un-snapped

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **me after every single mission ever

 **> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **me getting divorced

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **WOAHHH this one's too universal

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i'm a trendsetter

* * *

 **clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted: @spidertheman** are we gatekeeping trauma now 

* * *

**val @valhalen tweeted:** god might be dead

 **> snek @lowkey: **but?

 **> > val @valhalen: **but what?

 **> captain better @marvelous: **you're so dramatic

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** are you the main character of this film. if not, ask yourself why that is and what you can do to remedy this

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **everyone is indifferent about the main character anyway, i wanna be the side character everyone loves

 **> > flash @spideystan: **this works out bc i wanna be the side character everyone hates

 **> >> stephen @shortforstepheneas: **well boy do i have good news for the both of you!


	114. once more. baby, you shalt strike me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ri and i keep hearing doors slam of their own accord,,, im finna re-kill this mf for interrupting my tinkerbell marathon TWICE -max

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** Kimmy Schmidt. Yes

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** no

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** it has 18 emmy nominations have u seen anything with 18 Emmy nominations?

 **> >> tony stank @iamiornman:** uh this ASS

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine:** I can vouch

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** how many stars does Emo the musical have

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair:** 5

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** hmm doubtful

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** it has 5 stars in my heart ❤️

* * *

**heckley @guyinthechair tweeted:** god I’m such a SLUT for baked beans

 **> snek @lowkey:** ur a slut

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** and what of it

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeeted:** wait a minute,,, if YOURE a super soldier,,, and HES a super soldier,, then WHOS THE BOTTOM????

 **> Stevn G. Rogers @captainamerica:** u

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** no I’m built different

 **> >> bucket @jbaybarnes:** now is when I raise my hand

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Sebastian Stan 😀👍👍

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** uh yeah my bfs and i are close we finish each others-

 **> heckley @getrkektbymypotatogun: **off

 **> > snek @lowkey: **a cliff

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** adam sandler sang hamilton?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **who??

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **yk adam sandler???

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **sorry no idk who that is

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman:** yk the guy whos always simping for jennifer aniston

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **,,, agent hill???

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** ig u could say he's pretty fly (for a white guy)

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers** **@captainamerica tweeted:** as surely as the sun rises in the sky, so do i rise for james buchanan barnes

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **pp?

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **yes but stfu

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** Terrence from tinkerbell was a himbo pass it on

 **> heckley @getkrebtmymypotatogun: **what did u just say

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **much to think about

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: I FORGOT TO ADD THE CONTEXT THAT BRUCE’S TWEET IS ABOUT MIKE PENCE LMAOOOO MY BAD


	115. minho is the real main character

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :)) this house is 100% haunted lmaoo it’s great -ri

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** i think there are some major plot holes in the premise of the maze runner 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **??? do tell us bc the way i see it it’s a masterpiece 

**> > snek @lowkey: **most of these bitches were teenagers right ? you’re telling me none of these horny/hormonal teenage boys fucked 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i love your dumbass but maybe sometimes stop being such a dumbass? just a suggestion! xo

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** do you ever feel

 **> nat @spidermom: **no

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **like a plastic bag

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **drifting through the wind 

**> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **wanting to start again

 **> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **do you ever feel 

**> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **like a house of cards

 **> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **one blow from caving in 

**> >>>>>> val @valhalen: **do you ever feel already buried deep

 **> >>>>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **LAST FRIDAY NIGHT

 **> >>>>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **GOD FUCKING DAMMIT HARLEY THIS AGAIN

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** me and bae circa the accords: 

**> rhodey @whoremachine: **JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **I WANT YOU IN JAIL 

**> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAILL

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **FROM NOW UNTIL YOURE IN HELL 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **this seems a little harsh 

**> > falcon @thebestbird: **meh

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** IM GAY AND IM PROUD

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **what is this a spongebob episode

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i can’t believe we can just manifest kinks

 **> nat @spidermom: **knifeplay knifeplay knifeplay 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **knifeplay is hot knifeplay is sexy

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **and then BOOM kink

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **da kinky?

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** they call me captain UN bc i didn’t fight the accords

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **me = built different 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **i have a serum too bitch you’re just an ass sometimes 

**> >> falcon @thebestbird: **lmaoo rest in piss steve’s dignity 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **did he have any before 

**> >>>> roger @rogerstevens: **definitely not 

**> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **begone steven 

* * *

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** noo dont piss on the floor you’re so sexy ahaha

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pls stop joking about omorashi bc then loki and i need to deal w the consequences 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** wishing i came from one of those hallmark families, yk the ones

 **> flash @spideystan: **i too wish my dad was santa

 **> harry @hoesborn: **i too wish my family had christmas traditions. we don’t even eat in the same room lolol

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **twins omg 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ghosts in max’s house: 
> 
> me to them: are we about to kiss right now


	116. til idk how to scramble eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The American Conservative @amconmag tweeted: Former Shield agent and recently retired Avenger Clint Barton regularly flies state of the art quinjets across America. For what reasons would the Avengers need to bring the sniper out of retirement for these regular flights?
> 
> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: it's called "flying 21'st century kites" dumbass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reasons Chris Pine should’ve played Peter Quill instead of Chris Pratt
> 
> 1\. He doesn’t have the emotional range of a teaspoon  
> 2\. He knows Anne Hathaway  
> 3\. He knows Gal Gadot  
> 4\. He knows Julie andrews  
> 5\. And after playing Chris Pratt, I mean Peter quill, he’ll know Zoe Saldana (Gamora)  
> 6\. He’s more attractive than Chris Pratt  
> 7\. But he’s only more attractive than Chris Pratt because he’s not an asshole that we know of  
> 8\. He’s not an asshole  
> 9\. Quill wouldn’t be the cause of half the universes death, had Chris pine been the one to play him  
> 10\. There would be a Christmas tree in stark tower, a Pine tree, if you will  
> 11\. Could you imagine the jokes Tony would make about 10. Holy shit  
> 12\. I’m in love with him -ri  
> 13\. Have you seen him? Holy shit -max

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** just found out Wyoming is a real place :(

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **someone lied to u

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **someone had to tell him

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **someone lied to u too

 **> >> tony stank @iamiornman: **ik its real bc unfortunately ive been there

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the first step is acceptance

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** simping for spider-man isnt a moment, it's a lifestyle,,, a reason to breathe,, an escape from this evil world full of thieves, .,. it's a n art.....,, the first gift u open on xmas,,., a hug from a loved one,, a bl

* * *

 **wanda @scarletwitch tweeted:** thrilled to announce that i will be giving up! i'm done with self care and have moved on to self-destruction. thank you for all your support but i have decided to be a problem.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **proud of u

 **> ned :) @becrimedogay: **thank u for coming out to us queen

* * *

 **shield @shieldsnotdead tweeted:** take crime to the movie theater and finger her in the back row. i miss you dot

 **> fury @fastandfuryous: **who the hell is this

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **it's a mystery

 **> >> fury @fastandfuryous: **bitch dont u have a job how are u running 3 accounts

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i guess we'll never know

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **whos dot

* * *

 **The American Conservative @amconmag tweeted:** Former Shield agent and recently retired Avenger Clint Barton regularly flies state of the art quinjets across America. For what reasons would the Avengers need to bring the sniper out of retirement for these regular flights?

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **it's called "flying 21'st century kites" dumbass

 **> > nat @spidermom: **you tell em!

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** finally finished the prototype for the invisibility cloak from harry potter. **@7phdsindebt** your move

* * *

 **shield @shieldsnotdead tweeted:** my dick is bigger than the surveillance state and harder than it is to hide from it

 **> fury @fastandfuryous: @jbabybarnes **its you

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **what gave it away

 **> >> fury @fastandfuryous: **steve would never admit to having bde

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine:** saw an old SNL skit today with spidey, the hulk, the flash, superman, and spider woman. **@spidertheman @7phdsindebt** **@jessyjess** y'all met spiderman and the flash?

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **thats rlly weird since we're from diff studios but i dig it

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **i thought i blocked u

 **> dean of awesome @jessysjess: **im not ready for this convo 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine: **that's fair

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **who

 **> banner @7phdsindebt:** the flash and superman arent real thats what we have steve for

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **if i were superman i simpy would not let kryptonite affect me

 **> >> banner @7phdsindebt: **if u were superman u probably wouldnt jump off of planes without a parachute either

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **if u were superman u would be able to fly. and doesnt he have lasers in his eyes too?

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **get him.

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **this superman guy seems too powerful good thing he isn't real and we are

 **> >>>> heckley @getkrektbymypotatogun: **who's gonna tell him

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** someone give me a crash course on who the flash is 

** > peter with a b @beterbarker: **he go zoom

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **there's a lot of them but the most well known is barry allen. google is your friend now.

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **wow thanks for the help nerds

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **arent u a himbo?

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **and proud

 **> flash @spideystan: **im the flash

 **> > ned :) @guyinthehcair:**not now eugene

 **> > harry @hoesborne: **no ur eugene

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **no YOURE eugene

**> >>> harry @hoesborne: **

****

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** successfully created veritaserum from harry potter. alternatively known as 4 shots of slightly watered down Everclear. **@iamironman** the ball is in your court.

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i made the broomstick fly **@iamironman @7phdsindebt** ur turn

 **> tony stank @iamironman:** brooms are so outdated

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **im so tired what do u WANT from me

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** make the roomba fly, coward

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **FLYING ROOMBA

 **> >>> betty @bbrandt: **a roomba flew around my room before u came excuse the mess it made

 **> >>>> flash @spideystan: **if its a roomba then why did it MAKE a mess

**> >>>>> betty @bbrandt: **

****

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** you’ve heard of Superman now get ready for Superguy

 **> heckley @getkrektbymypotatogun:** sounds like superGAY 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** **@jbabybarnes** that’s ur cue

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** wait I wasn’t ready

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** you’ve heard of Superman now get ready for Superguy

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:**

**> > spiderman @spidertheman: **oh to see without my eyes

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i think its time i finally delete twitter

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** imagine following me bc u think im funny and cool and then boom 83 tweets featuring harley being horny

 **> flash @spideystan: **no one thinks ur cool or funny

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** ur right but fuck u anyway

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** what happens if i oversleep for my 6am class

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ill set my alarm for 5;55 and call ur ass 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker:** howd i KNOW you would say that

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** be we're bffs!!! BEST FUCKIN FRIENDS

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **broke fuckin freaks

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **BROKE FUCDCKIN FREAKS

 **> >>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **bitches frying fish

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** broke fuckin fiends

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **bitches feeling fine

 **> >>>>>>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **ur better at this than i am

 **> >>>>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **thanks i ripped u off

* * *

 **vis @2020vision tweeted: @scarletwitch** you make my software hardware

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i see u followed harley on here. any last words

 **> > vis @2020vision: **daddy

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i hated every second of editing this [the picture of bucky as superguy]  
> ri: WHY WOULD YOU  
> ri: NEVER DO THIS AGAIN  
> ri: DELETE IT  
> me: I WILL N O T


	117. productivity? who's she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay listen,,,, i'm watching season 7 of the 100 and IF BELLAMY BLAKE IS ACTUALLY DEAD I WILL FUCKING RIOT anyway how is everyone hope you're doing okay xx -ri

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i'm a licensed freak

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **is that what we call therapy now

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **as in certified freak

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **is there a test

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah i liked studying for it

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ****@beterbarker** do you need a study buddy

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **shut the entire fuck up

* * *

 **flash @spideystan tweeted:** my father, treasurer of the home owners association, would NOT be happy to hear about this

 **> flash @spideystan: **in fact, he would be very displeased 

**> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **babe, sweetheart, is he ever even home

 **> >> flash @spideystan: **. 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** good night to people with daddy issues **@iamironman**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **girls under 5'2 **@spidermom**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **people who project onto fictional characters in an unhealthy amount... you know who you are

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **sexy bitches **@beterbarker**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **anyone who has under $20 in their bank account **@jbabybarnes**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **unemployed bastards **@thatbitchfrancis**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **people who miss going to the library **@7phdsindebt**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **anyone who read warrior cats books in their youth **@tchallaofwakanda**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **people who identified with jack from the magic treehouse series as a kid **@thebestbird**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **el gee bee tees **@theavengers**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **girls with no ass :( **@whoremachine**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **anyone who had an obsession with orlando bloom as a preteen **@scarletwitch**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **lipgloss wearers **@spicypepper**

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **and people who desperately need to get RAILED **@captainamerica @2020vision**

 **> > vis @2020vision: **i'm just happy to be included

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **yeah don't get used to it

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** **@spidertheman** omg stop hitting on me... or don't 😏

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **the murder i'm about to commit

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** can't believe i wasn't the sexy bitch, i'm the SEXIEST BITCH, BITCH

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** haha don't kill me?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **what is with all the death references today

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **idk but i'm here for it

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** desperately ✍️ needs to ✍️ get ✍️ railed

 **> falcon @thebestbird:** don't you ever get tired of airing our sex life out to the world

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **no i can't say that i do

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **yes but i can't stop him

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **seggs

 **> >> scott @antman: **seggsy bitches

 **> >>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **seck see, segg sea

 **> >>>> scott @antman: **seqsue

* * *

 **double d @daredevil tweeted:** so deadpool said that he'd explain text acronyms to me so if you see that mind your business thank you

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **i got you 

* * *

**double d @daredevil tweeted:** lmao 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **let's make an ostrich

 **> > double d @daredevil: **then what's lmfao

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc:** let's meet for an orgy

 **> >>> double d @daredevil: **presumptuous of you

* * *

 **double d @daredevil tweeted:** rt

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **rabies toddlers

 **> > double d @daredevil: **isn't that just normal toddlers

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** peter, WAP, they just go together

 **> double d @daredevil: ****@babymerc** what's this one

 **> > currently unaliving people @babymerc: **that one is 'went and peed', sweetcheeks

* * *

 **double d @daredevil tweeted:** aita

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **are insects technically alive

 **> > scott @antman: **bro wtf

* * *

 **ned :) @guyintehchair tweeted:** **@beterbarker** and i are watching heathers. god we wish we were heather.

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **nvm

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **speak for yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how y'all read this every week like ?? are y'all okay


	118. teen drinking is a crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> netflix? $8.99/mo. laughing at sebastian stan in the doorway murder scene of devil all the time? priceless. -max

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** I'm not saying im the strongest avenger but did u see me with mjolnir?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ik ur a cancer but ur acting like a fucking leo

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **LMAOOOO

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **wait

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ok mr pisces fuck u too

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes:** aww shes a leo? :(( aww

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **if it looks like a duck

 **> >>>> mj @becrimesdogay: **didnt u ask if the goose from aflac was a duck

 **> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** NOT AFLAC

 **> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **mj..

 **> >>>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **she hit him with the "this u?" lmaoooo

* * *

**flash @spideystan tweeted:** the way spidey make me feel

 **> mj @becrimesdogay: **the word ur looking for is scaroused

 **> > flash @spideystan: **thanks

 **> >> mj @becrimesdogay: **dont mention it

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker:** no i think we should,, wtf

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** **@jbabybarnes @thebestbird** you make me scaroused

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **thanks??

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** im so tired. so so tired

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **take a nap then silly!

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** me 3 days into a work binge trying to spell wensday

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **wednesday

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **wrong, actually

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **actually mr stark its whensday

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **kid ur a GENIUS

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **peter has also been in the lab for days

* * *

**shield @shieldsnotdead tweeted:** don't give up. know ur worth.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **51 camels

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **how do u even calculate that

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **66 camels

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **u cant just let me win can u

 **> > thor @assgard: **73

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **fuck u

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **NO

 **> > rocket @funkylookingcat: **i am worth 1445 camels

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **hmm seems fake

 **> >>> rockey @funkylookingcat: **i can assure u that i am 100% serious

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i should read harry potter

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i should fucking die

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **woah there champ

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** next time i die it will be from being super cool and awesome

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **next time?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i have every intention of haunting avengers tower at some point

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **no i mean NEXT time??

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **yeah thats what i said

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i can NOT believe ri and i were indirectly called out by rdj and mark ruffalo abt bullying crisp rat. holy shit. anyway, yall got any suggestions for this fic? im tired


	119. don’t forget to drink water folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is UP i am sleep deprived, dehydrated, and stressed ! -ri

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i am dehydrated as FUCK but will i be drinking water,,,, no

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **my body is going to learn to work with what i give her <3

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i am going to fight these demons 

**> thor @assgard: **there are demons on the human earth ?

 **> > sneak @lowkey: **...yes. yes there are.

 **> > val @valhalen: **thor you fucking dumbass 

**> >> captain better @marvelous: **babe be nice

 **> >>> val @valhalen: **but listen to him, i’m not wrong 

**> >>>> thor @assgard: **don't be fucking rude

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** whew this trauma is much more deep rooted than i thought

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if someone shows up to my funeral that you KNOW i hated,, punch that fucker. it’s what i would have wanted. 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **you’re such a messy bitch.. i love it 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine: **oh but when IM messy suddenly i’m “over dramatic”

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **you said that if someone tried to speak to you on a tuesday you would make them eat sardines. sardines, rhodey! 

**> >>> rhodey @whoremachine: **i didn’t even threaten physical violence ?? and tuesdays are stupid of course i said that 

**> snek @lowkey: **i’ll do you one better, stab

 **> > nat @spidermom: **i can get behind that

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** visited my hometown this weekend. wish i’d been high for it 😗✌🏻

 **> snek @lowkey: **do u want cuddles 

**> > heckled @getrektbymypotatogun: **...later, rn i could go for throwing knives at a target

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **hell yeah meet you in the gym 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i’m down 

**> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **peter ??? and knife throwing ??? 

**> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i just put up w a dumbass in a spider suit for 12+ hours i need this,, and if harley needs this then we’re doing it 

**> >>>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **aw darling

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i have two (2) flaws

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **bullshit

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **just the two ?

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **1) i exist 2) i cannot express my feelings in a comprehensible way

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **those sound like strengths to me!

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **they would

 **> > flash @spideystan: **3) three letters off from penis porker

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** if you're gonna stand on a curb with a honk for trump sign be prepared to get flipped off by people i'm js why'd they act so surprised

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** yk that part of flawless by beyonce where she goes "HAHAAA" that's the only thing happening in my brain

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** me but with nicki minaj's laugh in blazin' 

**> > harry @hoesborn: **hope u can take the heat like lebron 

**> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **mine is the background music barbie dreams

* * *

 **harry @hoesborn tweeted:** sometimes i think about doing the things i'm supposed to do... but then i just end up taking a nap instead <3

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** it really do be like that sometimes

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **at least you're not like me and do the things but forget to drink water in the meantime 

**> > harry @hoesborn: **i'm actually both so,, HA beat that

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **this is not a competition... 

**> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** and if it was tony would win 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so max and i have decided to end this fic at the end of the year, so that’s why the chap count is updated. we will hopefully be making a series of social media/chat fics, it’s just this one got a little out of hand lmao


	120. stop perceiving me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all should give us some good usrnames/nicknames for the characters in our next chat fic :)) spoiler: its a college gc au-max

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** who replaced my lab computer with an arby's tv

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i got it on FB market from a guy who got it on ebay. u like?

 **> > flash @spideystan: **i lost my job at arby's bc of u

 **> >> peter with a b @beternbarker: **no u lost ur job at arby's bc u kept putting pico de gallo in my french dip

 **> >>> flash @spideystan: **i sure did, and id do it again

* * *

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:**

grain of rice: 5.51 mm

worlds smallest computer: 0.3 mm

my will to live: not significant enough for measurement

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** got an OF only thing on there is locks of my hair rn

 **> potat @sdfjhdfjh: **$75 for a lock of hair?

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **ik my worth

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** who is megan and why are her knees so important

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i cant do this today

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** beat my meat boy and free my soul

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatpgun: **I WANNA GET LOST IN YOUR ROCKIN HOLE

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **and drift awayyy

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** do u wanna see uncle kracker or no

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **uncle kracker??? is that god

 **> >>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **yes

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** bucky and the beast

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **beauty and the bucky

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **beauty IS the bucky

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **ok hun

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** im gonna go do my hw for once so i dont have to read this cursed shit

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **where am i

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **miss pots?

 **> >> potts @spicypepper: **think again

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ur the lamp then steve

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **THE LAMP?????

 **> >>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **never insinuate that im french ever again. also hes a candle holder.

 **> >>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **LUMINEER IS A CANDELABRA PUT SOME RESPECT ON HIS NAME

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i am invested now. is spidey chip? i feel like spidey is chip

 **> nat @spidermom: **whos the wardrobe

 **> > tony stank @iamironman:** u? who am i

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **duster for sure

 **> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **im the horse yk the one

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **say what u will but gaston represents hydra

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** y’all are talking about the first note of the black parade… can we take a second to talk about the whiplash of the first note of Dora the explorer

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** 🐶 what  🐶 is  🐶 love  🐶 baby  🐶 don’t  🐶 hurt  🐶 me  🐶

**> falcon @thebestbird:** every tweet is a new battle

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** captain ireland makes his debut as the right hand man of superguy

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** YESSSSSS

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **its definitely you!

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** hey

**> tony stank @iamironman: **i am begging you guys to stop

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** ive decided in order to repay my debts to planet earth i will make it my mission to end all cancers

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **wow, im proud of you

 **> > snek @@lowkey: **thank you, after that i'll go for Scorpio

 **> snek @lowkey: @captainamerica** whats ur current location

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im never going to forgive ri for holding me at gunpoint for the kilt!steve edits


	121. somebody tell my brain to do it’s job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did y’all let me get to the ripe age of adult not knowing that elvis was in the fucking military ??? hmmm riddle me THAT -ri

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** why adult when can die 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: **why say more word when less word do trick

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** hey please check out this thread on what’s going on in poland and how you can help! 

[What’s Going On In Poland](https://twitter.com/wallsoffalling/status/1320838011668619265?s=21)

[What’s going on in Poland ](https://twitter.com/pasteloux/status/1319939249840455680?s=21)

[Poland carrd ](https://abortion-in-poland.carrd.co/)

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** okay nevada this is getting a little ridiculous let’s speed it up babey

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **peters grandpa could count faster than this

 **> > flash @spideystan: **peters grandpa is dead, so this seems insensitive 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **wdym captain america is right there ???

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **also why are u talking about things being insensitive lmao 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** election anxiety is killing me and i, 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker: **but really a week long of election anxiety is not it buddy it’s NOT 

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: @lowkey **get the snacks, i’ll get the blankets, **@iamironman** queue up the movies and bring rhodey it’s movie night 

**> >> snek @lowkey: **other people are invited but i’m not grabbing snacks for you 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i humbly accept this kind invite 

**> >>>> mj @becrimedogays: **the rest of the gang is also in

* * *

**Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** i stg if pennsylvania doesn’t GET ITS SHIT TOGETHER

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i’d say language but honestly i’m with you on this one enough to not tease you guys please i’m begging 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** if georgia goes blue... just know i’m gonna be on some timothee chalamet shit 😏

 **> spiderman @spideryheman: **i wish deeply and with all of my heart that i did not understand this reference 

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** why can’t we just go purple i love purple 

* * *

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** look idk about you guys but when you’re running a country i think a big part of that is keeping the people in the country alive

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **i’m just saying

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** alright kids before we vilify southern states for turning red let’s remember the extreme amount of gerrymandering and voter suppression that is put in place to keep these states from turning blue

* * *

**double d @daredevil tweeted:** what if we, and hear me out, what if we abolished the electoral college 

**> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **but then how would republicans win the presidency 😢

* * *

**thor @assgard tweeted:** on a (semi) lighter note taylor swift’s all too well is an honest to me masterpiece

 **> thor @assgard: **have a lovely day/night everyone <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAX LOANED ME CARRY ON AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABT THOSE BOOKS PLEASE I CANT DEAL 😭


	122. bibble is actually my legal guardian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started drawing again after a year. forgot how talented i am. anyway here's an early update.-max

**ckit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** should i be hiring a 17 year old to hack into the mcdonalds database and bring back the rick and morty sauce? no. am i? that's a secret ill never tell.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** xoxo, gossip girl

 **> nat @spidermom: **you definitely should not be doing that i'm going to smack you with a lint roller

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **a clint roller

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **youre not funny

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** spidey is by far the most dramatic avenger

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **this is tony erasure

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **this is BUCKY erasure

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **this is steve erasure

 **> >>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **lets all just take a second to acknowledge dr strange and wanda

* * *

 **harry @hoesborne tweeted:** save the turtles? nah, i say let em die! let em die, let em die, let em shrivel up and die!

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **replace turtles with spiders! let me die, let me die, let me shrivel up and die!

* * *

 **bunce @pennynickeldime tweeted: @jbabybarnes** whats ur account of how u three got together

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i came back from wakanda and finally got to properly meet sam wihtout being on the run and steve said "this is one of my best friends, sam" and i was like?? that rlly weird bc i aint never seen two pretty best friends

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** did i just get rickrolled

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **ITS ALWAYS ONE OF EM GOTTA BE UGLY YES SIR

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i cant believe my vote for joe went out the window

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **but biden won???

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i wasnt talking about biden

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **then which joe

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **:)

 **> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **oh no

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** new game, finish the famous quote: "you can't handle-"

 **> bucket @babybarnes: **"-your caffeine, bucky, you can't keep challenging tony in shot gunning those canned starbucks espressos."

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i was gonna say "the truth" but i think bucky is onto something

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i won't be an adult for as long as i'm eating string cheese. follow me 4 more tax evasion tips

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** im so tired of steve and the apple pie he brings every single thanksgiving. yeah it tastes like heaven in a crust but does he know other pies exist??

 **> captain better @marvelous: **god. steve probably fucking thinks water is wet too doesnt he. what an asshole

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **leave my opinions on water out of this

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **are we ganging up on steve again? he wears socks to bed

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **whats wrong with wearing socks to bed

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **you would do that wouldnt you

 **> > falcon @thebestbird:** at least steve closes the toilet seat

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **HEY

* * *

 **stephen @shortforstepheneas tweeted:** i want apple juice

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **why are we fucking five

 **> avengers @theavengers: **I like your funny words magic man!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **AH FUCK QWRONT ACCIHNT

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **NOO NOT AGAIN

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogay: **yall out here making fun of mr barnes and mr rogers for their accounts but peter is out here doing the most

* * *

 **avengers @theavengers tweeted:** steve's actual birthday is october 28 which makes him a scorpio pass it on

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **nat you promised

 **> > nat @spidermom: **i didnt say a damn thing

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **sam??

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **no!! have some faith in me. if i were gonna snitch id do it on an insta boomerang. 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **dont look at me like that

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** the only redeemable astrological sign is pisces no i dont take criticism

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ur fucking about to

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **such a leo thing to say

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** people with peanut allergies are the weak link

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **she says like she isnt lactose intolerant

 **> > mj @becrimedogay: **take ur overpriced almond butter and leave

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** dont ask me how i know this but pearl from spongebob is definitely an anti-masker

 **> heckley @getektbymypotatogun: **so is larry the lobster

 **> > snek @lowkey: **i feel like i should add karen just bc of her name but shed never be that dumb

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **plankton for bernie

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **sandy for bernie as well

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **would spongebob be one of those min wage workers who think they can work their way up to being a billionaire if they just Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: My mom asked why I was drinking tomato sauce from the can and I said “it’s not illegal” and she said “why are you so mean about everything” make it make sense
> 
> Ri: “it’s not illegal” yeah but maybe it should be


	123. stayin... alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i've been listening to the same 3 songs for weeks now, how is everyone else -ri

**heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** mitski said be the cowboy and i simply said how high 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i actually can't function today

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **you're typing on your phone right now ?

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're so old, mind your business

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **he means he can't accomplish anything today

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **THANK YOU

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **he just sent a tweet tho ? that's an accomplishment is it not ?

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i will reiterate: if you are old, mind your business

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** since everyone (cough, dumbasses, cough) seems confused, an example of an accomplishment would be getting out of bed, which i have not done

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** google history go

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **'is it weird to rewatch john cena wrestling match and wish it were me he was putting in a choke hold'

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **how do i go back to before i read this

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **'is bunny jenna marbles dog'

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **'be honest am i cooler than peter'

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **what were the results

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **no, obviously

 **> >>> jj @specialagent: **that's literally spiderman ???? how tf is anyone cooler than him

 **> >>>> shuri @imadelightsabers: **well this is awkward

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i have never and will never listen to country music

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **what do you call lil nas x

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **doja cat ???

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **put some respect on taylor swift's name

 **> snek @lowkey: **i can't believe i'm about to say this and i blame **@getrektbymypotatogun,** but you're just gonna ignore our murderous queen carrie underwood ?

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** fine if i'm not allowed to kill myself i'll just have to take down the entire united states government

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** i am on board for this redirection lets GOOOO

 **> stephen @shortforstepheneas:** just remember to clean them all out, we don't want them regrouping and rebuilding the shitty system we have now

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **that won't be a problem

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** big heart, bigger ass

* * *

 **leaf @iamleaf tweeted:** let your predictive text finish the sentence! "i want to-" **@theavengers**

 **> nat @spidermom: **i turned mine off, can't have it giving away my secrets

 **> harry @hoesborn: **i want to take a nap 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i want to km- oop

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i want to sit on- nevermind

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **"i want to fuck your mom" wow weird but true!

 **> flash @spideystan: **i just want to be appreciated

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **we know flash

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **i want to fuck with the avengers

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i want two shots of tequila

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **silly goose! you know it won't work!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **it's vodka

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i know my alcohol

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i want to learn how to shoot whiskey because i can't fail carrie underwood

 **> > snek @lowkey: **surrender to the fruity little drink side, it's fun over here ;)

 **> >> ned :) @guyinthechair: **i can name another fruity little thing

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **stop that

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **i want to go one day without needing to scream into a pillow

* * *

 **pepper @spicypepper tweeted:** does anyone wanna know how rhodey responded to tony confessing his feelings bc i can sum it up using a tiktok sound

**> pepper @spicypepper: **

rhodey: you're a player aren't you and i bet you got hoessss

tony: you don't know me like that

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **yeah pretty much

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **why would you expose me like this

* * *

 **val @valhalen tweeted:** alright until next time, i leave you all with this: don't be a richard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> max: at least i’m not a fucking scorpio 
> 
> me, with my scorpio moon and rising: 🤠


	124. sfjdjfdjfjfgjfjdmdfj

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so short, I’ve had a lot of stuff going on :( -max

**banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** how high are you today?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **great question! I actually don't know how to fly a plane

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted: @funkylookingcat** hows the weather down there rat man lol

 **> rocket @funkylookingcat: **cloudy with a chance of fuck you

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** when she said "fuck your tunnels fuck your cars fuck your rockets fuck your cars again" roger taylor felt that

 **>** **betty @bbrandt:** NO BUT ISNT BRIAN MAY A ROCKET SCIENTIST

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **brian would fuck his rocket yes

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **stop tweeting so fast im having to cross reference my tiktoks and my spotify

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **i forgot he missed the 70's

 **> >>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **no STEVE missed the 70's, i watched through misty glasses from 2 continents over!

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **oh silly me

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **petition for peter to stfu about roger taylor

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i know 3 things: taylor swift, taylor lautner, and roger taylor!

 **> > roger @rogertaylor: **i'll sign the petition

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **omg roger ur my idol i have a friend named after u

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **that's not how that works

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** the hills are alive with the sound of music. theyre singing anaconda.

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i heard them singing wap ???

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** you heard wrong

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **my hearing is better thn yours..

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **what is this the olympics

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **y'all arent even in the same country rn shut up

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ok the HIMALAYAS are singing anaconda

 **> >>>>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **why would they know english

 **> >>>>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **'wHy wOuLd tHey KnoW EngLish'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: who taught peter quill's friends how to speak english  
> ri: rosetta stone


	125. wee woo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this weekend was certainly something -ri 
> 
> disclaimer: this chapter will contain jokes abt a seizure see endnote as to Why.

**tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i miss the brief period in which i had a regular sleep schedule

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **what is biden going to do about the sun going down at 5 pm

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** sometimes i watch scenes where parents are v loving even though they don't Get It and i want to cry. but i don't! bc i'm emotionally repressed

 **> harry @hoesborn: **those always feel fake 

**> > snek @lowkey: **yeah there's no way parents like that exist lmao 

* * *

**mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** so looking up the original black dahlia pics was a mistake

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **pls why would you do that

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **idk i'm full of bad ideas

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i get bored and it's like BOOM snack time

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **come for my neck like that again and thanksgiving is cancelled

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **you can't cancel socially acceptable to eat all day day, samuel

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **i hate that you're right

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **don't you always

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** funny i was just saying how i needed a break from work

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i'm not sure that this counts as a break

 **> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **what does spiderman say? i manifested that shit?

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **i don't think having a seizure and then not being able to work for a week counts as manifesting a break

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **i got my week off did i not

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** i guess the avengers' personalities based on what their moms look like. no constructive criticism please.

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @iamironman **rich

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **that's not a personality trait

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **fine then, whore

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @whoremachine **kind

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @captainamerica **stubborn

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @jbabybarnes** unhinged

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: ****@marvelous** lovely, amazing, exceptional 

**> spiderman @spidertheman: @valhalen **i've never seen your mother so my answer is god

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @assgard @lowkey** golden boy, problem child respectively

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: @spidermom **badass 

* * *

**clit @thatbitchfrancis tweeted:** oh no! my only weakness! shrek ever after!

 **> nat @spidermom: **ever notice how you look like him

 **> > clit @thatbitchfrancis: **nat,,, you were supposed to be my partner

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **doesn't mean i have to think your stupid face looks nice

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** anyone else remember when they'd go see their grandparents and their siblings or cousins were also there so suddenly YOU were the stupid bitch to your grandparents? what a time

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **is this a universal thing or

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **idk mr stark i never met my grandparents!

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** are there people that don't cope through humor? genuine question. bc all my friends do. 

**> falcon @thebestbird: **you and your friends should get better coping mechanisms perhaps. see a therapist

 **> > double d @daredevil: **are you offering

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird:** hell no i can't deal with all of yall's shit

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** i thought i was done collecting trauma but then i had a seizure

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** after a long, hard day of procrastinating and zoning out it sure feels good to crawl under my soft blankets and rub my freshly shaven legs together like a cricket

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **this is oddly specific and yet i still relate to every part of it

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** call me unhinged all you want. steve ate an entire rotisserie chicken in his car. 

**> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **james

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall,,  
> max: girl i just had a seizure 
> 
> max: like a literal seizure i’m going to hospital 
> 
> me: WHAT ARE YOU OKAY 
> 
> ps max is fine, any and all seizure jokes were made and/or approved by her


	126. Chapter 126

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for all the well wishes. im fine now ive just got v spotty memory (i keep telling ri jokes like 'we should put that in the fic' and she's like 'we already did'). n e ways. this one is for all the peeps out there stuck with their family for the holiday. unless ur not american in which case i envy u. -max

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** steve bit a pot and said "you put the thing that kills you between your teeth" how does the pot kill him

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **im gay you figure it out

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** chris evans is the hottest cap america no exceptions

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **woah slow down there

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **its ok u aren't exactly the fastest cheetah in the pound

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **its the asthma isnt it

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **if asthma jokes are insensitive. that's it.

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** my brain worked hard but the electroshock worked harder

* * *

 **furry king @tchallaofwakanda tweeted:** good morning cat boys! everyone else -- gm i guess :/ - T'challa

 **> furry king @tchallaofwakanda: **I did not tweet that! - T'challa

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **whoever could have done this

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** walk a mile in these louboutins

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: @tchallaofwakanda **

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** #theaterkidthings "if your husband left you for the lunch lady just shake it out!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ri: it's always "is max ok" never "omg ri ur so funny"  
> 


	127. under pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this week is TRASH i forgot my guacamole at max’s house, i’m supposed to study for finals, and i’m honestly just burnt out! (and the most tragic of these is the guac, it was so good) -ri

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** finals are right around the corner kids, say it we me. i’m wanted: dead or in agony.

* * *

 **mj @becrimedogays tweeted:** if i ever have to explain sounding to someone with a dick EVER again it'll be too soon

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **is that like a stereo system

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **everyday god tests me

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** coffee gives energy but not motivation that's a hate crime

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **have you tried streaking into traffic yet

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **i'm sorry have i tried what

 **> >> falcon @thebestbird: **damn bitch can't you read

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **guess i'm illiterate

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** missing the days when i wasn't aware of object permanence

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i learned steve is a scorpio and now i'll never be able to take him serious

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **you didn't take me serious before then either

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **yeah bc you were a cancer,, duh

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **rt

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **you're a pisces shut up

 **> >>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **leo is the only good zodiac

 **> >>>>> tony stank @iamironman: **no it isn't

 **> >>>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ok mr gemini

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **the way y'all know nothing about astrology and yet keep making jokes about it

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **does anyone really know anything about anything

 **> >> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **idk but the authors sure don't <3

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** i'm tired of basing our personalities on the stars, let's base them on our favorite aquatic animal

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **mine is the blowfish what does that say about me

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you like when unsuspecting things go boom (with a purpose tho)

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **omg so true

 **> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **mine is a dolphin

 **> > snek @lowkey: **so you're a scorpio

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamreica: **this again

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you like rubber

 **> >> Steven G. Rogers @captainamreica: **THATS WORSE

 **> spiderman @spidertheman:** i think mine is the mermaid

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you were genuinely upset when you didn't get your hogwarts acceptance letter

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **WERE??? he still IS

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **mine is the beluga whale

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **you simply never miss

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **great white shark

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **god complex

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **and i was like we know but hey!

 **> snek @lowkey: **anyone who has a waterboarding kink

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **cancel culture's worst nightmare

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **isn't that like a war crime

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **war crimes turn me on

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** i'm a strong independent woman who doesn't need a kitchen

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **doesn't need a kitchen??? but then were will we put the microwave????

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **uhh up your ass??

 **> >> mj @becrimedogays: **nice

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** if i was lame would i be able to twerk laying down

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i'm the hottest sickly victorian boy on the block 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: how is ethereal pronounced i thought it was eth er ull
> 
> max: NO have you been saying it like that your whole life
> 
> me: and i’ll do it again BAP BAP


	128. someone tell miss gaga i love her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ri and i posted the first chap of our college au (which DOES have plot, tyvm) y'all should check it out -max

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i told tony i didnt want a red and gold arm and this fucker said "pain is temporary, swag is forever" >:(

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **you should know this more than anyone

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **i mean yeah it's true but red & gold??

 **> >> thor @assgard:** what's wrong with red and gold

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** yeah and next time u call me dumbass make sure u put 'no offense but' in front of it >:( my way, my way or the highway

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** u can renegade to anything if ur coordinated enough

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **jokes on u i dont know how to renegade

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **oh that's embarrassing

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** whoever told FRIDAY to blast Grant Macdonald over the lab speakers better get a calendar because their days are numbered

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** find it funny how her name is gnat but she's known as a spider

 **> nat @spidermom: **its nat

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **gnat. thats what i said.

 **> >> nat @spidermom: **nat. no g.

 **> >>> spiderman @spidertheman: **i like ur cut g

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **gnat

 **> >>>> nat @spidermom: **nat. without a g.

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **gnat u don't have a g on u? then what are wee gonna smoke later

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** im the liberal fruitcake ur mommy warned u abt

* * *

 **heckley @getrektybymypotatogun tweeted:** my ass is where the tex met the mex back in my junior year

 **> mj @becrimedogay: **someone gauge my eyes out with a fucking spoon

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** why are you taking your pants off i thought we were having a beyblade tournament >:( >:(

 **> microbella @wormutant: **spidey??????

 **> ****heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** the only thing ur turning on is ur pc >:( stop tiktoking and start minecrafting

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** billionaire playboy pihlanthroPUSSY hahahha

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **fan behavior

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** when he has some bitch named Calendar pinned to the wall 😔🖐 cant make a wife out of a hoe

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** when he’s got the periodic table pinned to the wall  😔✋🏻 can’t make a wife out of a FUCKING NERD 

**> falcon @thebestbird:** when he’s always got some bitch named shield on his arm  😔🤌 can’t make a wife out of a hoe

**> > captain better @marvelous:** lol

**> >> fury @fastandfuryous:** stfu 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** Sam that’s u now

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** o chet 

**> mj @becrimesdogay:** when she’s always got some bitchass blaster sleeves on her arms  😔😢 can’t make a wife out of a hoe 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** excuse me my blasters are bitchIN not bitchass 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if sebastian stan ends up being the reason why i break my 17 year star wars free streak i will be upset >:(


	129. i have emotional motion sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im doing you all a favor <3 -ri

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** listen. 

**> betty @bbrant: **...to what? 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **just listen. 

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i used to not like chocolate ice cream. now? i just don't like ice cream in general. that's character development.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **that's the exact opposite of character development

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'm lactose intolerant tho

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **not an excuse

 **> >>> snek @lowkey: **PUSSY ALERT

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **real lactose intolerant bitches make themselves lactose tolerant

 **> >>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **disclaimer: the authors do not support lactose intolerant people consuming lactose products and are in no way shape or form responsible should they decide to do it

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **mint chocolate chip ice cream tho

 **> > snek @lowkey: **you're a menace to society

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you try to take over the entirety of ny and yet somehow IM the menace to society? wow

 **> >>> tony stank @iamironman: **to be fair, you and your potato gun are a menace to society

 **> >>>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you just can't handle innovation

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:**

me without my red and gold arm: damn i wish i was swag

me with my red and gold arm: ahhh i'm so swag

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **ANTHONY EDWARD STARK WHAT DID YOU DO

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **sorry i'm getting old could you repeat that

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine: **it's true his hearing is declining in his old age

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **that's it

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** if you don't have a 'i can't function as a member of society' playlist what are you even doing

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **uhhh being mentally stable?

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **mentally stable? in this economy? 

**> mj @becrimedogays: **if you don't have a playlist of sad songs by women that make you scream at the top of your lungs,,, what are you even doing

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman: **you get it!

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **anyone else have a playlist that's just mostly taylor swift? just me?

 **> > snek @lowkey: **babe it's because you have issues

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **yeah we know

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **who doesn't

* * *

**peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** college students, are you making friends? in the middle of a panoramic? 

**> haha @lolhi: **are you making friends? full stop.

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **that's extremely valid and relatable, i felt that

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **haha lame ass 

**> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **get your pretty face out of my business

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **why should i 

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** thanks for listening :D

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **yw! i really liked the cricket sounds in the background, how'd you get them so realistic?

 **> > shuri @imadelightsabers: **live crickets!

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **ohh that makes sense, cool thanks

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **does anyone wanna explain what's going on here

 **> > snek @lowkey: **idk bees?

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **no one knows, actually 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more final tomorrow and then i'm out of hereeee. excited for winter break, not excited to go home!
> 
> ps this was short and not great im sorry i am tired and stressed, have a lovely week


	130. teardrops on my laptop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ri says i cant show y'all my photo collection of threatening toilets :( -max

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** bucky never ceases to amaze me with his crocs collection. 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: **respect the drip as the kids say

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** Rhodey just broke up with me hdhhdjyad

 **> rhodey @whoremachine: **babe i just saaid ABBA isnt my favorite band 

**> > tony stank @iamironman: **same thing

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** tag a friend who has committed a felony to be entered to win a $20 chipotle gift card!

**> tony stank @iamironman: @captainamerica @jbabybarnes @spidermom**

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **that backfired!

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **nice try but we aren't friends

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman:** thats fair

 **> > nat @spidermom: **and id do it again bop bop bop

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: ** **@lowkey @babymerc @daredevil @thatbitchfrancis @funkylookingcat**

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** drank an entire gallon of milk this morning

 **> heckley @getrkektbymypotatogun: **now why would u do that

 **> snek @lowkey: **TOUGH GUY ALERT!!

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **i cant win

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **did u put soy sauce in that too

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **should I 

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** and if ur gonna cook CHICKEN make sure it isnt PINK in the middle. my way, my way got me salmonella

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** Spider-Man’s web technique is lacking. Where’s the uniqueness? The tacky Christmas designs? 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I just talked to Spidey and he told me u need to stay in ur lane

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** no he didn’t. poser. 

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** He’s actually calling me now ☎️ hello? This is he. Hmm. Yes. Ok I’ll tell him

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: @jbabybarnes** spidey said to stay in ur lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> high hopes for 2021. i mean the bar is on the floor rn.


	131. at least i didn’t peak in high school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all heard 'dicked down in dallas' yet? no? you should -ri

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** swifties how we feeling after this year

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **bold of you to assume im feeling anything after the heart wrenching year we’ve had 

**> > snek @lowkey: **yeah that’s fair 

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** taylor swift said that nothing good starts in a getaway car but that's literally where mine and tony's relationship started

 **> pepper @spicypepper: **"good" is subjective. for example, your relationship is not good for me and my pr team

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **we're the exception babe, not the rule unfortunately 

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:**

me b4 sam custom ordered my cruggs: man i wish i was swag :(

me after sam custom ordered my cruggs: omg i'm so swag

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **burn the cruggs

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **as the kids say respect the drip

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **the kids do not say that

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **as the kids say sign the petition to burn the cruggs

 **> >>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **where do i sign

 **> >>>> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **i think maybe you should donate the cruggs to a very swag very cool local antihero

 **> >>>>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **but i already own them

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** burn the red and gold arm

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **jokes on you it can't be melted

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **that's stark tech for you, never malfuctioning when you want it to

 **> >> tony stank @iamironman: **no one ever wants tech to malfunction ??

 **> >>> nat @spidermom: **i can think of a few instances 

**> >>>> falcon @thebestbird: **ominous.

 **> >>>>> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **we ARE spies 

**> >>>>>> Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica: **you're not ominous in the slightest, no one even remembers you did spy work

* * *

 **nat @spidermom tweeted:** consider this: cruggs with separated toe pieces

 **> ****bucket @jbabybarnes: @thebestbird** my birthday is in 5 months that's really soon

 **> > falcon @thebestbird: **christmas is next week

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **with the usps in the state it's in?

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** you all took my stark tech malfunction tweet and ran the blueprints need to stop

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** in the spirit of the holidays i think we should all name one thing we're grateful for. i'll start: the family i've managed to find in the 21st century

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: **sam's enchiladas

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **rhodey bear <333

 **> nat @spidermom: **bucky's cruggs

 **> > spiderman @spidertheman:** not the cruggs

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i'm grateful for both my bio and non bio family and for the wicked ass suit mr stark made me

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **steve's ass

 **> banner @7phdsindebt: **i've got a lot to be grateful for, but at the top of the list has to be sam's enchiladas

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** tony

 **> > tony stank @iamironman: **aww babe 

**> pepper @spicypepper: **i, for one, am grateful for the amazing family dynamic this job and team has brought me into. and sam's enchiladas

 **> thor @assgard: **i have not tried these enchiladas that are being mentioned?

 **> > snek @lowkey: **maybe you should've come to the midgardian american thanksgiving maybe then you would know true gratefulness

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **bucky's cruggs are pretty neat

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **^^ someone get this kid verified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: do you think taylor's exes listen to songs she wrote about them like "damn ik this about me but it kinda slaps" 
> 
> max: didn't harry styles say he does exactly that
> 
> me: to be fair, all the songs written about him hit
> 
> ps thanks for reading happy holidays everyone <3


	132. I peaked in middle school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many jokes abt the accident I had last month but they’re all pretty,,, hit or miss 🤭🤭 -max

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** no damn way George Washington lived his whole life not knowing dinosaurs or bananas existed. no way.

* * *

**falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** “yeah, my name is James. yes, of course. J as in july, a as in apple, m as in the mitochondria, powerhouse of the cell-“ 

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** I couldn’t think of any other m words

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** mayhaps

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** that’s not a word what

**> tony stank @iamironman:** u used July but u didn’t use March? 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** yeah 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** “yeah that’s peter. p as in (and) peggy!, e as in eagle, t as in-“ 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** who even remembers the months of the day 

**> >> nat @spidermom:** idk people who weren’t tortured for 70+ years? 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** EXACTLY!

* * *

**snek @lowkey tweeted:** have you ever seen a birthday that just doesn’t rub you right? Because I have. To be exact, the day is January 26. Because of this, I’ve decided to start a petition to get rid of the 26th day of January (pt 1)

**> snek @lowkey:** \- with your help, we can cut back our year by a full day. That’s 24 hours. Doesn’t the number 364 feel so much better than 365? That’s what I thought. (Pt 2)

**> > snek @lowkey:** \- Imagine every new year, you think, “oh no, this month is the 26th of January!” Your day is ruined, right? Now, I know what you’re thinking. What about the birthdays that take place on January 26th? (Pt 3)

**> >> snek @lowkey:** \- the answer is simple. Your new birthday is the 25th of January. No need to thank me for giving you this immeasurably better birthday. Just sign the petition and all this and more could be yours. (Fin)

**> >>> shuri @imadelightsabers:** what why

**> >>>> snek @lowkey:** all part of my plan to eliminate Aquarius one day at a time

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** a fleshlight but it’s actually a pencil sharpener 

**> harry @hoesborne:** bold of u to assume i wouldn’t enjoy that 

**> > shuri @imadelightsabers:** electric or acoustic? It matters

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** u just lost The Game sorry :(

**> harry @hoesborne:** I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** U THOUGHT WRONG

**> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** at what point has this been brought up on twitter

**> >> spiderman @spidertheman:** text conversations exist yk

* * *

**rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i think he did it but i just can’t prove it 

**> falcon thebestbird:** yeah i ate the last of the cookies mind your business 

**> > rhodey @whoremachine:** I MADE THEM 

**> >> nat @spiderman:** oh no ig u have no choice but to make more

**> >> tony stank @iamironman:** oh nooo

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** in this house we stand for the flag  🏳️‍🌈 and kneel for the cross  ⚔️

**> Steve g. Rogers @captainamerica:** and for jesus too 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** who tf let jesus into our home

**> >> falcon @thebestbird:** i think he meant you 

**> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes:** u know what that means

**> >>>> val @valhalen:** no. No. Absolutely not

* * *

**mj @becrimedogay tweeted:** gaia the men you put on this earth to hunt and gather are thinking and having opinions 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: If people call me out for reusing lines I’ll block them
> 
> Ri: how do you block someone on ao3 😭✋🏻
> 
> Me: “ur no longer allowed to read my works sorry”
> 
> Me: or maybe “what’s ur sc so I know who not to add”


	133. livin, no prayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is almost over ?? :( -ri

**betty brant @bbrant tweeted:** i love when my presence ruins the holidays, really makes a gal feel special

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** bucky?

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: 🎶**i don't know my name🎶

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just learned we lose bones as we age. does this mean steve has more or less bones than tony? how does this affect spider-man? where do the bones go? is clint doing okay?

 **> nat @spidermom: **what happened to clint's bones

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **nothing i'm just checking in on him

 **> >> clit @thatbitchfrancis: **i'm doing fantastic thanks

 **> >>> mj @becrimedogays: **with that face? if you say so

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **i think i'm finna steal 

**> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **bones?

 **> >> spiderman @spidertheman: **no, your heart

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **1) lame 2) i think you need bones more than a heart

 **> >>>> spiderman @spidertheman: **bones shmoans

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** tony stark? nah tony hawk bro

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **that's it pack your bags

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **finally i have established myself as the only james

 **> >> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we'll see about that

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** what does the dean's list even mean,, like ik it means your smart or whateva

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **should i google it? mayhaps. will i? mayhaps not.

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **i googled it and it means you're in the top 1-5% and you can get a good job or something

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **nice! lovely! we love labor, all my homies dream of labor

 **> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair: **all my homies love labor wage

* * *

 **captain better @marvelous tweeted:** idk what it is but women in stem and women of country have the same vibes to me

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** time to go swindle the rich folk into thinking they're in love with me and then promptly giving me part of their fortune

 **> snek @lowkey: **...you're a cowboy like me

* * *

 **shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** does shitting ever get like. sexual for men?

 **> shuri @imadelightsabers: **actually i don't want to know

 **> > mk @becrimedogays: **why would you ask in the first place

 **> >> shuri @imadelightsabers: **uhhh science ?

* * *

 **currently unaliving people @babymerc tweeted:** dear santa from rise of the guardians, 

i want you to park that big mac sleigh right in this little chimney 

sincerely, 

me

 **> spiderman @spidertheman: **dear santa from rise of the guardians, 

you scare me in the best way and are doing everything right. thank you for existing Like That. 

sincerely, 

me xo

* * *

 **rhodey @whoremachine tweeted:** i wanna die

 **> snek @lowkey: **sorry?

 **> > rhodey @whoremachine: **you all should be

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **only loki responded?

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **he's obviously encompassing all the children he has to put up with, tony included

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **thank you

 **> >>>> tony stank @iamironman: **hey! i resent that

* * *

 **banner @7phdsindebt tweeted:** would a depressed person be able to do THIS? *eats black licorice jelly bean*

* * *

 **falcon @thebestbird tweeted:** bucky.

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes: 🎶**i now know my name🎶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i really took those 9 months of not having to actually exist for granted
> 
> max: i really took those years before i was a Thing for granted
> 
> me: shit me too


	134. see y'all next year... or not hehehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my last update to this fic 4 now :((( it's been fun tho. now seems like a good time to say thank you to all the people who have been here thr whole time; and yes, we do know who u are and we appreciate y'all feeding our ego's. anyway i'll see y'all next week same time different fic lmao -max
> 
> ps idk what the fuck happened to harley's first line and i dont feel like fixing it

* * *

###  **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** **mewwy Christmas uwu**

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** shit it’s Christmas. owo 

**> snek @lowkey:** u have fuckied ur last wucky

* * *

**bucket** **@jbabybarnes tweeted:** who’s mistletoe’d ass do I need to kiss to get some goddamn cookies

 **> rhodey @whoremachine:** u can have chips ahoy

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** deal

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** rearrange my chakras daddy

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker:** 😃🕶🤏

 **> flash @spideystan:** rt

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** just finished up finals. how much manifesting to get hit by a semi.

* * *

 **tony stank @iamironman tweeted:** i don’t have a sexuality I’m just a sexual being

 **> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Santa Claus from rise of the guardians if ur reading this...

* * *

**bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i still don’t know how to spell floorduh 

**> peter with a b @beterbarker:** use the tried and true “flo rida” method 

**> > bucket @jbabybarnes:** what the fuck is a flo rida 

**> > Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica:** is this like little bo peep

**> >> peter with a b @beterbarker:** I know who ur talking abt but for the sake of my sanity I’m pretending I don’t

* * *

**ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** omg pog 

**> flash @sspideystan:** pawg?

**> > ned :) @guyinthechain:** no what

**> >> flash @spideystan:** like the porn category. Pawg 

**> >>> ned :) @guyinthechair:** nnnnnoo like gamer slang,,, pog

**> >>>> flash @spideystan:** oh no

* * *

**spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** Santa every Christmas “surprise shorty!”

**> rhodey @whoremachine:** is it a surprise if everyone knows he’s coming 

**> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** Santa when he comes in both chimneys “surprise shorty” 

**> > spiderman @spidertheman:** comes in you say 

**> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun:** I didn’t stutter did I

**> bucket @jbabybarnes:** Rudolph being born Like That “surprise shorty” 

**> tony stank @iamironman:** rudolph showing up to lead the sleigh w his childhood bullies staring at him “surprise shorty”

* * *

** ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted: **

** **

**> ned :) @guyinthechair:** oh no my sex tape!

**> > mj @becrimedogay:** im. this is. idk what to say. 

**> >> ned :) @guyinthechair:** I made myself laugh and that’s all that matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: North West can never be a member of one direction wanna know why  
> ri: that wasn't funny


	135. as disappointing as endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t believe this fic is done ?? or that the year is done ?? come read our next crack fic, where we will continue to make as little sense as possible -ri

**harry @hoesborn tweeted:** why did this year do That.

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **it’s still march in my head and 🎶in my head i do everything right🎶

 **> > mj @becrimedogays: **how does it make you feel that the new year is in 3 days

 **> >> peter with a b @beterbarker: **easy, i simply do not feel <3 

* * *

**shuri @imadelightsabers tweeted:** rate after we collided

 **> betty brant @bbrant: **as a romance? 2/10. as a comdey? 8/10. as a romantic comedy? -1/10.

 **> mj @becrimedogays: **we watched it for a laugh and hated it for the toxicity thanks for that !

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** **@lowkey** you make my south pole go north 

**> snek @lowkey: **put it back

 **> flash @spideystan: **keep it in your pants

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you're one to talk

 **> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: ****@beterbarker** you make my south pole go north

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **you can't just use the exact same pick up line on me in the replies of a pick up line for loki

 **> >> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **but did it work

 **> >>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **i'll get back to you on that

* * *

 **bucket @jbabybarnes tweeted:** i like marina bc i too was pre-madonna 

**> tony stank @iamironman: **i've read this tweet over and over and determined it isn't english

 **> currently unaliving people @babymerc: **is this niche? i feel like this is niche

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** i passed my classes with flying colors this year haha get it bc i'm gay

 **> flash @spideystan: **ur not funny

 **> > peter with a b @beterbarker: **ur mom's not funny flash

* * *

 **snek @lowkey tweeted:** i be listening to the same three (3) songs just me and my depression music

* * *

 **ned :) @guyinthechair tweeted:** fuck talking in a british accent i speak in cursive now

 **> peter with a b @beterbarker: **owr nowr nerd dornt dor thart

**> bucket @jbabybarnes: 𝓸𝓱 𝓷𝓸**

**> mj @becrimedogays:** i didn't know you could even read cursive

 **> > ned :) @guyinthechair: **i can't

* * *

 **Steven G. Rogers @captainamerica tweeted:** sometimes i wonder why i am alive but then i remember that someone has to keep bucky and sam from killing each other

 **> falcon @thebestbird: **i resent the implication that he could kill me at all

 **> > bucket @jbabybarnes: **babe like i would ever try to <3

 **> >> rhodey @whoremachine:** what about the time sam ate the last of my cookies

 **> >>> bucket @jbabybarnes: **we agreed to keep that between us, we made a james pact bro

 **> >>>> rhodey @whoremachine: **sorry bro

* * *

 **spiderman @spidertheman tweeted:** you call it crying. i call it dripping. #swag

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **this sounds like something bucky would say

* * *

 **peter with a b @beterbarker tweeted:** how old is chris evans' sister it's for science

 **> ned :) @guyinthechair: **probably old as hell. like 30.

* * *

 **heckley @getrektbymypotatogun tweeted:** well, that's all folks

 **> tony stank @iamironman: **if you don't stop tweeting ominous things

 **> snek @lowkey: **darling what the fuck

 **> > heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **i thought you were all seeing

 **> >> snek @lowkey: **i'm not god???

 **> >>> heckley @getrektbymypotatogun: **you're A god

 **> >>>> snek @lowkey: **not your mortal, christian definition of god 

**> >>>>> peter with a b @beterbarker: **why are y'all having this argument right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: why didn't you pick up my trash too
> 
> max: you're not a guest. you've outlived your stay.
> 
> me: yeah okay fair


End file.
